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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379839">Unplanned Variables</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaelma/pseuds/kaelma'>kaelma</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Outer Worlds (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bickering, Blow Jobs, Comfort, Cunnilingus, Denial of Feelings, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I know the answer is 'capitalism' but still, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Love, Masturbation, Multi, Pining, Reunion Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Spoilers, The Outer Worlds Quest: Friendship's Due, The Outer Worlds Quest: The Empty Man, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Touch-Starved, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, all the companion quests get mentioned, just a little praise kink, long talks, or "enlightenment" if you prefer, relationship struggles around religious conversion, these tags are a mess and more will be added, three idiots navigating this whole 'attraction' thing, why are all the beds so fucking small?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:48:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>79,615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaelma/pseuds/kaelma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Vicar Max has a plan to follow, not to mention The Plan. He’s not here to make friends, or so he keeps telling himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Captain/Maximillian DeSoto, Maximillian DeSoto/Felix Millstone, The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto, The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto/Felix Millstone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>152</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vicar Maximillian DeSoto placed the last book in his bookcase — the last book that would fit, at least. He could squeeze a few more, he supposed, but he would rather not risk damaging their bindings. As it was, he was glad to have been able to fit his collection in his quarters in the first place. Yes, he thought to himself as he surveyed the small room, this would do.</p>
<p>He sat down at the small table and contemplated reading something. He doubted he’d be able to focus. After so many machinations and maneuverings to get close to the book that was supposed to have all the answers… he glared at the offending item, sitting safely behind the glass of the bookcase’s doors. </p>
<p>French. Of all the Law-forsaken jokes...</p>
<p>He reached for his copy of <i>Of Equity and Equations</i> before he could get angry again. When he found Chaney, he was going to— he took a breath and opened the book. Just read, Max, he thought to himself. Think about something else until this hulk of metal finally gets off the ground. No more Edgewater. No more Emerald Vale. At least something positive comes of all this.</p>
<p>This 'hulk of metal' was the disconcertingly named ship <i>Unreliable</i>. The vessel's captain was one Captain Kestrel, last name unknown, who, upon Max expressing skepticism over the ship's name had responded, "Previous captain was a bounty hunter and pirate, as far as I know. I'm hoping to prove the name to be ironic."</p>
<p>Whatever the Captain's business or purpose, all he had to do was keep his head down and be agreeable long enough for her to take him where he needed to go. The ship's engines roared to life, and Max breathed a sigh of relief and settled in with his book as, against all odds, the Unreliable took flight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They'd only been off the ground for a few pages when the Captain knocked on the side of the open door to his quarters. So far, all he really knew about her was that she looked like she was somewhere in her thirties, she had a habit of tucking her short vibrant blue hair behind her ear, and somehow she’d managed to bring the deserters of Edgewater back to town and ousted that well-meaning idiot Tobson without a drop of blood shed. Yet judging by the mismatched marauder armor she currently wore, she had no qualms about shedding blood, either.</p>
<p>"Sorry to interrupt, Vicar, just a quick question."</p>
<p>And she was polite. Max glanced up from his book, "Yes, Captain?"</p>
<p>"What do you prefer being called?"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry?"</p>
<p>"You introduced yourself as Vicar Maximillian DeSoto, then said 'or Vicar Max if you prefer brevity.' Which do you want me to call you?"</p>
<p>He blinked. "Max is fine, Captain."</p>
<p>She smiled brightly, "Max it is."</p>
<p>She left, leaving Max a bit stunned. He couldn't remember the last time someone asked if he <i>preferred</i> being called Max or Maximillian. He was certain no one had ever said his full name… like that. As if she enjoyed the shape of every syllable.</p>
<p>Who the fuck was this woman?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A short little intro to my Captain to kick off this fic. If you've read my "Christmas on the Unreliable," yes, this is the same Captain Kestrel, but consider that a standalone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Groundbreaker had been bigger than Kestrel expected. A whole city's worth of people making a living on a spaceship. It was exciting, being in a new place… hell, when Parvati exclaimed, “Hey Captain, I’m in space!” Kestrel had laughed and said she felt the same way. Vicar Max had looked at her then, like he couldn’t tell if she was serious or if this was a joke he should be laughing at. He seemed intelligent, he’d figure it out sooner or later. He was also a smart-ass, and Kestrel kept telling herself she shouldn't find that as intriguing as she did.</p><p>Getting through customs was a little awkward, what with the Unreliable being impounded due to a jealous bureaucrat, but she cleared the matter up easily. Between breaking into security so the vicar could hack their records, fighting a gang boss in the ship's ghetto for replacement parts, and chatting with a black market grandma over tea and cookies, it had been quite the trip. She'd even picked up a couple more crewmates.</p><p>Crewmates. She sighed as she tried on the work clothes she'd bought, a black and red vest over a white shirt with black pants and boots. First outfit since thawing out that wasn't her hibernation suit or armor stripped from a dead body. It didn't look very "captainly" but she wasn't really a captain. Except she was one, now, but she still didn't know what that meant. She'd hired Ellie because it seemed smart to have a doctor. She'd hired Felix because he was desperate and she felt sorry for him. Now she was in charge of this band of misfits, and felt responsible. Worse, she didn't have any friends to talk to about it.</p><p>Parvati at least already knew where Kestrel was from, and had welcomed her to Halcyon with adorable sincerity and enthusiasm. Kestrel liked her a lot; she was kind and thoughtful, qualities in short supply it seemed. Unfortunately, Kestrel couldn't really imagine talking to her about any of this. Parvati would probably be as reassuring as she could, but Kestrel didn't want to put her doubts on Parvati's plenty anxious shoulders. Kestrel loved talking to people, and people's lives fascinated her, but she knew what it was like when the person paying you treated you like their therapist or priest…</p><p>… Oh.</p>
<hr/><p>Exploring the Groundbreaker with Captain Kestrel and Ms. Holcomb had revealed some interesting truths. The Captain was eager to help anyone who needed it, with little consideration for reward. Getting out of Edgewater had enabled Ms. Holcomb to come out of her shell, ever so slightly, though the Captain's constant smile and good cheer likely helped as well. Captain Kestrel also had an admirable streak of sarcasm running through her, and did not suffer fools or the mean-spirited. </p><p>And it seemed… it was ridiculous, but during a fight in the Back Bays, the Captain moved faster than anyone should be able to. It was almost as if she was moving faster than the mind could process, or conversely, that time itself slowed around her. Either explanation, however, was patently insane. Max discarded the impression as the result of being away from a fight for too long.</p><p>Through his open door, Max watched as the latest recruit to the crew stepped into the room across the hall and set his bag of belongings on a chair. The young man stretched, flopped onto the bed with a broad smile… and realized he'd chosen the room across the hall from the vicar.</p><p>He frowned, and pointedly ignored the fact. Max did the same. They'd gathered two new crewmates on Groundbreaker, but the addition of Dr. Fenhill at least made sense; a sawbones was a sensible hire for a crew. The young man across the hall was nothing but a laborer short on intelligence and rich in anarchist revolutionary ideals. He'd been eager to leave home, to sign up with someone he'd only just met, and Max couldn't understand why the Captain had let him. Apparently, Captain Kestrel had a soft spot for strays.</p><p>Max shook his head. It didn't matter. This was only temporary. He would do his best to be civil, to remain on the Captain's good side, long enough to get what he wanted.</p><p>They'd depart shortly for Scylla to retrieve a wayward shipment of automechanicals for Groundbreaker’s medbay, and then they’d investigate the ruins of Roseway, an abandoned town with rumors of activity, including a distress call. Hopefully Roseway would produce something the Captain could sell for enough bits to purchase a navkey to Stellar Bay on Monarch. Max smirked to himself; on second thought, the navkey was likely second in the Captain's mind to investigating the distress call. He only hoped her altruism wouldn't get them killed.</p><p>The engines rumbled to life, and they were off. The stray, what was his name… Millstone? Mr. Millstone soon left his room, to scavenge the kitchen from the sound of it. Max focused on his reading.</p><p>"Hey, Vicar, got a moment?"</p><p>His response was rote as he glanced up, "I am at your disposal… er, Captain." She leaned against the side of the door, subdued rather than the confidence he'd seen so far. That probably wasn't a good thing. "Was there something you wished to discuss?"</p><p>She hesitated a moment, "People seemed to like you in Edgewater, even though you hated the place."</p><p>Where was this going? "I believe it's fair to say I was respected, at least."</p><p>"So, you must have been pretty good at your job?"</p><p>He frowned, "Why do you say that like you’re surprised?"</p><p>She shrugged with a smirk, "When we met, the instant you realized I was an outsider you breathed a sigh of relief and made no pretense about clearly not giving a fuck."</p><p>She had a point, but he still bristled, "I admit, I was relieved to see a new face, and it’s true my interests are far more academic than in the day to day duties of a town vicar. However, I always provided what spiritual counseling I could to those that asked for it."</p><p>"Just the same rote responses for every situation, or did you actually listen?"</p><p>He rolled his eyes, "I resent the implication that—" and then he saw it. She stood with her arms crossed, avoiding eye contact, quiet and uncomfortable. He sighed, and answered honestly, "Most of the time I handed out simplistic encouragements for mundane troubles. That’s all that most people are ever looking for, just someone to tell them everything is going to be fine." After a beat, he closed his book. "If you ever wanted to talk, I would try to do better."</p><p>She nodded, and was silent for a long moment. “I’m from the Hope.”</p><p>She’d been so quiet, he was certain he’d misheard her, “I beg your pardon?”</p><p>With a sudden burst of determined energy, she shut the door behind her and pulled the chair by the desk over to his reading table. She sat down across from him and the words poured forth in a rush, “I'm from the Hope. I was thawed out by Phineas Welles, the scientist on the wanted posters, maybe a couple days before we met. He wants me to help him thaw out the rest of the colonists. I want to help, but I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.”</p><p>The story was utterly preposterous, and ironically, that worked in her favor. No one intelligent would create such an unbelievable story as some sort of deception, and what would be the point? She hadn’t seemed the delusional sort until now. “Say for a moment that I believe you. Why risk your so recently gained freedom to help Dr. Welles?”</p><p>She blinked, the answer obvious to her, “Because it's the right thing to do.”</p><p>And by Law he believed she was serious. “A noble sentiment,” he said, sincere though doubtful of the sentiment’s end result.</p><p>She looked away from him then, considering her next words. “You believe everything happens for a reason, right? There's a plan we're following whether we want to or not?”</p><p>“Mm. It is possible to stray from the Plan, but if that happens then eventually one will find oneself forcibly thrust back into place, often with harsh consequences.”</p><p>She sighed and leaned back in her chair, dissatisfied. “I'm a bartender, Max. I can talk my way into trouble and back out again, but I am 70 years behind the times in this colony. I've got no business captaining a ship, I'm certain I was not the most qualified person on the Hope for this rescue mission, and yet I'm the one awake.” Her hands eloquently gestured her disbelief.</p><p>Max smirked, “I admit, I'm surprised someone as unskilled as you claim to be was able to reunite the people of Edgewater, change the leadership without bloodshed, and, if Adelaide is all she claims, likely saved the lives of hundreds of people who would have slowly died from plague.”</p><p>Her head tilted to the side in suspicious confusion… and then she started to quietly laugh. She shrugged in defeat, “Ok, smart-ass. You good with serving under a captain that's making this up as she goes?"</p><p>Max wasn’t sure what had just happened, but she seemed to be feeling better, at least. "If you remain willing to help me find what I'm looking for, Captain."</p><p>"Deal." She smiled, "But it seems to me a captain should know a bit about her crew, so what's your story? Beyond the prison stint and a fondness for hacking security terminals."</p><p>He chuckled; there was no harm in humoring her. "Oh, just your run of the mill vicar with a violently enthusiastic disposition."</p><p>“'Violently enthusiastic?'” she leaned forward with a delighted grin.</p><p>He was taken aback by her interest, and found himself trying not to smile, “That's what my parents called it.”</p><p>“Something tells me we're not talking about <i>joie de vivre</i>.”</p><p>An eyebrow rose, “French, Captain? Really?”</p><p>“Means ‘joy for living,’” she helpfully quipped.</p><p>He huffed, “The fact that I am unable to read a complex philosophical text written entirely in a foreign language unused in Halcyon beyond the occasional artsy advertisement does not mean I don't recognize common phrases.”</p><p>“Good, means I won't have to explain them every time.” He rolled his eyes, her smile broadened, and she prompted, “So you were a wild child.”</p><p>“I eventually learned how to channel my energy into my quest for knowledge.”</p><p>“What the fuck made you wanna be a vicar?”</p><p>She seemed fascinated. It had been a long time since anyone wanted to talk about him, rather than talking to him about themselves. "My parents," he heard himself answer, and soon enough he was telling her about their devout faith in the Plan, a peace and happiness he never shared, could never understand, and his decision to become a vicar in a search for the mysteries of the universe, that elusive knowledge that would finally illuminate the Equation. He talked about their disappointment that he would dare go against his given station as a laborer. The Captain was surprised. She offered no false sympathy, simply listened, and tried to understand.</p><p>"I haven't talked about any of this in years," he finished. He wasn't certain he'd ever talked about it at all.</p><p>How did her smile always seem so genuine? “I like talking to people. Next time we do this, I'll serve you a drink.”</p><p>He blinked, “Next time?”</p><p>She shrugged, "If you want. Thanks for the talk, Vicar Max."</p><p>"Of course… oh, Captain?" She stopped by the door to look back at him, "Were you any good at your former job?"</p><p>She laughed a little, "Wars were fought over my cocktails. <i>Au revoir</i>."</p><p>She left. Max shook his head, and tried to read. Being friendly with the Captain was all well and good, but she was also… distracting. He couldn't afford that. Yet, it had been nice to talk with someone who didn't want anything from him in return.</p><p>Focus, Max, he scolded himself. She's the Captain. You've searched for too long to be distracted by a pretty smile and a pleasant conversation. He shoved away the whisper of hope that the Captain had been serious about a 'next time,' and read.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Unreliable was on Scylla to track down some missing automechanicals. The boss had taken the doctor and the vicar with her, leaving Felix to guard the ship while Parvati gave the engines a tune-up.</p><p>That was fine. Keeping an eye on the ship was important. He'd have another chance to show the boss what he could do.</p><p>He was also pretty damn bored.</p><p>Why'd the boss want an old man with her out on an abandoned asteroid, anyway? What if there were marauders? Or worse?</p><p>Felix climbed up to the engine room. "Hey, Parvati?"</p><p>"Oh!" Parvati had her arm elbow-deep down an access hatch, "Hang on, Felix, just tightening up this coil here, aaand… done! How's that feel, ADA?"</p><p>"Much better," the A.I.'s voice said overhead. "Thank you, Parvati."</p><p>Felix shifted uncomfortably; ADA made him just a tad bit nervous, though he'd never admit it to anyone. He shook it off. There were more important matters to worry about right now.</p><p>"What can I do for you, Felix?" Parvati asked with a kind smile as she closed the hatch and grabbed a rag to wipe the grease off her hands.</p><p>"You've been with the boss a couple weeks, right?"</p><p>"Sure. Met in Edgewater, on Terra 2. That's when Captain Kestrel met the Vicar, too."</p><p>"Huh. Boss spent a lot of the trip out here talking to Vic, I wondered if they knew each other or something."</p><p>Parvati shrugged, "I think she's probably trying to get to know him. She likes talking to folk." She smiled, "She'll get around to our newest crew, sure enough."</p><p>Felix smiled back, "I ain't worried about that. Just making sure I didn't accidentally sign on with a supporter of the corporate overlords."</p><p>Parvati blinked, "What?"</p><p>"I mean, the boss is a freelancer, so not likely, but then she's got a vicar on board? What's the point in that? Does Vic meditate the marauder's away?"</p><p>"He's a little…" Parvati hesitated, "hard to talk to. But he knows computers, and he's good in a fight."</p><p>"Pfft, those robes are way too clean for Vic to do any fighting in them."</p><p>Parvati sighed and gave up. "Why do you keep calling him that?"</p><p>"What, Vic? Short for Vicar."</p><p>"But Vicar is a title, for his job? His name's Max."</p><p>Felix shrugged, "It's just a nickname."</p><p>The Unreliable's door opened. </p><p>The vicar's voice was clear, "Absolutely fucking not."</p><p>Felix and Parvati looked at each other, and scrambled up to the kitchen. They could hear the talking coming up the stairs. Ellie was following him, "You know, for a fucking vicar you sure curse a whole fucking lot."</p><p>"Look who's talking," he scoffed.</p><p>"I'm not a fucking priest."</p><p>"And thank the Architect for that," Max declared, and went into his room.</p><p>Ellie rolled her eyes and went into hers. Captain Kestrel, bringing up the rear, looked like she was trying not to laugh as she joined Felix and Parvati in the kitchen.</p><p>"Captain?" Parvati asked as the boss opened a bottle of Zero Gee, "Is everything alright?"</p><p>The boss grinned and took a swig. She made a face at the bottle, “Ok, next thing I’m doing is getting some decent booze on this ship. Finish that for me,” she handed the bottle to Felix and said to Parvati, "Everything’s fine. I guess Ellie enjoys pushing people’s buttons. Called Max 'Vicky,' and seemed shocked when he didn't take it kindly." Felix laughed, but stifled it when the boss looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You're lucky he tolerates 'Vic.'"</p><p>"I could take him."</p><p>The boss looked amused, "That was a dramatic leap to conclusion, and I doubt that."</p><p>"That’s only because you haven't seen me fight."</p><p>"I'll remedy that when we reach Roseway," she started to leave, "but Felix? Keep in mind that you've never seen Max fight either."</p><p>Felix stared after her. He was going to be on the mission in Roseway? Yes! This was a perfect opportunity to prove he was useful. He still didn't understand why the vicar was on board, but he supposed the boss had a reason. He'd just have to live with it.</p>
<hr/><p>The Captain had successfully returned from her excursion in Roseway, with Dr. Fenhill and Mr. Millstone both alive no less. They’d gone to Roseway to find items of note to sell back on Groundbreaker. Captain Kestrel had instead returned all of them to their owners. </p><p>“Wasn’t the point of this trip to make a profit, Captain?” Max asked.</p><p>“I did,” she smiled broadly, pleased with herself. “Turns out, scientists working in secret locations will pay to make sure their life’s work is both unmolested and remains secret. I’ll just tell Gladys the only thing in Roseway are raptidons and dead bodies, then I’ll pay her the 10,000 for the navkey.”</p><p>Her eyes flashed with amusement as Max’s brow rose. “In that case, well done, Captain.”</p><p>They docked at Groundbreaker, and the Captain declared she and “the girls” were going to a bar. Something about Parvati needing advice concerning the Groundbreaker’s Chief Junlei? Neither man was welcome, and so Max and Felix were ordered to stay with the ship. </p><p>Max didn't mind; he would gladly have gone along and offered what advice he could on Ms. Holcomb's first excursion into drunkenness, but he also didn't mind avoiding Dr. Fenhill's company for a night. Millstone, on the other hand, was obviously disappointed he was not invited, no matter how hard he tried to act indifferent.</p><p>The women left, and the men returned to their respective quarters without a word.</p><p>Max was perfectly content to stay in his room and occupy himself, and hoped that Millstone would do the same.The young man stayed in his room for five minutes, and then went to the kitchen. Then he returned to his room. Then he wandered around the ship. Twice. He attempted talking to the cleaning automechanical the Captain had repaired after picking up some parts on Roseway. It went about as well as anyone sane would expect. Then Mr. Millstone pulled his tossball stick off the wall, and walked downstairs.</p><p>Max read. </p><p>He heard the echo of a ball hitting the back of the cargo bay.  </p><p>*thunk*</p><p>*thunk*</p><p>*kthunk*</p><p>… … </p><p>*thunk*</p><p>Max closed his book, grabbed the tossball stick the Captain had found for him (he still wasn’t sure if she’d intended for him to use it as a weapon or if she simply thought it was funny) and went downstairs to the cargo bay.</p><p>Felix was tossing the ball against the wall, catching it as it bounced back and tossing it again. Max watched for a few throws before saying, “You'd generate more force if you adjust your grip.” Felix froze midstep, spinning around to face him in surprise. “It's more like this,” Max demonstrated, “not like that."</p><p>Seeing Max standing there was the last thing Felix had expected. What the fuck did a vicar know about tossball, anyway? "No offense Vic, but I think I know my way around a tossball stick. I got my own highly specialized skull-cracking techniques."</p><p>Max rolled his eyes, “You can hit people with it, congratulations, do you want to know how to use it <i>better</i>?”</p><p>“What makes you such an expert?”</p><p>“Age and experience.”</p><p>Felix scoffed, “I don’t see how you being old means you’re better at tossball.”</p><p>Max glared, “I’m not that old, Millstone, but since you are so confident in your superiority, charge down the field.”</p><p>“... what?”</p><p>Max gestured to the other end of the hold with the tossball stick in his hand, “There’s the goal. You have the ball. Get it past me.”</p><p>Felix glanced at the ball in the pocket of his stick, and was certain this was a trap. Still, he couldn't just back down. That'd be like admitting Vic was right. So as Max took position in the middle of the room, Felix squared his stance and tossed the ball right over Max’s shoulder.</p><p>Or he would have, if Max hadn’t snatched it out of the air with his stick.</p><p>“Do make an effort, Mr. Millstone.”</p><p>“Ok, Vic,” Felix muttered, and tried to think of a plan.</p><p>What followed were four attempts of Felix trying to toss the ball down the field, and being stopped each time. In a huff of frustration, Felix gave a final try by simply charging, clearly planning to toss the ball once he was already past the vicar.</p><p>Max body checked him so hard the kid went sprawling across the floor.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Max asked. He actually hadn’t meant to hit him that hard; it had been some time since he’d played and his… enthusiasm, had flared.</p><p>Felix was stunned more from surprise than injury, and stood up with a grimace, “Yep. Fine.” He begrudgingly admitted, “That’s a pretty good move.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Didn’t know the OSI teaches tossball.”</p><p>Max chuckled, “There was a loosely organized club for students, but most of my best moves I learned in prison.”</p><p>Felix did not believe what he just heard. “You were in prison?” </p><p>“I was assigned there.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.” Felix wasn’t sure if the ‘prison’ part was a lie or the ‘being assigned’ part, but Felix also didn’t really care right now. He was more concerned with salvaging his pride after that hit he took. “Ok. Lemme try that again, now that I know what I'm dealing with.”</p><p>Max smirked, and gestured that he continue. </p><p>Felix did better this time, making Max work a little harder, but the end result was the same, including the body check… until Felix kicked a leg out to take Max down with him. Max swore as he tried to catch himself. Felix groaned as Max’s full weight knocked the wind out of him.</p><p>Max slowly stood with a glance over Felix's sprawled out form. Though the clothes made him seem gangly, a life of manual labor and an undoubtedly high metabolism had been a clear benefit for the young man. "I certainly wasn’t expecting that,” he held out a hand to help Felix stand. “You managed to surprise me.”</p><p>Felix stood with Max’s help, “Not as good as a goal, but I’ll take it. Your turn.”</p><p>"I beg your pardon?"</p><p>"Try to get past me."</p><p>Max sighed, annoyed. "My primary function on the field was to send my opponents to the ground."</p><p>Felix crossed his arms with a grin, "Keep talkin', Vic, I know when I got you beat."</p><p>"No, Millstone, you certainly do not." He took his position where Felix had stood earlier, "If you get hurt, it's your own fucking fault."</p><p>Felix cockily tossed him the ball. Max caught it and immediately slung it back at Felix.</p><p>"Shit! Hey!" Felix protested, outraged as he nearly tripped over his own feet… but he caught it.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Max said in a placating sweet as purpleberry punch voice, "Were you not putting the ball into play?"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, "Law, you're an ass."</p><p>Max began again, "I presume you typically play more offensive positions?"</p><p>This time Felix was prepared, catching the pass and flinging the ball back to Max, "Nah, have to be ready to switch it up in the Back Bays." A desperate reach, but success. Whew, Vic was making him work. "I was usually in the middle, swing whatever way needed. I can take what comes."</p><p>Max smirked, "I’m sure you’re very versatile."</p><p>Something about the way he said it made Felix blink, flustered. </p><p>“Though the proper pronoun is ‘who,’ not ‘what.’”</p><p>Felix felt his face go red, “That wasn't what I meant!” </p><p>… and then Max was right next to him, the ball in the goal, in a successful version of the maneuver Felix had tried.</p><p>Felix was pissed off. “You. Are a dick,” he declared. He seriously thought about broadsiding Vic in the head, but decided not to just in case the boss didn’t approve.</p><p>“Men of the cloth, one,” Max grinned as he started to leave, “rebels without a cause, zero.”</p><p>“Lucky shot, old man. First to get five wins.”</p><p>“I have nothing to prove to you, Mr. Millstone.”</p><p>“Well that sounds like an excuse. Did you always quit so easy ‘in prison?’”</p><p>Max paused, two steps outside the cargo bay door. This was a dumb idea. This was horribly idiotic, born of nothing but pride… He walked back in. “Very well,” he put down his stick to unfasten his cassock, “but if we’re going to continue, I’d rather not risk my vestments becoming damaged.” He pulled the garment over his head, neatly folded it up, and placed it atop a crate.</p><p>“Sure you ain’t worried about your fancy shirt, too?” Felix asked with disdain.</p><p>“I have two other shirts,” Max said as he rolled up his sleeves. “I believe it’s my turn to be on defense, yes?”</p><p>“Guess you don’t do much fighting if you’re worried about your clothes getting damaged.”</p><p>“Do not mistake my desire for cleanliness as an aversion to dirty work, young man,” Max warned with a glare. “If violence is necessary, it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing. Are we doing this or not?”</p><p>They played. Felix had energy to spare, but little sense of how to channel it. His lack of self-control had already cost him his last job, and Max was certain it would one day land him in worse places than Groundbreaker’s jail cells. That said, Max won the first few points handily, but he let his guard down and Felix’s rapid-fire brute force approach soon closed the gap. The last point was a hard battle; Felix might as well have been playing against a brick wall across the cargo hold. With a sudden focus, Felix faked to the left and scored a goal just past Max’s right side.</p><p>“YES!” Felix punched the air in victory and prepared himself for the vicar to storm off in a huff, or scowl and admit his defeat… but Vic was laughing.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Felix demanded.</p><p>Max smiled, smug, and gestured to Felix’s stick. “You changed your grip.”</p><p>He draped his cassock over his arm and left the room, leaving Felix standing there, dumbstruck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix opened another Zero Gee. He’d spent the night in his room with the door closed, trying to think about anything that wasn’t Vic’s smug face and how much he wanted to bash it. He’d found an aetherwave he got decently invested in, and missed the rest of the crew coming back. Even SAM was on standby. But Felix was too wound up to sleep. So, he’d gone into the kitchen, and grabbed a Zero Gee. The boss didn’t like ‘em, neither did Parvati, Ellie liked Spectrum, and who the fuck cared what Vic liked?</p>
<p>That had been six Zero Gees ago. Wait, five. This one was six. Probably.</p>
<p>Imagine the self-righteous gall on that bastard. Felix had won, fair and square even, and Max still made him feel like he’d failed. So what if he’d tried Max’s grip without thinking, just because the old man had been right didn’t mean anything. Felix didn’t need approval from a cog in the corporate machine. He didn’t need approval from anyone. Ever. Even if Vic was good at tossball. Like, really good. Impressively good. For an old guy. Law, those arms. If he hit marauders the way he swung his tosses… </p>
<p>“Yeah but he’s an ass,” Felix muttered to himself.</p>
<p><s>A really fucking fit ass</s> that is Not a thing I want to imagine</p>
<p>Shit. Ok, definitely time for bed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Max sat up with a start at the sound of something hitting the floor. If there were danger, surely ADA would have given some sort of warning…</p>
<p>“Ow.”</p>
<p>No. By the Architect, fucking… “Millstone?”</p>
<p>“Vic?”</p>
<p>Max somehow managed not to shout, “Mr. Millstone. Why the fuck are you in my room?”</p>
<p>"Your…? Oh."</p>
<p>“ADA, bring the lights of my quarters up to dim.” And there Felix was, sitting in the middle of Max’s floor, squinting in the light, his shirt open. "You've been drinking."</p>
<p>"None of your business."</p>
<p>Great. Max got out of bed, "Can you stand, or do I have to literally throw you out?"</p>
<p>"I can stand,” Felix stated, offended. He moved too fast, swaying as he reached his feet, and would have fallen face first into the floor. Instead, he fell face first into Max. "Hey. Where's your… robe. Thing."</p>
<p>"I don't sleep in my vestments—" Max froze. Felix's hands were roaming. One circled his waist as the other moved up his bare chest, the slightest shift from the boy's hips jolting some sense back into him. "Enough," he pushed him away, but he pushed too hard. Felix stumbled back down to his knees and was promptly violently sick.</p>
<p>Max grabbed Felix by the arm and hauled him across the hall to his own room, closed the door, and woke SAM from standby mode. While the automechanical cleaned up the mess, Max tried to calm down. Of course of all rooms… Idiot. Max was as disgusted by his own behavior as he was Felix’s. Imagine being paralyzed by a body next to him, hand on his chest of all things. Fucking ridiculous. More importantly, this obviously wasn't part of the Plan. He wasn’t here to make friends, and he definitely wasn't here to fuck rebellious smart-asses more than half his age.</p>
<p>SAM finished and moved into the kitchen to clean up whatever mess of bottles Felix had left behind. Max sat on his bed and breathed. Don't get distracted, he told himself, and fell back into an uneasy sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kestrel woke with a shout. She wasn’t stuck behind glass. She wasn’t falling. She wasn’t dying. She was still fucking terrified, but she was in her room.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes and shivered. “Fuck.” She sat up. Damn. Law, whatever the fuck people cursed in Halcyon. She wasn’t going back to sleep after that.</p>
<p>Kestrel got up and got dressed. At least if she was making breakfast, she wouldn’t be thinking of nightmares and jumping at shadows. She put the kettle on and started assembling ingredients on the counter. She wasn't actually hungry, but it was something to do. Maybe the crew would want breakfast? Oh, and she could try some of the things she bought on… wait, where'd all that beer go?</p>
<p>Max walked in, book in hand. "Oh. You're up early."</p>
<p>"Morning, Max," Kestrel yawned. She needed caffeine, she'd worry about the beer later.</p>
<p>He sat down at the table, “How was your… girls' night?"</p>
<p>"It was fun. Parvati got the advice she needed and won't even have a hangover this morning. Probably. And I discovered so-called Iceberg Aged Whiskey is actually pretty good, so civilization is not completely lost."</p>
<p>She heard a soft chuckle behind her as she pulled plates and bowls from the cabinet. There was a moment of silence after that, then a bemused question, "Captain, are you fixing breakfast for the whole crew?"</p>
<p>"Just whoever wants some." The kettle started whistling, "Tea?"</p>
<p>It took him a moment, but he said, "I would love some."</p>
<p>"Want anything in it?"</p>
<p>"No, thank you."</p>
<p>"Does coffee exist in Halcyon?"</p>
<p>"Yes, but ground coffee is expensive. You're almost better off using Auntie Cleo's Energizing Ointment and absorbing it directly through your skin."</p>
<p>She turned to look at him. "I can't tell if you're fucking with me or not." </p>
<p>He smirked, "No. In fact, it got me through many nights studying in seminary."</p>
<p>"Huh." Kestrel watched the vicar rub a hand over his face and restrain a yawn. He was his usual immaculate self, pristine vestments and perfect hair, but damn if he didn't look fucking exhausted. She poured two cups of tea and handed him one, "Hope you like it strong."</p>
<p>"Law, yes."</p>
<p>She smiled at that. "Rough night?"</p>
<p>"I didn't sleep well," he muttered.</p>
<p>"Me neither," she said. He must have heard something in the way she said it, because he looked up and tilted his head, just a little. She shrugged, "What'll you have?"</p>
<p>He accepted the redirection, "I can fix my own breakfast, Captain."</p>
<p>"I'm sure you can, and that's not what I asked. What did you eat in Edgewater?"</p>
<p>"Guess."</p>
<p>"Saltuna for breakfast?!" Her sudden sheer disgust must have looked hilarious, because Max laughed… which was not a great thing to happen while drinking hot tea. She gasped as he swore and started coughing, "Sorry! I didn't mean to make you laugh while drinking!"</p>
<p>He breathed, "I'm fine, Captain." He cleared his throat, "What are you making?"</p>
<p>She turned back to the food assembled on the counter, "I've got a boatload of mock-apples, a few eggs, some nanners, bread, cereal, milk. Something called cystipig I'm going to cook and hope it tastes like bacon?" She looked at him for clarification.</p>
<p>He shrugged, "Supposedly it does, but as I doubt anyone in Halcyon has tasted bacon from Earth, I can't tell you what to expect." She glared skeptically at the package. He made an amused sound, "If you're going to insist on making breakfast for everyone, toast and some fruit is more than sufficient for me."</p>
<p>"Easy enough." She set the bread to toast and tossed him a mock-apple.</p>
<p>He caught it one-handed. "Do you always cook for your employees?"</p>
<p>"You aren't employees, you're crew. Don't look at me like that, I think there's a difference." </p>
<p>He wisely chose to hide his skepticism and changed the subject, "Are you always so industrious in the morning?"</p>
<p>"Fuck no, prefer to sleep in. Just… woke up today, is all. What’s the best way to cook the meat that may or may not be pig?"</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s definitely pig. Cystipigs were engineered to produce tumors of flesh that ripen and drop off for people to collect, thus eliminating the cruelty and waste of needing to butcher a whole animal for meat.”</p>
<p>Kestrel slowly looked at him, her lips pursed together, trying not to laugh or be disgusted or any of the things she’d just felt at the complete insanity of his explanation. There was a light in his eyes that said he’d been hoping for her reaction. “What. The fuck.”</p>
<p>“It’s true.”</p>
<p>“You’re so pleased.”</p>
<p>“Your reactions to different facets of everyday life in Halcyon are fascinating.”</p>
<p>“Fascinating, or amusing?”</p>
<p>“Both.” The toast was done. She brought it over to him and set butter and what claimed to be jam on the table. "<i>Merci</i>."</p>
<p>She was delighted… and stunned for a solid second. “I don’t know what the response is.”</p>
<p>He smirked in triumph before shaking his head in defeat. “Neither do I.”</p>
<p>Kestrel laughed. She liked him. He was… fun. Once you reassured his ego that the joke wasn’t on him, anyway. Not to mention watching him fight— She turned back to cooking, "Are you always in such a good mood in the morning?"</p>
<p>"Rarely." That was an interesting admission. "I expected this morning to be much less pleasant."</p>
<p>She felt her cheeks warm, she couldn't help it. <i>You were always a sucker for flattery,</i> she internally scolded. "Well, I'm happy to defy your expectations."</p>
<p>"In more ways than one." </p>
<p>Someone lit a cigarette. “There’s a fine line between polite and flirting, preacher,” Ellie said from her doorway.</p>
<p>Kestrel could practically hear Max roll his eyes, "Somehow I doubt you've had much practice with either, Dr. Fenhill."</p>
<p>"Well I guess that makes two of us."</p>
<p>"Play nice, you two," Kestrel said as she sliced up the cystipig.</p>
<p>"Aw, you're no fun, Captain," Ellie pouted as she sat at the opposite corner of the table from Max.</p>
<p>"You're right, Ellie, I'm an absolute tyrant. Want breakfast?"</p>
<p>"Sure…? Wait. You're not fixing breakfast for me."</p>
<p>"I promise I won't try to poison you."</p>
<p>"Shame," Max muttered into his tea.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Captain," Ellie ignored him for once, "but I'm good with a cigarette and a drink. I'll eat later."</p>
<p>Kestrel shrugged. "ADA, any sign of life from Parvati and Felix?"</p>
<p>"Parvati is putting up her hair," ADA said. "Felix is asleep. Would you like me to wake him?"</p>
<p>"Nah, let him sleep. I'll wake him before we leave for Monarch."</p>
<p>"I've been curious about that," Ellie breathed a cloud of smoke. "Why so eager to get to Monarch, Captain? I mean, smuggler's paradise. Plenty of SubLight work. But that's not why you're going."</p>
<p>The cystipig sizzled on the pan. Smelled like bacon, at least. "Why, doc, I didn't think you cared."</p>
<p>Ellie looked annoyed, then shrugged. "Just want to know what to be prepared for."</p>
<p>"I'm gonna let everyone know what the plan is, don't worry." She didn't know why she thought it was important, Ellie was a wannabe pirate and Felix would do anything to feel like he was giving the Board the finger, but she thought they should know what her goal was. Not that she was really sure of that, herself. 'Free the colonists' sounded great, but how the hell was it going to happen?</p>
<p>Parvati wandered in with a yawn of a hello and was thrilled with the idea of breakfast that didn't come from a can. Felix soon followed, after sending SAM into his room first. "Is that for everyone, boss?"</p>
<p>"Any who wants it," Kestrel took an experimental bite. It did taste like bacon, almost. Kestrel noticed Felix hesitating, caught between sitting next to Max or across from him. Max was entirely focused on his book.</p>
<p>"Sweet of you, to cook, Captain," Parvati said, sitting next to Max. Felix sighed and slowly sat across from him. Max did not look up.</p>
<p>"Oh hush, I needed something to do," Kestrel smiled. She served Parvati and Felix their selections and hauled a chair from the currently empty room to put at the end of the table between Max and Felix. She didn't know what was going on with those two, but she figured they'd at least behave if she was sitting right there.</p>
<p>As Felix and Parvati ate, Kestrel got to business. "So you all know we're headed to Monarch next. The reason is that I'm helping Dr. Phineas Welles."</p>
<p>"The guy on the wanted signs?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>"What's the job?" asked Ellie.</p>
<p>"Someone on Monarch called 'The Broker' has information he needs. I'm going to find a guide Phineas recommended, she's going to take me to see the Broker, I get the info for Phineas."</p>
<p>"That seems pretty straightforward, Captain," Parvati said.</p>
<p>"Except you're leaving out the good stuff, boss," said Felix. "Like the fact that Monarch is the most dangerous place in the colony?"</p>
<p>"Hence the guide," Kestrel said.</p>
<p>"No, Felix," Ellie said, "the good stuff is why the captain wants to help a criminal. What's the payout?"</p>
<p>"From Welles?" Kestrel said. "Nothing."</p>
<p>Ellie's jaw dropped, "What?"</p>
<p>"I'm sure he'll pay me something, but I'm not helping him for money," Kestrel explained. "He got me off the Hope and now I'm helping him wake up the rest of the colonists."</p>
<p>Ellie and Felix stared. Parvati waited quietly; she'd seen the way people in Edgewater reacted when Kestrel had asked about the Hope, let alone said she was from it. Max looked up from his book and watched Felix and Ellie closely.</p>
<p>"No offense, Captain," Ellie finished her cigarette, "but that is one of the dumbest cover stories I've ever heard."</p>
<p>"I don't know, Ellie," Felix said, "there's a lot of stuff she doesn't know about."</p>
<p>"So she's not from Halcyon, that doesn't mean she's from the Hope!"</p>
<p>"Why would she lie?" Parvati asked.</p>
<p>"Especially since, as you pointed out, Dr. Fenhill," Max said, "it's a terrible cover story."</p>
<p>Ellie rolled her eyes, "You believe whatever you want, I don't really care if it's true or not. You wanna help this Welles guy, Captain? Fine with me, not the first time I've worked for criminals. But a ship, and a crew, has maintenance costs so I assume we'll be picking up some other jobs?"</p>
<p>"Safe assumption," Kestrel shrugged. "So who wants to come with me across the death-planet?"</p>
<p>"Me!" Felix's hand shot in the air. "I've seen all of Terror on Monarch, this is gonna be great."</p>
<p>Kestrel laughed, "You and I have very different definitions of 'great,' but sure." She watched Max's face stay carefully neutral as she said, "I know Max'll want to come along since that scholar he's looking for passed through Fallbrook." Felix's excitement instantly cooled, but he didn't back out.</p>
<p>Ellie wanted to stay if she had the option, and Parvati said she'd help watch the ship.</p>
<p>"Oh, and since someone drank all of the beer on board last night,” Kestrel said without looking at Felix, “if you want any alcohol on ship, keep your own in your room."</p>
<p>"It wasn't all of it!" Felix protested.</p>
<p>"It was, but since I wasn't going to drink it anyway, you're forgiven." Kestrel shook her head, amazed, "How are you not hungover?"</p>
<p>Felix shrugged, "Purpleberry Punch and a Knock You Out Bar, then sleep some more."</p>
<p>"And puking all the alcohol back up," Ellie jeered. </p>
<p>Felix turned red. </p>
<p>"Oh, Captain?" Parvati leaped in, to Kestrel's relief, "can I get us some pancake mix? I always wanted to try them."</p>
<p>"Sure, but I'm not eating anything made from a mix with a safety warning not to mix it."</p>
<p>"Where's your sense of adventure, Captain," Max dryly teased.</p>
<p>"Helping a crazy scientist and travelling to dangerous planets isn't enough for you?" Why did she find ‘smart-ass ex-con priest’ attractive? Where did that come from? No matter, she had to focus. Be all 'captainly.' She headed for the control room, "Speaking of, let's get going."</p>
<p>As the engines came to life, Kestrel wondered if the biggest challenge of Monarch would be keeping Max and Felix from killing each other. Petty arguments were expected, but something was off this morning. "Guess we'll find out," she said to herself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max hadn’t truly decided if he believed the Captain was from the Hope until Dr. Fenhill had challenged the idea. When faced with the question, he found that, yes, he did believe that not only was she from the Hope— a relic that had become more of a legend than a historical artifact— but she was working to help a scientist wanted by the Board to free the rest of the frozen colonists ‘because it’s the right thing to do.’ And he was helping her. He was less alarmed by that than he probably should have been.</p><p>Of course, helping her also brought him closer to his goal. He ignored the uncomfortable hint of guilt he'd felt when she’d stated that they would search for his 'scholar' together. He was on Monarch. Fallbrook was somewhere on this moon, and somewhere in Fallbrook was Chaney. All he had to do was wait.</p><p>He would be waiting for longer than he expected, it seemed. If Captain Kestrel had a weakness, it was the phrase "do me a favor?" Max supposed he shouldn't complain, as her willingness to help was the only reason he was here, but it was frustrating. Instead of asking around town to find their guide, they were headed for the main office of Monarch Stellar Industries to ask a secretary about a tossball poster for a guard.</p><p>“Boss, how do you not know about Bertie 'Black Hole' Holcomb?” Millstone asked.</p><p>“We did just establish on the ship that I’m from Earth, right?” she said.</p><p>“Oh. Yeah, I guess. But—”</p><p>“Hibernation for seventy years, Felix.”</p><p>He blinked. “Seventy?!”</p><p>“Thawed out a few days before meeting Parvati and Max. Which was a couple weeks before meeting you.”</p><p>“Wow. No wonder there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know about.”</p><p>She chuckled, “You and Max can teach me about tossball sometime, though every time I hear you talk about it I just get confused.”</p><p>“It’s easier to gain a sense of the rules and strategy while watching a game,” Max said.</p><p>“Then we’ll have to watch one,” she smiled.</p><p>“Next game is Backers vs Darlings,” Millstone said. “Wanna put bits on it, preacher?”</p><p>Max scoffed, “Cleo’s Darlings are in a consecutive sweep; they’ll win handily.”</p><p>“Thirty bits says they lose.”</p><p>“You’re insane, and I accept.”</p><p>Captain Kestrel laughed.</p><p>The head of MSI, Sanjar Nandi, was speaking with his secretary when they arrived and he and the Captain were soon involved in an intelligent discussion regarding Monarch’s history and his plans for the future. Mr. Nandi’s strategy to put MSI back on the Board had promise. Max approved. Millstone hated it. The Captain remained in neutral territory, mostly asking questions for clarification without any firm statement of her opinion, until Mr. Nandi asked for a favor.</p><p>Max firmly buried his impatience.</p><p>They left with promises to retrieve a cartridge from a records building outside the town walls, and headed toward Stellar Bay’s warehouse at the suggestion of the secretary. Hearing the vicar voice his thoughts on what was best for the greater good, in direct opposition to Millstone’s thoughts on the same, had apparently done the trick.  </p><p>“So, Vic. How does it feel?”</p><p>Law, grant me strength. “How does what feel?”</p><p>“Serving an instrument of corporate supremacy?”</p><p>“Let me hazard a guess. You’re talking about the church.”</p><p>“Isn't it true the OSI is just a cog in the machine of oppression?”</p><p>“I'm glad you're asking questions, Felix,” Max smiled, mockingly sweet. “Curiosity is the foundation of the Scientician faith.”</p><p>The intended effect was immediate. “Don't try and convert me, preacher,” Felix scowled with a glare, and was silent. </p><p>Stellar Bay’s primary product was saltuna, and it was obvious from the smell. Max had hoped he’d gotten away from that stench for good, but at least he had his time in Edgewater to thank for being able to cope. The trick was to not breathe through your nose.</p><p>The manager of the warehouse, one Velma Ballard, was disinclined to give the poster to the young guard Grimm, because she got a better offer for it. To say this was unfair was pointless, as the woman cared about nothing but the fact that she was overworked. Workers had gone on strike, and a key employee named Braxton had gone missing. Max could think of half a dozen things he would have liked to say to her, but Captain Kestrel was much more diplomatic.</p><p>“If I can find Braxton, will you give me the poster?”</p><p>Max winced. Well. They’d get to Fallbrook eventually.</p><p>“Does the smell remind you of home, vicar?” the Captain teased as they made their way through town.</p><p>Max was not amused, “I can’t say I’ve missed it. Or Edgewater in general, really.”</p><p>Then someone screamed "murder," and Max wondered for a brief moment if there was some force of the universe designed to drive people off the Plan’s path. Because if there was, it was definitely fucking with him.</p><p>Captain Kestrel was off like a shot, eager to help, with Millstone following close behind. Max followed, dutifully. There were guards for this sort of thing, they didn’t need to… and there she went, into the building, directly to the room the janitor said the body was in. She hesitated a moment, and opened the door. Her face paled. She slowly stepped inside, letting Felix and Max through the door to see… </p><p>Oh. Oh, no.</p><p>“What a gruesome way to die,” Max breathed.</p><p>“Is this the part where we go hunting for clues?” Felix asked.</p><p>Max nearly lost it at that inane comment, but the glare from the Captain said everything for him. She thought for a moment, and then looked at Max, “What do you think the chances are the town guards'll actually do anything about this?”</p><p>“If they’re anything like other corporate security, they’ll put in the minimum effort required to do their jobs satisfactorily,” Max said.</p><p>She made a face at that, and started looking around the room. “Yes, Felix, this is the part where we look for clues. Don’t step in the blood, and don’t touch anything unless you think it’s the most important clue in the world. We’re talking climactic big-reveal type clues. I don't want to mess with anything we don't have to.”</p><p>“Got it, boss,” Felix nodded.</p><p>“Max?” she asked, “We’ve also got to check out Braxton’s room upstairs to find any trace of where he went, could you do that while we see what we can find down here?”</p><p>“Of course,” he hesitated. She was very pale. “If you’re certain you’re alright?”</p><p>“I’m ok,” she smiled. “Thanks.”</p><p>He nodded, and went upstairs. Her smile always reached her eyes. He should not be thinking about that right now. Inside Braxton’s apartment was a woman searching through cabinets. He startled her, which made asking questions easier. She was also high and confused as to why a vicar was suddenly interrogating her, but he got the information he needed. He returned downstairs and reported to the Captain, “Braxton is selling drugs on the side. His last known whereabouts was a delivery to a house to the south.”</p><p>Captain Kestrel led them out of the building, “The victim’s name is Issac, he was packed to run, and Felix recognized a betting slip.”</p><p>Max sighed, “Running after he couldn’t pay off his debt.”</p><p>“That’s what I said,” Felix said.</p><p>The Captain nodded, “Whoever he owed money to is probably who killed him.”</p><p>It turned out that was exactly what had happened, but there was no definitive proof. The idea that a group of SubLight thugs would get away with murder was distasteful, but not surprising to Max. The Captain felt otherwise.</p><p>As Captain Kestrel stalked to the alley behind the local bar where the thugs spent their time, Max realized he'd never seen her angry before. Annoyed, yes. Cursing a storm at whatever creature attempted to eat her as she fired that assault rifle she favored. But this quiet fury was new. He was… intrigued.</p><p>"Captain? What are you planning?"</p><p>"I just want them to leave," she coldly stated. "They can't brutally murder an innocent man and then hang out like it was nothing."</p><p>"Right behind you, boss," said Felix.</p><p>Max nodded, "I've got your back, Captain."</p><p>The thugs did not leave. The Captain did her best, but she was not an intimidating figure. Even Max lending his presence and best prison-yard glare wasn't enough. The murderer and his gang responded with violence. Now they were dead.</p><p>"Fuck," breathed the Captain, exhausted.</p><p>"Why did you want them to leave instead of fighting them?" Felix asked. Max had wondered the same thing.</p><p>"I don't like killing people. Done way too much of it since I thawed out," she muttered. Then she quickly left the alley in the direction of MSI headquarters, "I like dying even less, so there’s that."</p><p>Sanjar was dismayed to hear the SubLight workers couldn't be formally brought to task, but he sheepishly admitted that not letting herself be killed was a point in the Captain's favor. He thanked her for her help, and the Captain headed straight for the town's southern gate.</p><p>"Uh, boss?" Felix hurried after her.</p><p>"Braxton is next," she said over her shoulder.</p><p>Max's long stride caught up to them, “We are in agreement that this Braxton is probably dead, right?” he asked.</p><p>"You know what I think?" Felix asked with all the drama of a conspiracy theorist. "This Braxton fella threw away the trappings of civilization and joined a pack of raptidons."</p><p>Max rolled his eyes, but restrained his response when he heard a short huff of laughter from the Captain. She relaxed, just a little. Max was glad to see it. Perhaps there was some use for Felix after all.</p><p>After a moment, Max said, “Mr. Millstone, you seem like a young man who could use some direction in your life.”</p><p>"Is this about me ending up in the wrong bunk?" Felix panicked, "Cuz I swear I wasn't that drunk. The hallway's disorienting."</p><p>Well that sounded awkward, and the Captain was listening. His one attempt at engaging the kid in meaningful conversation… Max tried to salvage the debacle, "Son, you can always come to me for spiritual guidance, but not between the hours of two and four a.m." Wait. No, that wasn't what that was supposed to sound like—</p><p>“Also, I'm really sorry about your floor.”</p><p>Max pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh, "Forget I broached the subject. Let's just pretend it didn't happen."</p><p>Thankfully, the Captain didn't comment.</p><p> </p><p>There were old myths back home about angels and demons that would stand by your shoulder and try to convince you their point of view was right. Being on Monarch with Max and Felix felt a little like that, except Kestrel couldn't tell which was the angel and which was the demon. Neither was either, really, but you wouldn't know that to hear them argue. Felix's defense of personal freedom no matter what was an admirable ideal, but Kestrel very much doubted people could actually live like that. She had yet to hear him explain exactly what would happen after the system was torn down, and what would happen to the people who depended on it.</p><p>Max, on the other hand, seemed content with the status quo. There was a lot about it he clearly didn't like, if the way he talked to and about corporate middle-men was anything to go by, but he also seemed serious about trying to do what's best for the greater good. Anarchy, to him, was idiotic if not evil. Did Scienticians have a concept of evil? Was evil just 'not following the Plan,' or was there a moral good beyond doing what you're supposed to? </p><p>Anyway, Kestrel thought the status quo unfortunately sucked. She liked Sanjar's idea of reform, he treated his workers well (hell of a lot better than what she'd seen on Terra 2 at least), and if he could influence the Board, that would be great. Or the Board would put pressure on MSI to conform, and everything would suck for everyone.</p><p>Their bickering aside, Kestrel was glad to have Max and Felix with her. Hell, even the bickering was comforting. They'd backed her up in the alley, and now they were following her on a wild goose chase to track down a drug-dealing saltuna specialist. They were capable of getting along, if they had to, and the idea of Felix drunkenly visiting Max in the middle of the night might suggest—</p><p>“So, Vic, how was prison?”</p><p>“I don't like to talk about it.”</p><p>“Was it a Spacer's Choice prison?”</p><p>“What part of I don't like to talk about it do you not understand? Is it the ‘don't’? Because I know it can't be the ‘talk’.”</p><p>—never mind.</p><p>“I bet it was a Spacer’s Choice prison. Did you ‘Taste the Freedom?’”</p><p>“It baffles me why the Captain puts up with your willful idiocy, Mr. Millstone.”</p><p>“Hey, fellas?” she raised her rifle, “Let’s not fight in front of the shit that wants to kill us, ok?”</p><p>If they answered, she couldn’t make it out as time slowed around her, the raptidon spitter in the ruins on the other side of the bridge taken by surprise as plasma bullets assaulted its chest and head. A couple other spitters turned to face her as she got off another shot, Max and Felix moving in from behind her. Felix was relentless with his machine gun (the fact that the kid enjoyed walking around with a machine gun strapped to his back astounded her) and Max…</p><p>“The strong survive and the weak perish!”</p><p>… yeah, that. It was supremely unfair that he could be that smooth and terrifying at the same time.</p><p>She shot the raptidon mauler charging Felix with a shout. Felix blinked and tore his eyes away from Max just in time to smack the raptidon across the snout with his gun before unloading into its face. Kestrel knew that look. She wondered if Max had noticed both his companions staring at him like horny teenagers. That would be fucking embarrassing. ‘Captain, I noticed you openly lusting after me during the battle this afternoon,’ Law, she would die on the spot.</p><p>Ha, that was funny. Halcyon was wearing off on her. Or at least the swearing of her crew.</p><p>Time slowed again as she dodged a gob of acid. Damn it, Kestrel, finish fighting.</p><p>“Well done,” Max declared as the last rapt fell. “Is everyone alright?”</p><p>Everyone was, amazingly. Kestrel thought she might finally be getting the hang of this fighting thing. The raptidons down, they carefully made their way through the abandoned portion of town.</p><p>"Exploring some ruins. Killing some monsters," Felix mused. "All we’re missing is theme music."</p><p>Max shook his head, "This isn’t a serial, son. Try not to get yourself killed."</p><p>Kestrel sighed with a small grin as she watched Felix's eyes narrow, the decision to take the comment as an insult clear. She thought it was possible Max had been sincere. Maybe even 50/50.</p><p>"You know what your problem is, Vic?"</p><p>And there it was. "Other than being called 'Vic?'"</p><p>"You Scienticians got no imagination. That’s your problem."</p><p>Both men had the same ability to turn the other cheek as a five year old. "I've imagined you being quiet. It was a nice daydream."</p><p>"Everything always goes according to plan, right? Ain't that what scripture tells you?"</p><p>"Scripture also tells us to exercise patience with the young and the foolish. But I repeat myself."</p><p>"You're both fucking ridiculous, and hey look suspiciously well-kept flowers for a house in some ruins," Kestrel pointed.</p><p>The door was unlocked. Kestrel knocked and opened it. They stepped into a cozily furnished living room. The next door led to a kitchen.</p><p>"A visitor? What an unexpected surprise! Please, come in, come in."</p><p>The house was the home of the Mather family, Edgar and his wife Martha, and their son and daughter. Edgar was extraordinarily welcoming to the three armed strangers, asking them to stay a while. Levi wasn’t the brightest, but friendly enough, and Martha called them a gift from the Eternal. Kestrel figured they were religious fundamentalists who had decided they would stay in their home through hell or high water or raptidon acid. Still, there was an odd energy to their serenity that had Felix immediately on edge… though maybe that was just the bizarre experience of seeing Max do the ‘soft-spoken wandering preacher’ bit.</p><p>Their hosts invited them to make themselves at home, so Kestrel went for a walk around the house. Felix and Max stayed close. They met the daughter, Lizzie, and found out they were in the right place; the man making deliveries was almost certainly Braxton, and the fact that he had a fight with Lizzie’s parents before he disappeared didn’t bode well.</p><p>“I’ve got a bad feeling about all this, boss,” Felix muttered.</p><p>Kestrel nodded, and peeked inside the son’s bedroom. “Me too, but no sign of Braxton yet,” she glanced at Levi’s desk and froze. “Max.”</p><p>He was by her immediately. She pointed to the poetry. Levi was brilliant. Or used to be. The writing and language severely degraded over time. “What would cause that? It can’t just be starvation, can it?”</p><p>“Dr. Fenhill would be the one to ask,” he quietly said, somber, “but I imagine some sort of disease of the brain.”</p><p>Kestrel’s stomach was knotting. She hated every inch of this place, this insane situation. “Why would they stay here? Why would anyone do this to themselves?”</p><p>“That,” Max sighed, “is a question without a satisfactory answer, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Kestrel hurried out of the room and into the master bedroom. It was perfect, clean and pleasant, except for the section of exposed boarding in the wall of the locked closet…</p><p>“Felix help me get this door open now!!”</p><p>They opened it. The stench was overpowering. The sight...</p><p>“I’m… glad I skipped lunch,” Felix managed not to be sick.</p><p>“It’s unnatural,” even Max sounded shaken. “An affront to the Grand Plan.”</p><p>Kestrel moved closer, trying to avoid the pools of blood and failing. The corpse was missing its head, arm, and leg, but it still had an identity badge pinned to its shirt. They’d found Braxton.</p><p>“I thought I’d seen the worst of humanity before,” said Max.</p><p>Felix nodded, “I’m definitely going to have nightmares about this.”</p><p>Kestrel yanked the acid-coated carving knife from the body. “Let’s go.” The Mathers were waiting downstairs. Kestrel didn’t try very hard to leave peacefully.</p><p> </p><p>Max thought he’d seen Captain Kestrel angry before. He’d been wrong.</p><p>“Dust to dust,” Max said in the aftermath. Then he dryly added, “Or in this case, bloody bones to bloody bones.”</p><p>“I knew Monarch had monsters,” Felix shook his head. “I didn’t expect them to look like people.”</p><p>Max thought that was a surprisingly mature insight, but his attention was on the Captain. Captain Kestrel was quiet, her knuckles white around the handle of the knife. Max was worried; this had hit her hard, the evidence of the ruin the family had inflicted on themselves especially. She wasn’t a naive woman; she had seen the horrors of corporate apathy and individual greed, she knew that life in Halcyon was dangerous both outside and inside steel walls though in different ways. And yet she continued to greet every moment with a smile that held not an ounce of sarcasm or the dead cheer of customer service.</p><p>Twenty seconds ago she had been filled with righteous anger, and it had been terrifying and awe-inspiring. Now he watched it fade, leaving a simmering exhaustion behind. Perhaps Halcyon was wearing her down. He hated that idea.</p><p>She led them out, back into the ruins.</p><p> </p><p>Felix could tell something was bothering the boss. Vic’s eyes hadn’t left her, so he was worried, too. The Captain just walked in front of them, silent.</p><p>“You know, Vic,” Felix hoped the preacher would not be an ass just once, “you’re starchier than a Spectrum potato, but you’ve got a mean left hook. And I respect that.”</p><p>Max looked at him confused, but said, “Thanks. I think.” He glanced back at the boss, and then said to Felix, "Guess I could give you some pointers."</p><p>"Yeah?" Felix was surprised. He knew Max was being nice for the sake of Captain Kestrel, but he honestly hadn't expected him to be. "All right, let’s hear it."</p><p>"Well, most significantly, aside from how you form and angle your fist, is that you cannot just punch with your arm. You must turn your upper body into it to generate any real force."</p><p>Felix was skeptical. "That sounds real complicated. I think I’ll stick with the Millstone Special, which is when I kick a jackass square in the chest."</p><p>They heard a soft, tiny laugh from Captain Kestrel. "I can't believe that stunt actually works. It's like you defy the laws of physics."</p><p>"Fitting, given his tendency to defy every other law," Max said.</p><p>"I'll take that as a compliment, preacher!"</p><p>"I know you will," Vic smirked.</p><p>Felix didn't know if he'd been insulted or not, but the boss turned around to smile at them. Kind of a 'thank you' smile, like what he saw people do when she helped them. He was glad she was feeling better. He didn't even feel like teasing Vic the whole way back into town.</p><p> </p><p>They went back to the warehouse, and Kestrel handed over Braxton’s i.d. She took Grimm’s poster, and guilted the grouchy manager into giving her employees a fucking raise. Kestrel made her way over to the bar to give the workers the good news. They were thrilled, thanked her, and went home with promises to return to work in the morning. With a heavy sigh, Kestrel made her way out of the bar again, Max and Felix following her the whole way.</p><p>On their way out, someone said the name Nyoka. All three of them turned and stared. </p><p>“The big game hunter is Nyoka?” Felix loudly whispered.</p><p>“The drunk woman telling the story at the bar,” Max muttered, “yes. It’s impressive she’s standing upright.”</p><p>“It’s late,” Kestrel decided. “We’ll find her again in the morning. At least we know who we’re looking for, now.”</p><p>Grimm was overjoyed to have the poster, so at least there was that.</p><p>“Max,” Kestrel asked on the lift up to the ship, “was the preacher shtick genuine or were you trying to tell me something?”</p><p>“Shtick?”</p><p>He sounded offended. Fuck. “I’ve never seen you be so transparently ingratiating before!”</p><p>“It was kind of disgusting,” Felix said.</p><p>“Oh, that,” Max was instantly less offended. “Believers are often willing to share things with men of the cloth they might not with others, and if Braxton was there then we needed to be welcome.”</p><p>"Figures the OSI would teach its preachers to be manipulative."</p><p>"And anarchist propaganda isn't?"</p><p>"Gentlemen, please,” Kestrel sighed as all three boarded the Unreliable.</p><p> </p><p>Felix was sitting in bed with a copy of Dissident Hunter when the boss came in. “Hey, Felix?”</p><p>“Yeah, boss?”</p><p>She closed the door behind her. “I wanted to follow up with you about something you said earlier. Ending up in Max's room the other night?"</p><p>Fuck. “Nothing happened! I think.”</p><p>She looked concerned, “You don’t remember?”</p><p>He shrugged, sheepish, “I was pretty drunk, boss.”</p><p>“You wanna tell me why?”</p><p>“You’re going to think this is dumb.”</p><p>“Probably.”</p><p>He sighed, “I was angry at Vic.”</p><p>She blinked. “For…?”</p><p>“I beat him at a one-on-one tossball match and he still managed to make me feel like I lost, so I got angry and watched a serial and then you all were back but in bed already and I was too wound up to sleep. So I thought I’d have a drink. Then it turned into lots of drinks.”</p><p>“And then you were in Max’s room.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“And what happened?”</p><p>“I remember saying something, and falling down and being sick, and then I was in my room.”</p><p>The boss nodded once and stood to leave. “Ok. Just wanted to check in.”</p><p>“Sure thing, boss.” He breathed a sigh of relief as she left, closing the door behind her.</p><p> </p><p>"Am I interrupting?"</p><p>Max closed the door to his bookcase, "Captain. I was just preparing to retire."</p><p>"It'll be quick, just wanted to check in."</p><p>"Of course.” His brow rose slightly as she stepped inside, closing the door behind her. “What's on your mind?"</p><p>"Do you want to talk about Felix being in your room?"</p><p>He frowned, "I’d rather not."</p><p>"He doesn’t remember a lot of what happened, just being in your room, being on the floor, being sick, and then back in his room. I thought you might want to fill in the blanks?"</p><p>His brow furrowed, "Why?"</p><p>She attempted a nonchalant shrug, "I feel like I should know what’s happening with my crew." She winced as his face darkened, "Max—"</p><p>"What's happening, Captain," he fumed, "is that idiot with delusions of rebellion got drunk, stumbled into my room, and would have cracked open his face on the floor if I hadn’t caught him. He then fell to his knees and vomited, at which point I dragged him back to his room where he belongs and had SAM clean up the mess! My attempt at being civil this afternoon was laughably misunderstood, and now I have to assure my Captain I’m not the sort of degenerate to take advantage of a drunken—"</p><p>"He’s not the one I was worried about."</p><p>The quiet statement broadsided him, "What?"</p><p>She sighed, "He doesn't remember what he did, and you had a rough night. It’s your room. I wanted to make sure you were ok."</p><p>He couldn't look at her. He stood perfectly straight, his eyes on a corner of the wall. He swallowed hard, "I owe you an apology."</p><p>She shook her head, "No, you don’t, I went about it dumb."</p><p>He glanced back at her, saw her regret, and attempted the smallest smile. "You’ll get no argument from me there." He hastened to his point as she rolled her eyes, "Even so, I overreacted. I apologize… even if the idea of an intoxicated Millstone even being capable of taking advantage of me is laughable."</p><p>She chuckled, "I just can’t win with you."</p><p>"On the contrary," his hands went behind his back, and then clasped in front. "Thank you for your concern, Captain. I hope I didn’t offend you too severely in turn."</p><p>She smiled, at ease again. He felt himself relaxing in response. "We’re good, Max. I'll let you get to bed.”</p><p>Why was he disappointed? “Yes. Thank you.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>“Goodnight." He stepped forward, "Captain?” She stopped in front of the door and looked at him. "May I... check in?" Her head cocked to the side. "You had a rough day," he said.</p><p>She softly grinned, "Yeah. I did, but I'm ok. Thanks for checking." And she left.</p><p>He didn’t understand her, but the longer he spent in her company, the more he wanted to. He went to bed confused and strangely grateful, his thoughts a mess.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What is it with you and books, anyway?”</p>
<p>“Some of us like to better ourselves, Dr. Fenhill.”</p>
<p>Kestrel entered the kitchen to find Max reading at the table, Ellie standing next to him. Parvati was making pancakes. Felix sat at the other end of the table, devouring a plateful. </p>
<p>“No, I mean keeping those paper books,” Ellie continued. “You got the datapad. Why waste the cargo space? You one of those people who wears reading glasses to look smart?”</p>
<p>“Let him read his heretical texts in peace,” Kestrel said as she poured herself a cup of tea.</p>
<p>“This one isn’t heretical,” Max grumbled.</p>
<p>“Oh, well in that case never mind. Tease away, Ellie.” Kestrel met Max’s glare with a broad grin. He <i>almost</i> smiled before looking back at his book. If she hadn't been watching, she would have missed it.</p>
<p>“Eh, moment’s gone,” Ellie shrugged and leaned against the counter to smoke.</p>
<p>“This does explain why your medical books are gathering dust,” Kestrel said.</p>
<p>“They are not,” Ellie pretended to be offended, “SAM dusted them yesterday. They’re great paperweights.”</p>
<p>“And you don’t have to open them because everything’s on a datapad. Which means you only have them for… nostalgia?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Captain.”</p>
<p>“Hey, boss,” Felix asked through a quickly swallowed mouthful, “we hiring that hunter today? Nyoka?”</p>
<p>Kestrel nodded, “I also told Sanjar we’d find that Bolt-52 cartridge thing for him, so I figure we’ll do that first this morning, then meet Nyoka and hope she’s not hungover. Good morning, Parvati.”</p>
<p>“Morning, Captain! I know you said you don’t trust ‘em, but if you want any pancakes you can help yourself.” </p>
<p>“It’s food, boss,” Felix said as Kestrel eyed the pancakes suspiciously. “And if I ain’t dead yet, what are you worried about?”</p>
<p>Kestrel blinked. “I… don’t have a comeback to that.” So she sat next to Felix, across from Max, and tried one. Max glanced up from his book. “It’s… not bad,” she hedged. The artificial bacon flavoring was unexpected, and bizarre. “Which is not a comment on your cooking, Parvati,” Kestrel hurried to add.</p>
<p>Parvati laughed a little, “Not much cooking in it, Captain. Sort of just comes out of the box!”</p>
<p>That explained a lot. She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at the vicar as he smirked and returned to reading. Wouldn't be captainly. She finished what was on her plate and switched to fruit. “Max, you coming this morning?”</p>
<p>“I assumed I would.”</p>
<p>“So same arrangement as yesterday,” Kestrel ignored Felix’s sigh, “unless one of you ladies wants to come along?”</p>
<p>“Still just fine here,” Ellie shrugged. “Might spend some time at the bar, though.”</p>
<p>“Sure, just don’t do anything stupid or remarkably illegal.”</p>
<p>“But a little illegal is ok?”</p>
<p>“Don’t get caught, don’t bring it on my ship, and if Parvati would look at you all disappointed like, don't do it. Fellas, let’s gear up and get going. <i>Allons-y</i>!”</p>
<p>Max sighed. Kestrel beamed.</p><hr/>
<p>That. Was a big fucking raptidon.</p>
<p>The behemoth was idling in front of the ARMS building, poking around as a bunch of smaller raptidons did the same. Kestrel decided to try to blind the big one and cripple it while Felix and Max took out the little ones. It was massive, but she could slow time.</p>
<p>It almost worked. The attack started well, Felix mowing a path through raptidons as Max’s shotgun finished them off. The big one roared as Kestrel unloaded a clip into its face, time coming back to speed in a headache inducing rush. And then Max screamed in pain, covering his face with his arm.</p>
<p>She panicked, “Max!” The giant raptidon barreled into her, knocking her to the ground. Kestrel scrambled up to her feet, and her heart leaped up her throat.</p>
<p>“Boss!” Felix flew through the air and firmly struck the side of the raptidon with both feet at the same time. The raptidon barely stumbled, swinging blindly at whatever had attacked it and struck Felix hard.</p>
<p>“No!!!” Her scream was joined by a bellow from Max, running forward to her side as they both fired on the raptidon. He was alive, thank goodness he was ok—</p>
<p>“Look out, he’s going to charge!” Max shouted.</p>
<p>Kestrel dropped her gun and extended her inferno scythe. Time slowed. Kestrel swiped at the beast’s legs as it charged, sending it to the ground and in perfect position for Max to swing a pulse hammer at its head. With a sickening crunch, the damn beast died.</p>
<p>They both rushed to Felix. Kestrel rummaged through her pack for adreno as Max said, "Are you alright, Felix?"</p>
<p>"Fine," Felix groaned. "Boss ok?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," Kestrel said, exasperated. She handed two syringes to Max, who administered both of them to Felix. That got a smile from her. She'd expected him to use one, but apparently he was more worried about his crewmate.</p>
<p>"Son, I suggest refraining from the Millstone Special against anything with four or more legs."</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes through a wince, "Get spaced, Max."</p>
<p>"Shut up, Felix, he's right."</p>
<p>"But boss—"</p>
<p>"You were nearly killed!"</p>
<p>Felix frowned, "No offense, boss, but if I see a monster about to eat you, I'm gonna beat the shit out of it no matter what."</p>
<p>"One thing we agree on," Max said, almost too quiet to hear.</p>
<p>It was dumb. They were dumb, following her into danger and risking their lives because she was the captain. A title she had accidentally fallen into, literally. She swallowed hard, "Can you stand?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Felix grunted in pain as Max helped him to his feet, but he was standing. </p>
<p>"Max? You ok?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Captain."</p>
<p>His sleeve was burned through, the skin beneath red and raw. "Your arm…" she pulled her hand back as a slight movement put him just out of reach. "Sorry."</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Captain," he repeated calmly. "I was fast enough to block the acid from hitting my face, and Mr. Millstone was kind enough to turn the creature to a pile of ash. Some Toxin-Free stopped the spread of the corrosion. I'll heal."</p>
<p>She nodded and forced herself to take a breath. "Ok. Let's find what we came for."</p>
<p>Inside the Archives, Records, and Miscellaneous Storage building (and wasn’t that a fitting thing in this bureaucratic nightmare) was a terminal Sanjar had asked her to delete everything on, since she was going to be there anyway. She’d asked Max to teach her how to hack, like she asked Felix to teach her some lockpicking tricks, but she found locks a lot easier to work with than computers. Still, this terminal was pretty easy to get into, and she couldn’t help but smile a little at Max when she got in. “I can see why Sanjar wanted this deleted.”</p>
<p>It was his performance review. It wasn’t positive. There was also a review for Graham Bryant, former friend and associate of Sanjar, and current leader of the Iconoclasts. Sanjar was too focused on numbers and all the little details of the job. Graham seemed to have the opposite problem, seeing the big concepts without real sense of how to follow through.</p>
<p>“Something to keep in mind,” Kestrel muttered, and deleted the files. “Let’s see if the Bolt-52 is upstairs.”</p>
<p>Upstairs was a locked room with a very confused girl inside. She said her name was Huxley, and she was scavenging with her friends when they were attacked by a mantiqueen, and then raptidons. She hid, and got herself locked in. She was either very panicked, or not very bright, or both.</p>
<p>Kestrel shook her head with a sigh, "Who builds a storage room that only opens from the outside, that's asking for trouble…" she froze. "Oh, you gotta be kidding." She spoke into the intercom, "Hey, Huxley? Don't take this the wrong way, but have you tried opening the door?"</p>
<p>Max made a derisive sound, and pretended to be penitent when she glared at him for it.</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" Huxley asked. "It's locked!"</p>
<p>"Just try this for me, ok? You see the handle?"</p>
<p>"Yeah…"</p>
<p>"Pull it upward."</p>
<p>“<b>Oh my eternal soul</b> it worked!!!”</p>
<p>The door opened, and the kid stepped out. She was very grateful to have been released from her almost near certain death by starvation and/or asphyxiation. She was very excitable. Apparently she was part of the Iconoclasts, living in someplace called Amber Heights. She insisted she’d be ok on her own, and took off.</p>
<p>“I know I'm not the smartest guy in the colony,” Felix said as Huxley left, “but at least I'm not that dumb.”</p>
<p>Kestrel smirked, “Yeah, that was something. Sweet kid, though.” She searched the room, and held up a large data cartridge. “Aha!” Max was right behind her. “<i>Voilà,</i>” she said to him with a grin.</p>
<p>He smiled, a little, “Let’s hope it was worth the trouble.” He discreetly touched her arm and tilted his head just slightly toward the door.</p>
<p>She glanced over and saw Felix leaning against the door frame, grimacing as he ran his hand across his side, all his weight on one leg. He hissed a breath in, and straightened. Kestrel frowned and hurried out the door. “Let’s go. Felix, I’m taking you back to the ship, Ellie will say when you’re well enough to leave.”</p>
<p>He stared at her, “But boss—”</p>
<p>“You’re in pain. You are standing through sheer stubbornness, and as stupidly impressive as that is, I’m responsible for my crew and you are staying on the ship until you’re healed up. Understood?”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna be fine, boss, I can take care of myself, I promise!”</p>
<p>“And the best way to take care of yourself right now is to literally take care of yourself!”</p>
<p>“You're not going to win this fight, son,” Max quietly advised. “Nor should you.”</p>
<p>Felix obviously wanted to argue, but he sighed in frustrated disappointment instead. “Fine.”</p>
<p>“Max, I want Ellie to look at your arm, too. And the burns on your neck you thought I hadn’t noticed.”</p>
<p>His jaw clenched, annoyed, but he said, “Yes, Captain.”</p>
<p>Kestrel rolled her eyes, “Don’t say it like that. I’m not going to apologize for being worried about my friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>Friends.</i>
</p>
<p>Max glanced at Felix, and saw a similar reaction. Surprise, but pleased to hear it. Felix was perhaps more pleased than surprised. Max was the opposite. He’d planned on being friendly with the captain to ensure his place and her favor. Being friendly was distinctly different than being friends.</p>
<p>ADA welcomed them back as they entered the Unreliable, and informed the Captain that Ellie had left the ship. Parvati hurried down from the engine room, “Oh! Captain! Ms. Ellie, I mean, Dr. Fenhill, said she was goin’ to the bar seein’ as how you told her it was… Law, Felix! Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” he groaned and made his way toward the stairs. He hesitated. The Captain sighed, fondly, and went beside him.</p>
<p>“Need a hand?”</p>
<p>“... yeah. Thanks, boss.” Felix put an arm around her shoulders and leaned on her as they made their slow progress up the stairs.</p>
<p>“Parvati,” Captain Kestrel’s voice carried, “you know how to treat burns right?”</p>
<p>“Well, sure. Workin’ on the hopper when it’s movin’ full throttle shootin’ red hot—”</p>
<p>“Acid burns?”</p>
<p>“Why… oh!” she covered her mouth in a gasp as she looked at Max. “Don’t worry, Mr. Vicar, I’ll get you fixed up.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, Ms. Holcomb,” Max said.</p>
<p>“Don’t let him tell you he’s fine!” Captain Kestrel shouted down the stairs.</p>
<p>These women were going to drive him insane.</p>
<p>“Gotta follow the Captain’s orders,” Parvati said with a timid smile. “I promise it’ll be quick.”</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes, and followed Parvati to the kitchen. He sat down as she fetched some supplies, Felix’s grumbling about being stuck in bed til Ellie got back audible from his room. The Captain was sympathetic, but firm in her insistence that he take care of himself.</p>
<p>“Alright, Vicar, let’s get those burns on your neck first,” Parvati said as she returned.</p>
<p>“This is entirely unnecessary. I’ve already treated them.”</p>
<p>Parvati shrugged, applying Auntie-Biotics Creme to a clean cloth. “Captain doesn’t think it’s unnecessary. Won’t hurt a bit,” she pressed the cloth to his neck. </p>
<p>He grimaced, “Ms. Holcomb…”</p>
<p>“Growl at me all you want, Vicar, sir,” she said, determined though her voice shook, “but the Captain told me to take care of you, and Law that’s what I’m gonna do.”</p>
<p>He sighed, and gave up. “Fine.”</p>
<p>The Captain emerged from Felix’s room. “Keep an eye on Felix, Parvati?”</p>
<p>“Will do, Captain. I’ll watch a serial with him,” she smiled with a chuckle, “he won’t even think about bein’ laid up.”</p>
<p>The Captain smiled, “Sounds like a plan.” She watched with concern and some small amusement as Parvati awkwardly suggested it would be best if Max could roll up the burned-through sleeve or… um… </p>
<p>He went to his room. This was ridiculous, but the Captain would not be satisfied until he had been excessively clucked over. He changed into a fresh shirt, and rolled up the sleeve of his burned arm to his bicep. He sat back down, sulkily, and held out his arm for Ms. Holcomb to examine.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen worse,” Parvati cheerfully declared as the Captain winced.</p>
<p>“Captain,” Max sighed, tired. “Please stop worrying. It’s exhausting.”</p>
<p>“Never heard of someone so inconvenienced by folks caring for them,” Parvati muttered as she bandaged his arm.</p>
<p>The Captain stifled a laugh. Her eyes flicked over him, seeing him without his vestments for the first time, he realized. He raised an eyebrow at her interest, and she looked away.</p>
<p>“There we are,” Parvati finished. “That should keep it clean, let it heal up nice and quick.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Parvati,” the Captain put a hand on the engineer’s shoulder. “I’ll send Ellie back as fast as I find her.”</p>
<p>Max wordlessly rolled down the sleeve of his shirt over the bandage, and returned to his room for the armor the Captain had provided. Fully dressed, he met her at the ship’s door.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said with a soft smile.</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“Enduring my exhausting worry.”</p>
<p>He blinked. It was off-putting, how easily she disarmed him with a self-deprecating grin and a kind word. He cleared his throat, “I presume we’ve a hunter to hire?”</p>
<p>She nodded and led the way out, “First, we’re giving Sanjar his void-damned cartridge.”</p>
<p>Sanjar was ecstatic, and paid well for their efforts. The Captain mentioned his reviews, and he was less thrilled. The Captain, however, encouraged him to take pride in the part he now played on Monarch, the progress he’d made for his people, and the phrase “fuck ‘em” was used quite a lot in reference to the opinions of his past superiors. Max listened with quiet amusement, and some wonder. How did she do that so well?</p>
<p>Energized with new confidence, Sanjar revealed his plan to blackmail The Board into letting MSI back to the table. Another corporation was likely operating illegally on Monarch. All he needed was evidence. Captain Kestrel, naturally, agreed to find some, but that was for another day. First, they had to hire a hunter.</p>
<p>Said hunter was exactly where they’d last seen her, drinking at the bar, but this time she had a familiar drinking companion.</p>
<p>“Ellie!” The Captain hurried over.</p>
<p>“Captain! This is Nyoka. She’s—”</p>
<p>“Ellie, Felix is injured. He’s in his room on the Unreliable, I need you to look him over.”</p>
<p>“Aw, Captain—”</p>
<p>“Are you sober enough to do your job?”</p>
<p>“Of course I am, I just—”</p>
<p>“Then please go do it.”</p>
<p>Ellie took a last long drag from her cigarette, “Shit, kid must be pretty beat up if you’re that worried. Ok, ok, I’ll take care of him.”</p>
<p>“Your tab, Dr. Fenhill?” Max reminded her as she stood up.</p>
<p>She stuck her tongue out at him, paid, and hurried back to the ship.</p>
<p>Dr. Fenhill may have been sober enough, but the hunter certainly wasn’t. She insisted that before they could do business, the Captain had to bring her some caffenoid pills. The Captain was doubtful, but shrugged and said she'd be back.</p>
<p>The medic at the dispensary, an excessively flirtatious older woman named Abigail, informed them that Nyoka had exhausted her allotment. Captain Kestrel’s conversation with the medic revealed the town allotments were managed from an upstairs terminal. The Captain looked at Max, said ‘thank you for your time’ to the medic, and went out the door.</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure I saw stairs back here…” she said as they went around the building. “Aha! Here we go.” </p>
<p>They climbed the stairs to a back door, a terminal just inside. The Captain hurried over to it, and frowned. “Huh. Ok, lemme try…” another clicking of keys, and her brow furrowed. She tried again. She stepped back and gestured grandly that Max should take her place.</p>
<p>Max hacked into the terminal. “There, Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth’s allotment has been increased… what's this?”</p>
<p>“What's what?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” he started to walk away. </p>
<p>Captain Kestrel went to the terminal. “Abigail writes romances! Ha! That’s great… huh, some of<br/>
these are pretty good.”</p>
<p>He stared at her from the doorway, “You’re joking.”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on, Vicar, everyone enjoys reading trash once in a while. It’s fun!”</p>
<p>“And you seemed so intelligent."</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes, "Ok, get down off your high horse."</p>
<p>"How could reading that drivel possibly be fun?”</p>
<p>“Well if you read it expecting high literature, then it’s gonna be awful,” she explained as if this were obvious. “But if you acknowledge what it is and don’t expect it to be anything else, then you can just sort of go along for the ride and enjoy it. Life’s kind of like that, too, come to think of it.”</p>
<p>He scoffed. “And are you ‘going along for the ride,’ Captain?”</p>
<p>“Kind of my default setting since my escape pod hit Terra 2,” she shrugged.</p>
<p>That gave him pause. He thought of their conversation when she’d told him she was from the Hope. “And yet you doubt yourself.”</p>
<p>“I’m still one hundred percent certain I was not Phineas’s best choice, but I’m the one here.” </p>
<p>“Hm. You’re either closer to following the Plan than anyone I’ve met, or you’re a whirlwind in direct opposition to it.”</p>
<p>“Because I like trashy romances?”</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes, “Because of your attitude toward life. The fact that you continue on the course set for you despite your own doubts is something everyone should strive for. Assuming, of course, that you truly are following the course set for you and weren't destined to remain in stasis.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh. And what’s the whirlwind of opposition?”</p>
<p>“Your taste in reading material.”</p>
<p>She laughed, “Fuck off. Oh, what’s the phrase Felix used, ‘get spaced?’ I like that one.”</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you’re learning Halcyon colloquialisms.”</p>
<p>“Oh hush, you get a kick out of me acclimating to your colony, don’t lie.”</p>
<p>He didn’t argue. “Question.”</p>
<p>“Shoot.”</p>
<p>“How do you know the trashy romance is just a trashy romance? What if the author intended it to be fine literature?”</p>
<p>“Then it’s just bad writing. Anything that pretends to be something it’s not is always going to come across as pretentious. Now, that’s not to say a book can’t be worked on. Maybe the first draft is awful, but a little editing can go a long way.”</p>
<p>“How does a bartender develop such an opinion on writing?”</p>
<p>She crossed her arms, “This bartender loved to read in bed after a long shift.”</p>
<p>He smiled a little at the thought. Interesting. “Trashy romances?”</p>
<p>“Not all of them were trashy! I read a lot of other stuff, too, but that’s not the point. If you think the book metaphor is dumb, I’ll talk about drinks.” He didn’t, but he didn’t correct her. He was… enjoying listening. She moved past him to start back down the stairs, “You ever ordered a drink that sounds more complicated than it has to be, and then you drink it and it’s utterly underwhelming?”</p>
<p>“No, I’ve yet to personally taste one of Dr. Fenhill’s concoctions.”</p>
<p>“Ha! That was good. But Ellie knows she’s making swill, that’s the point, thinks it makes her edgy or piratical or whatever aesthetic she’s trying too hard for. I know - er, knew - bartenders who would put a whole salad in a bloody mary and set it on fire but at the end of the day it’s still vodka and tomato juice. Though maybe that’s ungenerous of me, I’m biased against bloody mary’s. Can’t stand ‘em.”</p>
<p>“… You’ve completely lost me.”</p>
<p>She chuckled warmly, “Yeah, the train kind of went off the track there, didn’t it? There’s a lot to be said for simple, basic, enjoyments in life. Like trashy romance. Or a cheap beer and a shot of bourbon.”</p>
<p>“As long as it’s not Zero Gee.”</p>
<p>“Damn right.”</p>
<p>“It makes no claim to be anything remotely similar to ‘good.’”</p>
<p>“Alright fine, dismantle my perfectly good metaphor with logic and exceptions.”</p>
<p>“With respect, Captain, I’m not sure it could be called ‘perfectly good’ in the first place.”</p>
<p>She shook her head, still smiling, “Why do I like you so much?”</p>
<p>It was an excellent question. He was starting to ask himself the same thing about her.</p>
<p>She went back inside to talk to Abigail. Sure enough, the allotment had been raised, and Nyoka could be supplied with another bottle of caffenoid supplement. They thanked her, and took their leave.</p>
<p>Halfway back to the bar, he said, “Vodka and tomato juice. Would the Halcyon equivalent be Spectrum and Catch-Up?”</p>
<p>Captain Kestrel reacted with horrified laughter, “Oh gross please don't tell Ellie.”</p>
<p>He smiled, “Of course I won’t. She'd probably try to force me to drink it.”</p>
<p>They returned to Nyoka, who seemed to sober up somewhat after taking a few pills. The job was discussed, and Max, in an unusually good mood, welcomed her to the crew of the Unreliable. Some of the Captain’s good cheer must have rubbed off. It was a strange feeling.</p>
<p>Nyoka insisted they could make it as far as Amber Heights before sundown, and then continue from there in the morning.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’d be interested to talk with this Graham Bryant I’ve heard about,” Max said to his Captain.</p>
<p>“I bet you would,” she grinned. “Do you mean ‘talk’ or do you mean ‘verbally slaughter in philosophical debate?’”</p>
<p>“That entirely depends on how the conversation goes,” he grinned back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the time it took to walk out the Stellar Bay gate and cross the bridge, Nyoka had told two stories of religious men who had gotten themselves killed in the wilderness through prideful stupidity. Max maintained his composure through them both, saying things like “the Plan unfolds as the Plan unfolds” and “intellect plays a large part in who stays among the living,” making Kestrel roll her eyes with a grin and stifle a laugh. It was hilarious watching him be a respectable man of the cloth, knowing how much that didn’t quite fit. Nyoka didn’t seem to know what to make of him, yet, so she treated him with friendly suspicion. Max didn't seem to mind.</p><p>Nyoka's friendly suspicion didn't go away when Max shouted "I smite you in the name of the Law!" before blasting a very large hole in a charging marauder’s chest, but she did seem a little more relaxed afterward. </p><p>“Glad you two can handle yourselves in a fight. Makes my job a touch easier.”</p><p>“Do our best,” Kestrel said with more confidence than she felt. She’d seen mantipillars on Groundbreaker, but Monarch had the adults. They’d spotted some down another road a ways, a road they fortunately didn’t have to take right now. Halcyon was full of all sorts of fun wildlife.</p><p>As promised, they reached Amber Heights before sundown. Nyoka implied the Iconoclasts were good people, loyal, and if you turned on them you’d regret it. Max responded with a muttered, “Damned Philosphists.”</p><p>Kestrel nudged him, “So, definitely verbal slaughtering, then.”</p><p>“Likely,” he said with a dark grin.</p><p>“You’re really looking forward to this.”</p><p>“I haven’t been able to engage in theological debate in ages, Captain. I only hope he’s up to the challenge.”</p><p>She laughed a little to see him keep his anticipation so tightly in check, “Just don’t say anything that gets us kicked out, ok?”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Captain, I’ll be civil.”</p>
<hr/><p>“So, Max,” Nyoka said, “about ‘being civil.’ Was that it? Cuz I don’t know if it’s an OSI thing or just you, but that was not what I expected.”</p><p>“That was exactly what I expected,” Kestrel said.</p><p>“Ah. So, he’s just an ass.”</p><p>Kestrel shrugged, “Yeah, but I think he means well.”</p><p>“I’m standing right here, you two.”</p><p>They were on their way back north to pick up a shipment of supplies for Graham from a Stellar Bay sympathizer. The usual runner, Huxley from the locked room, had been ordered to take it easy for a few days, so Kestrel had been asked to go instead. Kestrel was happy to help. She also figured it was the least she could do by way of apology to the guy her friend had just finished insulting, in spectacular fashion. Max’s primary debate tactic seemed to be ‘insult them until they make a mistake,’ but she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t fun to watch. </p><p>"I thought it was awfully big of Graham to not kick us out after you called him an idiot," Kestrel commented.</p><p>"I didn't, technically—"</p><p>"Graham took a liking to you, Cap," Nyoka interrupted. "He's always eager to welcome anyone with the slightest inclination to help,” the hunter grinned slyly, “no matter the company they keep."</p><p>Kestrel decided she liked Nyoka. Max scoffed.</p><p>"Did you have fun?" Kestrel asked him.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She smiled, “Good.”</p><p>The SubLight employees at the meeting point were a surprise, but Kestrel spun a tale of mantis infestation and they scurried out right quick. The contact was thankful, but this would be her last run for the rebels. Kestrel decided to use the extra bits the Iconoclasts had left over to buy some more food and medical supplies. Graham was focused on spreading his message to the universe, but his second-in-command Zora had mentioned her people were hungry. </p><p>“Good call on the food,” Nyoka said as they left. “You think this periodical printing venture of Graham’s is actually going to pay off?”</p><p>Kestrel shrugged, “Not really, but it’s not the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”</p><p>“Were you serious about the comma thing?”</p><p>“What, a comma at the end of the last item in a series? Absolutely. Anyone who doesn’t use one is simply barbaric.”</p><p>Nyoka looked at Max, “She said that with a straight face.”</p><p>“I haven’t the slightest idea if she’s joking or not.”</p><p>“It makes everything clearer!” Kestrel said. “There’s a big difference between ‘I saw two ugly canids comma Chairman Rockwell comma and Minister Clarke’ and ‘I saw two ugly canids comma Chairman Rockwell and Minister Clarke.’”</p><p>Nyoka snorted, “I get your point, though I’m not sure the second one is wrong.”</p><p>“... Fair.”</p><p>Though it was late by the time they got back to Amber Heights, they found Graham and Zora arguing. Kestrel had a feeling this happened a lot. After delivering the supplies, which Zora was extremely grateful for, Kestrel found herself agreeing to help fix a printing press, and find the team Graham already sent to do the same thing. If it meant no one else would get sent on foolish missions, sure.</p><p>That would have to wait until morning. There was a small room they could use to rest tonight; Zora wryly joked that it was not the finest of accomodations, but Kestrel sincerely thanked her anyway. Nyoka said she’d find them tomorrow, and headed to the bar.</p><p>Kestrel and Max found the small room, furnished with a small table and two chairs, and two cots.</p><p>“Better than the floor. Or outside on the ground,” Kestrel said as she put her pack down by a cot.</p><p>Max sighed.</p><p>"Stop grumbling."</p><p>He sat at the table as she rummaged through her bag, "I haven’t said a word."</p><p>"You’re thinking the phrase 'damned philosophists' so loudly it’s a wonder no one else can hear you.” She produced a couple mock-apples, a bag of Tileritos, a Dark Matter Bar, and set them on the table. “The fact that they disagree with your understanding of the universe doesn’t mean they’re idiots or morally suspect."</p><p>"Of course it does!"</p><p>"You’re being ridiculous," she scolded as she went back to her pack.</p><p>"Oh, very well," he huffed, "it may not be a reflection on the individuals, but the man who leads them is warping interesting theories that could lead to real understanding of the true order of the cosmos and using them to control his flock." He looked at the strange array of food on the table. “Captain…?”</p><p>“I know it’s not much of a supper, but I’m not taking these people’s food. They’re struggling enough.” She set a purple bottle with its label somehow removed on the table. “It’s water, that bottle fit in my pack better than the original. I don't have any cups, drinking from the same bottle ok?”</p><p>“Of course. How did you remove the label?”</p><p>“SAM. He didn’t want to do it at first, something about illegal removal of branding, but I managed to convince him that I would take full responsibility for any repercussions that might come up.”</p><p>“Ah. Did you drink the original, or pour one of Mr. Millstone’s favorite’s down the drain?”</p><p>“I asked if I could try it first,” she defended. “And I drank half of it, then poured the rest out when he wasn’t looking. It doesn’t even taste like anything, just… sweet purple.” She snapped her fingers, “It tastes like the color purple, and that’s not a thing that should be possible.”</p><p>Max smirked and helped himself to a mock-apple, “You weren’t exaggerating when you said you had a boat-load of these on the ship, were you?”</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>“What happens when they go bad?”</p><p>“Cider.”</p><p>He made a mildly impressed sound. </p><p>She opened the Tileritos. Apart from a tobacco-ish aftertaste, they were a pretty standard kind-of-stale corn chip. "So explain why you think Philosophists are evil."</p><p>"They are extremely dangerous, at the very least. Only by examining the teleological order of the universe will we achieve verity."</p><p>Kestrel raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, you mentioned something like that during your debate."</p><p>"Don't tell me you're sympathetic to Philosophist ideology?"</p><p>She laughed, shocked, "For fuck's sake, Max, you looked at me like I said I enjoy killing puppies! And I'm not a Philosophist." She grinned, "Actually, I think you're both full of shit."</p><p>"Ha. And what, pray tell, do you imagine is the truth of our existence?"</p><p>"I kind of like the idea of a Plan," she mused, ignoring his snark. "It'd be a comfort knowing that I can't fuck up saving thousands of lives, or that if I did, it would be somehow destined so not really my fault? But I'm too self aware to get off the hook that easy. I have made plenty of bad decisions in life and they were all the result of me being dumb."</p><p>"Or the result of you straying from the Plan."</p><p>"So the Plan never fucks anyone over? The person who does everything right and still winds up dying of plague in a sick house was just destined to suffer? What purpose does that serve?"</p><p>"We can't always know what purpose—"</p><p>"Some of them must have come to you before they were locked away, right?" Kestrel interrupted his usual lines with quiet frustration. "Confessed to some minor impropriety, an extra three seconds tacked onto a break, thinking that their sickness was spiritual instead of lack of nutrition and sleep? Max, do you really think there was a purpose to those people dying?"</p><p>“There must have been!” His fist stopped just short of slamming on the table, instead becoming a terrifyingly firm palm placed down, "There must be a purpose. Everything follows the Plan, the problems of mankind derive from not knowing what the Plan is. This is why I have devoted my life to solving that great Equation, to finally know and fully understand…" he met her eyes, and carefully admitted, "but here, in this moment, I don't know. I cannot even imagine the purpose that their deaths would have served, but there <i>must</i> have been one, otherwise that tragedy of ignorance and fear was all for naught. If there isn’t some destiny waiting for us, then what would be the point of living?”</p><p>“Maybe there isn’t one?”</p><p>He scoffed, his tension suddenly gone, “Now you sound like a Philosophist.”</p><p>She made a face, “Maybe, but the way I see it, Graham’s friend sold out, and he turned to a religion based on basically being the opposite of the betrayal he felt. This whole mini utopia they've got here? They're also starving to death. Everything being the universe discovering itself sounds pretty, but if this is just chaos, if none of it matters? Seems just as bad as everything being set in stone.” She sighed with a shrug, “Look, I know I don't know enough about this stuff to engage in an academic debate. I don't know what teleological means, I can't reference philosophers or theologians who have written about this stuff. But this is what I think based on hearing you talk about it all the time, and a single conversation with the leader of the rival movement.”</p><p>He leaned back, and they ate in silence for a long moment. “What are puppies like on Earth?</p><p>She blinked, “What?”</p><p>“You said I looked at you as if you killed puppies. Canid pups are a menace, unless separated from their packs and tamed. Even then, the results are unpredictable.”</p><p>She laughed a little, “Um. Well, dogs are a lot cuter than canids, for one thing. There's tons of different types, too. People keep them as pets. The puppies are pretty defenseless."</p><p>He smiled, just a little, "I see."</p><p>She offered him half the chocolate bar. He declined, pulling the half-eaten bag of Tileritos to his side of the table. "What does teleological mean?" she asked.</p><p>"Teleology is the explanation of phenomena in terms of the purpose they serve rather than of the cause by which they arise."</p><p>"So when you say you study the teleological order of the universe, you mean you study the purpose everything in the universe serves, until you see the whole… blueprint."</p><p>He smiled a little more at her deliberate avoidance of the word 'plan.' "Yes."</p><p>"And Graham thinks that the universe is drawing the blueprint as it goes along."</p><p>"More like the universe is a scribble on a notebook," he grumbled.</p><p>Kestrel wrapped up the other half of the chocolate bar for later. "Question."</p><p>"Shoot."</p><p>She smiled to hear her phrase echoed back, a smile that grew as he smiled in spite of himself. "Who do you think should be in charge of Monarch?"</p><p>He cocked his head, the question unexpected, "It will probably surprise you, but I think Zora would do well."</p><p>"Seriously?"</p><p>"As much as I usually appreciate the Board's ordered approach to governance, in Monarch's case, they aren't really running anything so much as leaving everyone to rot. Unless you agree with them that the inhabitants of Monarch should be forced to evacuate, or die from their rebelliousness?" She raised an eyebrow in response. He chuckled and made his point, "Zora's militant, unbending, and ruthless for sure. I'd be hesitant to oppose her. But she gets results, and she doesn't suppress intelligent discourse. I may disagree with the Iconoclasts, but Zora has what it takes to save Monarch."</p><p>Kestrel was indeed surprised, but he wasn't wrong. "Huh. Interesting." She would have considered this longer, but a yawn drew a soft, short laugh from Max. "Shut up, been a long day."</p><p>"I wasn't judging, Captain. You have more than enough reasons to be tired."</p><p>"Why aren't you tired?"</p><p>"I am. I'm just better at hiding it than you are."</p><p>Kestrel stuck her tongue out at him, had a little more water, and laid down on a cot. "I guess spending all day walking around sulfur pools and fighting large lizard-cats is pretty exhausting."</p><p>"Indeed it is," Max put out the light and sat on the other cot. "Captain, one last question before you sleep?"</p><p>"Go for it."</p><p>"How is it possible for you to move so quickly in a fight?"</p><p>"You wouldn't believe me," she mumbled.</p><p>"I believe you're from the Hope, how much more outlandish could this be?"</p><p>She chuckled softly, "Um. I just… think about it, and… time sort of slows down around me. Can't do it for very long, though."</p><p>Max was quiet for a long time. "You're right, I don't believe you."</p><p>She smiled, "Goodnight, Max."</p><p>"Goodnight, Captain."</p><p> </p><p>Max hadn't slept on a cot since prison. It was an unpleasant association, but one he could ignore. Even had he been in his bed on the ship, he doubted he would have fallen asleep any faster.</p><p>The Captain's questioning of the Plan kept sticking in his mind. Why, if everything was destined, would someone be destined to die a slow and likely entirely preventable death? Without the plague, Edgewater still wouldn't be prosperous but it at least would be stable. Tobson would still be in charge, and Adelaide would never have deserted. When Captain Kestrel walked into town, she would have asked about a power generator, been directed to the abandoned botanical labs, and she would have gone on her way. No reason for Ms. Holcomb to accompany her. No reason for her to stop by the church, except as a passing fancy… and he doubted she would have been in such a state of mind at the time. As awful as it sounded, without those deaths, he and Parvati would still be miserable in Edgewater.</p><p>He doubted the Captain would take any comfort in that. And the book was still in French. So maybe he wasn't supposed to have been in Edgewater in the first place. Yet if he hadn't been, he wouldn't have met her. But why did that seem important?</p><p>The Captain was intelligent, and even if lacking a knowledge of the topics of philosophy and theology, she could at least engage in conversation. The Captain was continually amused by Max’s skill at hacking, as he was continually impressed with her skill with mag-picks. She wasn't naive, yet her moral code consisted of helping those who needed it, avoiding violence whenever possible, but not shying from the fight when it came. It was baffling. And exceedingly attractive.</p><p>He firmly redirected his thoughts. She claimed she could slow time. That was preposterous… wasn't it? </p><p>Why would she lie?</p><p>He let his mind wander over all the fights he'd seen her in, rifle to her shoulder, staff weapon of some sort in her hands, determination set on her face. Today had been a rare moment of panic. She'd been so worried about Felix… no. No, she’d first panicked over him. The acid that had nearly taken his eyes. </p><p>He was getting too old for this. </p><p>As soon as he thought it, he dismissed it as ridiculous. </p><p>He thought of the look on the Captain’s face as she watched Parvati bandage his arm, quietly interested as her eyes flicked across his shoulders and chest, down his arms. He firmly redirected his thoughts back to the fight, and found no clear moment in his memory that evidenced an ability to slow time. Yet the general impression was still there. Her first shots were always rapid fire, faster than expected, even with an automatic weapon. When they’d taken down that raptidon to save Felix, he’d been too focused on the immediate danger to notice how long it took for her to take out its legs. He was too enraged that Felix might have been seriously harmed.</p><p>The young man was likely going mad from boredom in his room. Attempting to dropkick a raptidon three times his size to help the Captain. The noble idiot, Max thought with a small smile. It was difficult to tell if he was brave or simply lacked a fundamental sense of self preservation and common sense. Still, he’d acted to save the Captain. Felix was loyal, that much was certain. If only he would direct his excess energy into something constructive, instead of half-formed anarchistic ideals.</p><p>The Captain made a small sound, followed by restless turning over. He remembered the way she looked the morning she made breakfast for the crew, tired, almost haunted under the good cheer until she devised a distraction. He wondered if she had nightmares every night. The idea was surprisingly distressing.</p><p>No more sounds came from the Captain, and eventually Max fell asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix loved the serials as much as the next person, but even he had to take a break once in a while. Thank the Law for tossball. But games were a lot more fun when there was someone to share them with.</p><p>"Sorry, Felix, I just don't think tossball is… well, it's not really my thing. Maybe we could go back to the serials?"</p><p>"C'mon, Parvati, you just gotta get into it."</p><p>Parvati shifted uncomfortably in the chair by his bed, "But I don't… think I want to? Sorry, I know it's something you're real excited about."</p><p>Felix sighed, "It's ok. Thanks for the effort, listening to a couple games with me. Just sort of sucks that the only person I can talk to about it is Vic."</p><p>"You mean argue about, more like," Parvati joked.</p><p>"Ha, yeah. Still, kind of fun. When he's not blatantly wrong, which is not often.” Felix huffed, “I can't believe the corporate starched prick sided with the Captain to get me back on ship. Can you believe he pretended he was worried about me?"</p><p>"He did?"</p><p>"Yeah, after I went down he got all angry just… real impressively furious, coming at the raptidon with his shotgun, smashing its skull in with a pulse hammer.” Thinking about it now, Felix had to admit it had been… “Don't tell him I said this, but it was actually pretty damn amazing. But then the jackass starts trying to help, and when the boss said I had to come back here he said,” Felix dropped his voice in a stuffy impression that made Parvati cover her mouth with a snort, “'you won't win this fight, son, nor should you.' Like it's not obvious he just wants me out of the way!"</p><p>Parvati was quiet for a moment. "Um, Felix? I think… now I know this sounds strange, but I think he was actually worried about you?"</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, "Oh come on, ‘nor should you’ like I'm not good enough?"</p><p>Parvati raised an eyebrow, "Or maybe 'nor should you' like 'you've got four broken ribs, sprained your leg, a side bruised purpleberry purple, and a whole mess of cuts all over that were sure to fester if you didn't get to a doctor?'"</p><p>Felix frowned, "We're talking about Vic."</p><p>Parvati shrugged, "I guess I never pictured the vicar to be the sort who cared enough to pretend to care, if that makes sense. Outside counseling folks, only that was on account of his job."</p><p>She… had a point. But Vic? Worried about someone other than himself? Of course, Vic was worried about the boss, that was obvious, but she was the boss and she got along with everyone. Vic, worried about him? The ‘stray from the Back Bays?’ "Huh. Weird."</p><p>"You think they're doing alright out there? Trying to find this Broker fella?"</p><p>"They'll be ok, Parvati, don't worry," Felix said with more confidence than he felt. "Besides, the boss was gonna hire that guide, a real live big game hunter! I bet she's got great stories." He groaned, "And I'm missing them!"</p><p>Parvati smiled and patted his arm, "You ain't stuck here forever."</p><p>Felix sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“If I hear you say ‘survival of the fittest’ one more time, I’m going to lose it. Survival’s about persistence and luck.”</p><p>Max appreciated Nyoka's practicality, and he had welcomed not only her fighting skill but also her conversational company, up until three seconds ago. “So weapon proficiency and adaptive skill play no part whatsoever, in your mind?” he asked, the idea patently absurd.</p><p>“If it does, it ain’t enough. I’ve gone and outlived the best hunters I ever knew.”</p><p>“It is neither luck nor random chance," he stated as fact. "At times, destiny may not seem fair, but there is a reason for life-events, even if that reason is not immediately obvious.”</p><p>Nyoka sneered, “Please. Nature’s only got one reason for death; to feed the ones still standing.”</p><p>Max rolled his eyes and did not respond. Attempting to dismantle the anthropomorphizing of “nature” as a force separate from the rest of the Plan was not an argument he’d had much success with before, and he would rather not attempt such with a heavily armed and mildly inebriated big game hunter.</p><p>They had successfully cleared the raptidons from the abandoned Terra One Publications building, and the printing press was repaired and running for Graham to spread the Iconoclast message through the printed word. Max hadn't been thrilled with the idea of helping, but he did support the Captain’s desire to make sure the Iconoclasts originally sent to secure the press were still alive. They'd saved who they could, sent them back to Amber Heights, and almost immediately been sent on yet another errand. This one, however, had been from Zora instead of Graham.</p><p>
  <i>“I need your help, and we oughta keep it hush-hush.”</i>
</p><p>Before the Board completely abandoned Monarch, pirates invaded and massacred the town of Amber Heights. Supposedly, the pirates holed up in an abandoned relay station. Zora wanted the Captain to scavenge the station for any left behind munitions and any valuables they could sell to SubLight to get ahead on their food budget… and she also wanted to know who inside Amber Heights gave the pirates the code to the gate. Whoever did, the blood of the massacre was on their hands. The Captain agreed to bring back what she could, and they'd headed out once again.</p><p>The relay station had been crawling with mantisaurs, but they made it inside and found an old data cartridge that might contain something useful. Nyoka mentioned they were near a potential route to Devil's Peak through some caverns, and thus the Broker, and Max had swallowed his pride and nodded his agreement when the Captain said they may as well see him first. She was avoiding the potential war between the Iconoclasts and MSI, but she was also keeping them moving in the opposite direction of Fallbrook—</p><p>"Hey, preacher. Question about your captain."</p><p>Max was startled. He'd lost track of how long they'd been walking. The Captain was a small way ahead. "Yes?"</p><p>"Is all that optimism the real deal?"</p><p>He chuckled, "Yes, I believe it is."</p><p>"Huh. Don't meet many folks like that," Nyoka mused. “Seems every time I give someone the opportunity to disappoint me, they seem to make it their most immediate goal."</p><p>"I know what you mean. But, for what it’s worth, the Captain has yet to disappoint any of her crew, including me. Except perhaps Dr. Fenhill, but only because the Captain refuses to encourage her habit of annoying the fuck out of one particular crewmember."</p><p>Nyoka laughed, “I’ll keep that in mind.” She grinned, clearly teasing, “If your captain can tolerate you, she can probably handle anything.”</p><p>“You and Ellie would get along fabulously, I can tell,” Max muttered.</p><p>It was not long after that when Nyoka said, “Hey, Captain. Got a favor to ask you.”</p><p>Max tried not to sigh audibly.</p><p>She told a story of six hunters who had once been nearly a family. Two, Nyoka had lost track of. The rest, she knew to be dead. Her request was that the Captain help her pick up the pieces, so to speak. She wanted to gather their effects and bury her dead friends together in one place. After visiting the grave of the first, they could continue to Devil’s Peak.</p><p>“Of course I’ll help,” the Captain said. Then she looked at Max.</p><p>Max nodded, “Of course.” What else could he say? Oh, there was a great deal he could have said, but not even he was so callous as to deny someone else the chance for some peace.</p><p>A small voice in the back of his head wondered when that had happened. He ignored it. </p><p> </p><p>Kestrel had learned three things on her trip up a mountain. One; underground caverns were as gorgeous as they were deadly. Two; mantiqueens were fucking terrifying. Three; mercenaries were fucking insane, all of them. She figured she owed Max several favors. If she’d known meeting Hiram-the-Broker was going to involve convincing the mercs on his payroll to actually save him before storming the tower swarming with marauders… well, she still would have done exactly what she did, but she would have given Max a chance to go to Fallbrook first. Now that she kept seeing it on the street signs, it seemed somehow more real, almost looming. </p><p>She knew Max wasn’t being entirely honest. She didn’t know how, but there were one too many hesitations when he talked about the scholar, a few details that didn’t quite mesh. But whatever he was hiding, she figured he’d tell her in his own time or she’d find out soon enough. He had to have a reason for it.</p><p>Hiram needed Graham and Sanjar to stop crowding the radio waves before he could send Phineas the information he needed. Graham would be easy to convince, now that he had a printing press to spread his message. If Kestrel could find some proof that another corporation was working on Monarch, that might be enough leverage to convince Sanjar to stop using Devil Peak’s channel, too. Even if she wasn’t going to Fallbrook for Max, she’d still likely head that way for information.</p><p>“It ain’t none of my business,” Nyoka said as they made their way back down the mountain, “but I gotta ask. What sort of business does a preacher have in Fallbrook?”</p><p>“I’m looking for someone,” Max said.</p><p>“Scholar in exile,” Kestrel put in. Nyoka looked at her doubtfully. Kestrel shrugged, “That’s what he said, and I can’t think of a reason he’d lie at this point.”</p><p> </p><p>The head of SubLight in Fallbrook was Catherine Malin. She told them where to find Reginald Chaney, and alluded to a “delivery team” that she hadn’t heard from a while, hired by someone who “sure as shit weren’t pirates.” Two birds in one conversation.</p><p>Max was in a good mood. “Efficient, clever, ruthless. I like her.”</p><p>Kestrel rolled her eyes. He'd mentioned 'ruthless' as a positive quality for Zora, too. Kestrel was not ruthless. Opposite, actually. She tried not to let it bother her.</p><p> </p><p>He was so close now, the anticipation was almost exhilarating. He’d told the Captain he felt young again, so close to his goal, and she’d warily joked about his violent enthusiasm. “Not that young,” he’d said. But it was close.</p><p>And there he was. The wretched parasite, feeding off his goodwill for years. Max saw red. The fear in Reggie’s eyes only stoked his anger, the bastard knew exactly what he’d done, the fucking travesty of a waste of time chasing fairy tales. Sending Reggie into a world of pain wouldn't solve anything, but by Law, it would make him feel better—</p><p>"Max? What's going on?"</p><p> </p><p>“Hey everyone, let me introduce Nyoka Ramniram-Wentworth, hunter extraordinaire. Nyoka, this is our engineer Parvati Holcomb, ship sawbones Dr. Ellie Fenhill, and crewman Felix Millstone, the man to call if you need something heavy moved or someone hit in the head with a tossball stick. There’s a SAM unit around somewhere. Don’t be alarmed when he clanks past threatening to disintegrate your shoes, he means well.”</p><p>A real live big game hunter! Felix was thrilled, he couldn't wait to hear all about hunting monsters on Monarch first hand… but he kept looking at Vic. Something was wrong, and Felix couldn't figure what. He stood behind the boss, hands behind his back, all proper, but quiet. Real quiet. The boss got Nyoka set up in the last room, and Max slipped into his quarters and shut the door.</p><p>“Hey, boss? Everything ok?”</p><p>She sighed. "It will be. Goodnight, Felix."</p><p>"Goodnight, boss…" she headed down to her room while the hunter unpacked. Maybe Nyoka could shed some light on things.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Vic? You awake?"</p><p>"Go away."</p><p>He opened the door. Max sat on his bed, his vestments tossed over the back of the chair by his desk. He had an empty glass in his hand. He looked… tired. "Is it true you lied to the boss about that scholar?"</p><p>"What part of 'go away' do you not understand."</p><p>The words were flat; he didn't even sound angry. That was somehow worse. "Beating the shit out of a guy who played a massively unfunny prank," Felix tried, "that's like something I'd do, not you."</p><p>The vicar set the glass down on the floor, "Get. Out."</p><p>"I expect you to lie, corporate lackey and all that, but to the boss? For such a stupid reason?" Felix jumped back a step as Max was suddenly on his feet and halfway across the room. Fuck, he'd never been scared of him before. "The way Nyoka told it, the guy was scared for his life."</p><p>"He was," the vicar said as he slowly came closer to the door, "He had every reason to be. He wouldn't have been the first person I beat to death. Now get the fuck out."</p><p>The door slid closed, leaving Felix in the hall.</p><p> </p><p>The Captain had taken Ellie and Nyoka out to investigate the corporation secretly working on Monarch. Max had showered and eaten early, before anyone else was awake, and then gone into his room and shut the door again. He'd sat at his desk, the book in front of him still closed. He couldn't focus. At least he didn't have to worry about Ellie taking every opportunity to mock him. He could only imagine the insults she and Millstone would come up with now that he'd hurt the Captain…</p><p>Law, the way she'd looked at him. He'd apologized, begged for forgiveness. Him, begging. He hadn't begged for anything in his life. But he needed her to forgive him. His… friend. He didn't know if she would.</p><p>The door opened, and Max made a mental note to ask ADA to lock the door whenever it was closed. Felix stood in the doorway, arms crossed. "Who was the first one?"</p><p>"What?" Max sighed.</p><p>"You said this guy wouldn't be the first person you beat to death. I'm guessing marauders don't count. So who was the first one?"</p><p>Max's eyebrow rose, his guard up. "A convict in prison. There was a brawl. I exaggerated a bit, he might still be alive, just eating through a tube and bedridden for the rest of his pathetic life."</p><p>"Guards stopped it?"</p><p>Max scoffed, "Of course not. What did they care if some criminals murdered each other?"</p><p>Felix's eyes narrowed, "… so, definitely not a Spacer's Choice prison."</p><p>"Definitely not," Max smirked.</p><p>Felix shook his head, "I just don't get it. You weren't trying to subvert anyone, no alternate motives to strengthen Board control—"</p><p>"Ulterior motives, not alternate."</p><p>"Ulterior. Why lie?"</p><p>Max answered carefully, still waiting for whatever biting criticism Felix had lined up, “I didn't think she'd take me to him if I told her I was going to kill him.”</p><p>Felix nodded, “Good point. The boss would not be ok with that.”</p><p>Max cocked his head, confused. “Are you ok with that?”</p><p>Felix shrugged, “I dunno. I bashed my foreman in the head with a tossball stick for bad-mouthing my team, going on and on. I'd probably beat the shit out of someone for sending me on a rabid sprat chase across the colony for nothing. Don't think I'd kill him, but definitely give him a couple concussions."</p><p>Max blinked, and almost smiled at the image. Felix was a headstrong young laborer, violently impulsive, and always certain he was in the right… replace the anti-establishment mentality with a firm desire to understand the Plan, and he was not dissimilar to Max before seminary.</p><p>It was a surprising thought.</p><p>“You didn’t kill him, right, Vic?”</p><p>“I did not. I wanted to. The Captain stopped me.”</p><p>“So… why’d you stay? You found the guy you were looking for. Why stick around?”</p><p>“I intend to stay and help the Captain for as long as she’ll have me. You’ll have to put up with my presence for some time, Mr. Millstone.”</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, but didn’t seem to have any heart in it. “Great.”</p><p>“SAM is about to incinerate your tossball cards.”</p><p>Felix spun around and darted into his room, “Whoa hey no! SAM, how many times do I have to tell you, these are <span class="u">not</span> trash! Just stay out of my room, alright?”</p><p>“Area filth-level assessment: DISGUSTING!”</p><p>“Yeah, keep talking, at least I don’t live in a closet.”</p><p>“Warning: SAM’s specially formulated “Blood-Out” remover has been known to eat through flesh. Handle with caution.”</p><p>Max laughed as the automech left Felix’s room, “You might have offended the trash can.”</p><p>“Yeah. I know it’s not his fault he was programmed by the Board,” Felix put his cards back on his desk, “whole Colony’s been programmed by the Board. Just wish he had a little more… um.”</p><p>“Discretion?”</p><p>“That's the word.”</p><p>“Of course, it might help if you actually cleaned up after yourself.”</p><p>“I’ve got everything just where I want it.”</p><p>“Yes, that seems to be the problem.”</p><p>“Get spaced, Vic.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix was not the kind of guy for introspection. Thinking got in the way of doing. But it had still hit him after talking to Vic that, despite being a cog in the machine of corporate suppression, he was still human and made really fucking stupid mistakes. Vic usually pretended like he was above everyone else, but he hadn't done that when Felix tried to understand why he'd lied. He just… told him. And Felix kind of understood. Which was weird.</p><p>Of course, that bizarre moment of mutual understanding had completely vanished by the next evening.</p><p>"Come on, Felix, the Rangers threw that game."</p><p>"Were we listening to the same game?" Felix talked over his shoulder as he searched the refrigerator, "The Rangers were robbed! The Hammers had the judges in their pocket!"</p><p>They hadn't planned to listen to the game together, it just sort of happened. Felix asked ADA to play whatever broadcast she could pick up before heading to the kitchen for snacks. While he was gathering supplies, the game started playing. Felix figured he might as well stay where the food was, and made himself at home. When Vic came in search of something to drink, he sort of slowed down, listened for a moment, and sat at the table.</p><p>Felix had tried to ignore him at first. Then Vic predicted a play and Felix demanded to know what he was talking about, so Vic diagrammed the field and Felix thought the Hammers were dumb to rely so heavily on the fourth back, but then the Rangers’ eighth back stayed in the Wednesday Zone and up until they lost it had actually been fun to talk strategy during the ads. Max was still wrong about why the Rangers lost, though.</p><p>"Teams that play poorly deserve to lose. That's a fundamental Law of the universe."</p><p>Felix slammed the door of the fridge shut and gestured threateningly with his beer, "Don't bring religion into this, preacher."</p><p>Vic tossed back the rest of his drink and stood up from the kitchen table, "The Rangers handily snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. If you can't see that, let's just agree to disagree."</p><p>"I disagree," the Zero Gee hissed as Felix opened it, "Also, get spaced."</p><p>Max stretched briefly from sitting for so long. Felix tried not to look at the way his vestments tightened across his chest, and Max glanced from the empty bottle on the table to the one in Felix's hand. "Try not to overdo it."</p><p>"It's two beers, Vic. I like having a beer while I listen to the game, now I'm having one to mourn our loss."</p><p>Max laughed a little at that, "I'll leave you to it. And I'll remember to lock my door tonight."</p><p>"That was one time!" Felix felt himself blush. Max obviously noticed, which only made him blush more. Not that he had anything to be embarrassed about, or had started wondering how much of his hazy memory of Max's chest was real and how much was the booze.</p><p>“Welcome back, Captain,” ADA said overhead.</p><p>Oh, thank Law.</p><p>Ellie and Nyoka came upstairs first and went straight to their rooms to unload their gear. The boss was probably doing the same in her room below. </p><p>Parvati climbed up from the engine room, "You two have fun?" she asked.</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Better than being bored," he lied. He would totally do it again if he thought Max would say yes without laughing or looking down his nose at him.</p><p>"It was an amusing diversion," Max said.</p><p>Eh, could have been worse.</p><p>Felix spotted the Captain down the hall, "Hey, boss! Did you find the thing?"</p><p>She smiled as she entered the kitchen, "'The thing' being blackmail material for Sanjar? Sure did. UDL has a lab on Monarch."</p><p>"Well done, Captain," Max was perfectly proper again, quiet, like he'd been when they came back from Fallbrook. </p><p>Felix folded his arms, "Guess I'm glad we get paid, but I'm not happy about supporting MSI getting back on the Board."</p><p>The boss looked amused, "I know you aren't. Which is why you're coming with me tomorrow to visit Amber Heights, drop off some stuff before we get Phineas's info from Devil's Peak."</p><p>Nyoka stepped out of her room, bottle in hand, "Hang on. Felix, right? You really buy into Graham's Philosophist hogwash?"</p><p>"Yeah, if by 'hogwash' you mean 'the virtues of enlightened anarchy.'"</p><p>Max groaned and rolled his eyes, "Good luck talking some sense into him," he said, and went to his room.</p><p> </p><p>Nyoka and Felix were still talking when Max later returned to the kitchen for something to eat, though the topic had changed to the verisimilitude of 'Terror on Monarch,' or lack thereof. He sat next to Felix, figuring that Nyoka would hold the younger man's attention long enough for Max to eat in peace and leave.</p><p>Parvati and the Captain were talking on the sofa. Parvati mentioned something about a surprise for Junlei, and Max stopped listening. The engineer glanced at him, spoke quietly to the Captain, and Captain Kestrel glanced at him. They resumed their conversation.</p><p>Ellie sat down across from Max and lit a cigarette. Max stood up and left. He couldn't deal with her tonight.</p><p>He returned to his room and sat at his reading table with a sigh. The only time he'd felt remotely like himself all day was listening to the game with Millstone. He was starting to find he didn't mind Felix's company, so long as he wasn't spouting anarchistic nonsense or actively trying to annoy the fuck out of him.</p><p>The Captain knocked on the side of his open door, "I need a guinea pig."</p><p>"... You need a what?"</p><p>"A test subject." She set a drink down in front of him, "It's not poisoned, promise."</p><p>She was smiling. That confused him. "What is it?"</p><p>"Whiskey, near-maple syrup, and mock-apple juice." She watched him dutifully take a sip. "Verdict?"</p><p>“A bit too sweet for my taste, but—”</p><p>“Damn, too much syrup. Hang on.” She hurried out of the room, leaving him even more confused than before. When she returned, it was with a new drink that looked identical to the first. She closed the door behind her, “Here, try now.”</p><p>Bemused, he took the second one. It was… actually quite good. “Much better. Thank you.”</p><p>She took the first for herself, and mocked a toast with a grin as she sat down. “Something vexing you, Vicar?”</p><p>He had another sip, “Less ‘vex’ and more… puzzle.”</p><p>“I’m still angry at you,” she said, “but I’m also trying real hard to forgive you, and even though you’re an insufferable ass, I still enjoy your company.” She shrugged, “<i>C’est la vie.</i>”</p><p>"Hm. It is a paltry defense, but lying about a scholar was never meant to—"</p><p>“I'm not mad about the lying, Max," she sighed, "I knew you were lying.”</p><p>He blinked. “You what?”</p><p>“I didn’t know what you were lying about,” she explained, “but I thought there was a solid chance that you weren’t being completely honest with me. I went along with it anyway, hoping that you’d come clean and trust me, but you just… kept lying.” She huffed, growing frustrated, “Putting those damn excuses in my face as if I couldn’t tell we weren’t looking for a scholar. Even when we got to his house! It was blatantly obvious, and you still gave that line about even scholars needing money. You lied, you lied poorly, and you treated me like a fucking idiot.”</p><p>"I have never thought—"</p><p>"It was such a stupid reason! You have every right to be angry at the guy, but you looked like you were going to kill him!"</p><p>He set his glass down a little harder than necessary, "Captain. I do not think, nor have I ever thought, that you are an idiot.”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow, skeptical.</p><p>He pinched the bridge of his nose, “I understand how you would see it that way.” He met her eyes and, for the second time, found himself begging. It was irritating, but necessary, and by the Law he actually meant it. “Please believe me, I have never thought poorly of your intelligence. I didn’t expect you to take me in so openly, to…” he sighed, “freely offer your friendship, and I didn’t know how you would react if you knew why I wanted to find Reggie. At least if we got to Monarch and you got rid of me, I could figure something out from there.”</p><p>She pursed her lips, looking off to the side before glancing back at him. "When you said you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you’d killed him, was that true?"</p><p>He had to think about it. "I don’t know."</p><p>She was unimpressed. "You said you wouldn’t lie to me again."</p><p>"I honestly don’t know, Captain. If I’d given into my… violent enthusiasm, would I have felt bad about it afterwards? It’s been a long time since I did such a thing, since I even considered it. Then again, I’d imagined beating him to death since I saw French on those pages." He shrugged, "I want what I said to be true, if that means anything."</p><p>She seemed to consider it. "Why'd you call them fairy tales?"</p><p>He blinked, "What?"</p><p>"When you were yelling at Chaney. You said something about chasing fairy tales."</p><p>"Oh." He studied his drink, taking a long sip as he formed what he wanted to say. "The book, this missing piece of knowledge that would somehow complete the puzzle. I spent a great deal of time looking for it, doing everything I could to get to it… only to find it worthless, another dead end. Nothing but a fairy tale." </p><p>It was a long time before she softly spoke, "We can go to Scylla anytime you want. See if there's a thread of truth in the fairy tale." At his silence, she carefully ventured, "Even if it doesn't have your answers? I'm glad you looked for it. Otherwise, I wouldn't have met you."</p><p>Had anyone else in the universe said those words, he would have found them cloying at best. But there was not a doubt in his mind that she meant them. "Thank you." He didn't know what else to say. He hesitated a moment before asking, “Do you truly enjoy my company, Captain?”</p><p>“Most of the time.”</p><p>His response was dry, “When I’m not being an insufferable ass?”</p><p>Her grin was wide, "Exactly. Sometimes you let show you actually give a damn about people; I’ve seen how angry you get when someone on the crew gets hurt, and I believe you actually feel bad for lying to me, so. There’s a decent human being somewhere under those vestments.”</p><p>Max sincerely doubted that.</p><p>"I was glad to see you and Felix didn't murder each other."</p><p>He smirked, "We seem to be able to tolerate the other's presence. I still don't understand why you bought him aboard in the first place."</p><p>"He wanted a ride out of town, and he made his case for how he could be useful. Just like you." She smiled at his indignant huff and gestured to his empty glass, "Fix you another?"</p><p>He shook his head, "Next round's on me."</p><p>She laughed as he poured a finger of whiskey for each of them from the blue vial on his desk. "Vicar!" she pretended to be scandalized, "That can't be the proper use for that."</p><p>"You're right, it’s not. I trust you'll keep this in confidence, Captain."</p><p>"As long as you keep sharing with me."</p><p>He smiled, "I have no objection to that arrangement."</p><p>He steered the conversation back toward her life after that. He wanted to know why she had boarded the Hope, what she thought she would find. It was the same story as one might expect; new opportunity, dissatisfaction with life as it currently was, no family ties to hold her to Earth. The corporations promised everyone would be taken care of, a new life and a steady position would be waiting for them in their chosen field. Why not go?</p><p>After she left his quarters, he got into bed and couldn't sleep. This was becoming an annoying trend. He kept thinking about their conversation, and his promise to be entirely truthful from now on.</p><p>He had committed a small lie of omission; he would have gotten over killing Chaney. There would be regret after the initial satisfaction, perhaps, but nothing he hadn’t felt and buried many times before. However, he was now certain that even if he could have lived with himself after killing Chaney, he would have hated himself for disappointing her.</p><p>There was no more need to lie. She still wanted him on her ship, in her crew, still called him friend. She said she would take him to Scylla anytime he asked. He believed her. Somewhere on Scylla he might find the answers he spent so long looking for… but for the first time in his life, for this small and fleeting moment, he was in no rush to find them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nyoka and Felix could be heard by the ship's door as they waited for the Captain. "What the hell is the point of the sixth back?"</p><p>"Oh that's easy. See, the sixth back protects the fourth back from the eighth back," Felix explained. "You wanna think of the sixth back as your twelfth line of defense, yeah? Unless, and this is important, the game is in the third half. In that case, a good sixth back knows how to pivot toward defense in case the other team runs the field."</p><p>"I'm even more confused now. I'm just gonna turn my brain off and try to enjoy it."</p><p>"Also the slogan of the Auntie Cleo's Darlings."</p><p>Kestrel grinned at Max coming down the stairs as she stepped out of her room, "Did you hear that?"</p><p>"I did," Max nodded. "It was actually an accurate and comprehensive answer."</p><p>She shook her head, bewildered, and joined her crew. Max followed her down the stairs to see them off. It seemed… appropriate, somehow. </p><p>"Sure you won't join us?" she asked.</p><p>"I'd rather not be subjected to more Iconoclast ramblings than I absolutely have to, Captain, if you don't mind."</p><p>She laughed, "Alright. We'll be back. Felix, no dropkicking raptidons this time."</p><p>"Unless one's trying to eat you, boss."</p><p>"Just shoot it instead, please?"</p><p>"No promises."</p><p>And they were gone… </p><p>"So, Max. Maximillian."</p><p>… leaving him onboard with Ellie.</p><p>"Vicar. Vicky."</p><p>"What??" he exclaimed as he stormed up the stairs.</p><p>"Aw, darn, I forgot what I was going to ask," the irritating woman smiled from her perch leaning on a railing.</p><p>He rolled his eyes and moved past.</p><p>"Oh wait now I remember!" She followed close behind him, "How's the spiritual counselling thing work?"</p><p>"I do not believe for an instant that you are actually interested," he growled.</p><p>"I'm curious! And I'm bored. C'mon, Max, humor me?"</p><p>He turned to face her in his doorway, all emotion shoved down and away. She was uncertain for a fraction of a moment, which he took some small pleasure in. “The way it works, Dr. Fenhill,” he explained like any good and proper man of the cloth, “is that you and I would sit down and you would tell me what precisely has been on your mind of late, what spiritual struggle plagues your thoughts. There’s often a specific reason people come seeking counsel, but there doesn’t have to be.”</p><p>“Wait,” she raised an eyebrow with a grin, “you just… talk? Really?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And that makes people feel better? Talking to you?”</p><p>The fingers of his left hand twitched. He held his hands behind his back and was composed. “Yes. I excel at confessional listening.”</p><p>“Huh. Will wonders never cease. I figured it must have been something more… involved, what with all the time the Captain keeps spending in your room.”</p><p>His fingernails dug into his palm behind his back, "Sometimes friends talk to each other."</p><p>“Just a couple adult friends chatting over drinks, huh?” She started to walk away, but turned back, “Look, Max, word of advice from someone who's been on more ship's crews than you ever will; Don't get close to anyone, captains included. Makes it easier when you leave, for everyone."</p><p>“I have no intention of leaving.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” She went to her room, “Changed your mind about that whole ‘solving the Equation’ thing, did you? Cuz last I heard, you’re headed for Scylla.”</p><p>She shut the door.</p><p> </p><p>"So, boss. Noticed you had a long talk with Vic last night. Things… good?"</p><p>Kestrel looked at Felix as they walked down the road to Amber Heights, brow raised, "Yes?"</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Where had that come from? "Is it?"</p><p>"Well, yeah? I mean. You just said it was, so."</p><p>She shook her head, "I feel like I missed part of this conversation."</p><p>"Vic and I don't get along, but you two do, and after what happened in Fallbrook I just wanted to make sure you were ok is all. Make sure you weren't gonna, I don't know. Kick him out."</p><p>She smiled a little, “I appreciate you checking on me, and no, I'm definitely not kicking Max out."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>That was kind of surprising. To hear them argue, she would have thought Felix would be glad to be rid of the vicar. Then again… "You two seemed to be getting along yesterday."</p><p>He shrugged, "I guess, but we disagree on pretty much everything."</p><p>Kestrel chuckled, "You don't have to agree with someone to get along with them. You can be, maybe not friends, but friendly with people who disagree with you. You both want what's best for the colony, you just have very different ideas about what that looks like."</p><p>"And his ideas are wrong! The status quo isn't working!"</p><p>"I don't think he's completely opposed to the status quo changing, he just doesn't think it should change as much as you want it to."</p><p>"He always dismisses everything I say!"</p><p>"You do the same to him," she pointed out.</p><p>He frowned, "He looks down on me, on everyone."</p><p>"You call him 'Vic.'" Felix's frown deepened, and Kestrel explained, "You took a title he worked hard for and turned it into a mocking nickname. Ellie does everything she can to annoy him because it amuses her, he doesn't look down on Parvati as much as he misguidedly tries to be fatherly and fails, and he might be a bit intimidated by Nyoka."</p><p>Nyoka laughed behind them.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, "Figures you'd defend him, you're… close."</p><p>Well that was enough of that. "Oh for fuck's sake, Felix. Was anything I just said wrong? Did I miss something? Because if I did, tell me and I'll take you seriously."</p><p>He sighed, "No, boss. Though I think he looks down on us more than you think he does."</p><p>Nyoka chimed in, "And he's preachy… though I guess that's to be expected, given his occupation."</p><p>Kestrel chuckled, "Alright, I can completely believe that he's more of a prick when I'm not around. So why did you say it was good that I'm not kicking him out?"</p><p>Felix shrugged again and answered carefully, "Wouldn't have anyone to talk about tossball with, even if he has terrible taste in teams. And I guess he looks pretty good in a fight.”</p><p>Kestrel grinned, “He does look pretty good in a fight, yeah.”</p><p>“What? I said he <i>is</i> pretty good in a fight.”</p><p>“Ah. Sorry, must have misheard you.” They walked silently for a bit. "That thing he does with the one-liner and his shotgun is pretty damn sexy, though."</p><p>"Boss!!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"He's," Felix hesitated, "he's old!"</p><p>Kestrel scoffed, "He's not that old."</p><p>"He's at least twice my age."</p><p>"So? We’re adults, we can be attracted to whatever we're attracted to."</p><p>He shook his head, “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”</p><p>Nyoka walked past them, "I'm gonna take point, Cap. No judgement, you two like what you like, but I don't wanna have to hear about it."</p><p>Kestrel winced, "Right. Sorry!" As soon as Nyoka was a distance away, she quietly teased, "Chest? Shoulders?"</p><p>"Boss," Felix groaned.</p><p>"Jawline? Cheekbones? The way he cocks his hip when he's standing around?" Felix was blushing furiously and staying firmly silent. Kestrel smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, Felix, I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. Well, maybe just a little,” she nudged him. When he didn’t respond, she said, “You can always tell me to knock it off, I promise."</p><p>He sort of looked sidelong at her, “... really?”</p><p>“Of course you can.” She felt awful he might think he couldn’t, and said sincerely, “Felix, you can tell me anything, I’m not going to be mad at you, especially if I’m making you uncomfortable or angry.” </p><p>Felix nodded, "Ok. Thanks, boss.”</p><p>They walked quietly. Kestrel wondered why Felix would be reticent now of all times. He certainly didn't have any problem making his opinions known before now. Was he embarrassed?</p><p>"Have you seen him without the, um. Robe thing. Vestments?" Felix asked.</p><p>Kestrel beamed, "Briefly, when Parvati bandaged up the acid burn on his arm."</p><p>"He took the blue thing off when we did that one-on-one tossball match." Felix was warming to the topic, encouraged, "Played in a shirt and slacks, rolled up his sleeves."</p><p>"Was it horribly distracting?"</p><p>"Well no, cuz I was dead set on kicking his ass in the match - stop laughing - but I thought about it later."</p><p>“Is this the match where you won and he still upset you enough to drink all the beer on the ship?”</p><p>A defensive finger came up, “Ok, yes, but first of all, there wasn’t that much beer on the ship,” a second finger, “and second, no one should be able to look that smug after getting their ass handed to them by someone they hate.”</p><p>“First, it was more than enough to get you plastered, and second, maybe he doesn’t hate you as much as you think.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, “That’s dumb, boss, of course he does.”</p><p>“I feel like you missed the first half of our conversation.”</p><p>"Heads up!" Nyoka called, and a pair of rapts rudely interrupted them.</p><p>They didn't have a chance to pick the subject back up, and it seemed like Felix was glad for that so Kestrel didn't mention it. As they neared Amber Heights, Felix's excitement grew. He'd been laid up when Kestrel and Max met Graham, but now Felix would get to actually talk to the leader of the Iconoclasts, a Philosophist icon, one of the people who was going to change Halcyon for the better. He wanted to march on in and shake his hand.</p><p>Kestrel laughed and said, "As soon as I drop this stuff off with Zora in the medbay."</p><p>Zora was glad to see them, and the supplies. Mostly the supplies. Then Zora examined the contents on the data cartridge Kestrel had found.</p><p> </p><p>"Vicar DeSoto, sir?" Parvati knocked on his door, "I'm gonna pop into town, try to round up a few supplies seein' as how we're gonna have another crewmate to take care of with Ms. Nyoka joining us and all. Do you, um, wanna come along?"</p><p>He opened the door, and she leaped back a step. "Why?"</p><p>"Oh just," she shyly smiled, "thought I'd offer. That and I'm sorta worried what state the ship would be in if I left you alone with Ellie and SAM."</p><p>He thought about it. "You make an excellent point, Ms. Holcomb. Let's go."</p><p>Parvati had a clear idea of what she wanted to pick up, and Max was content to follow her around Stellar Bay, even if it wasn’t his first choice for places he’d care to take a stroll. </p><p>“Oh gosh, that sulfur smell,” Parvati laughed lightly. “You ever get homesick for Edgewater, Vicar? That ocean stink?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“... you’re supposed to say yes, and then say why.” She deflated, rushed, “I just want to have a conversation.”</p><p>He smirked. It was almost cute, but he had zero interest. “Of course you do.”</p><p>She sighed, and finished her purchases.</p><p>On their way back to the ship, she asked, “Do you actually understand all the rules in tossball, Vicar?”</p><p>“Yes. Why do you ask?”</p><p>“Just seems complicated. And violent. I know Felix loves it, though. Probably the only thing you two agree on, huh?”</p><p>“I wouldn't say 'agree,'" Max scoffed, amused. "His taste in teams is almost as bad as his taste in philosophical ideologies.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, "I just mean you both enjoy the sport."</p><p>"Oh. Yes, that's true."</p><p>"Makes sense, really, what with how much he admires your fighting."</p><p>Max blinked. "How much he what?"</p><p>"When he was laid up, he talked about the fight with the big raptidon," she said as if this perfectly explained why she'd used the word "admire" regarding Felix's opinion on any aspect of Max. "I thought it was real sweet of you to be so concerned for him."</p><p>"It was no such thing," Max frowned, defensive. "He was stubbornly doing himself more injury than good, and I showed him the same concern I would any other member of the crew."</p><p>"Even Ellie?"</p><p>"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."</p><p>Parvati smiled a little, “I think you would. Well, Captain thinks you would, so.” She nodded to herself, and said confidently, “She’s got a good sense of folk.”</p><p>Max had no idea how to respond.</p><p>They stepped onto the lift back up to the Unreliable, just in time to see a gunship crash somewhere to the southwest.</p><p> </p><p>It was late, and Felix was exhausted. Not just tired of walking and fighting and everything, but all over, inside and out. Bad enough discovering Graham Bryant was a treacherous, two-timing coward willing to slaughter a whole community of innocents, but then they had to grab a piece of a crashed UDL gunship, just so that no one else could get their hands on it and start destroying each other. The boss had made clear this was super important, and he figured she was right.</p><p>It had been a void-damned disheartening day. As far as he could tell, the only good things to come out of it was Doc Welles had the info he needed and Nyoka knew where to find a couple of her friends. At least it was something.</p><p>They trudged back on board, Nyoka said something about a drink before bed, and all of a sudden Max was there on the steps, looking pissed off. </p><p>“Are you alright?” he demanded.</p><p>Law, get off their backs for just one— </p><p>“We’re fine, Max,” the boss smiled a little at him. “Guess you saw the ship crash?”</p><p>Max softened a bit, “When it took you longer than expected to return, we assumed you were either investigating its remains, in terrible danger, or both.” </p><p>“We're all fine, Max,” Nyoka said as she walked past him. “Gonna take more than a raptidon fight by the Sulfur Pits to keep us down.”</p><p>He looked at the boss, “Sulfur pits?”</p><p>“Where the UDL ship crashed,” the boss said. “I’ll explain everything later.”</p><p>He looked her up and down as they reached where he waited by her room, and then, amazingly, he did the same to Felix. “You look awful. Both of you.”</p><p>“Been a long day,” the boss put a hand on his arm real quick and went inside, the door closing behind her.</p><p>Felix made his way up to his room. Max followed.</p><p>“At least you’re all back in one piece.”</p><p>Felix shrugged, “Yeah, at least there’s that.” He got into his room and closed the door before Max could have a chance to say anything else. Let’s just pretend we get along, for one night.</p><p>He wondered if he should tell the boss about that message from Clyde. He decided it could wait; she had enough on her mind right now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello, all. I hope everyone's staying sane and healthy around the world, or getting the help that they need. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts on the story, and don't forget to step out into the sun once in a while (maintaining an appropriate distance between you and other humans you might encounter, of course).  Be well, everyone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sanjar and Graham both wanted the gunship's targeting module. No matter who she gave it to, the other side would suffer. It was maddening. Both sides were slowly dying already, albeit one in more comfort than the other. Kestrel was certain Sanjar did not want a war with the Iconoclasts if he could avoid it. He only wanted what was best for his people, and right now Graham stood in the way of that. Graham only wanted what was best for… well, Kestrel wasn't sure anymore. It seemed like he didn't care about his people quite as much as spreading his message.</p><p>Zora had asked Kestrel to give her some time to process the shocking revelation that Graham had orchestrated the Amber Heights massacre to eliminate any resistance to an independent Monarch. Kestrel needed to know what Zora planned to do. Zora was the one calling for war with MSI, but maybe Kestrel could reason with her.</p><p>She figured she knew the way well enough now to let Nyoka sleep in. Instead, she asked Felix and Max to come. </p><p>They were a silent trio as they walked; Kestrel had filled Max in on yesterday's events as they made their way out of town, peppered with colorful opinions from Felix, but after crossing the bridge there hadn't been much else to say. She was about to try to convince a revolutionary to overthrow her leader and make peace with the establishment, and she wasn't confident it would work.</p><p>"Did you see the Darlings won last night?" Max said to Felix just behind her.</p><p>"Thornburg was off-bounds," she could hear the eyeroll, "That's the only reason the Darlings won."</p><p>"Thornburg was well within bounds," Max said as if it was obvious fact, "The Darlings won because the Rangers have no defense."</p><p>"Thornburg was off-bounds! That hand goal never should have been called! Any other argument is invalid."</p><p>Max scoffed, amused, "Spoken like a true Rangers fan."</p><p>"You're damn right!"</p><p>Max sighed, and said nothing else. </p><p>It turned out that Zora had already decided to move against Graham. She thought it was the only way for the Iconoclasts to survive. Kestrel and her friends followed and waited as Zora tried to convince Graham to stand down peacefully, but he refused. Kestrel tried reasoning with him, but he held firm. The only way he was going to stop leading his people was if he was dead. So Zora shot him. When he didn't go down right away, twin shots from behind Kestrel finished the job.</p><p>Zora was… tired. Upset. But she stood tall and asked Kestrel if she had the device from the crashed ship.</p><p>"Zora, instead of taking Stellar Bay from MSI, have you considered working with Sanjar?"</p><p>She shook her head, "We're too far gone."</p><p>"That's only true if you're too stubborn to try something else. What was it you said earlier, 'sometimes the right option is the most painful one?'"</p><p>"That's… not exactly it, but maybe you have a point. Graham would never agree to this, but I'm starting to realize how often he led us astray. If Sanjar's willing to talk, I'll give him a chance."</p><p>"Well done, Captain," Max said as they left Amber Heights behind them.</p><p>Kestrel breathed deeply. Damn could she use a hug. She wanted nothing more than to sit down, but they had a lot more work to do.</p><p>"Nice shooting, preacher."</p><p>"Thank you, Mr. Millstone. You as well."</p><p>"Neither of you should be as accurate with your weapons as you manage to be," Kestrel mused.</p><p>"Guess we just got real good aim, boss."</p><p>"Provided we're close enough to our target."</p><p>"Bein' up close is more fun anyway."</p><p>"Except when the target is a giant plasma emitting insect, yes."</p><p>"Yeah, but there's something satisfying about the way they crack. Or squish, for the little ones."</p><p>"Once again I find myself astounded you've managed to make it into your twenties, son."</p><p>"And I'm astounded you haven't keeled over yet, old man."</p><p>Kestrel sighed. At least they both sounded like they were only joking, maybe. That was something, right?</p><p>They found Sanjar in his office, as usual. He was surprisingly receptive to the idea of working with Zora and forging an alliance with the Iconoclasts… if he could be provided with her performance reviews, of course.</p><p>“Seriously?” Kestrel glared.</p><p>“Of course!” he declared, a little bit smug. “How else can I be expected to know if we will work well together?”</p><p>“Does this have anything to do with your poor performance reviews?”</p><p>“Of course not! Well. Maybe a little, but only because you are so certain that she’ll be an asset when it comes to dealing with those who had such poor opinions of my fit for management in the first place.”</p><p>“Right,” Kestrel sighed. “Fine. Where are her reviews?”</p><p>“She worked for Rizzo’s, I’m sure you can find them in the offices in Cascadia.”</p><p>Cascadia. Sure.</p><p>They headed back to the ship.</p><p>“Captain,” ADA chimed, sounding a bit peeved, “some crew members have been causing a disturbance in the cargo bay.”</p><p>Kestrel looked through the door, and saw Nyoka and Ellie arguing about keeping score with what looked suspiciously like Ellie’s mannequin standing at the end of the hold. “Ladies?”</p><p>“Oh! Hey, Cap!” Nyoka said. </p><p>“Have fun?” Ellie said, holding her pistol behind her back.</p><p>“Were you shooting… never mind, I don’t have time. Nyoka, I need to go to the Rizzo's offices in Cascadia tomorrow.”</p><p>“Cascadia?” the hunter’s usually heavy-lidded eyes opened wide. “Why?”</p><p>“Sanjar wants to read Zora’s reviews before he considers working with her,” she said as she followed the men up the stairs.</p><p>“Before he what?” Ellie and Nyoka shouted after her.</p><p>“Captain,” ADA’s voice echoed through the ship, “I feel it is my duty to inform you that travel to Cascadia is not recommended due to EXTREME DANGER and almost certain DEATH.”</p><p>“Pff, your ship’s overreacting,” Nyoka called up the stairs. “I mean, it’ll be dangerous, but if all you need is a quick in and out? Probably won’t die.”</p><p>“Well that’s comforting,” Kestrel said, and went into her room.</p><p>.</p><p>Moving the ship to Fallbrook’s landing pad shortened the trip to Cascadia considerably. The abandoned Rizzo’s town was overrun with marauders, but nothing their crew couldn’t handle. The Captain glanced through Zora’s reviews while ADA took them back to Stellar Bay. Apparently, they were outstanding. Mr. Nandi agreed. Max imagined he would have had a difficult time restraining himself if the timid bureaucrat had rejected the notion after all the risk the Captain had already taken. The two sides would meet inside the abandoned OSI chapel in the ruins just south of town.</p><p>The Captain asked both he and Mr. Millstone to accompany her. </p><p>“Sanjar and Zora want me to mediate their negotiations tonight. I’d like you with me. Both of you,” she glanced between them. </p><p>“Really?” Felix was as surprised as Max was.</p><p>“I’ll be happy to accompany you,” Max said, “but may I ask why both of us? In fact,” he hurried to add before Millstone could find something to be offended about, “why either of us at all?”</p><p>“If you two can work together, Sanjar and Zora sure as hell can,” the Captain said, her arms folded, uncomfortable. “And I think I’d like having some friends at my back. I don’t know what this is going to look like, I set this whole thing up, but…”</p><p>Max recognized that look, the doubt she occasionally let show from behind its wall of self-deprecating humor. “We’ll be there for all the moral support you need,” he said. "I've got your back, Captain."</p><p>Felix shrugged, “If standing around listening to people talk is gonna help you fix things, I’m in.”</p><p>“Thanks, fellas,” she smiled. </p><p>She needn’t have worried, of course. There were moments of tension, particularly surrounding accusations regarding the Amber Heights massacre, but ultimately Sanjar Nandi was a trusting man with a good heart, and Zora Blackwood was a principled yet practical woman who wanted her people to finally be safe. Captain Kestrel guided them through their differences beautifully. Compromises were made, and an alliance was reached. </p><p>“Wow. You really did it, boss!” Felix said when the parties had left.</p><p>Max was similarly impressed, “You’ve changed the course of the future, Captain.”</p><p>She chuckled, “That’s a little much.”</p><p>“I disagree. This never would have happened without your influence.” </p><p>Felix nodded his head in agreement. The Captain rolled her eyes with a shy smile, “Thanks for being here, both of you. When we get back to the ship, I’m having a drink and going straight to bed. Tomorrow we leave for Groundbreaker.”</p><p>“Why? Got another job lined up?” Felix asked.</p><p>“Because Parvati needs to buy some soap, and I need a damn break.”</p><p> </p><p>Taking Ms. Holcomb to buy soap turned into giving Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth a tour of the station, especially as it was her first time in space. Felix was eager to show her around, and to show the Groundbreaker his crew. The vendors (and Mardets) who recognized 'Felix from the Back Bays' were equal parts puzzled someone had willingly taken him on and happy for the young man.</p><p>The Captain greeted the Spacer's Choice vendor, Martin, with a friendly hello and a word of encouragement. She chatted with the Board guards on the steps of the office, checked to make sure the mechanicals for the medical bay had finally arrived, and baffled Max with her continuous friendliness. </p><p>Eventually the crew split into different directions; Parvati to Engineering to visit Junlei, Ellie and Nyoka to the Lost Hope. Max expected Felix to follow them.</p><p>"You gonna get a drink, too, boss?"</p><p>"Not right now. I'll swing by in a little bit."</p><p>Felix glanced at Max before asking, "Um. Mind if I tag along?"</p><p>"I don't mind," the Captain smiled. Then she looked at Max. "Coming with?"</p><p>Ellie jeered, "Decisions. Which of your least favorite people are you going to hang out with, me or Felix? Or are you going to hide in your room like usual?"</p><p>Max rolled his eyes, "The fact that I occasionally prefer to avoid the temptation to throw you out an airlock does not mean that I am 'hiding,' Dr. Fenhill. After you, Captain." </p><p>"Try not to get too much of a head start," the Captain waved to the women, "we'll join you later." She started walking before anything more could be said, and Max and Felix followed close behind.</p><p>Max found himself ruminating as he walked. He'd told Ellie he had no intention of leaving the Captain, and that was true… at the moment. He didn't have many friends in the universe. She was one of them. She might be the only one. But he still had his questions. He was supposed to be here, that much he was fairly certain of, but for how long? Was he letting himself become distracted from what really mattered, the answers to the Equation that might eliminate all suffering and doubt?</p><p>"Gotta say, I was pretty surprised you're one for tossball, Max."</p><p>Max was startled. He looked at Felix, “I see I've graduated from ‘Vic’ to ‘Max.’ Wonderful.” He was surprised to find he meant it.</p><p>Felix hurried to cover his tracks, “What with you being a church-man. Doesn't it take the fun out of tossball if whatever happens is already determined?”</p><p>Max scoffed, “The only thing that takes the fun out of tossball is the Chosen's new fool of a coach.”</p><p>Felix blinked, “Are we agreeing on something?” The young man seemed stunned. “I think we are.”</p><p>Max had to admit, it was a strange thought. He caught his Captain beaming, just before she tried desperately to hide her smile. She was slowing down, coming to a stop outside the doors to the SubLight offices. “Is everything alright, Captain?”</p><p>She sighed, “We need the bits. What Sanjar and Zora gave us restocked our supplies and everyone got paid, but there's not much left in the bank, so to speak.”</p><p>"Perhaps I should have mentioned this before, but are you aware you pay twice as much as any corporate standard?"</p><p>"I was not aware, and I'm glad to hear it."</p><p>"Giving us better armor and weapons all the time," Felix said, "you take real good care of us boss."</p><p>"Which is why I'm asking about a job advert, so that I can keep taking excellent care of my crew. I figure there's no harm in getting the details. I can always say no, right?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, “SubLight puts the ‘organized’ in organized crime. Been trying to get ‘em to use that slogan.”</p><p>The Captain was bemused, “So, no objection to working for them?”</p><p>“I mean, I guess I’d rather not just to be on the safe side, but if we gotta? I’m sure it’ll be fine.”</p><p>Max sighed, “Lead the way, Captain.”</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel thought this might be a bad idea. Even before Felix had said anything about organized crime, she knew perfectly well that SubLight was Halcyon's version of a mafia. Hell, they'd seen Fallbrook. At the same time, Kestrel was curious. SubLight showed up everywhere. What exactly did they deal in?</p><p>The CEO of SubLight was Ms. Lilya Hagen, and the former captain of the Unreliable had been one of her contractors. She was professionally pleasant, despite an apparent dislike of ADA, though how she would have ever made the acquaintance of the ship Kestrel did not even want to try imagining.</p><p>"I have a salvage job for someone light on corporate ties with a reliable set of wings. But there’s a catch."</p><p>"There’s always a catch," Max grumbled.</p><p>"If you have a Navkey to Stellar Bay," Lilya continued, "the job’s yours. Interested?"</p><p>So she'd be running material to or from the embargoed planet? Not too bad so far. "I can get to Stellar Bay," Kestrel said. "What are the details?"</p><p>"One of my guys in Stellar Bay has a lead on some high-grade salvage, but he went dark before he could spill the goods. We arranged a drop at the saltuna warehouse’s loading dock. Find whatever he left there and take it to Fallbrook. My gal Catherine will be expecting you. I told her I was sending my best fixer. Try and play the part."</p><p>Kestrel smirked. That might be a bit awkward since they already met, but sure. "What kind of salvage am I looking for?"</p><p>"When the Board pulled out of Monarch, they buried or sealed anything they couldn’t carry off world. Apparently, one of Catherine’s teams uncovered an abandoned lab with full tanks of Alta-Vitae gas."</p><p>Kestrel hoped this wasn't a stupid question, "And what is that, exactly?"</p><p>"It’s exactly one million bits per cubic meter." Kestrel's eyebrows went up, and Lilya cautioned, "Before you get too excited, the only thing rarer than Alta-Vitae gas is a reliable buyer. Dangerous stuff. Acid for the nuclein in your cells. It’s no good to anyone outside of a lab."</p><p>"Ah, yes, Alta-Vitae," said Max, remembering. "I knew someone who inhaled it by accident. I’d never seen anybody spontaneously combust before."</p><p>Kestrel stared at him, incredulous. Lilya's response wasn't encouraging, "I see your friend here is the brains of the operation. Good. Every salvage crew needs one. Now get going. Catherine will brief you on the details when you check in with her at Fallbrook." Kestrel elbowed Felix when he made a noise at hearing Max described as 'the brains.' Lilya continued, "One last thing. When you’re on the job, keep a pair of eyes on the back of your head. Understood?"</p><p>Kestrel nodded. Black market, don't get caught, etc. "Understood."</p><p>Lilya was more concerned than Kestrel expected, "Don’t go looking for anything. Except salvage. Just watch out. You’ll do fine. Probably nothing to worry about. Probably."</p><p>"Yeah. See, boss?" Felix said, "We’ll be fine!"</p><p>Kestrel was not convinced, but shot Felix an amused look before telling Lilya she'd see her when the job was done and headed out.</p><p>“Felix Millstone, SubLight agent,” Felix mused as they left. “I kinda like the sound of that.”</p><p>The Captain chuckled, “Good, I think. Max, what the fuck."</p><p>"You'll have to be more specific, Captain."</p><p>"Alta-Vitae? Spontaneous combustion?"</p><p>He shrugged, "One of my classmates was once careless."</p><p>Kestrel stared, "What the fuck is OSI seminary like? Is it also the reason you know 'there's always a catch?'"</p><p>"Ha, no. One quickly grows accustomed to the give-and-take of the black market when trying to buy anything while within a prison."</p><p>"I can't believe she thought you were the brains," Felix grumbled.</p><p>Max raised an eyebrow, "As opposed to whom?"</p><p>"Uh, the boss? Obviously?"</p><p>Max was… sheepish? "Ah. Of course."</p><p>Kestrel laughed, and Max smiled just a little. "Well I’m in no rush to head back to Monarch so soon," she said, "and we’ve got a couple places to stop by tomorrow anyhow. C’mon, fellas, let’s join the ladies at the bar.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lab of Dr. Phineas Welles was hidden on a small asteroid orbiting Terra 2. He wanted to talk to the Captain in person regarding the information he received from the Broker, and so she had asked the whole crew over breakfast "who wants to meet a mad scientist?"</p>
<p>Felix and Parvati were excited, Nyoka intrigued, and Ellie shrugged and said she might as well come along. Max was curious to see what Dr. Welles was like, this man with a grand notion of saving the colony who was also wanted for murder, among other things. The list was impressive.</p>
<p>The fact that the man in question greeted them from behind bulletproof glass did little to improve the impression he might be unstable.</p>
<p>“Ah, Kestrel!" Dr. Welles greeted warmly, "Good to see you again, though I don’t see why you felt you could invite half of Halcyon to my top secret lab.”</p>
<p>The Captain smiled, “Don’t be grouchy, it’s just my crew! Figured you should see their faces, just in case. None of them are Board bootlickers, promise.”</p>
<p>He was still frowning, but seemed mollified, “Well, I suppose it’s alright, then," his attention went to Max, "though I was surprised to learn you’re traveling with a vicar."</p>
<p>"He's a friend," the Captain said with a warning smile, "and he's far more interested in finding heretical texts to read than helping the Board."</p>
<p>Welles's eyebrows rose, "To read? Hmph. Well, that puts a spin on it. The OSI doesn't deal lightly with potential heretics."</p>
<p>"No, they don’t," Max stated flatly.</p>
<p>The Captain and the scientist got down to business as the crew of the Unreliable wandered the lab, careful not to touch anything. Max made his way to a terminal.</p>
<p>"Hey, Max," Felix ambled up to him, "how many cystipigs do you think he froze before figuring out… what are you doing?"</p>
<p>Max's fingers flew across the keys, his voice low, "Getting some information on the Captain's rescuer."</p>
<p>"Max, he's right there," Felix said in a panicked whisper.</p>
<p>"Tell me the instant he stops telling the Captain about his invention."</p>
<p>"Just cuz he's not looking now doesn't mean… wait did he say shrink-ray?"</p>
<p>Felix dashed over to the Captain's side, obscuring Welles's line of sight to Max. Max was mildly impressed, even if he wasn’t sure if Felix had meant to do it. He focused on his task, putting the thought of Felix being concerned for him from his mind as he read as quickly as he could. Dr. Welles might truly be a genius, but he was also clearly a bit insane, if these logs were anything to go by… oh. The Captain really could slow time, from her perception. Fascinating… wait. </p>
<p>Explosive cell death? </p>
<p>He forced himself to calm and keep reading. She was fine. The risk was minimal, it would have happened by now if it was going to. Focus, Max. His heart stubbornly hammered in his chest, annoyingly, but he kept his focus until a hand on his shoulder made him spin around—</p>
<p>“Easy, Vicky, don’t punch me.”</p>
<p>“Dr. Fenhill,” he glared, but noticed Nyoka and Parvati gathered around Felix and the Captain, completely blocking the view of his activity.</p>
<p>“Finish up, Max,” Ellie muttered, low, “things are wrapping up. Act like we’re talking about something fascinating, like the frozen cystipigs. Or the random rapt in a tank.”</p>
<p>“I’ve learned everything I’m going to from this terminal,” Max said as they slowly joined the rest. </p>
<p>"We done, Cap?” she called, “The vicar’s getting bored."</p>
<p>Max scoffed and played the part, “Hardly. My interests aren't the same as yours, doctor.”</p>
<p>“Oh, did I say bored? I meant ‘boring.’”</p>
<p>“Then you confess I am at times enthralling?”</p>
<p>“Law, you two, knock it off,” the Captain laughed. "I'll be in touch, Phineas."</p>
<p>"Good luck, Captain! We're counting on you. All of Halcyon is."</p>
<p>She smiled, what was likely supposed to be reassuring, but to Max it seemed… forced. She didn't want or need to hear everyone was counting on her. She knew full well thousands of people were doomed to remain frozen in stasis for eternity if she didn't help them. It weighed on her. Max felt an unreasonable anger simmer somewhere deep and he couldn't put a source to it.</p>
<p>"Max?" Max glanced to his side. Felix had fallen back to walk beside him as they left the lab. He seemed troubled. "Looked kind of lost in thought there."</p>
<p>"Yes, I suppose I was," Max brushed it off.</p>
<p>"Did ya see the shrink-ray Doc Welles gave the Captain? She said she's gonna try it out today, when she and Nyoka look for Nyoka's friends."</p>
<p>"What I'm interested in," said Dr. Fenhill on his other side, "is what our favorite preaching hacker discovered about Dr. Phineas Welles."</p>
<p>Nyoka ahead of them grabbed Parvati's arm and turned around, "Oh, hey! You gonna tell us anything?"</p>
<p>"By the Architect keep walking," he reminded them with a growl. "You're all worse than a pack of rabid sprats."</p>
<p>"I don't see why you had to snoop," Parvati said, "when we just could have asked."</p>
<p>"C'mon," Dr. Fenhill drawled, "where's the fun in that?"</p>
<p>"I doubted the answers would be truthful, Ms. Holcomb," Max said, "particularly as I represent an institution associated with those who want to see Dr. Welles placed in a cell permanently, at best."</p>
<p>"So what did you find out?" Nyoka asked.</p>
<p>"Dr. Welles is brilliant, seems sincere in his desire to help, is likely a bit mad, and is probably hiding something."</p>
<p>"I could have told you that," Ellie scoffed.</p>
<p>"That is only a brief summary."</p>
<p>"What do you think he's hiding?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>"I don't know, but I doubt he went straight from a single cystipig revivification success to thawing out our Captain. Oh, and our Captain can slow time."</p>
<p>Everyone looked at him like he was insane.</p>
<p>Captain Kestrel was suddenly directly in front of Max, her arms crossed. “I can hear you guys, you know.”</p>
<p>Felix covered his yelp. Parvati did not. Nyoka and Ellie swore at the same time, and Max raised an eyebrow, "Impressive." He'd seen her coming. It had been bizarre, but he'd seen her move toward them, Nyoka and Parvati slightly pushed aside, and then she was there in front of him, clear as day.</p>
<p>"I told you I could."</p>
<p>"Yes, you did, he conceded. "I didn't disbelieve, you had no reason to lie, but…"</p>
<p>A smile pulled the corner of her mouth, "But it sounds insane."</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"You can slow time?!?" Parvati and Felix exclaimed.</p>
<p>"Back on the ship, everyone, come on," the Captain ordered. "We've got a lot of work ahead of us."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Welles needed dimethyl sulfoxide to revive the colonists on the Hope. Minister Clarke, for some unfathomable reason, owned all of Halcyon's supply. That meant that, at some point, Captain Kestrel would need to steal it. She had no intention of doing so right away. The top priorities in her mind right now were helping her crew.</p>
<p>Max wondered if she was stalling from the significantly harder task, and immediately felt guilty for considering it. His common sense won out; she was likely stalling, but the fact that she was stalling did not lessen her dedication to her friends. She wanted to help everyone. The Laws of the universe dictated that even someone who can slow time cannot be everywhere at once. If something were to go wrong, she would be unable to help her friends. If she helped them first, at least she had that comfort should she fail in her task to steal from the Minister of Earth.</p>
<p>And so they docked at Edgewater, and Kestrel and Nyoka went out to find the hunter's friends. Parvati had gone with them, eager to help and eager to show Nyoka the town she once called home. Max stayed behind on the ship; he had no interest in seeing that town again, or any other part of the Emerald Vale for that matter. </p>
<p>Felix and Ellie also stayed behind. When Max came into the kitchen for some tea, he found them sitting at the kitchen table with the radio between them, listening to an aetherwave drama. The episode had just ended, the final advertisements playing.</p>
<p>"Hey, Felix, which character did you say reminded you of Max again?" Ellie asked with a grin.</p>
<p>"I don't know," Felix said with a glare. "Whatever I said probably wouldn't fit anymore anyway."</p>
<p>Ellie chuckled, "Why, because he's an ex-con? Butlers can be ex-cons."</p>
<p>Max looked at Felix with an eyebrow raised. Felix was suddenly fascinated with the label of his Rizzo's. "Technically," Max said as he pulled a cup from the cabinet, "I was a priest, not a prisoner."</p>
<p>"Right," Ellie said, "so you keep saying. Then you could leave anytime you wanted."</p>
<p>"No,” he poured the tea, answering carefully, “I had to fulfill my… duties, first."</p>
<p>"Then you had a sentence."</p>
<p>"Not exactly."</p>
<p>He turned around to see her grinning. "You just got a lot more interesting, preacher. So, got any prison stories? Do they really trade cigarettes like bits?"</p>
<p>He did not like where this was going, but if he outright refused she would only pursue him with even more glee, "I just told you, I wasn't technically in prison.” He nodded toward the radio, “You’ve been listening to too many aetherwave dramas."</p>
<p>She ignored him, "Got any recipes for bathtub hooch? I've always wanted to try the real stuff."</p>
<p>"We didn't have bathtubs.” He sipped his tea, “We made it in toilets."</p>
<p>Ellie made an appreciative sound.</p>
<p>"I am both disgusted and impressed," Felix said.</p>
<p>Max smirked. Was this conversation actually happening?</p>
<p>"Oh, what about drugs?” Ellie was far more excited by the prospect than she should have been, “Whadda ya call 'em in the clink? … candy? Papers?"</p>
<p>Max blinked. "... Drugs. They're called drugs. And no, you can't have any."</p>
<p>"What if I trade you some cigarettes?"</p>
<p>He laughed, bemused by her eagerness, "I was being facetious, Dr. Fenhill! Architect have mercy."</p>
<p>"Heck, Ellie," Felix grinned, "would have thought you'd have tons of sources for drugs. What with you being a pirate with a reputation to uphold."</p>
<p>"Excellent point, Mr. Millstone," Max chuckled, meeting the younger man's eyes in a moment of mutual conspiracy. "If anyone should be asking for tips on obtaining illicit substances, we should be asking you."</p>
<p>"I've never had an opportunity to run drugs," Ellie lit a cigarette as she stood. "Besides, the stuff you get in prison has to be better than the extras smuggled out of medbays."</p>
<p>"Where do you think the drugs in prisons come from?" Felix shrugged. "Right, Max?"</p>
<p>"For once, you're absolutely correct, Felix."</p>
<p>Ellie rolled her eyes, "Well that's damn disappointing. Thank Law for aetherwaves." She took the radio with her to her room and shut the door.</p>
<p>Max sat down across from Felix, "Nicely done."</p>
<p>Felix shrugged, "I'm gonna regret it tomorrow, though. I like Ellie, but her vengeance is harsh."</p>
<p>"Compared to her usual mockery, I'd say that was mild," Max muttered into his tea. </p>
<p>"Not sure she's gonna think so," Felix smiled.</p>
<p>"I appreciate your sacrifice," Max scoffed with a mock toast.</p>
<p>Felix shifted in his chair, “So… prison."</p>
<p>Max was impassive, "What about it?"</p>
<p>"I know you don't like to talk about it, but can I know what you did?"</p>
<p>"OSI vicars have very little say in where we are assigned."</p>
<p>Felix rolled his eyes, "C'mon, are you really going to stick to that line? Fine, so you were 'assigned,' you must have pissed someone off pretty badly to get stuck with that job."</p>
<p>Max finished his tea as he tried to assess the likelihood that this was genuine interest and not a set-up. Felix usually adopted a certain confrontational tone when he was intentionally being annoying. This was… different. </p>
<p>"I had a foolish idea," Max said cautiously, "to tell my superiors of my intention to research Philosophist texts."</p>
<p>Felix blinked, "What?"</p>
<p>Max sighed. This had been a mistake after all. "I thought Scienticians might come up with new insight to the Plan if we tried reading a work by the founder of Philosophism."</p>
<p>"The book that's in French."</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>Felix seemed practically offended. "... That's it? That's all you did?"</p>
<p>"There may have been a few incidents on my record that contributed to the decision, but yes."</p>
<p>"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"</p>
<p>"Sorry to disappoint you," Max rolled his eyes and started to stand but Felix stopped him.</p>
<p>"Not you, I mean them! Your bosses got angry because you said 'let's read a book?' That's dumb! Law, Max, no wonder you're an ass, if you've dealt with jackasses like that your whole life."</p>
<p>Max sat back, very confused. He hadn't expected such an outburst. From the Captain, certainly, but from Felix? Felix, defending him?</p>
<p>"Why would you stick around after that?" Felix continued.</p>
<p>"What else would I do?"</p>
<p>"Uhh, leave? Obviously?"</p>
<p>Max scoffed, "You actually think things are that simple, don't you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," the young man's hackles started to rise, "I do. Why not?"</p>
<p>"It would have been pointless." Max's frustration carried him through, saying more than he meant to, "My time in prison was the Plan correcting for how far I had strayed from its path, but I was going to find the answers I was looking for, one way or another. Leaving the OSI, in addition to leaving me unemployed, would have done nothing to advance my purpose."</p>
<p>Felix was frowning. "You really believe all that."</p>
<p>"Of course I do," Max snapped.</p>
<p>“Huh."</p>
<p>Felix's brow was furrowed in thought, an unusual expression to see on his face. It occurred to Max this was probably the longest they'd spoken about something that wasn't tossball since they met, and Felix hadn't needled him once. They were in the awkward intermission of an actual conversation and Max wasn't sure what to do next.</p>
<p>“But you said you played prison-yard tossball.”</p>
<p>Max was flabbergasted. “What?”</p>
<p>“Back when we played in the cargo bay, and I beat you—”</p>
<p>“After which you got drunk and invaded my room, I remember." </p>
<p>"Don't change the subject, preacher," Felix went slightly red and pushed ahead, "You told me you learned your best moves while you were in prison."</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>Felix gestured like his point should be obvious, "Doesn’t seem the sort of thing an ‘assigned’ vicar would do.”</p>
<p>“I’m not exactly a typical vicar,” Max said before the thought had fully registered in his mind.</p>
<p>Felix snorted, “You mean brawling, swearing, and hacking aren’t the usual vicarly activities?”</p>
<p>“Astonishingly, no,” Max smiled, just a small amount. Few things were as satisfying as scoring a point against Felix Millstone, but talking was surprisingly pleasant.</p>
<p>"Um," Felix fidgeted in his seat, "wanna rematch?"</p>
<p>Max blinked. “Seriously?” </p>
<p>Felix shrugged, "Unless you got something better to do? Read your books for the tenth time or whatever?"</p>
<p>"I happen to enjoy rereading my favorite texts… but alright. You're on," Max said. Felix beamed for the briefest moment before trying too hard to not care. It was almost as if he was looking forward to this. Max looked sidelong at him as they grabbed their sticks and went downstairs, "This isn't some sort of plot for an excuse to beat me into a pulp, is it?"</p>
<p>"You think I could beat you into a pulp?"</p>
<p>"I think you would try."</p>
<p>Felix laughed, "Nah, the boss would hate me. But don't expect me to go easy on you, old man."</p>
<p>Max chuckled, "Son, if you get hurt, it's your own fucking fault."</p>
<p>"You said that last time."</p>
<p>"It's worth repeating."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ow ow ow fuck!”</p><p>“Damn it, kid, hold still,” Ellie ordered. “You want this stitched or not?”</p><p>“Can I say no??”</p><p>“No. You need stitches. Shut up and hold still so it’ll go faster.”</p><p>Felix shifted in the chair with a grimace again and Max grabbed his hand and shoulder in an effort to keep him still, “Don’t you have anything to help with the pain, Dr. Fenhill?”</p><p>“I already used a local anaesthetic, I don't know why he's squirming so much.”</p><p>“It feels weird!” Felix protested, his grip on Max’s hand like a vice.</p><p>During their match, Felix had charged, Max had dodged, Felix had tripped, and now there was a gash across Felix’s brow and blood on the corner of the workbench. The ridiculous young man had insisted he could shake it off, keep playing, but Max had hauled him up the stairs and into Ellie’s room. Felix kept trying not to look at Ellie as she worked, a difficult feat considering she was sewing the skin along his eyebrow back together. Max suddenly asked, “Do you know what prisoners use for tattoo ink?</p><p>“What?” Felix looked at him like he was crazy, but he’d stopped moving quite so much, and his attention was on Max’s face instead of Ellie’s hands.</p><p>“Do you?” Max pressed. <i>Think, Felix. You can, you just don’t.</i></p><p>“Um. No. Just ink?” Realization dawned, “Oh, wait, but how would they get it?”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>Felix considered the problem a moment, “So they have to make it out of something. Like… I don't know, what sort of stuff do they give prisoners? And you have to get it under the skin somehow, so just… sharpened metal bits?”</p><p>Max nodded, “I once saw a man use the staple from his sentence extension paperwork and a blend of ash and liquid soap.”</p><p>Felix looked disgusted, and also intrigued. “Whoa. Wait. Where'd the ash come from?"</p><p>"The extension paperwork."</p><p>"How did he burn it?"</p><p>"With much effort."</p><p>"You're a dick."</p><p>"So you keep telling me."</p><p>"Do you have any tattoos?”</p><p>Max smirked, “Ha. No.”</p><p>“Did anyone try to give you one anyway?” Ellie muttered as she worked.</p><p>“You’re fixated on the most gruesome dramatic scenes you can think of aren’t you, Dr. Fenhill?”</p><p>“You’re dodging the question,” she grinned.</p><p>“After I put an inmate in intensive care, everyone knew not to lay a hand on me. Apart from tossball, of course.”</p><p>“Finished,” the doctor declared. Max let go of Felix's hand and moved back a half step. “Don’t move, Felix," Ellie ordered, "let me clean it up a bit. Try not to get in any more fights with the workbench, ok?”</p><p>“Hilarious, Ellie,” Felix drawled.</p><p>Max watched her finish, and let his gaze drift. Felix was staying still through great effort; the tension through his body simmered just under his skin. The younger man was certainly fit from his manual labor. He had impressive endurance and energy, if lacking in control. That could be worked on.</p><p>Ellie said Felix was free to go, Felix leaped to his feet, and Max breathed.</p><p>“Thank you, Dr. Fenhill,” he said as they left her room.</p><p>Ellie waved it away, “Might as well earn my keep.”</p><p>Max intercepted Felix’s hand on its way up to his face, “Don’t even think about it.”</p><p>“It itches!”</p><p>“It’s going to a great deal, do not touch it if you want it to heal quickly. How have you managed to never have stitches before?”</p><p>“I have, it’s just worse on my face.”</p><p>Max rolled his eyes, “Well, try to exercise some self-restraint, for once.” He headed downstairs.</p><p>“Hey, Max?” Felix called after him, “Bring my stick back up with you?”</p><p>“Alright,” Max said with a sigh.</p><p>Where would one even begin teaching restraint to a whirlwind of adrenaline? Then again, the young man seemed to thrive on praise. A "nice work" from the Captain set his back straighter and brought a grin to his face. Max doubted Felix would take him seriously, however. Max let his imagination turn over the problem as he descended to the cargo bay, and the memory of a chest next to his drifted to the surface.</p><p>He picked up his vestment off the crate where he’d left it and immediately put it back on. He felt his back straighten as it settled over his shoulders, felt his self-assurance firm as he fastened the buttons up the chest. It was a bit like putting on armor, he reflected, and a sign of his accomplishments, his sacrifices. </p><p>And he willingly shed them to play with a Back Bay stowaway. A stray. Twice. The first had been to make a point, but the second… He couldn’t really call him a stray anymore. He was a part of the crew. Oh, there were moments, many moments, but Felix had carved a niche for himself onboard the Unreliable, and Max didn’t care to imagine the ship without him. </p><p>Which was ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>Felix sat in his room with an issue of Dissident Hunter. He'd read it before, but he was reading it again. It wasn't quite as fun as last time, but knowing what was going to happen made it a different sort of fun. Kind of a "there's a rapt in there, watch out!" sort of way. But Dissident Hunter was an adventure, not some old list of ideas he already knew by heart and agreed with.</p><p>Felix thought of Max holding him down in Ellie's chair, trying to distract him with prison facts. It was… kind of nice. Nice of him to do, not nice to be held down. Max didn't mean anything by it, so it was ok. Felix was used to being held in place when someone was trying to mug him or arrest him, not help him.</p><p>Tossball had been awesome. Max had actually taught him some things, and Felix might have pretended not to understand a couple times just so Max would move him into position… Felix tossed the serial on the table. He had to get this out of his system, this whole confusion over Max thing. </p><p>Max leaned through his doorway and put Felix’s tossball stick on the table. “Oh! Thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” </p><p>Then Max was back in his room, all clean and proper again. Maybe Felix should go over and thank him for the game? Would Max believe him?</p><p>"Welcome back, Captain," ADA announced.</p><p>Then Nyoka walked by, and she didn't look happy. She went straight into her room, shutting the door behind her. Felix looked across the hall at Max. He'd noticed, too. He did a tiny shrug movement, and Felix couldn't tell if it meant "give her time" or "we'll find out eventually" or "who cares" and Felix tried really hard to believe it was one of the first two but felt himself getting angry about the third one anyway.</p><p>"Captain," ADA's voice came from overhead, "perhaps we can remind certain members of the crew that the cargo bay is not a sports stadium?"</p><p>"You can remind the crew of anything you like," the boss said as she came up the stairs. "Just keep the crew's sanity in mind. And mine, for that matter."</p><p>"Hm. I see your point, Captain."</p><p>Felix looked across the hall at Max again, alarmed this time. The ship didn't like them playing? Max hardly reacted at all, just a smirk as he picked up a book, like he found it funny. So it was probably ok then, right? Right.</p><p>The boss leaned against Felix's door frame.</p><p>"Why was SAM so happy to report 99.875% of detected blood had been cleaned from the workbench?"</p><p>"Wow. That's impressive, boss. Makes you wonder why he couldn't make it a full hundred."</p><p>"He recommended I purchase an overpriced attachment to guarantee a hundred percent everytime and I told him no thank you, and made sure to let him know I was very satisfied with his performance, don't change the subject." She looked at his stitches and pointed. "I'm guessing the two are related?"</p><p>Felix nodded with a sigh, "Max and I played some tossball in the cargo bay." The boss turned around to look at Max through his open door (who glanced up once and went back to reading), and looked at Felix again. Felix continued, "It was fun, up until I almost cracked my skull open."</p><p>"On the workbench."</p><p>"Yeah. Thought I could knock the ball from his pocket and maybe get a hand or foot goal if I hit him hard enough, but he dodged and I—"</p><p>"That's what you were trying to do??" Max shouted from his room.</p><p>"Would have worked if you hadn't moved!"</p><p>"Of course I moved! Only an idiot wouldn't!"</p><p>"Yeah, well, that's why I thought it might work!"</p><p>"Boys," the boss said, and both of them almost argued about it and then both of them figured now was not the time.</p><p>"... Is everything ok, boss?"</p><p>She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Not really. Nyoka's friends didn't make it. Found them dead in their home. Hit her pretty hard."</p><p>"Damn," Felix breathed. Max winced. </p><p>The boss smiled at Felix a little then, "Don't get yourself too badly hurt, ok?"</p><p>"Try my best."</p><p>"That goes for you, too, Vicar," the boss said, and went back in the direction of her room. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you mind a late night talk?"</p><p>Max looked up at the Captain in his doorway, confused until he realized all the lights in the hall behind her were dimmed. The crew was asleep.</p><p>"Not at all," he turned off the reading light and put away his book. He gestured that she should have a seat. "Drink? Or is this not that kind of talk?"</p><p>She smiled, "Drink, please." </p><p>He poured a glass for each of them, "What are we contemplating tonight?"</p><p>"Whether or not OSI vicars have a, um. Code of conduct? A list of rules for things you can't do."</p><p>His brow rose as he sat down across from her, "What brought this on?"</p><p>She shrugged, "I can't sleep and I was curious."</p><p>He wasn't convinced that was the only reason, but he answered anyway, "Drinking, swearing, and fighting are discouraged."</p><p>"That's hilarious."</p><p>He smirked and sipped his drink, "Illegal activities such as hacking might be subject to a firmer reprimand, but the few times I’ve been caught I was able to talk my way out of it."</p><p>"Of course you were. So, when you say 'discouraged…'"</p><p>"A superior might have a word, a warning not to make a habit of the behavior, that sort of thing." </p><p>"And how many times have you had that conversation?" she teased.</p><p>"Not as often as you think," he said. "I made an effort to never suffer the same criticism twice. It didn't always work, but I did my best."</p><p>She was watching him carefully now. "So if all that gets is a stern talking to, what's the more serious stuff?"</p><p>He could change the subject. She would let him, he knew this. "Simply expressing an interest in heretical texts landed me in prison. I imagine owning them for the purpose of study would cost me my position. As will abandoning my post."</p><p>She blinked. "What?"</p><p>Max swallowed half of his drink. He'd known the consequences when he left. Somehow saying them aloud made them more… visceral.</p><p>"Max. They'd kick you out because you left Edgewater?"</p><p>"Likely."</p><p>"You put everything on the line for a book. Not even a book, for a little revenge on the convict who told you about it."</p><p>"Once I found my answers, then it wouldn't matter. Even if I didn't learn the answers to the Equation itself, the OSI hasn't had a breakthrough in ages—"</p><p>"What if you hadn't found Chaney?" she demanded. "What if I turned out to be an ass?"</p><p>"I would have gritted my teeth and stuck through it until I found him."</p><p>"Then what? If you killed him before he mentioned the hermit, what then?"</p><p>Why did she sound upset? "I would have asked to stay on your crew until another opportunity presented itself."</p><p>"You had no fucking clue what would happen after that!"</p><p>He bit back his anger at being forced to justify himself, "The hypothetical scenario doesn't matter, because it didn't happen. The fact is that you were there to keep me on my path, and I know where I must go next. I will find the answers I have spent my life looking for, and dwelling on decisions that may or may not have been questionable serves no purpose."</p><p>Her expression had changed. She was… amazed? Confused? He couldn't tell what she was feeling, and that made him defensive.</p><p>Her next question was shockingly soft, "You never think about stuff you've done and think 'well that was fucking stupid?'"</p><p>"Of course I do. But knowing I very well might have ruined my career does me no good. Either I am following the Plan, or it will… correct me."</p><p>"I really don't want you to end up in prison again."</p><p>She truly meant that. He was more touched than he expected. He deflated with a long sigh, and didn't bother with semantics this time, "Believe me, Captain, I'd rather not go back." He took a breath and said with more confidence than perhaps he felt, "I don't think I will. I think I'm on the right path, even if there have been a great many variables I didn’t plan for. That I didn't even imagine."</p><p>She swirled the whiskey in her glass, "Mm. Yeah, drunken visits from a young revolutionary would surprise me, too."</p><p>It took him a moment. "I'm not talking about Felix!"</p><p>"Is there another one?"</p><p>"Captain," he glared, but couldn't keep from smiling.</p><p>"Sensible discussions with an alcoholic monster hunter?"</p><p>"You're doing this on purpose."</p><p>"And SAM! You think his relationship with ADA is consensual? Can automechanicals give consent? Is it just automatic?"</p><p>Max laughed, baffled, "What?"</p><p>She was grinning ear to ear, "Smart-ass pirate doctors and ridiculously adorable engineers—”</p><p>“Infuriating captains who keep me up long into the night?”</p><p>She waved a dismissive hand, “You know you can kick me out anytime…" she paused, alarmed, "right?”</p><p>He blinked at her sudden concern. “Yes,” he reassured her. “If I would rather sleep than speak with you, you’ll know. That hasn’t happened yet.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure why he’d admitted that. The Captain looked away for a moment, a shy smile on her face, “Good.” She poured herself another drink… a significant one. Max's brow rose. "What?" she asked.</p><p>"Nothing. Far be it for me to comment on how much my captain is drinking."</p><p>She stuck her tongue out at him, "Maybe I'll sleep well tonight."</p><p>Ah. "Nightmares?"</p><p>She focused on her glass, "Sometimes."</p><p>"Of the Hope?"</p><p>She shook her head, "I don't remember the Hope. I remember getting into a pod, the lid closing, and someone telling me to close my eyes and count back from ten. I think I got to six maybe? Then I'm waking up in some lab, with an old man working in front of me, and he says 'bad news, your ship was knocked out of skip space and now you're seventy years late. Help me free the others, by the way I'm wanted by the Board,' then he closes the escape pod and says 'good luck' and then I'm crashing into the Emerald Vale."</p><p>"I can't imagine why you would have nightmares from that."</p><p>She smirked, catching his dry humor, "I know right? Alien planet, 70 years in the future, attacked by marauders within 10 minutes of being planetside. Perfectly fine."</p><p>"It's amazing you're still alive," he said, sincere. "It's even more incredible you still want to help."</p><p>She shrugged, "Trying."</p><p>He cocked his head, puzzled, "You still doubt yourself."</p><p>"Wouldn't you?" She laughed a little, "Nevermind, you never doubt yourself."</p><p>He huffed, "Do you consider that a fault, Captain?"</p><p>"Confidence is good. Arrogance is not. </p><p>"Ha. I see we're back to my being an insufferable ass."</p><p>"But a cute one."</p><p>There was a stunned pause, and the Captain's head fell into her arms on top of the table with an embarrassed, "Fuck."</p><p>Max poured himself a measure, pausing as the glass reached his lips, "I always thought the vestments made it hard to tell."</p><p>His Captain dissolved laughing.</p><p>He liked her laugh. She was blushing, barely visible in the dimmed cabin light. He liked that, too. Very much, in fact.</p><p>The Captain took a deep breath and sipped her drink, still smiling to herself. </p><p>"Will we be fulfilling that SubLight job tomorrow?" he asked.</p><p>She nodded, "That's the plan. And after that, I guess we'll go to Byzantium. Buy a dress for Parvati," she joked.</p><p>He smirked, "Among other things."</p><p>"Eh," she overplayed not caring, "maybe steal some chemicals from the government. No big deal."</p><p>"You're worried."</p><p>She lifted her glass, "Knew you were bright."</p><p>"Have you been avoiding the task?"</p><p>She shifted uncomfortably, "Not really. Just… I have no idea how it's going to go. I want to do every bit of good I can, help my friends, before I might not be able to anymore. The Hope's not going anywhere." She swallowed a large gulp of the whiskey too fast, grimacing as it burned, "I'm going to fuck it up, Max, I know I am."</p><p>"Why? You have the holographic shroud, and a crew of various talents who will be with you all the way."</p><p>"Yeah, but—"</p><p>"Captain, if I may be blunt? You're being ridiculous. Anticipating failure without actually doing anything about it is pointless."</p><p>She fidgeted, the corner of her mouth quirked into half an awkward grin. "This is the sort of shit that goes through my head in bed every night."</p><p>He smiled, "And then you come upstairs to drink my whiskey and rant."</p><p>She shrugged with a tiny smile of her own, "It helps."</p><p>"Good. But for tonight, don't think about Byzantium. Tomorrow, we are SubLight agents."</p><p>She nodded, determined, "Right. I just have to focus on smuggling a highly volatile and deadly gas that causes spontaneous combustion off a planet of mantisaurs."</p><p>"You see? Much easier."</p><p>She grinned. Then he watched the grin fade, just slightly, as her eyes glanced over his books, his whole room… him. "We could go to Scylla first," she said. "It’s not fair of me to keep you from everything you’ve worked for, especially after all the risks you took to get here.” </p><p>He was stunned. “Thank you, Captain," he managed, "but it wouldn't be wise to keep SubLight waiting too long. And, strictly speaking, it is perfectly fair for the captain of a ship to decide when and where she goes. The crew can request all they want, but they ultimately have no say in the matter.”</p><p>“You’re not just crew," she said as if he should know better. "We'll do the job for SubLight, and then we'll go to Scylla before heading to Byzantium.”</p><p>“I appreciate it.”</p><p>She gestured to her empty glass and made a joke about it being a sign she should be in bed. He followed her to his door, see you tomorrow, Max, thanks for the talk, of course Captain, my pleasure… </p><p>This was happening. He was more apprehensive than he expected. This was probably his last chance to find the answers he sought for so long, and he would have to be satisfied with whatever he discovered. The end of his search was one smuggling delivery away, thanks to the Captain.</p><p>If it was a part of his path in the Plan, he would gladly remain by her side. If it wasn't… he would see where he was meant to be and go from there. The Plan was elastic, after all. He could surely help her finish her mission to save her fellow colonists. Perhaps after… but this was ridiculous, he was going against his own advice. He had a job to do tomorrow; he would discover what secrets Scylla held later.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“And then he says, ‘I could make a joke with that, but it wouldn’t be fitting for a man of the cloth.’”</p><p>Felix nearly choked on his beer laughing.</p><p>“Vicar!” Parvati tipsily gasped.</p><p>“Was I wrong?” Max smirked.</p><p>“Damn, preacher, you can be a smooth son of a bitch when you want to be,” Nyoka drawled as she took a swig of Spectrum.</p><p>“On those very rare occasions,” teased Ellie.</p><p>They had taken over a table in the Lost Hope on the Groundbreaker after successfully delivering the Alta-Vitae gas. Max was on Kestrel's right, with Felix beside him, with Nyoka on Kestrel's left, with Ellie beside her, and Parvati at the foot of the table. Kestrel was catching the rest of the crew up on how they had managed to get the gas out of Cascadia in the first place as everyone had a well deserved drink. Tomorrow, they would go to Scylla. Tonight, she wanted to enjoy the company of her friends.</p><p>“Think you’ll pick up any more smuggling jobs, boss?” Felix asked.</p><p>“Oh!” Ellie lit a cigarette, “Tell ‘em about the next job, Cap. It’s great, you’re all gonna love this.”</p><p>Kestrel rolled her eyes, “Lilya wants someone to place a claim on some very large salvage for SubLight.”</p><p>“‘Salvage,’” Ellie reported with glee, “meaning an abandoned space station technically still owned by the Board.”</p><p>“Oh, yes,” Max said sarcastically, “that should be an easy job.”</p><p>Kestrel shrugged, “Something’s going on with her that’s got me curious. I mean other than the whole cutthroat profit thing.”</p><p>“You gonna even be here for that job, Vicky?” Ellie said. “Aren’t we dropping you off at Scylla tomorrow?”</p><p>“I doubt the Captain will be abandoning me on an asteroid, Dr. Fenhill,” he refilled his glass from the bottle of whiskey Kestrel had bought him (to repay him for drinking most of his), and then refilled Kestrel's.</p><p>"Who said abandoned?" Ellie objected. "You want a translation. You don't just open a book and 'tada, translated!'"</p><p>Max blinked. "I'll cross that bridge when we get to it."</p><p>“Hey, Cap!” Nyoka said, “Since we’re going to Scylla, think we can hunt some primals? I’m certain that some glands would bait the mantiqueen back home, draw her out and take the bitch down.”</p><p>"Hunting primals it is," Kestrel said.</p><p>“I missed something,” said Max, puzzled.</p><p>“A mantiqueen took up residence in my old base,” Nyoka explained. “I need to clear it out before I can give my friends a proper burial. Well, their medallions anyway.”</p><p>Felix went wide-eyed, "Um. Boss? I just remembered something I have to do on Scylla, too."</p><p>"Seriously?" Kestrel demanded, baffled.</p><p>Felix rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, well, it's… so here's a hypothetical for you—"</p><p>"This'll be great," said Ellie. Parvati shushed her.</p><p>"We can do without the hypotheticals, son," Max said, what Kestrel thought was probably supposed to be kindly, "just tell us what you need."</p><p>Felix sighed, "An old friend of mine got in touch with me, this guy named Clyde Harlow. We were close. He's on Scylla, wants to meet me."</p><p>"Why's he on Scylla?" Kestrel asked.</p><p>"And you don't seem too happy about hearin' from him," Parvati said.</p><p>"He disappeared, without a word to anyone, and now I get a message from him out of the blue five years later? Wants to meet, says it's urgent. What he's doing on an asteroid, I can't begin to imagine. I was gonna mention it earlier, but we were busy and it slipped my mind."</p><p>"So when you say close…" Nyoka said.</p><p>Felix made a face, "He was my mentor, Nyoka."</p><p>Nyoka shrugged, and teased with a grin,"I dunno, maybe you got a thing for older men."</p><p>Felix glared.</p><p>"No harm in seeing what he wants," Kestrel cut in, noting the slight raise of Max's brow. "Anyone else have any pressing business on Scylla they want to mention?"</p><p>"Nope," said Ellie as Parvati shook her head. </p><p>"Good. So, Parvati, tell me about this dress you're so desperate to get."</p><p>"Oh yeah, how's your love life?" Ellie asked</p><p>"You're doing it again," Parvati frowned.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Ellie, stop making it sound like it's a void-damned fling," Nyoka scolded. "You know it upsets her, and it ain't true, neither."</p><p>"I wasn't trying to, that time! Promise!"</p><p>"What little that means coming from a pirate," Max muttered into his drink.</p><p>Kestrel kicked him under the table, as Felix simultaneously elbowed him. Max grunted in pained surprise. The conversation moved on, Parvati catching everyone up on her plans for a big date with Chief Junlei in a loudly conspiratorial whisper.</p><p>Max nudged Felix and pointed at Parvati's wine. Felix discretely moved it out of Parvati's reach, went to the bar, and came back with water for her. Kestrel grinned at both of them.</p><p>"Hey, game's on," Felix tapped Max's shoulder and gestured up at the screen.</p><p>"So it is…" Max's mild curiosity turned to disdainful confusion, "What the fuck is he trying to do?"</p><p>"What are you talking about, that's a Tile Backers signature move."</p><p>Max scoffed, "The Backers heyday was two years ago; they've never been the same since they lost Fredricksson."</p><p>"So?"</p><p>"So Johnstone is going to break that seventh back's leg as soon as he…" both men winced. Max turned to Felix, "See?"</p><p>"Oh yeah," Felix nodded, "I saw. That's gonna put him out for the rest of the season."</p><p>Kestrel left the boys to their game and turned her attention to Ellie adamantly claiming she hated "Space Hospital," no matter what Nyoka might have heard coming from Ellie's room the other night.</p><p> </p><p>"That was definitely one of the more brutal games I've seen in a while," Max finished his glass and stretched his neck and shoulders.</p><p>Felix nodded, and covered a yawn. "Hephaestus really hammered the Backers."</p><p>"Honestly, Millstone? The Hammers hammered?"</p><p>Felix giggled. Oh, he was quite drunk. Max was cognizant of his own intoxication, a warm hum at the fringes of everything. He glanced at the bottle of whiskey, and his Captain sleepily smiling at the somehow still articulate Nyoka as she told a story about the "biggest damn rapt you ever saw." They'd finished a significant portion of the bottle, and he wasn't sure who had how much. Ellie was leaning lazily on Nyoka as she told the story, and Parvati was entranced.</p><p>"Nyoka's always got the best stories," Felix said.</p><p>"The most colorful at the very least," Max chuckled. Felix moved, and Max realized Felix's leg had been pressed against his. A wide range of thoughts went through his head, half of them wildly inappropriate. </p><p>"Boss is falling asleep," Felix yawned.</p><p>"So are you."</p><p>Felix shrugged, "At least I'm not on the floor."</p><p>Max slammed away that mental image. It had been a long time since he'd been drunk… and he was still more sober than the rest of the crew. </p><p>Nyoka finished her story to exaggerated applause, and Max put a very careful hand on Felix's arm, "We should get everyone back to the ship."</p><p>Felix nodded, determined, "Right. Boss isn't in… is in no shape to herd sprats."</p><p>"Slowly, Felix," Max smiled as he steadied him, "You aren't in much better shape."</p><p>Felix scoffed, "I'm fine. Just as good as you are." Felix was lingering close, then he frowned to himself and took a puzzled step back. </p><p>Max sighed, "I'll take the Captain if you can help Parvati?" </p><p>"Yep," he latched onto the instruction, "got it,"</p><p>"Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth," Max was a little bit impressed with himself for not fumbling her name, under the circumstances, "can you get Dr. Fenhill back to the ship?"</p><p>"Sure, preacher. Damn, the number of times I had to haul someone home from the bar," she stood and through some miracle actually pulled Ellie to her feet without either of them falling over.</p><p>Parvati had quickly grasped that she was the one who was taking care of Felix, despite his claims to the contrary. As the crew filed out, Max approached his Captain. She slowly stood and stretched, a smile on her face, "I might have had too much."</p><p>He softly laughed, "That might be my fault."</p><p>"Hmph," she said as they left, "I should know better than to let someone else pour for me. Especially when that person is drinking too."</p><p>She steadied herself with his arm as they went up the steps, "Max?"</p><p>"Yes, Captain?"</p><p>"You don't have to call me Captain all the time. I don't call you Vicar all the time."</p><p>"No, only when you're teasing me."</p><p>"Not only then!" she protested with a grin, releasing his arm as they reached the top of the stairs.</p><p>"Mostly then," he chuckled. It was strange how he didn't mind that fact. Anyone else, yes, but not her.</p><p>"No one ever uses my name," she mused as they slowly walked, the rest of the crew a distance ahead of them. "I'm the Captain, I know. I don't know what I'm doing half the time but everyone follows. Asks me for help. Advice. I want them to, I want to help. Just… it'd be nice if. Fuck, I'm not making sense."</p><p>Max thought he understood what she was getting at. <i>It would be nice to have friends without the added authority.</i> "I cannot speak for the others, but I call you Captain because it reminds me you could throw me out an airlock."</p><p>She laughed, "I wouldn't."</p><p>"All the same, I should be on my best behavior."</p><p>"I'm not sure getting your captain drunk counts as good behavior, Vicar," she smirked.</p><p>"There, you see? Teasing me. At least I show your title a modicum of respect."</p><p>She lightly punched his arm, "Shush."</p><p>"How would it look if I was the only member of your crew who didn't call you Captain?"</p><p>"Felix doesn't call me Captain." Max sighed, and she relented, "Ok, ok. I know what you mean." After a moment, she said more seriously, "Hey, Max?"</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"Sometimes being the captain sucks."</p><p>"I know," he said quietly, a light hand on her shoulder, "but you do it well."</p><p>She smiled a little, "Thanks."</p><p>They were quiet until they reached the ship.</p><p>"Did you really not think about how translating takes time?"</p><p>A flash of annoyance flared, "Of course I know—"</p><p>"Not what I asked," she nudged him with a smile as the ship's door opened.</p><p>Oh. He cleared his throat, "I was perhaps so eager to see it done, I didn't consider the practical side."</p><p>She found that amusing. He took her arm up the stairs to her room, "I owe you a great debt, Captain, no matter what we find tomorrow. And I intend to help you finish what you've started." They were outside her door. He looked down and met her eyes, watching him with more focus than he expected. "I've got your back, Captain," he softly promised.</p><p>Her smile was warm, "I know." He stiffened, awkward as her arms wrapped around him in a quick hug, "Goodnight, Max."</p><p>"Goodnight…" the door closed behind her, "Kestrel."</p><p> </p><p>Felix had slept through landing on Scylla. Max, Nyoka, and the boss were out visiting hermits and hunting primals, while Ellie nursed her hangover in her room and Parvati made lunch in the kitchen. </p><p>"Are you nervous about seeing your friend again?" Parvati asked him as she cleared the dishes into the sink.</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Not really nervous. Kind of confused. Clyde left without saying goodbye, didn't even leave a note. I have no idea what he's been up to, or why he'd want to see me."</p><p>"Do you think he's in some sort of trouble?"</p><p>"The thought crossed my mind. But why call me? Must have taken some work to find me, too."</p><p>Parvati shrugged, "Most of the Groundbreaker knows who Captain Kestrel is, and her crew. Wouldn't take too much asking."</p><p>"I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, Parvati."</p><p>She smiled, "You're part of our crew, and everyone knows it. Ain't nothin' wrong with that."</p><p>"I was talking about how finding me might have been easy after all," Felix grinned, "but thanks."</p><p>The rest of the day was pretty boring. Parvati hung out in the engine room tuning up SAM and ADA alike and Ellie wanted to be undisturbed unless someone was dying, so Felix listened to whatever he could find on the radio, snuck into Max's room and chose a book at random and put it back after the first paragraph, scavenged for snacks, tossed a ball against the wall until Ellie threatened to shoot him, listened to the radio again, and ended up lying on his bed bored out of his mind.</p><p>He wished Max was here.</p><p>Y'know, cuz then he'd have something to do. They could talk about tossball and Max would be wrong of course, but it would be better than boredom. Or maybe he could convince Max to show him some moves, tossball or fighting or anything. He could show Max some of his. The Millstone Special was out of the question, and Felix laughed aloud at the thought, but surely there was something. Maybe just spar, though Max would probably insist on some sort of rules… who was he kidding, why would Max agree to any of this in the first place? Why did he keep coming up with ways to get close to Max?</p><p>Felix did Not have a thing for older men. He didn't. Just… maybe this one, super specific older man. Who hated him. Well maybe not hate. Not anymore. But they weren't friends, they just worked together and had a shared interest. And Max obviously wasn't interested in Felix. He'd have done something by now if he was, right? That was the way things usually worked, a few drinks, a suggestion, find someplace quiet and move along after. </p><p>Felix couldn't imagine suggesting anything and Max turning him down. The look that would be on his face. So he hadn't. Not even last night, though for a single stupid moment he wanted to… </p><p>"Welcome back, Captain," ADA said.</p><p>Nyoka was up the stairs first, looking a bit sick.</p><p>"Find all the primals you needed?" Felix asked.</p><p>"Oh yeah. No problem there. It was the vision shit afterward that did me in."</p><p>"The what?"</p><p>Max followed slowly behind her, looking at everything as if he'd never been on a spaceship before. He went into his room, ran his hand down a book's cover and shook his head with a smile, bewildered. The boss was right behind him, worried. Felix looked at her, and she sighed and pointed to the kitchen. When Felix joined her, she whispered, "He's been through a lot today."</p><p>"Was the hermit for real?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, we found her. And she gave him the answers he was looking for. I think."</p><p>"If I ever get the urge to try any sort of drugs," Nyoka called from her bedroom, "remind me not to."</p><p>Felix was confused. "Drugs?"</p><p>"Some sort of hallucinogen, except we could all see the same thing. It was really weird, and I'm not entirely sure what happened, but Max is different. He says he's content? I don't know if that's trauma talking or if he went a little crazy or if it's really true, so… just give him a little bit of time to recover, ok?"</p><p>"Sure thing, boss."</p><p>"Thanks. We'll head to your friend's landing pad as soon as I get a chance to clean up."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The boss asked Max to come with them to meet Clyde. Felix was skeptical about the decision, but she was still a little worried about Max and would rather have him nearby than not. She tried to make a joke about “giving this model a test run,” whatever that meant, but Felix still didn’t understand what was going on. So he shrugged and didn’t worry about it.</p>
<p>Clyde had a whole base hidden in a crater on Scylla. They found him in a room toward the back, with a big tamed canid for company and plenty of guards leaning against the walls. </p>
<p>“Well hey there, hullhead," Clyde said with a smile. "Clawed your way out of the Groundbreaker at long last.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” Felix wasn’t going to go easy on him. “Oh, sorry. Were you expecting me to say something? Maybe a ‘long time no see’ or a ‘you’ve aged, old man.’”</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine,” the boss said with a raised eyebrow, “I’ll do my own introductions. Kestrel, Harlow. Harlow, Kestrel.”</p>
<p>“Your captain has a sense of humor, Felix,” Clyde smiled. “Good. There’s a time and place for humor.”</p>
<p>Felix had the feeling Clyde didn’t mean ‘now.’ The boss must have thought the same thing Felix did, because her smile got a little sharper. She called the look her ‘just serve them and take their money’ smile.</p>
<p>Clyde kept talking, “So, you took Felix under your wing. Kept him busy. Good. Kid always needed a place to belong.”</p>
<p>Max spoke, “Felix will always have a place in this crew. He’s family to us now.”</p>
<p>Felix’s jaw dropped. He was <i>what</i>? “Hear that, Clyde?” keep it together Felix keep it together, “I been making something outta myself.” Law, that was weak but Max said family like he meant it, like Felix was important and… aaaand he was probably just fucking with Clyde, wasn't he? Of course. Clyde certainly seemed to think so.</p>
<p>“So long as you haven’t been making a fool of yourself,” Clyde said to Felix. Felix clenched his jaw shut as Clyde said to the boss, “I’m sure Felix has no end of stories to tell of your exploits together. I look forward to catching up with the boy.”</p>
<p>The boss wasn’t pleased with that. She asked why they were here, and Clyde started talking about this big secret project of his and how he wanted Felix to be a part of it. Even mentioned his promise, that one day they’d change the colony together. The boss looked skeptical. Felix felt… well, he felt kinda offended, actually.</p>
<p>“Easy there, Clyde. No one said nothing about throwing in with you. In case you didn’t notice, I’m pretty happy where I am.”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking you to walk away from your captain, Felix,” Clyde said. “But neither should you allow yourself to be controlled by fear. Change is not to be feared.” He turned back to the boss, “I brought you here because I want to know where Felix’s loyalties lie. When the day of our revolution comes, I want to know that I can rely on him.”</p>
<p>Now the boss was supremely unimpressed. “You want to put him through a test.”</p>
<p>“Everyone in my crew proves their loyalty. No exceptions,” Clyde said, “not even Felix.”</p>
<p>Clyde wanted Felix to kill a traitor, guy by the name of Trask, and bring back proof. Of course the boss wanted to know what this guy did to deserve it. Clyde said Trask was an informant, ratted Clyde and his crew out to the Board. Clyde didn’t know where Trask was hiding, but he knew Trask’s wife lived on the Groundbreaker and might talk to a stranger.</p>
<p>The boss looked at Felix. “What do you think?”</p>
<p>This Trask guy sure sounded like someone of the jackass persuasion, and Felix was kind of flattered Clyde wanted him to be a part of a revolution. But Felix also had the boss and his own crew now. So Felix shrugged, “Clyde offered me a hand when nobody else would. I’d say I owe him a good turn.”</p>
<p>Clyde liked that. “There you have it, captain. A favor for an old friend.” He gave her a token to act as his signature, avoid trouble with his people, pretty much assumed she’d agreed… but the boss wasn’t quite done yet.</p>
<p>“How well do you know Felix?”</p>
<p>Clyde was a little surprised, but polite enough. “It’s been a few years, but I still remember a thing or two.” He looked at Felix, “You had a chip on your shoulder. You’d argue over anything and you never backed down.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean ‘had’?” Felix bristled, “And for the record, you never could admit when you lost an argument.”</p>
<p>“You see what I had to deal with?” Clyde asked the boss, amused.</p>
<p>“And then one day you disappeared?” the boss asked.</p>
<p>“I was working on this plan for years. Saving every bit I could. Drawing plans, biding my time. I never intended to spend my life laboring on the Groundbreaker. When the opportunity presented itself, I did what I had to do. I left.”</p>
<p>“You might’ve said something,” Felix muttered.</p>
<p>“I had some ugly business in Scylla,” Clyde said in that ‘be reasonable’ voice he used. “If I told you, I would’ve implicated you.” </p>
<p>When Hephaestus pulled out of Scylla, they abandoned their facilities. Clyde and his ‘associates’ grabbed control of one and set up their base. Felix still didn’t understand why he couldn’t have told him anything. Hephaestus abandoned Scylla, who would come looking?</p>
<p>But Clyde was still explaining his big plan. “A revolution is the work of a lifetime, captain. I’ve spent my life preparing for the day of Halcyon’s reckoning.” Clyde figured that the Board was rotting from the inside. Eventually, they’d fall to pieces. “Entropy is the natural state of the universe, captain. All systems inevitably dissolve. When that day comes to Halcyon, we will be ready.”</p>
<p>“That was simultaneously the least scientific and most pompous statement I’ve heard in ages,” Max stated as a matter of fact with a ‘you’re an idiot’ lift of a brow. “Well done, Mr. Harlow.”</p>
<p>The boss tried to hold back her smile. Felix had to admit, that was a quality line. The family thing had thrown him, but so far “this model” Max seemed pretty similar to the old one. He still hadn’t figured what the boss was worried about.</p>
<p>Clyde was finally paying attention to the other crewmember standing just behind the boss, surprised. “A vicar? I admit, I never imagined a man of the cloth living the adventurer’s life.” He looked at the boss, “You do keep some interesting company.”</p>
<p>Felix didn’t like the way he said it, something in the tone making his hackles rise, but the boss had had enough, and they headed out.</p>
<p>"Before we find this Trask guy, we're going to Monarch,” the boss said as they reached the ship, “Nyoka's grief takes precedence over your friend's vengeance."</p>
<p>Felix nodded, "Totally fair, boss."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kestrel decided she really, truly hated mantisaurs. She’d already known that, but especially now this was a firmly held belief regarding the species as a whole. But that wasn't important. What was important, was that Nyoka had some peace. Kestrel convinced her to keep the medallions of her friends, instead of bury them. There may be a lot of painful memories attached, but there were good memories, too, and they were worth holding onto. Nyoka seemed comforted by that. </p>
<p>They returned to the ship. ADA informed them that Felix and the vicar were arguing again. Kestrel sighed and made her way to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Y’know,” Nyoka said behind her, “for someone with a crush, Felix sure does argue a whole lot. Of course, I guess it don’t help that the object of his affection always has to have the last word.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think they know any other way to communicate,” Kestrel chuckled. “He’ll figure it out sooner or later.”</p>
<p>“Which one?”</p>
<p>“Either. Both.”</p>
<p>Nyoka laughed and they slowed down through the hall as they heard the boys talking. It wasn't quite what they expected.</p>
<p>"You just said 'yourself.' Your. Self. Guess I got a self after all. Checkmate, preacher."</p>
<p>"Semantics and nothing more," Max stated. "The construction of our language assumes the existence of a self."</p>
<p>Felix was very confused, "Whoa, wait. What's this about construction work?"</p>
<p>"Our language has all manner of paradoxes contained within it," Max tried to explain with earnest calm. "Tell me, what happens to your lap when you stand up?"</p>
<p>Kestrel smiled a little at the analogy, but Felix was so confused he got defensive. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. Then he gave up. "I didn't get what the boss meant when she said you were different after doing drugs with that hermit, but I definitely get it now. Maybe you oughta ask Ellie to take a look at your head."</p>
<p>"I'm a surgeon, not a shrink!" Ellie called from her room.</p>
<p>Kestrel winced. Nyoka whistled low, and retreated into her own room.</p>
<p>Felix turned and was startled to see Kestrel in the hall. "Boss, you sure you came back with the right vicar?"</p>
<p>"Can I talk to you?" Kestrel asked, trying to keep as calm as Max appeared to be. She wasn't nearly as convincing.</p>
<p>"Sure thing, boss."</p>
<p>Kestrel led the way back downstairs, stopping just outside the control room, "What was all that about?"</p>
<p>"You mean why has Max completely cracked? Search me, the guy does drugs once—"</p>
<p>"You don't know that was his first time doing— that's not the point."</p>
<p>Felix scoffed, "I know the guy was in prison, but come on—"</p>
<p>"That’s not the point, Felix. I told you he'd need some time."</p>
<p>"Boss, he's insane! Did you hear the nonsense he was saying, that I don't got a self, everything is a story? Max, our Max, believing that?"</p>
<p>"I know he's different—"</p>
<p>"And not in a good way!"</p>
<p>"—but that's no excuse for you to be insulting!"</p>
<p>Felix's voice dropped to an angrily conspiratorial whisper, "Your friend is acting like he's been possessed by interstellar aliens. How can you be so calm about this?"</p>
<p>"I'm not!" She sighed, "I'm not saying I'm not worried, Felix. I just don't think calling him crazy is going to help anything. He basically had his whole world turned upside down."</p>
<p>Felix fidgeted where he stood a moment, not looking at her. After a moment, he nodded, "Guess you got a point. Been through a lot, give him a few days to get his head on straight."</p>
<p>"Felix?" Kestrel said softly. He reluctantly looked at her. "It might be more than a few days."</p>
<p>"However long, then. It'll be fine. Right?"</p>
<p>Slowly, Kestrel realized what was going on. "He really spooked you, huh?"</p>
<p>"He's so… Now I gotta relearn everything, start from zero, you know? He didn't even want to listen to a game! That was my go-to move!"</p>
<p>"Your go-to move for… being closer?"</p>
<p>Felix blushed. "Sounds real dumb when you say it like that," he muttered.</p>
<p>"It's not dumb."</p>
<p>"Sure, boss, and rungleeches are good pets."</p>
<p>"I don't think I've ever seen a rungleech, but I'll take your word for it."</p>
<p>"What? Oh. Frozen. Right."</p>
<p>Kestrel chuckled, "I'd ask if you wanted a hug, but I'm worried you would find it condescending."</p>
<p>He smirked, "Nah. Anyone else, yeah, but. I appreciate the thought. No thanks, but I appreciate it."</p>
<p>"You're welcome. C'mon, let's get some food in you."</p>
<p>"Huh. It's been a while since I ate. Kinda forgot."</p>
<p>"I figured," Kestrel smiled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Max had kept to himself for most of the evening. Ellie had ambushed him once with a question about fate and the Plan, which he had answered simply and quietly. She was offended. Kestrel wasn't sure if she’d been offended he didn’t take the bait like usual, or if she thought he was mocking her by refusing to play her game. At the moment, Kestrel honestly didn’t care.</p>
<p>"Hey, Max."</p>
<p>He set the book he was flipping through with an amused look back on its shelf and closed the cabinet's doors. "Captain. Something on your mind?"</p>
<p>"Not really, just checking on your mental state."</p>
<p>He softly smiled at that, "Thank you for your concern, but I’m still fairly certain I haven't gone insane… no matter what the rest of the crew may think."</p>
<p>She sighed, "They’re just worried. I left the ship with the old Max and,” she snapped her fingers, “came back with the new one.”</p>
<p>“I’m not new, I’m simply… aware.”</p>
<p>“You were going to say ‘enlightened,’ weren’t you?”</p>
<p>“I thought it might go over as poorly as my conversation with Mr. Millstone.”</p>
<p>She smiled at that, “Probably. How’d you two even start talking about ‘selves’ anyway?"</p>
<p>"He asked what I had learned on Scylla. I told him."</p>
<p>Aha. "With far more detail than he was expecting?"</p>
<p>"Apparently, I was somewhat off-putting. I don’t have the words to express the concepts I’m trying to explain… which is a new experience for me," he joked.</p>
<p>She laughed a little, "It’s gonna sound pretty strange to anyone who wasn’t there. Hell, I was there, and I'm still not sure I understand what happened." </p>
<p>It had been stuck in her head, though, the memory of seeing that “other” him. The unrealistic standard he put upon himself, the type of man he kept trying to be and failing, certain his unhappiness was because he failed instead of thinking that maybe it was the goal that made him unhappy in the first place. If he’d really come to terms with that, then it was little wonder he seemed so much calmer. And, not to speak ill of the dead, but… </p>
<p>"If this is out of line or too personal, tell me, but you and your folks didn’t exactly get along, did you?"</p>
<p>"Not exactly. I wouldn't say my parents disowned me, strictly speaking," her brow rose, alarmed, "but before they died, they accused me of thoughtlessly abandoning them." He glanced away, "I couldn't understand it. I was only trying to make them proud by becoming a better vessel for the Plan, to feel the joy they felt. I was so certain my potential was wasted as a laborer, and was willing to risk everything just to prove to them that they were wrong. I was lost, misguided."</p>
<p>The sadness on his face stabbed straight through her, "It wasn't your fault." He looked at her, curious. "I guess leaving home, sure, but why is a vision of your mom's ghost or memory or whatever the first time you ever heard that they didn't really care about the Plan, or that their understanding of the Plan wasn't what you thought? Embracing chaos sure doesn't fit OSI teaching. Did they even try to understand you, to help you understand?" </p>
<p>He was surprised. His reaction surprised Kestrel even more. "I didn't mean to worry you," he apologized.</p>
<p>She swallowed hard and took a breath, way more worked up than she should be. She’d never seen him sad before. She hated it. <i>Calm down, Kestrel. The man has one blue moment and you get all defensive for him?</i> "Ok," she crossed her arms, tried to act casual, "um. I'm going to keep checking on you from time to time." He started to protest and she talked over him, "I worry about people I care about, and nothing you say is going to stop me, so this is just something you’re going to have to deal with." So much for casual.</p>
<p>But now he was smiling, "I doubt it will be a hardship."</p>
<p>She nodded once, "Good. Well. We're sneaking onboard an abandoned space station tomorrow, so I'm going to get some rest."</p>
<p>"Sleep well."</p>
<p>"You too."</p>
<p>She hurried out, flustered. It was so weird hearing him so calm.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stealing an abandoned space station seemed like the sort of thing you'd want a hacker or an engineer along for, so Kestrel figured she'd bring both. Max and Parvati waited by the door for the all clear from ADA as she docked.</p>
<p>"How are you feeling, Mr. Vicar? After your, uh, hallucinations?"</p>
<p>"Fantastic," Max said. "But it must be said that the sensation of myself as a separate mind inside a bag of skin was the real hallucination. I can feel my head with my hands, or look at myself in the mirror, but most times I feel like I’m a void floating above a body."</p>
<p>Kestrel poked her head out of the control room to look at Max, an eyebrow raised. Seriously?</p>
<p>"Uh, wow," Parvati said, trying to be polite.</p>
<p>He chuckled, "Wow, indeed. It’s quite liberating to realize that one is simply an aperture through which the universe experiences itself, and that all my pain and suffering was of my own creation."</p>
<p>Kestrel honestly couldn't tell if he was fucking with them or not. Apparently, neither could Parvati.</p>
<p>"So if Felix snuck into your quarters one night," she said, half as a challenge and half embarrassed admission, "and stole half your underwear and filled the other half with itching powder, you’d kindly thank the universe and take it in stride? Not that I’m askin’ for any particular reason."</p>
<p>Max thought for a moment. "Where would he get the itching powder?"</p>
<p>Parvati smiled a little, "I… don’t think he’s figured that part out, yet? Guess it would have to wait til we got back to Groundbreaker, at least?"</p>
<p>"Hm," Max was doubtful, "He can be surprisingly resourceful."</p>
<p>"You're… not near as upset as I thought you'd be, Mr. Vicar." Parvati sounded a touch suspicious of this fact, waiting for the other shoe to drop.</p>
<p>"On the contrary, I'm curious to see how he pulls it off. Though I don't see why he'd steal half. Why not just apply it to everything?"</p>
<p>"We've arrived," ADA announced. "You are clear to leave the ship, Captain. Do be careful."</p>
<p>"I will, ADA, don't worry," Kestrel smiled. "Let's go, you two."</p>
<p>The station was powered down, emergency lighting lending the place an eerie feel. Before they could register SubLight as the new owners, they'd have to restore power. And they'd want to do something about those automechanicals. </p>
<p>And they'd attracted the attention of a UDL gunship. Great.</p>
<p>Between trying not to kill herself on mines scattered all over the halls, bluffing her way past the UDL commander threatening to commandeer/destroy her vessel, and disarming an electrified floor, the job was more trouble than she'd expected.</p>
<p>"Ok, who wants to place bets on what this place is hiding?" she grumbled.</p>
<p>"It does seem like quite a lot of security measures for a small abandoned station," Max said.</p>
<p>"I ain't stopped feelin' a chill since we got here, Captain," Parvati said, "and I don't mean from the cold."</p>
<p>Then they found the lab.</p>
<p>"Oh," whispered Parvati, "oh they've been left here all alone."</p>
<p>The bodies floating in the tanks were clad in the same masked uniforms Kestrel had seen on the scientists in Roseway. They’d found a similar sight in one of the labs there, but that had been only one scientist, a man who sacrificed himself against the wishes of his colleagues, in an attempt to make progress on whatever their work was. Kestrel read the sign next to the closest stasis chamber next to her; it gave a name and instructions that the subject should not be revived until a method for “stabilizing his condition is found.” All of the tanks had similar signs. None of them stated what the condition was. </p>
<p>Some small explanation was found on the terminal in the office. Sequencing shifts, some sort of experiments that the scientists were using themselves as test subjects for… but why?</p>
<p> Max looked over her shoulder as she read. “Chartrand…” he pondered. “Sounds familiar. Isn’t that the name of one of the scientists who was working in Roseway?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she mumbled. “One of the subjects had a note about… nuclein sequencing?” She looked at him, hoping for some sort of explanation. </p>
<p>Max’s face darkened, “Experimenting on our very cells themselves. For what reason, I can’t fathom.”</p>
<p>“Can we get outta here soon, Captain?” Parvati meekly asked, “I’m missin’ ADA somethin’ fierce.”</p>
<p>Kestrel breathed and finished the job. “Yeah. Yeah, we can go. I wanna get out of here, too.”</p>
<p>They hurried back to the ship. Kestrel didn't get it; experiments on human cells? Did SubLight know what this place was used for? She felt like she was in way over her head. She also felt awful turning this place over to SubLight while those scientists were still here… but if she didn't, would she just be abandoning them like the Board abandoned the Hope? Kestrel figured she had to find this Dr. Chartrand, somehow. And, unfortunately, she had a feeling Lilya Hagen knew more about this "salvage" than she let on.</p>
<p>ADA's welcome and the warmth of the ship were a comfort. She didn't even mind the sound of the latest "disturbance" in the cargo bay.</p>
<p>"Shh!" Ellie whispered, "act natural!"</p>
<p>"Uh, why yes," Nyoka declared as Kestrel passed their makeshift target range, "that sure is a fine weapon. Ain't no one that needs to inspect it any further."</p>
<p>"<i>That</i> was acting natural?" Ellie said.</p>
<p>"If either of you damage my ship, I'm gonna be pissed off," Kestrel called back to them. She asked ADA to take them to Groundbreaker, and headed to her room.</p>
<p>Someone knocked on her door while she was changing her shirt. "Captain?" Max called.</p>
<p>"Just a second," she buttoned up the fresh shirt and tucked it in. She didn't know how high waists became common in Halcyon fashion, but she wasn't complaining… anyway. "Alright, come in."</p>
<p>He slowly stepped inside. She realized he'd never been in her room before, always vice versa. "I found this on the station as we were leaving," and he handed her a UDL identity cartridge.</p>
<p>She took it with a light laugh, "Thanks. Would have been handy to have before that gunship showed up."</p>
<p>"My apologies for not spotting it sooner," he grinned, "however, if you'd been in disguise I never would have heard you threaten to push a nonexistent self-destruct button."</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes, still smiling, "I can't believe that worked."</p>
<p>"Indeed, it was the sort of tactic I'd expect from Mr. Millstone rather than yourself."</p>
<p>"Ha! Felix would tell them to fuck off and dropkick the monitor."</p>
<p>Max chuckled, "You have a point."</p>
<p>She set the cartridge on the desk next to the holographic shroud, and turned back around to see him surveying her room. "I did not choose the decor," she said, half sitting on the desk. "All this stuff suddenly showed up in bizarre signs of gratitude. Except the drink cart. And the mushrooms growing on top of the roof over the bed, I have no idea how those got there."</p>
<p>"You could have refused," he said with a pointed look at the Edgewater sign.</p>
<p>She shrugged, "I don't mind them. Nice reminders."</p>
<p>"Of what?"</p>
<p>She smiled, just a little. "That I helped someone."</p>
<p>He smiled back, "You do more than that, Captain." Then he paused, and said, "Forgive me, I have to ask about the mantiqueen head?"</p>
<p>She laughed, "You remember that mercenary we saved in the mantiqueen lair, on our way up to Devil's Peak? Apparently he and his crew pitched in to have its head mounted and delivered."</p>
<p>"I see," he said. He'd watched her closely, eyes alight, a small smile on his face, like he genuinely enjoyed seeing her laugh. </p>
<p>She tried to find something to do before she started blushing at the thought. "Drink?"</p>
<p>"No, thank you," he said. "We'll reach Groundbreaker soon, and…" he was suddenly a bit chagrined, "and I am assuming you will want me present when we talk to Ms. Hagen."</p>
<p>"Safe assumption," she grinned. It was weird to see him apologetic when she wasn't angry at him, but kinda cute, too. "We'll follow up on that Trask guy for Felix, too."</p>
<p>He nodded, "Of course."</p>
<p>She hesitated, "What you said to Parvati earlier… do you really feel like a void floating above a body?"</p>
<p>"The phrase sounded more appealing in my head than when I said it out loud," he smirked, "but I can't think of a better description at the moment."</p>
<p>"Huh." She wanted to be supportive. She wanted him to be ok, to be happy, but what he was describing was… unsettling. Distant. "I'm going to finish tidying myself up, get ready to see Hagen."</p>
<p>"Of course, excuse me. I'll see you when we arrive."</p>
<p>Kestrel sighed as the door closed behind him. For all her counsel to Felix to give their vicar time, she wasn’t a hundred percent sure of what to make of him at the moment, either. How did you share a drink and some companionship with a void floating overhead? But he didn’t seem that way when he first walked in. He said he didn’t have the words to describe his experiences. Kestrel felt like she didn’t have the words to ask what he was feeling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lights of the Groundbreaker's promenade shone brighter and in more colors than Max ever realized before, or than he ever let himself realize. It was not, he decided after a moment, an improvement in so much as many of those color combinations were headache-inducing if one looked too long, but the overall effect of small awe upon stepping through the doors was an experience he'd forgotten.</p>
<p>Mr. Millstone had asked around about the presumed traitor Trask's wife, and thought the Lost Hope was as good a place to find her as anywhere. They found her easily, and the Captain and Felix asked their questions as Max stood back and waited patiently.</p>
<p>He did wonder why Felix was doing this. Why the desire to prove himself worthy of his old mentor’s attention? He had a place to belong on the Unreliable. Was he contemplating leaving, or was this a way to prove himself capable, a story he'd built for himself where he was abandoned because he wasn't good enough? That was clearly untrue, if it was what Felix thought. Max wouldn't trust Harlow as far as he could throw him, and had no doubt the pompous revolutionary wanted Felix for cannon-fodder more than anything else. The arrogance of the man, assuming he could make demands, as if Felix owed him… Max breathed and tried to let go of the anger. Felix considered Harlow a friend, and voicing a contrary opinion now would only cause distress.</p>
<p>Max wondered if Parvati had been serious about Felix’s itching powder plan. Had he irritated the young man so much? Surely he’d been far worse to him the entire time they’d known each other, compared to the past few days? Max sighed as he recognized that was likely the cause of Felix’s intense reaction. Max was different than the crew had known, and they were suspicious. Yet, was it so hard to imagine that he might change? Or try to change, at the very least?</p>
<p>The Captain at least seemed to believe he was genuine in his change, though she was still adjusting to it. Ha, so was he. She'd defended him so strongly from himself on Scylla (<i>he's a better man than he gives himself credit for</i>) and she worried so much for him now. Though he was thankful for it, he'd much rather see her smile, the way it reached her eyes and lit up her whole face and made him…</p>
<p>Felix and the Captain had the information they needed, and the Captain led the way to the SubLight Incorporated offices. Captain Kestrel suspected Ms. Hagen knew more about these salvage jobs regarding Dr. Chartrand’s research than she let on, and the Captain’s suspicions were confirmed, in a way. </p>
<p>“We’ve stumbled onto something big, something neither of us was meant to know,” the CEO said. “Ask yourself why a skeleton crew was studying Alta-Vitae gas in secret. Ask yourself why stockpiles were hidden on a planet full of monsters.”</p>
<p>“I’m guessing you have an idea,” the Captain said.</p>
<p>Hagen nodded, “Before we go any farther, I want you to keep an open mind. Can you do that for me, Captain?”</p>
<p>The Captain was skeptical, but slowly agreed, “I can do that.”</p>
<p>That was good enough for Hagen. “Aliens. I’m talking about aliens. They’re the ones responsible for the deaths on station Ten Eighty-Four and who knows what else. We have to put a stop to it.”</p>
<p>Max reflected that the scientists on the station were not dead, only in stasis, but that wasn’t the issue at hand.</p>
<p>“Aliens,” the Captain stated, an eyebrow raised.</p>
<p>“I’m not asking you to like it,” Hagen was determined, “I’m not even asking you to believe it. But I need to act on this threat to the colony and I can’t do it alone.”</p>
<p>“Captain,” Max said, “in my humble assessment, Ms. Hagen is insane.”</p>
<p>“Or,” Felix spoke up, excited, “aliens from other worlds have been visiting Halcyon!”</p>
<p>“At least one of your crew can keep an open mind," Hagen seemed amused, "but this isn’t a serial, Millstone. This is reality. And it’s good that your vicar’s skeptical, too. I don’t want you walking into the unknown with blindfolds on.”</p>
<p>Max had quite a few thoughts on her definition of reality, but they weren't important right now. The Captain cut to the heart of the matter; namely, what Ms. Hagen intended to do about this so-called invasion.</p>
<p>Lilya Hagen was convinced Dr. Chartrand was part of a conspiracy against humanity. Chartrand was in league with aliens who wanted to destroy humanity through our cells themselves. Her next job for the Captain was to assassinate the head scientist for betraying her species. The Captain obviously had no intention of following through on the job, but she wanted to know what sort of research had caused the sacrifice of so many scientists.</p>
<p>First, they would finish Felix's task for Mr. Harlow.</p>
<p>Trask was hiding out on Terra 2. Max asked to accompany Felix and the Captain. Felix shrugged, "Sure, preacher."</p>
<p>Well, at least they hadn't reverted to 'Vic.' It was curious, he didn't really care anymore what Ellie called him; he could recognize her attempts to rile him as diversions for her own illusory self, and it didn't bother him the way it used to. For Felix, on the other hand, it was a defensive mechanism of a different sort. Fighting at every opportunity, the need to prove to the universe that he was worth his place in it. Max had done the same, in a way. </p>
<p>The Captain chose to take the road around Edgewater, rather than through it. She was trying to attract as little attention as possible. As they walked, Felix suddenly asked, "So how does it feel, Max?"</p>
<p>"How does what feel?"</p>
<p>"Serving an instrument of corporate supremacy?"</p>
<p>Was he testing the waters, so to speak? "Oh, I wouldn’t know," Max said lightly, "I’ve given up being 'a cog in the machine of oppression.'"</p>
<p>Felix's brow furrowed, "Something’s telling me I’m being mocked right now."</p>
<p>Max sighed. That apparently backfired. "I’ve given that up as well, Mr. Millstone," he said softly, sincere.</p>
<p>A conflicted look crossed Felix's face, and he looked away.</p>
<p>He didn’t believe him. </p>
<p>If suffering was caused by trying to control reality, clinging to the way one wanted things to be and not enjoying the way they were, then no matter how much Max might want to have Felix’s friendship or to see the crew accept him as he is instead of the story he told himself he was, clinging to that want was the cause of this… distress, that he felt. So he must let it go, accept how things are… but if everything was perfect, if everything was there to be lived and experienced, then was the pain meant to be experienced as well? </p>
<p>Even after finding his answers, he still had questions.</p>
<p>He'd also slowed in his step a bit. He hurried to keep up, falling into step just behind Felix. The young man's hair was getting ragged, even for him. Not that Max was complaining. Felix hauled his machine gun up to ready as he spotted a few primals in the distance, and Max let his gaze drop as Felix's stance shifted. He didn't mind his current position at all, actually. It was funny, how he never acknowledged to himself that Felix was exactly the sort, were he several years younger… well. He would never do anything to insult or pressure him, he'd done enough of that already. </p>
<p>The lack of introspection Max found so distasteful in Felix when they met was now rather refreshing. Simply existing in his belief that "thinking got in the way of doing." If only he could apply that simplicity to his view of others as well, entertain the notion that perceptions may be flawed… but that would require introspection, wouldn’t it? Hm.</p>
<p>The primals didn't attack, though the marauders in the other direction did. Fighting didn't hold quite the same allure as it used to, but Max was still very good at it. The fight was short, and they moved along.</p>
<p>When they found Trask's camp, the Captain did most of the talking. Trask had quite a bit to say, implying that Harlow was the one working for the Board the whole time and that he had evidence stashed away inside the base. He gave up his ring without fuss, "proof" Felix could give to Harlow to show the job was done, and they left the man in peace.</p>
<p>"Clyde Harlow, agent of the Board," Felix mumbled, stunned. "Yeah, that sounded even more insane out loud than it did in my head. Then again, Trask knew he was a dead man. Could've been trying to shift the blame."</p>
<p>"He said he had evidence," the Captain gently reminded him.</p>
<p>"I can't imagine Clyde working for the Board," Felix shook his head, "but we owe it to ourselves to find out."</p>
<p>The Captain turned to share a glance with Max. "We owe it to <i>you</i>, Felix. This isn't about the rest of us."</p>
<p>Felix fidgeted, and Max winced to see him so uncertain. It didn’t happen often, not like this. Simple confusion? Certainly. Self-doubt? That was something else entirely, and he wished he knew how to comfort the younger man without coming across as condescending… but as things currently stood, he couldn’t think of anything to say or do.</p>
<p>"You're gonna be there, right boss?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>Their Captain was surprised and smiled kindly, "Of course I am. First we'll find out if Trask was full of shit or not, take a look at his so-called evidence. Then you call the shots on what happens next. Ok?"</p>
<p>Felix nodded, firmer, that delightfully infuriating single-minded stubbornness returning, "Yeah. Ok. Let's find that stash."</p>
<p>As they returned to the ship, Max followed close behind Felix in silence, hoping the presence of a friend -- of someone who could be a friend if he would have him -- would somehow help.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The boss and Max both came with Felix back to see Clyde. Max hadn't said much, felt weird him being so close and calm, but he also seemed like he really wanted to be there. Kept glancing at Felix like he was checking on him. Felix didn't know what to make of that, so he just focused on the boss.</p><p>The boss was cool and collected, walking straight through the base to the spot where Trask said he stashed his proof… and there it was. Records of payment from the Board for "services rendered." She asked Felix what he wanted to do. Talk to Clyde. There had to be a reason, right?</p><p>Clyde welcomed them back, but before Felix could hand over the ring the boss said, “Trask had a lot to say about you, Harlow.”</p><p>Clyde scoffed, “Not surprised. Trask was a dead man trying to negotiate with his own executioner. He’d say anything to preserve his life.”</p><p>“Like the fact that you’ve been working for the Board?"</p><p>“That’s a damning accusation," Clyde glared. "Am I right to presume you have some evidence on hand?” She handed him the evidence and he scowled, “These papers don’t mean a damn thing! We’ve all done business with the Board, they own the whole damn colony! Trask put you up to this, that miserable wretch. He’s trying to undermine everything I stand for.”</p><p>The boss was unimpressed. “I'm not the one you owe an explanation to.”</p><p>She said it so quiet, so matter of fact, Felix almost missed it. Clyde blinked, and looked at Felix, “Listen to me, Felix. Don’t go jumping to conclusions. This isn’t what it looks like.”</p><p>Felix was pissed off. He thought Clyde had a reason, some plan, but this? “Yeah? Cause it looks like you been taking money from the Board. It looks like you sold out, Clyde.”</p><p>“Oh come on, Felix," Clyde sneered, "I can’t pay my soldiers in ideological purity. If I have to take the Board’s money to buy my guns, outfit my troops, and prepare my revolution, then I’ll do it.”</p><p>Felix frowned. Maybe Clyde had a point, you had to take jobs where you could get them, but there had to be a better way than working for the people you were waiting to fall.</p><p>“Are we done here?” the boss softly asked.</p><p>Clyde thought she was talking to him. “Captain, I hope Trask hasn’t tricked you into believing his ridiculous accusations. If you’re willing to overlook this unpleasantness, I’m willing to take Felix into my crew.”</p><p>"Oh, are you?" This intense energy just poured off of her like she was gonna rip Clyde to shreds and smile pleasantly the whole time, "That's so generous. Never mind the fact that not once have you bothered to ask Felix if he <i>wants</i> to join you."</p><p>Clyde was stunned. “You’ve been real good to me, boss," Felix said. "I’m not too keen on jumping ship.”</p><p>She smiled at him, no anger or nothing, just kind, “I’d be sorry to see you go. But, it’s your choice to make.”</p><p>Felix nodded, “Yeah. Ok." He was never more sure of anything than what he was about to say, "I had a good time, you know. Saw the system. Got in a couple scrapes." He waited just long enough to see Max and the boss brace themselves, and said to Clyde, "Which is why I’m staying. You were good to me, Clyde, once upon a day. But you disappeared on me, and I’ve moved on.”</p><p>The boss grinned. Clyde frowned, “Are you sure about this, Felix? I’m not giving you a second chance. Turn me down now, and you’re not getting back in my crew.”</p><p>“You can keep your crew. I’ve got a family.”</p><p>The boss's grin was brighter than a supernova, and Max was looking at Felix like… like he was proud? Felix's insides felt all fuzzy for a moment.</p><p>“Then I suppose there’s nothing more to be said," Clyde was friendly enough, but done with him. Good. Felix was done with him, too. "Goodbye, captain. I doubt we’ll cross orbits again.”</p><p>"Goodbye, Mr. Harlow," the boss said.</p><p>They left without another word. Felix felt… good? But also not. Also really not. He asked to talk to the boss in private when they returned to the ship. The boss told ADA to take them to Byzantium, and met Felix in his room.</p><p>“Listen, boss, I owe you an apology," the words just flowed, "I got stupid. Clyde wanted me on his crew, and I jumped at the shot. You took a chance with me back on the Groundbreaker, I should’ve shown you a little more loyalty.”</p><p>She shook her head with a small smile. “Don’t give it a second thought, Felix. I know this was important to you.”</p><p>“Nah, Clyde wasn’t important," Felix insisted, "Knowing you can count on me? That’s important."</p><p>"I know I can count on you, Felix. Promise." She tilted her head, "Are you ok?"</p><p>He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck, fidgeting, "I been trying to make sense of all this business with Clyde and Trask. I always looked up to Clyde. The thought that he could be an agent of the Board is just abhorrent to me.”</p><p>“You feel like he betrayed you.”</p><p>Felix nodded, “Yeah, he did. And I’m not sure how I’m going to get over that.”</p><p>“It’ll pass. Give it time.”</p><p>“I hope so. I don’t see this one passing any time soon. I’m gonna be mulling over this whole mess for a couple days… but I’m glad I didn’t go back to Harlow. I’ve got all the family I need right here on our ship.”</p><p>"I’m glad to hear it," she smiled.</p><p> </p><p>"Listening at doors, now, preacher?"</p><p>Max smiled, chagrined, and stepped away to enter the kitchen, "Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth. How are you this evening?"</p><p>"About the same as always," she was in her customary spot leaning against the counter, beer in hand. "I gotta say, I don't understand half of the stuff you been talking about the past few days, but this ‘you’ seems like an improvement."</p><p>"Thank you, I think so."</p><p>She gestured to Felix's door, "So which one of them were you checking on just now?"</p><p>"Both."</p><p>She raised an eyebrow, "For different reasons?"</p><p>Max blinked, a bit surprised as he realized, "No. No, I suspect the same emotion is at the root of both."</p><p>Nyoka watched him for a moment, then said into her drink, "Hard bein' there for someone when they don't see it, ain't it?"</p><p>Max remembered two of her friends had left her because they wanted out, wanted to take control of the illusion of fate instead of trusting in the family they had formed. "What's important is that I'm here," Max said.</p><p>She was skeptical, "It doesn't bother you?"</p><p>"Of course it does. I try to accept it, move through it. This is all a story the universe is telling itself."</p><p>"And that's… peaceful?"</p><p>He grinned, "Sometimes."</p><p>Nyoka chuckled, "I'll drink to that."</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel was certain Harlow had only wanted to use Felix to take care of Trask, and never really cared about him joining or not. The nerve of that man, acting like he was taking Felix off her hands, like he was doing her some sort of favor. He hadn't even said goodbye to Felix. What was worse was that Felix didn't seem to realize he'd been treated poorly. </p><p>But she wasn't going to tell Felix that. He was having a hard enough time coming to terms with his heroes being flawed without throwing more on him. Let him have the illusion that maybe Clyde cared, once upon a day.</p><p>"Hey, boss?" Felix asked, "Do you think he meant it?"</p><p>Kestrel blinked. "Who meant what?"</p><p>"Max. When he said I was like family."</p><p>She smiled a little. That had surprised her, too. "I think so?" </p><p>The possibility was clearly wild to him. "Huh."</p><p>"You wanna ask him?"</p><p>"Nah. Uh, maybe sometime, but not tonight. I think I just want to be by myself a while, catch a game."</p><p>"I get that," Kestrel nodded.</p><p>They came out of his room to see Nyoka and Max talking in the kitchen. Nyoka asked him, "So according to your religion, what happens when we die?"</p><p>Well that was a cheerful topic.</p><p>"I no longer consider myself as having a religion," Max said, which was really weird to hear, "but on this one point the OSI and I still agree; the body returns to the universe from whence it came."</p><p>Nyoka frowned, "Why do we exist in the first place then? What the hell's the point?"</p><p>Kestrel glanced at Felix, who looked like he was processing something extremely important. Between physical desire, ideological clashes, and a level of respect Felix would never admit, the poor guy had all sorts of conflicting feelings about the Vicar. Former vicar, apparently.</p><p>He was definitely still a preacher, though. She watched Max talk, completely engaged with Nyoka, this energy under the calm, still trying to teach spiritual truths. Kestrel noticed Max talked with his hands a lot when he was standing instead of behind a desk. How come she didn't notice that before?</p><p>"If there is a point," Max explained, "it's to let go of thinking there <i>is</i> a point. Existence is freedom if you let go of humankind's demands for meaning and structure."</p><p>Nyoka was still frowning, "I don't get it. That sounds to me like there ain't no point at all."</p><p>"You misunderstand me, there is meaning to be found, just not in the way most people assume. For example, I believe there was great meaning in your helping people survive the Monarch evacuation."</p><p>Nyoka considered this. "Hm. Ain't a bad point. Were I never born, a lot of those folks might be dead."</p><p>No more destiny, but individual actions were important? Nyoka seemed to appreciate the idea, and it was probably the first time Kestrel had heard her talk about death since they'd killed the mantiqueen in her old base. She took that as a good sign.</p><p>“Hey, Cap,” Nyoka greeted with a smile. “‘Sup, Felix? I take it things didn’t go great with your friend.”</p><p>Felix shook his head and headed for the fridge, “Not really, no. But I’m fine.”</p><p>“Are you?” Max quietly asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Felix grabbed a Rizzo’s. “I mean, sucks that the guy I looked up to most of my childhood let me down, but… yeah. I’m ok.” He sounded like he meant it. Or he would have, if he hadn’t been embarrassed by Max asking about him.</p><p>Max was going to speak, and Nyoka elbowed him with a slight shake of her head. She muttered something into her beer, and Max thought better of whatever he was about to say. Wait. Nyoka was giving Max advice? </p><p>"I'm glad to hear it," Max said instead.</p><p>"Thanks for asking," Felix said, and hurried to his room, Rizzo's in one hand, radio in the other. </p><p>Kestrel smiled a little at Max and Nyoka, "We're en route to Byzantium. If anyone needs me, I'll be taking a nap. Wanna be fresh for when we meet Phineas's contact."</p><p> </p><p>Max sighed as the Captain left and turned to Nyoka, "I wasn't going to push."</p><p>Nyoka raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Uh huh."</p><p>"I was merely going to suggest--"</p><p>"Hold up. If the next words out of your mouth have anything to do with the true nature of the universe, it would have gone over badly. I know you want to help, but you're also the guy who thought explaining predestination was a good way to pass the time on the way to my friend's grave."</p><p>Max deflated. "Ah. I apologize for my insensitivity."</p><p>"I know. We're cool, Max. I'm just saying, if you want to help Felix feel better, maybe lay off the philosophy."</p><p>The expression on his face was such a "Max" mix of frustrated resignation and confusion, Nyoka laughed. "C'mon, you guys were watching a game in a bar not long ago! I know your mind's been blown, I was there too, but man, stop thinking so much."</p><p>Stop thinking so much. Yes, that was always one of his faults, wasn't it? One of many.</p><p>"I was awful to him," Max breathed.</p><p>"Yeah, you were a slimy son of a bitch, but I think you also might be a touch hard on yourself. Ain't like Felix made it easy for you guys to get along neither. And it's amazing what an apology can do."</p><p>"Do you think he'll believe me?"</p><p>Nyoka shrugged, "Maybe not, but that's not the point, is it?"</p><p>Max shook his head. "No, it's not. Thank you."</p><p>"You're welcome. While I'm fixing your love life, you want me to tell the Cap to hurry up and talk to you instead of acting like you just met?"</p><p>Max chuckled, "No. I doubt the Captain would appreciate it. I don't want to push, and I doubt any explanation I can give to settle her thoughts will be mediocre at best. She knows I'm here. I can wait."</p><p>"Suit yourself, guess you know her better than anyone," Nyoka grumbled with a grin, "but how you can be so void-damned patient is beyond me."</p><p>"Enlightenment does have some benefits, Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth," he smirked.</p><p>She laughed, "Suck sulfur, Max."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So yeah, I hate Clyde Harlow. XD<br/>Max is a balancing act at this point, but I hope he's coming across well. Stay safe, everyone</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie was from Byzantium. It made perfect sense in hindsight; she made a little too much of a point about her reputation as a scoundrel, and tried a little too hard to play the part. Kestrel didn’t mind that, she found it kind of funny. What pissed her off was Ellie’s request to use Kestrel as an exhibit to take home to her parents. She wanted Kestrel to pretend to be riffraff, just so she could pretend to be badass. It was the equivalent of an immature rebellious teenager on Earth bringing home the local troublemaker.</p><p>And Kestrel had agreed. Begrudgingly, but she’d agreed. Ellie had suggested seeing her folks, which meant she probably actually wanted to visit, but she needed an excuse to make a big drama of it. Kestrel could go and stand there and watch, and then they could leave. First though, they had to meet Phineas’s contact regarding the chemicals they were eventually going to steal. Kestrel didn’t want too big a crowd drawing attention to their meeting, so she planned to only bring Ellie and Parvati, since they were going to get Parvati’s dress in town anyway.</p><p>“Captain?”</p><p>“Hm? Oh, come in, Max.”</p><p>He stepped inside her room and cocked his head at the sight of her glaring at the two outfits on her bed. “If you would like a second opinion,” he hesitated just long enough for her to refuse. When she didn’t, he said, “Though I know you’re partial to the red and black, the green jacket over a black shirt might go well with your blue hair.”</p><p>“Hm. I’ll try it. If I look dumb, you have to tell me.”</p><p>“I’ve never once thought you looked dumb, so I may not be the best judge,” he said with a light chuckle.</p><p>She sighed. It was sweet, and probably true, but she had to remind herself he wasn’t flirting, just being polite.</p><p>“Do you feel the need to dress a certain way for a reason?” he asked.</p><p>“Ellie wants to take me home to meet her parents.”</p><p>“How forward,” he deadpanned.</p><p>Kestrel covered a laugh, “No, not like that. She wants to use me to show off how much of a rebel she is to her folks.”</p><p>“And this offends you?”</p><p>“Of course!” she turned to him, exasperated. "She told me to wear something bloodstained! I don't want to be put on display so she can have her little melodrama."</p><p>“And yet you agreed.”</p><p>She frowned, glaring a little, and turned back to the clothes, “Seemed important to her. As important as anything ever is.”</p><p>“So you resent being asked to play a role you find distasteful, but are willing to do it anyway for the sake of a… I won’t say friend,” he amended, making her smile a little, “but a member of your crew.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she sighed, “that about sums it up.”</p><p>“The green is definitely the more societally respectable of the two options, in my opinion.”</p><p>She smiled a little at that. “Thanks. Oh, hell, I’m sorry, was there something you needed?”</p><p>He shrugged, almost imperceptibly, “To check on you. You seemed upset. I presume it was due to Dr. Fenhill’s request?”</p><p>“Among other things,” she muttered. She took a deep breath, “I’m just a little nervous about everything, I guess. The chemical heist and all. I’ll be fine, but it’s… a lot.”</p><p>“Naturally,” he said softly. “Would you like me to accompany you through Byzantium? I also understand if you’d rather keep a low profile. A man in OSI vestments might not be too out of the ordinary, but in the company of a spaceship captain, I may raise eyebrows.”</p><p>“Why do you still wear vestments?”</p><p>He smiled a little, “They’re clothes. I suppose I could leave the cassock off, but I’m…” he shrugged, “used to it. And I suppose I am still a vicar of sorts, in intent if not in the teachings associated with the title.”</p><p>She thought about that for a bit. Maximillian DeSoto, vicar of a spiritual message no one else believed or followed except a hermit on an asteroid. He seemed remarkably ok with that.</p><p>“I don’t think you’ll be any more conspicuous than a ship’s engineer, a person trying too hard to be a pirate, and a displaced-in-time ship’s captain,” she managed a grin. She hadn’t spent as much time with him lately, maybe this would help.</p><p>He smiled with a nod, “Then I’ll see you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel wasn't sure what to make of the ludicrous circumstances around meeting Phineas’s contact. The contact was right there on the docks. Like, right there, casually leaning against some large shipping crates. Kestrel could tell it was the contact, because she was the only person around who was wearing dark clothes with dark glasses, like a spy from a serial, and yet none of the other workers or automechs seemed to care.</p><p>Carmen Imagawa had probably seen one too many aetherwaves and was weirdly obsessed with Earth-species of birds. After a humorous conversation regarding codenames for everyone on her crew, Kestrel finally got the info she needed. Minister Clarke spent most of his time in his heavily guarded estate; hardly ever left, and on the rare occasions he did, it was always with guards. Carmen’s only advice was to catch one of the guards on break at a bar, and maybe try to get a key off of them. It wasn’t much for information, but it was better than nothing.</p><p>Byzantium's wealth was immediately obvious as they stepped out of the elevator up from the docks, but so was its stagnation. A S.A.M unit dusted a damaged building, multiple storefronts were shut up and closed. Things weren’t as shiny as they appeared in the so-called “golden city,” not that any of the residents saw it that way. Everyone seemed blissfully ignorant of, well, everything except their immediate lives.</p><p>But hey, at least they had an orrery?</p><p>“You think I’d get arrested if I climbed up on that to get a look at the gearings?” Parvati asked.</p><p>“Nah,” Ellie said. “Probably just shot.” Parvati glared at her, fairly certain she was joking. Ellie shrugged, and changed the subject, “Hey, Max. Felix said you’re acting ‘crazy,’ saying we don’t exist or something? He’s just confused, right?”</p><p>“He may be confused,” Max said, “but that doesn’t mean I’m not insane.”</p><p>“See, I’m all for chemical recreation, but you’ve been saying strange things ever since you did those drugs at the hermit’s.”</p><p>He cocked an eyebrow, “Like the realization that our perception of self is akin to an optical illusion?”</p><p>“Now I can’t tell if you’re just doing this to try to get to me,” she huffed.</p><p>Kestrel thought there was just enough of a smirk on his face to suggest he was giving Ellie back a little of the grief she’d given him since they met, but he also probably actually believed what he said, too. Ultimately it didn’t matter, because Parvati had spotted Jolicoeur’s.</p><p>Celeste Jolicoeur was something else. It was almost funny how over-the-top she was, and she was very good at being flattering. She instantly asked Kestrel for help designing a new line of clothing inspired by the outside world; spacers, marauders, and Iconoclasts.</p><p>Kestrel shrugged, "Sure, I got examples of all those on the ship."</p><p>Celeste blinked, "All of them? Are you in the habit of keeping a spare marauder's ensemble on hand?"</p><p>"Not on purpose,” Kestrel was perhaps a touch defensive, “I just don't like to throw anything away. Never know when you might need it. Or I can turn it into something else."</p><p>Celeste found this a delightfully novel concept. She also found it absolutely hilarious that Parvati wanted the dress for romance (apparently wooing was outdated) and so provided a discount. Parvati was thrilled.</p><p>“Oh gosh, Captain, isn’t it amazing!” she beamed. “Thank you so much for taking the time to come here with me, I just… I’m gonna take it back to the ship right now, and start planning the rest of the date!” Parvati headed off back to the ship as quickly as she could.</p><p>Kestrel laughed, told Celeste she’d be back to model, and she and Max followed Ellie to her childhood home. Kestrel never felt quite so out of place as she did surrounded by houses the size of apartment complexes back on Earth.</p><p>“There’s my parents’ place,” Ellie pointed. “Smell that? Industrial-grade cleaning solvent and desperation.”</p><p>“That’s not all I smell,” Max softly muttered to Kestrel.</p><p>Kestrel grinned a little. The whole place felt rotten, that was certain. The opulence was faded and… yeah, desperation was probably a really good way to describe this unsettling high society.</p><p>Ellie’s parents weren’t what Kestrel expected. No, that’s not true, they were exactly what she expected. But their behavior was a surprise, for both her and Ellie. Not only were they not happy to see her, they acted as though the return of their estranged daughter was a huge inconvenience. They’d told everyone she was dead. They'd collected on the life insurance. Instead of welcoming back the daughter they thought was dead, her being alive was a scandal waiting to happen. Hell, they weren’t even mad at her for leaving. They were just uncomfortable at having their lives made mildly more inconvenient.</p><p>“C’mon, Ellie,” Kestrel softly said after the Fenhills asked them to leave, “you don’t need this.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Ellie glared at her unrepentant parents, “I’m leaving. For good this time.”</p><p>Ellie was rightfully upset. Kestrel was too, it was awful that her parents were so apathetic toward her. Ellie ranted for a bit, likely more hurt than she let on… and came to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to steal her parents money. </p><p>“That’s not going to make you feel better,” Kestrel said.</p><p>“Sure it will! Don’t go getting all mushy on me. Besides, if anyone should be making a profit off my death, it’s me.”</p><p>Kestrel sighed. She didn’t like the idea of Ellie’s parents profiting off of faking their daughter’s death, so she agreed to help, but this felt less like justice and more like pettiness somehow.</p><p>"So,” Max said as they walked, “you threw off the constraints of proper society and abandoned a life of luxury to live as an outlaw.”</p><p>“You finally get me, Vicar,” Ellie said.</p><p>"I not only get you, I applaud you. Not many would have had the courage to turn their back on luxury. Not to speak of the pressure you must have been under to fulfill the role you’d been assigned.” Max seemed genuinely curious, “Any regrets? Thoughts of not belonging, of not being where you’re ‘supposed to be?’"</p><p>"I'm always where I’m supposed to be. Here and now." </p><p>"Bravo,” he smiled. “I couldn't have put it better myself."</p><p>Kestrel suddenly realized Max had abandoned his 'assigned' role, too. Ellie might be perfectly content with no regrets, but Max hadn't been. That was why he'd searched for the Plan, never satisfied that he had found his place, certain he was missing something, some answer that would tell him everything, spiritually empty for all his theology... until Scylla. And she'd been avoiding him for it.</p><p>They scoped out the Minister’s Estate because it was just down the street, heavily guarded as expected. Kestrel figured she’d have to try to swipe a key card like Carmen suggested. She was tired, aggravated at herself, and if that woman talking to that guard pointed at her one more time demanding she be removed…</p><p>Kestrel marched over and demanded to know what the hell the woman’s problem was. Apparently this socialite was upset that those beneath her were being rewarded in retirement. She offered to hire Kestrel to find out what was going on. They’d walked past a Retirees sign by the docks. It looked awful. Was the city hiding some secret paradise underground?</p><p>Kestrel had a bad feeling about this. </p><p>The bad feeling was right. Byzantium wasn’t "rewarding" anyone. They were culling them. Kestrel and her two crew destroyed every single automech in that death chamber, and scrambled the hell out of there again. The woman’s reaction was maddening. What an ingenious idea to get rid of the lower classes. What a perfect way to preserve Byzantium for those most deserving.</p><p>Kestrel saw red, her hands clenched into fists before she felt fingertips brush the small of her back, heard Max's voice beside her, "Captain, as much as I would like to attempt explaining the concept of compassion to the Byzantines, it seems our time might be better spent elsewhere."</p><p>She took a breath, forced herself to relax. "You're right. Let's get out of here."</p><p>Kestrel tried not to run back to the ship. She went straight to her room, closed the door, and screamed into her pillow.</p><p> </p><p>Max was breathing. Meditating, he supposed, but really he was simply sitting on the edge of his bed and focusing on the way breath moved through the body. He'd never paid attention to it before. He'd never been any good at meditating in seminary, the idea of contemplating an abstract concept to illuminate some aspect of the Plan was ridiculous, even when he believed there was a Plan. An architect of everything, some intelligent design and order… he snickered at himself. He still wasn't any good at meditating.</p><p>A knock on the door had him fast on his feet. “Come in,” he said as he went toward the door. The Captain entered. Max smiled, “What can I do for you?”</p><p>She shrugged a little with an even smaller grin, “Just thought I’d… check on you.”</p><p>“Of course. You’ve done far less of that than I expected, by all means.”</p><p>She glanced away, her arms folding in front of her, and he immediately regretted his jest. “Yeah. Sorry I haven’t been… thanks, for earlier. With the lady in Byzantium. The one I was probably going to punch in the face if you hadn’t said something.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” he said softly. Something had been wrong for some time now. He desperately wanted to know what was troubling her. He suspected it had something to do with him.</p><p>“Ellie told me you considered throwing out your books,” she said with sudden nonchalance, just making conversation.</p><p>“Yes,” he glanced around his room, “I wasn't sure what to do with them, but after talking with Dr. Fenhill I decided I should keep them. They may yet have a use.”</p><p>“Do you still read them?”</p><p>“I tried reading one or two, to reflect on the absurdities I immersed myself in. It was an interesting diversion… would you like to sit down?”</p><p>She blinked, “Oh. Yeah, thanks.” She hadn’t closed the door behind her. Max decided not to presume, and left it open as he sat in his chair. His Captain sat in her usual place across the table from him, but was ill at ease. “I’m, uh. Glad you kept them.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Another shrug, “Because they're books. They're kind of neat. Smell good. And it's really weird to think of you never reading again. I guess maybe you never really liked it, just trying to make yourself what you thought you should be?” Her tone was casual, but she looked nervous. At the curious tilt of his head, she hurried, “I keep thinking about that… other you, in the vision or hallucination or whatever the fuck, and I don’t know what parts were you, and what parts were you trying to be someone else. Pretending.”</p><p>He sighed, “Captain, there isn’t a clean distinction between the two. For example, I would be lying if I said I didn't take a great deal of pleasure from reading. I might still enjoy it, but not these books anymore. Though simply owning these was once a source of immense satisfaction, the ideas within them are…” he gestured wordlessly, dismissive. Then he smiled, “Can you recommend any trashy romances?”</p><p>She laughed softly, “Not sure those come in book form anymore. Had a few on Earth, but they were pretty old.” Her voice wavered, her arms around herself tightening, “Wish I could have brought them with me.”</p><p>A tear glistened on her cheek and he was out of his chair and around the table without thinking. He had to help, his friend was hurting and he had to do <i>something</i>. He dropped to his knees before her chair, drawing her toward him and she let him, leaning into his shoulder. The door closed without either of them asking. “Thank you, ADA,” Max said, and gently pulled his Captain closer. She slid off the chair to sit in his lap, curled up against him on the floor as she cried against his chest. “Captain?” he gently tried. “... Kestrel?”</p><p>She made a small sound, fingers clenching the fabric of his vestments. He took a moment to relax, let her be where she needed to be. “Please,” he said softly, “can you tell me what I’ve done?”</p><p>“It's not you,” she breathed deeply, trying to calm herself without much success, “fuck I’m sorry I don't know why I’m crying so much—”</p><p>“It’s alright,” he brushed the hair from her face, his arms tightening around her. She disagreed, which made him smile a little. Always so determined to put on a strong face. </p><p>He couldn't remember the last time he'd held someone, not like this. He marveled at the way she fit against him, at how he wanted to try this again without tears, at how willing he was to do anything to make her tears stop.</p><p>But holding her was all that was required. She tried another deep breath, managing a supremely annoyed, “Fuck this has been a hell of a fucking week.”</p><p>He chuckled knowingly, “Longer than that, I think.”</p><p>Now she simply sounded grumpy. The sort of voice when she knew he was right and didn't want to admit it. “… yeah. Long however long it's been since I fell out of the sky.” After a moment she suddenly moved away, wiping her face on her sleeves, “Shit, sorry.”</p><p>“Kestrel,” he was firm, “there is no reason for you to apologize.” She was only slightly reassured. He sighed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>“Tell you what?”</p><p>“That you were scared.”</p><p>“... because I was scared?” she said sheepishly.</p><p>He smiled softly, “Then please forgive me. All this talk of how I’ve changed, and I still manage to selfishly cling to my own thoughts and experiences instead of considering what you might be going through.” </p><p>She shook her head, "I should have said something. You seemed distant and different and the possibility you might not," she was embarrassed, "care… I'm an idiot."</p><p>Max blinked, stunned, and took her hand in his, “I promised to have your back, Captain. I’m still here, for anything you may need.”</p><p>She nodded, “I know.” She breathed deeply again and this time seemed to truly mean it. “I know you are.”</p><p>She was so tired. The events of the day had taken a harsh toll on her. Not to mention the growing monument of a task that was ‘the chemical heist,’ as she’d started to call it. “It occurs to me we haven't shared a drink since before Scylla.”</p><p>She smiled. It was beautiful. “Seems we should fix that.”</p><p>"Would you rather rest? You're clearly tired—"</p><p>"Sleeping doesn't help," she said. "Every time I take a nap, I wake up feeling shittier than before. I want to talk. … I might start crying again?"</p><p>"Don't move." He stood to pour two glasses and moved to sit next to her on the floor, leaned against the wall. "You may talk, cry, and anything else that will help put you at ease," he handed her a glass, "and I will listen, let you cry on my shoulder, and give whatever advice I can, poor though it may be."</p><p>She had a sip and held his hand, “Thanks, Max.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, Kestrel,” he said.</p><p>“This position is gonna be hell on your back.”</p><p>He laughed warmly, “Stop worrying about me, Captain.”</p><p>“Not gonna happen, vicar,” she grinned.</p><p>“Then I promise to let you know the instant I feel the need to get off the floor, on the condition that you tell me everything that has been worrying you of late.”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>She didn’t cry again the whole night, and she didn’t let go of his hand until she went to bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey, Felix!" Nyoka pounded on his door, "Wanna go hunting?"</p><p>Felix turned off the serial he'd been watching and answered, "Hunting?"</p><p>"The Cap needs some primal hides for some fashion designer in Byzantium she was modelling for this morning or some such," Nyoka said, a hand on her hip. "I told her she needed a day to not run around doing stupid ass jobs for everyone who asks. So I'm going primal hunting while she takes a much-needed day off. Wanna come?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Sure." Not like he had anything else to do, and if it would help the boss, great.</p><p>"Good," Nyoka smiled, and turned to shout down the hall to the kitchen, "Preacher, we're going hunting!"</p><p>"Have fun," Max called back.</p><p>"You're coming with!"</p><p>There was a small surprised pause, "I am?"</p><p>"He is?" Felix tried to act cool about it.</p><p>"Yep," Nyoka declared.</p><p>Max approached them, "You, me, and Mr. Millstone?"</p><p>"Cap said there's a primal nest north of Edgewater. Used to be your town, you know where it is?"</p><p>"Yes," Max answered cautiously.</p><p>"Perfect. Felix is scrappy and going stir crazy, you know where we need to go, I've got the hunting experience, it'll be great!"</p><p>Max thought for a moment, looked at Felix, looked at Nyoka, and said, "Who am I to argue?"</p><p> </p><p>"Your life was an illusion anyway!" </p><p>The marauder went down with a splatter of blood by Max's shot. So Max was still sexy with a shotgun. That wasn't distracting or anything. </p><p>The marauders taken care of, they continued on. Felix fell back a little as Max led the way, letting Nyoka between them. She always insisted that big groups made too much noise, but three seemed to be the magic number.</p><p>"Between you and me, preacher, I don’t think we can trust SAM," she suddenly said.</p><p>Max sounded amused, "I don’t think 'trust' enters into it. It’s an automechanical with no will to speak of."</p><p>She shook her head, "Think what you will, I think it’s shifty. Always loitering about, taking what don’t belong to him. I keep catching that bucket of bolts around my room. It says it’s cleaning up bottles, but I ain’t buying it."</p><p>"You think it could be a Board spy?" Max said with a conspiratorial smile.</p><p>Nyoka loved it, "Oh, fuck. You could be onto something. I’ll tell you this much— if it tries to sell me another void-forsaken cleaning instrument, I’m kicking it out the airlock."</p><p>Max chuckled. Felix smiled, "You'd have to deal with Parvati's wrath."</p><p>Nyoka turned back to him, "Shit, I didn't think of that."</p><p>"I doubt Ms. Holcomb would do serious damage to you," Max said, though he looked between them like he knew he was missing something.</p><p>Nyoka scoffed, "That woman once told me how my ammo might spontaneously combust, just making conversation, and I still don't know what was more disturbing; the idea it might happen, or the fact that that's something she thinks about on the regular."</p><p>Felix nodded solemnly, "It's like I told Ellie, Parvati's like the daughter of that crime family in The Masked Marketeer, the quiet one that murders twelve people with a knife at the end." Max raised an eyebrow. "C'mon, tell me you don't see it."</p><p>Max thought for a moment. "She is quite skilled with that hammer," he admitted. He suddenly slowed down, bringing them to a stop and pointing into a ravine. "Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth, there is our goal."</p><p>"Sweet," Nyoka smiled. "Ok fellas, follow me, and try not to make any noise until I start shooting."</p><p> </p><p>Though the Millstone Special continued to be extremely effective against corporate lackeys and those of the jackass persuasion, it didn't work as well against large boulder-throwing primals. Not only did he make it mad, he'd lost track of his stick when he fell to the ground. He scrambled to reload his gun as the primal bellowed, lunging— right into his tossball stick smacking it straight in the face.</p><p>"You have a <i>gun</i> Mr. Millstone!!!" Max shouted as he threw the stick back to Felix and readied his shotgun, "Why do you insist on <i>kicking things</i>!?"</p><p>"Because it looks cool!" were the first words out of Felix's mouth, "And most of the time it works!" The primal staggered backward as Max fired, and with Felix up and firing beside him they made quick work of it. </p><p>"Are you alright?" Max demanded angrily as he put a hand on Felix's shoulder and looked him over.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm fine." Felix rubbed his bruised backside and winced, "not even gonna need stitches."</p><p>Felix had a comeback in mind for whatever criticism Max was about to throw at him… but Max just sighed, relieved. "Good." The anger was gone. He seemed genuinely happy that Felix was ok. "Try not to give me a heart attack, Felix," Max said.</p><p>"Do my best," Felix muttered. He was very aware that Max's hand was still on his shoulder, friendly and comfortable. It wasn't fair, just touching shouldn't be so distracting, Max being so close but a skip jump away… </p><p>"I AM THE STORM!!!!"</p><p>Max's hand fell from Felix's shoulder with an amused smile and Felix remembered to breathe. "We should assist Nyoka."</p><p>"Yeah," Felix swallowed hard with a quick nod of his head, "Let's go."</p><p> </p><p>He should say something.</p><p>Max and Felix stood side by side among the primal corpses, watching from a distance as Nyoka skinned one of the larger ones. Neither man had ever seen a creature being skinned before, and it was fascinatingly gruesome.</p><p>Max turned his attention from Nyoka to reflect on his talk with Kestrel the night before, his realization that just because the universe was perfect in its chaos didn't mean he should be passive in it. Life might be an illusion, an aperture through which the universe experienced itself, but Kestrel was someone he actively cared for, a magnificent facet of existence.</p><p>So was Felix. He'd come to admire the young man's impulsivity, and his extreme loyalty. Felix had grown up a bit in their crew's company, learning first hand that his heroes were simply human, that not everything was as black and white as he'd thought, but that his friends could be counted on to help navigate the universe. Max took great pleasure in observing Felix's energetic approach to life… and, yes, he'd contemplated a few particularly physical outlets for that energy. </p><p>He should say something. He'd never been very good at saying something. Oh, he was very good at saying things, on a variety of topics, but not the things that mattered.</p><p>Felix was still watching Nyoka, keeping casual as he asked, "Max, when was the last time you looked down your nose at me?"</p><p>"A lifetime ago, Felix," Max said, soft and sincere, "I was a different man then, but I still owe you an apology."</p><p>Felix looked at him, "Did you just… apologize to me?" Max watched Felix visibly force the implications aside in favor of sarcasm, "Alright. Now you're starting to creep me out."</p><p>Max shot him a wry smile, "Only now?"</p><p>"I mean, you talking crazy is one thing, but an apology?" Felix awkwardly joked. He tried to brush off his discomfort, "And c'mon, it wasn't a lifetime ago, more like a couple of weeks."</p><p>"A lifetime is not bound by the constraints of a calendar, Felix."</p><p>"See, that's what I'm talking about. What does that even mean?"</p><p>"It means he's sorry and trying to be better!" Nyoka called from the primal she was working on. "One of you come here and help me with this!"</p><p>Max started toward her, smiling to himself as Felix hurried to follow him.</p><p> </p><p>Felix did not ever want to help Nyoka skin an animal again. It had been great to watch from a distance, but doing it? He didn't think he'd ever get the stink of primal fat off his hands. And arms. Clothes. Everything, really.</p><p>The boss had been thankful, and amused, and ordered them to clean up as if there was any doubt. Then they took flight for Monarch to get some raptidon hides and a mantiqueen piece of some sort. Plus Ellie needed to go to Fallbrook and Parvati wanted some kind of special food for her date.</p><p>Felix had given his clothes to SAM to clean, against his better judgement but he was desperate. Now he was sitting on his bed in his underwear, reading a book on arson he'd picked up somewhere and never read and trying not to think of Max taking his turn in the shower.</p><p>It wasn't working. He hadn't read past the second page, and honestly couldn't remember what had been on the first. Felix shut the book and let it drop to the floor with a frustrated sigh. Fuck. This was dumb.</p><p>It wasn't just that he was attracted to Max, that he could handle. You like what you like, even the boss said so. But there was something… Max hadn't talked down to him since Scylla. He'd defended him. He worried about him. Felix was certain the old Max would have either laughed in his face or shot Felix down with a sneer if he'd suggested fucking. This Max? He'd still probably say no, but what if he said yes? Max looked at the boss sometimes, this soft sort of thing… </p><p>Felix knocked his head against the wall. He was an idiot. Just get it out there, let him turn you down, and if he does want to fuck that's awesome, been ages, don't overthink it. Been thinking too much already. He's not gonna look at you the way he looks at the boss, anyway.</p><p>SAM opened the door. Felix jumped, "Knock first!"</p><p>"Delivering freshly cleaned clothes! 97.59% grime and stench Eliminated!!"</p><p>Felix sighed in relief and took his clothes off the automech's outstretched arm, "Thanks, SAM."</p><p>SAM turned around and marched across the hall, leaving Felix's door open as Felix hastily pulled his pants on.</p><p>"Delivering freshly cleaned clothes! 98.03% grime and stench Eliminated!!"</p><p>How come Max's clothes were cleaner than his? "I can't believe I just thought that," Felix muttered to himself.</p><p>"Thank you, SAM," Max said.</p><p>“Unit was unable to complete scheduled sanitization service due to the following reason: LOCKED DOOR.”</p><p>“That’s quite alright, SAM. I prefer to clean my own quarters these days, I find it a perfect time to reflect on the impermanence of existence.”</p><p>“Warning: refusing the service of a SAM unit will be reflected on your permanent record.”</p><p>Max was surprised, “Be reasonable, SAM. You've already provided a great service to me, as these clothes demonstrate.” </p><p>Some fan somewhere inside SAM whirred for a bit. “Cleaning schedule for Vicar Max: Postponed.”</p><p>“Thank you, SAM,” Max sounded like he was trying not to laugh. “I appreciate it.”</p><p>Felix looked across the hall as SAM headed toward the kitchen. Max was in slacks and undershirt, barefoot, his hair still a little damp from his shower but still perfect which was completely unfair. “Lucky, you don’t have to worry about SAM destroying anything it wrongfully insists is trash anymore.”</p><p>Max smirked and set his clothes on his desk, "You could always ask ADA to lock your door."</p><p>"I did! She said I have to start cleaning up after myself first. I complained to the boss, but she took the ship's side!"</p><p>Max laughed. Felix was trying really hard not to stare at Max's chest. He wasn't doing very well. The tight shirt wasn't helping. The sleeves stopped just above the middle of his biceps, and… "Quite the predicament, Mr. Millstone." If Max noticed Felix ogling him, he didn't give any sign. "Either you must accept the possibility of possessions being lost, or take care to cultivate a habit of cleanliness."</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, "Both of those options suck."</p><p>"Only if you refuse to learn from them," Max sounded like he was pointing out something clever, but Felix didn't buy it.</p><p>The boss appeared, "Just the two I wanted to see. I'm going with Nyoka to get the rest of the stuff for Celeste, and Ellie's coming with so we can stop by Fallbrook for her. Do you guys mind staying with the ship?"</p><p>"Nope," Felix said.</p><p>"Not at all," Max said.</p><p>"Thanks," the boss smiled. "Parvati might want company shopping for Junlei. She also said something about a cake in Cascadia, I don't know why this is so essential, but," she shrugged. </p><p>"Of course, Captain," Max said lightly, amused. "You don't have to be present for every single task your crew hopes to accomplish."</p><p>The boss folded her arms and shot him a look, "I know that."</p><p>"Delegation is a good thing, Cap!" Nyoka shouted from the kitchen.</p><p>"I know that!" the boss rolled her eyes. "Or I'm starting to," she muttered and joined Nyoka in the kitchen.</p><p>With a fond chuckle, Max returned his attention to Felix. Felix straightened up; he'd slouched against his door frame, just watching Max as he talked to the boss, drifting a little. Max smiled softly, "As much as I would like to continue, our crewmates would appreciate it if we finished getting dressed."</p><p>"Right," Felix nodded, and slipped back into his room.</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel had never been so glad to see her ship as she was when it landed in Fallbrook. Rather than make the walk back to Stellar Bay, she'd signalled ADA to come to her instead. Being splattered with raptidon and mantisaur blood might have helped convince the insurance representative to look the other way while she changed the beneficiary of Ellie's life insurance policy, but now Kestrel was extremely ready to stop smelling like sulfur in a reptile cage. </p><p>Ellie had been thankful. Kestrel had tried to explain that this wasn't really going to fix anything, that in order for Ellie to be better than her parents she was going to have to start caring about other people and being around people who cared about her, too. Kestrel didn't think she'd gotten through to her, but at least Ellie hadn't completely dismissed the idea.</p><p>"Welcome back, Captain, Nyoka, and Ellie," ADA said. "Parvati has asked me to tell you 'don't even think about laying a finger on the casserole in the fridge.'"</p><p>"I call first shower!" Ellie said.</p><p>"Oh hell no," Nyoka objected. "I did most of the work."</p><p>"Hey, I skinned some too!"</p><p>"You did," Nyoka graciously admitted as they went upstairs, "a couple." </p><p>"So you're faster. When I take the skin off something, I'm usually putting it back in place again."</p><p>Kestrel shook her head with a smile as she stripped her armor off in her room before heading upstairs. She could pull rank, she supposed, but she could also wait a minute. Maybe. Kestrel grabbed her towel and a fresh set of clothes and headed up. She could hear the sound of the shower running, and conversation in the kitchen.</p><p>"It's just… she's a computer, Max! What happens when her equations tell her to cut off all our oxygen? Or blast us all into space?"</p><p>"Felix, ADA is not sentient," Max explained, baffled. "She can't act out of a sense of malice. Where do you get these ideas?"</p><p>"I was watching True Stories of Mechanical Murderers last night."</p><p>Max sighed, bemused, "Felix, your… purity, is refreshing."</p><p>Max, Felix, and Parvati were all sitting at the table, drinks in hand. Parvati had been giggling through this whole exchange. Now she looked at Max, sort of puzzled and said, "You seem to like travelin' with us more than afore you met that hermit."</p><p>Max smirked a little and sipped his drink, "Yes, I was kind of an ass, wasn't I?"</p><p>Parvati went wide-eyed, "I wouldn't say that! You were more of an… um…" she floundered under Max's amused gaze, "well I'm just glad you're not like that anymore."</p><p>"Oh, I'm still an ass, just someone who knows he is," he said. "It's quite amusing, the ridiculous things that go through my head."</p><p>This seemed to make sense to Parvati. "Just like the rest of us, then," she pondered. Then she smiled, "You're alright, Mr. Vicar."</p><p>"Thank you, Ms. Holcomb," Max smiled back.</p><p>Kestrel set the package of sweetheart cakes next to Parvati and plopped down on the sofa.</p><p>Parvati gasped, “Captain, you didn’t have to right away, I would have come help and—”</p><p>“Parvati,” Kestrel said, “you will repay me in full if you promise you don’t have any more prep for your date.”</p><p>“Oh, but I was thinking maybe…”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Aw,” she looked nervous.</p><p>“You’re going to be fine,” Kestrel smiled. “Honestly, you’re going to be great. Putting it off longer isn’t going to make you feel better about it. Besides, you’re going to have to wait a couple days more anyway since we’re headed back to Byzantium after this. I don’t want those hides on my ship longer than they have to be.”</p><p>Parvati took a breath and seemed a little more reassured. Sort of. Felix asked, “Get everything you need, boss?”</p><p>Kestrel nodded, “Sure did. Did Nyoka nab the shower first?”</p><p>“Dr. Fenhill was quite put out,” Max said, “but Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth is apparently content to leap into the shower and damn the preparations.”</p><p>“She had a towel,” Felix shrugged.</p><p>“Oh good,” Kestrel laughed.</p><p>SAM’s thrusters announced his arrival from the cargo bay. “Captain! Detecting a violation of cleanliness ordinance 1-8—”</p><p>“I know, SAM. I’m going to take care of it as soon as the shower is free. So’s Ellie.”</p><p>“SAM units are equipped with—”</p><p>“Thank you for the offer, but no. I’ll wait for the shower.”</p><p>Parvati laughed, “C’mon, SAM, let’s get you a task that don’t involve soaking half the crew.”</p><p>As SAM and Parvati returned downstairs, Kestrel asked, “Do you two want to come with me to deliver this stuff tomorrow?”</p><p>“To the shop in Byzantium?” Felix was skeptical. </p><p>“You haven’t seen Byzantium yet,” Max pointed out.</p><p>Felix remained skeptical, but said, “I guess I can at least see it.”</p><p>Kestrel beamed. “Good.”</p><p>An idea had occurred to her for a nice gesture to her crew, friends, family… all of the above. Having Felix and Max along for the first part of it would be a nice bonus. It had been a long time since she'd gone shopping.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So why are we running errands for this lady?” Felix asked.</p><p>Celeste had been overjoyed when Kestrel arrived right when her shop opened with the delivery of monster hides. She’d described her idea for the outfit, promised greatness, thanked Kestrel profusely, and eyed Kestrel’s companions with intense curiosity. Then she’d asked Kestrel for just one more favor.</p><p>“It’s not a big deal,” Kestrel said to Felix as they walked, “we’re just picking up a package.”</p><p>That was before she experienced the bureaucratic inefficiency of the Halcyon Parcel Service.</p><p>“I believe I understand why Ms. Jolicouer thrust this upon her latest muse,” Max said, “rather than attempt the task herself.”</p><p>They were standing in front of Celeste’s home, glaring at the notice stating the <s>package</s> parcel sent out for delivery had been returned to the distribution center… the same one that had told them the parcel was out for delivery.</p><p>“Yeah, well, she can get it herself,” Felix huffed.</p><p>Kestrel sighed, and then she grinned. “I have an idea.”</p><p>Together they found the back door of the Halcyon Parcel Service, and slipped past the guards right into the back room. There was Celeste’s parcel… and there was also something addressed to Minister Clarke. Kestrel picked that one up along with Celeste’s, and they walked quickly and with purpose right back out the doors.</p><p> </p><p>Felix fidgeted with the fingerless gloves on his hands and pulled at the high collar of his new shirt. "I still don't get why the boss is cozying up to this Celeste lady," he muttered.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>Felix looked at Max, standing perfectly still in the black suit the Captain had asked him to wear, "Making us try on all this stuff, buying half her stock?"</p><p>"Closer to two thirds."</p><p>"That doesn't help, Max."</p><p>Max smiled a little, "The Captain is having fun, Felix. Let her enjoy herself; she's earned it."</p><p>Felix sighed, "Yeah, she has. But how this could be fun, I don't understand."</p><p>Celeste Jolicoeur and Captain Kestrel had been chatting as they eyed the two men up and down like valuable salvage. Once Max had let himself focus on his Captain and watch her embarrassment fade with each request, finally relaxed and at ease… it had sparked a more visceral warmth than he expected. He'd also had the pleasure of seeing Felix in various states of undress as they shared the only changing room. Yes, he mused to himself, he was enjoying this much more than he ever expected.</p><p>Ms. Jolicouer suddenly stood straight and declared, "Trust me my darling, I am a professional, and an artist. The younger one needs a hat."</p><p>"You've got to be kidding me," Felix muttered.</p><p>"Deep breaths," Max softly instructed. "You've dealt with far worse than trying on a hat."</p><p>The Captain came toward him with a top hat. "Thank you for putting up with me," she smiled, and plopped the hat on top of his head.</p><p>Felix sighed, "Sure, boss."</p><p>The Captain beamed. Max commented, "His shirt's light shade of purple works well, but I'm not as convinced about the hat."</p><p>"Lavender, dear," Celeste said from across the room, "an old Earth shade. And the hat is stunning."</p><p>"I like it," the Captain declared. </p><p>Felix was confused, "Boss, it's gonna fly off my head the first time I dropkick someone."</p><p>"You won't be dropkicking anyone while we're in Byzantium. Hopefully."</p><p>"Guess I just don't see the point of fancy clothes," Felix grumbled. It was, Max reflected, rather adorable.</p><p>The Captain chuckled, "If I want to express my appreciation for my crew through lavish gifts of impractical clothing, I'm damn well going to."</p><p>And she held out a small, slim case to Max. His brow rose skeptically, but he opened the case.</p><p>At his lack of reaction, Kestrel said, "I promise I'm not making fun of your age, I just think they'd look— good. And you've been squinting a little when you read things," she hastily added.</p><p>Max met her eyes for a moment. He put the rectangular glasses on. They actually did improve his vision slightly… but more important was the sheer delight on his Captain's face.</p><p>"I was right," she smiled. "Thank you both for your patience."</p><p>"As always, we are at your disposal," Max quietly said.</p><p>The Captain cleared her throat as a slight blush crept to her cheeks and turned to Ms. Jolicoeur, who had been watching like they were an episode of an aetherwave serial. "I'll take these, as well as the other outfits."</p><p>"Other outfits?" Felix asked.</p><p>"Max, would Nyoka look better in red or grey?"</p><p>"Grey, Captain."</p><p>"Thank you. Shiny blue for Ellie, green on black for Parvati, grey suit for Nyoka, black for Max, purple for Felix… and then whatever the Chimera looks like when it's done."</p><p>"It will shake the foundations of fashion," Celeste said confidently. "Come by tomorrow afternoon, and it should be ready."</p><p>They thanked her, and returned to the ship.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, ladies!" Kestrel called as they entered, "come try on your new clothes!"</p><p>Ellie and Nyoka came out of the cargo hold, "Our what?"</p><p>"Were you two in a shooting match again?" Kestrel asked as she handed them each a box.</p><p>"Yes," ADA answered. "They have yet to puncture a wall or kill themselves with a ricocheting bullet, which I suppose is a testament of their marksmanship."</p><p>"Wait, is that Felix under that hat?" Ellie snickered.</p><p>"Gotta say," Nyoka shrugged, "preacher looks good in black. And don't you pay the cheater here any mind, Felix. You look good."</p><p>"You can't prove I cheated!" Ellie protested as she looked at the box. "Wait. This is from Jolicoeur's. Captain," she whined, "I've got a reputation to keep up!"</p><p>"Try it on, Dr. Fenhill," Max said as he went upstairs, "you might be surprised."</p><p>Ellie sighed and followed him. "I'll try it, but if I hate it, I'm not going to pretend I like it."</p><p>"We'd never expect you to," Nyoka said as she followed.</p><p>"Hey, Captain!" Parvati trotted out from the hold, "I was just fixing the sticky coupling on the… oh! Felix, you look just great!"</p><p>"There's a new outfit for everyone," Kestrel handed Parvati's to her.</p><p>"Oh but Captain, I just got a new dress for the date and—"</p><p>"This isn't a dress. I had bits to spend and I like Celeste's style, so everyone gets a 'thank you for following me all over Halcyon' gift."</p><p>Parvati was touched. "Aw, Captain. You didn't have to do that. We're all happy to follow you anywhere, what with how much a help you've been to us. I can't wait to try it on!"</p><p>Parvati dashed upstairs.</p><p>"Boss, do you really think I look good in this?" Felix asked as he took off the top hat to glare suspiciously at it.</p><p>Kestrel laughed, "You don't have to wear the hat if you don't like it. I do like the outfit, though… and Max liked it too." </p><p>Felix made a dismissive sound, "His eyes were on you the whole time."</p><p>"Except when he was stealing glances at you."</p><p>Felix blinked. "Really?"</p><p>Kestrel smiled, "Really. You must have been pretty miserable to have missed it. Sorry."</p><p>Felix gave a small shrug, "Nah, it's ok. You had fun, right? I didn't do all that for nothing?"</p><p>Kestrel laughed, "Yes, I had a lot of fun."</p><p>"Good," Felix nodded. "Why'd you want me to come?"</p><p>Kestrel shrugged, "I have no idea what size clothes you wear, I can estimate the girls easier. If I'd known how much you'd hate it, I wouldn't have sprung it on you."</p><p>"Eh, it wasn't torture. Just really fucking boring."</p><p>"Duly noted; Don't take Felix shopping."</p><p>"Except for food."</p><p>She laughed and shooed him up the stairs, "Go on, I'll be up in a minute."</p><p> </p><p>Max was trying out his new glasses. He selected a book on his shelves, flipped to a passage, and read a few lines. There was a marked improvement, certainly. He wished he had more engaging material to read. Surely he could find something of the sort Kestrel enjoyed on Earth here in Byzantium?</p><p>"So now you really are one of those people who wears glasses to look smart."</p><p>Max internally smirked as he placed the book back on the shelf and turned to Ellie in her new finery standing at the door. "No, Dr. Fenhill, I'm one of those people who wears glasses because of a slight difficulty seeing small print clearly. It's a recent development." He put the glasses away, "I'm glad the Captain's instinct to choose that iridescent shirt was correct."</p><p>"It's alright," Ellie shrugged.</p><p>A delighted squeal echoed from Parvati's room next door. She appeared in his doorway, "Ellie! I love that color on you!"</p><p>"Thanks, Parvati," even Ellie couldn't help but grin, "You, too. Guess the Captain has a good eye for fashion. Who'd have thought?"</p><p>Parvati turned to him, "Vicar, what do you think?"</p><p>She was in black slacks and a green brocade vest over her matching shirt, with parallel buttons down the front panel. "Dashing, Ms. Holcomb."</p><p>"Aw, c'mon."</p><p>"I mean it."</p><p>She made an excited squeak, practically vibrating, and said, "You too! Dashing, I mean. Oh gosh, have either of you seen Nyoka yet? She's in the kitchen, come on!"</p><p>"Guess Parvati likes her outfit," Felix said to Max as he came up the stairs. </p><p>Max chuckled, "Yes, it seems so." He ventured a light touch on the small of Felix's back to urge him forward before he could retreat into his room. Felix followed.</p><p>Nyoka was in her usual position leaning against the kitchen counter in a grey suit, similar to the style Max wore. "I'm not gonna be hunting raps in it, but I think I look pretty good," she said with amused confidence. "Look at you, Parvati! I love it, it suits you."</p><p>The Captain joined them. She was in a modern take on an old military uniform, green long coat and gold accents and shoulders, off-white trousers and tall black boots. Parvati and Nyoka complimented her, Ellie gave her version of praise, and Felix put it best, "Wow, boss! You look like you could wipe the floor with any of those Byzantium pricks."</p><p>Kestrel grinned, "Thank you, Felix." </p><p>"A captain's uniform suits you," Max said. He meant it sincerely, on a number of levels.</p><p>His Captain cleared her throat with a smile and said, "One more thing for you, Ellie." She handed Ellie the last item, "It's not Jolicouer, and I suspect you'll appreciate it much more."</p><p>"… an eye patch?" Ellie's face lit up in the closest version of a tender emotion the crew had ever seen, "Aw, Captain!!!"</p><p>"Just don't develop a real need for it, ok?"</p><p>"No promises. This is awesome!"</p><p>"That's the happiest I've ever seen her," Max commented.</p><p>Nyoka chuckled, "Guess the best way to a wannabe pirate's heart is her accessories."</p><p>"Now that we're all dressed up, who wants to go scandalize some Byzantines?" the Captain asked.</p><p>The women were eager, but Felix shook his head, "I think I've had enough of Byzantium for a day."</p><p>"I'll stay with Felix," Max said. Felix looked mildly alarmed. Max hoped to rectify that.</p><p>"Ladies night, sweet," Ellie said.</p><p>"Try not to get kicked out," Max drawled, "of the city, I mean."</p><p>The Captain smiled, "We'll do our best. Have fun, boys!"</p><p>And then Max was alone with Felix.</p><p> </p><p>"You sure you want to stay here?" Felix asked, hoping he didn't sound as awkward as he felt and knowing full well he probably did. "I'm not complaining, just… you been spending a lot of time with the Captain, so."</p><p>"The others will be more comfortable without me there, and this way I can spend some time with you."</p><p>Felix ignored the second half to frown at the first. "Why would they be uncomfortable?"</p><p>Max's eyes flicked down to the kitchen table, fingers drumming once on the back of a chair. "I believe everyone has by now accepted that I've changed, but I recognize some aren't sure what to do when I'm present.” He smiled a little, “Apparently, it’s difficult to know when to take me seriously.” Felix made a sound of agreement without thinking about it, which made Max’s smile a little… softer? “How were you planning on spending the rest of the day?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Watch a serial, or see which teams are playing. What did you call it, live vicariously through… something."</p><p>"Something like that."</p><p>It felt good to see Max smile at him. Also felt stupid just standing in the kitchen. "First, I gotta get out of these clothes."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Just feel weird," he headed to his room.</p><p>He wasn't expecting Max to follow, "You wear them well, when you aren't thinking about them."</p><p>"When I'm not thinking about them? Is this gonna be another weird advice thing?"</p><p>Max scoffed, "No. Just a compliment— stop!" Suddenly Max had his hands on Felix's arms, keeping him from pulling the shirt over his head. "There are buttons on the back of the collar. Hold still."</p><p>"Oh, yeah. I forgot about those." Felix felt Max's hand on the back of his head, holding his hair out of the way as he undid the buttons. His hair wasn’t that long, was it? Not like he ever really checked. Felix didn't know if Max's fingers had actually moved through his hair or if he'd imagined that. He had imagined that, just not like this. </p><p>Max's hands fell away, and Felix carefully removed the finery. "Thanks," he said.</p><p>"You're welcome," Max took a single step back. "Do you want company?"</p><p>Felix folded up the shirt and tried not to feel nervous. They'd both been half naked while trying on clothes in the shop, but stealing glances while bored was way different than having him right there and looking straight at him. “Thought you didn't care about tossball anymore.”</p><p>"I don't, but you do."</p><p>Oh. Felix sighed, and busied himself with putting his old shirt on. Max waited. "You know, before your—" he was going to say 'drug trip,' but he remembered the look on Max's face when he mentioned no one taking him seriously. "Back before you met that hermit, I thought we might be getting along. I mean, I still thought you were a lackey of the corporate order, but you also looked out for us when you weren't insulting us, and it seemed like we were starting to be… not friends, but not enemies either. Then you came back different. Way different." He hurried, "Don't get me wrong, I'm sure not gonna complain if I never see you look down your nose at me again. But I guess I felt like I don't know you anymore. And the past week or so has kind of been… fixing that?"</p><p>Max took a breath, letting it out slow with a nod, "I understand." He stepped forward, voice gentle but still somehow intense, "I value your friendship, Felix, as difficult as that is to believe. I realize that what I perceive to be my change for the better instead alienated you but, if you'll let me, I would like to start over."</p><p>Felix nodded, "Ok. Yeah, we can do that."</p><p> </p><p>Felix was disappointed the Rangers weren’t playing, but a match between the Darlings and the Chosen would do. Felix thought about having a beer, but decided to stick to Rizzo’s. Max drank tea. They brought a chair from Max's room into Felix's to watch and despite claiming to have lost interest in the sport, the vicar seemed to be quietly enjoying himself.</p><p>“What sort of a ruling is that?” Felix swore.</p><p>“I believe it’s called a ‘penalty,’” Max said with a dry smirk.</p><p>“You know what I mean! That was a perfectly legal check.”</p><p>“The judges disagree. And because I know you’ll ask, I agree with them. I performed the same maneuver myself, often. The trick is not to get caught.”</p><p>Felix huffed and finished his Rizzo's Lemon Slapp. "Don't imagine prison yard tossball had a lot of rules."</p><p>"Oh, the guards enforced them quite strictly. I believe they enjoyed it." The last words were flat, only slightly bitter. Max wasn't afraid to mention he'd been in prison, but he didn't ever really talk about it. Felix still didn't know which prison it had been. He figured it didn't really matter.</p><p>A commercial started, and Felix changed the subject. "Where'd you get your schooling, Max?"</p><p>Max shrugged, "No place special. An OSI seminary, the same as my peers."</p><p>"They teach science there? Chemicals and test tubes, all that sundry?"</p><p>"Among other things, including a certain rigidity of thought. Why?"</p><p>Felix tried to sound nonchalant, "Do you still have any of your old books? Just curious."</p><p>Max studied him with a knowing smile. "Of course. And you're welcome to them."</p><p>"Thanks," Felix tried to busy himself with his drink and remembered the bottle was empty.</p><p>"As an orphan in the Back Bays, I imagine you never went to school?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Nah. I mean, I had to work, right? So I picked up on basic stuff. I can read a label on a container, I can count, that sort of thing. I never had a head for numbers and stuff."</p><p>"I'd be happy to teach you anything I can, if you like."</p><p>Law, he said it like he meant it. "I'll start with the books, just see what I'm getting myself into, and then probably ask you a lot of dumb questions?" Felix nervously met Max's eyes. He didn't know if he'd ever get used to seeing them kind instead of judging.</p><p>An echo of weirdly reassuring sarcasm crossed Max's face as he joked, "You can ask me any questions, not just dumb ones."</p><p>Felix grinned, "Thanks, Max."</p><p>The game started again. It wasn't as interesting as Felix had hoped; the Chosen were getting dominated, which annoyed Felix to no end. No point in watching a slaughter. Unless the Rangers were the ones doing the slaughtering, of course.</p><p>"Getting bored?" Max asked.</p><p>Felix smirked, "Nah, any game is better than no game."</p><p>"Mm. The Chosen's coach is an idiot if he thinks that play is going to work."</p><p>"I know, right?! I mean come on, get Jackson out of the Wednesday Zone and go for a hand goal!" If there was one thing Felix enjoyed more than tossball, it was criticising poor tossball decisions.</p><p>"At the very least he could attempt a pass through the Friday Zone."</p><p>"C'mon, Max, no way that would get through."</p><p>"It would require timing and finesse, but it could be done."</p><p>"Which is why it's never gonna work for the Chosen."</p><p>Max laughed, "A fair point."</p><p>When had Max's arm reached across the back of Felix's chair? Wait, had they always been sitting so close? Felix thought for a second and decided he'd been thinking too much anyway.</p><p>Felix leaned against Max, attention firmly on the game and not actually paying attention at all because Max made the tiniest sound like he was <i>pleased</i> and shifted so the angle was more comfortable for Felix and fuck he wished he had a sofa instead of a couple chairs…</p><p>"Law, the Chosen are getting slaughtered," he sighed.</p><p>Max chuckled, "Are you looking for an excuse to turn it off?"</p><p>Felix swallowed hard and shrugged, "I mean, if you wanted to do something else," Max's fingers carded through Felix's hair and he shivered in a good way, "we could totally do something else."</p><p>Max turned off the game and Felix's heart rate rocketed.</p><p>"What would you like to do instead?" Max asked, soft and warm.</p><p>"I'm good for pretty much anything," Felix breathed, eager and full of need.</p><p>"ADA, please close the door," Max said, and the door closed. Max was so close, breath tickling Felix's ear, "What would you like to do?"</p><p>"Fuck," Felix breathed, so quiet maybe Max didn't hear him, but then Max gave the collar of Felix's shirt a light tug. </p><p>"Would you take this off, please?"</p><p>Felix was on his feet and stripped the shirt off, tossing it to the floor. His hands went to his pants, but Max stopped him, pulling him forward to sit on his lap. "Not yet." Felix sat, but he was clearly confused. "What have your previous partners been like?" Max asked.</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Not like I knew them. Have a couple drinks in a bar, someone pays for more, looking for a way to let off steam, you know?"</p><p>"What did they usually do after getting you drunk?" Max quietly demanded as he ran his hands down Felix's sides.</p><p>"I wasn't plastered, I knew what was going on most of the time," Felix defended. "Sometimes I was dead sober."</p><p>"At least there's that. What usually happened?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "I'd either suck their cock or they'd fuck me. Lots of places to get privacy in the Back Bays."</p><p>"I see." Max's thumbs circled Felix's nipples, smiling as they hardened. "This is going to be a bit different. I want you to tell me the instant you want me to stop, no matter the reason."</p><p>Felix nodded, his "ok" swallowed as Max claimed his mouth in a deep kiss. Felix tried to mimic what Max did; he'd never been kissed like this before, just harsh presses and a tongue down your throat before being shoved into position, but Max was warm and searching and fuck was this what the kisses on serials felt like? He could feel Max getting hard against him through their pants as Max's hand slid along his ass, Felix's hips moving in a desperate attempt to get closer, "Not fair I'm the only one with my shirt off."</p><p>"Patience, young man."</p><p>"No," Felix's petulant protest was met with a grin from Max.</p><p>"Are you begging to be disciplined, or are you truly so impatient?"</p><p>Felix pulled back a little, uncertain. "Needy's not attractive, ok," Felix muttered to himself.</p><p>Max shook his head, "I didn't say that." He brought him close again, started kissing his neck, "Use more words, explain what you need."</p><p>Max's mouth moved along Felix's collarbone, working the skin with his teeth and all Felix could force out was, "Fuck me."</p><p>"You can do better than that," Max's fingertips ran across Felix's obvious erection.</p><p>"Yes, that please Max," fuck, could he sound more desperate, he wondered.</p><p>"We'll get there."</p><p>Felix groaned, frustrated, "Why wait?"</p><p>Max looked at him then like he was realizing something, slowly opened Felix's pants, watching Felix's breath quicken as he did so, and smiling at the sound that came out of Felix's throat as he freed Felix's cock.</p><p>Max idly played with the hard shaft in his hand, "Sex has always been fast and dirty, hasn't it? Being passive makes you anxious."</p><p>Felix managed a shrug, transfixed watching Max play with him, wondered if he was going to get cum all over that new fancy shirt and torn over if he wanted to or if he'd be mortified…</p><p>"Take these off," Max said, and Felix scrambled to his feet to strip his pants. Max stood up, "Undress me?"</p><p>Felix wasn't sure where this was going, but at least he had something to do and it was finally in the right direction. He started to take off Max’s shirt, remembering the buttons on his new shirt’s collar and searching to make sure there weren't any hidden fasteners this time either. Max grinned at that, amused but not mocking or anything. Almost pleased Felix had made the connection. Felix felt fuzzy to think of Max being pleased with him.</p><p>Oh, fuck, he had it bad, huh.</p><p>Now that the shirt was off, Felix started for the pants and suddenly stopped with an exhale. Slowly, he touched Max’s chest, skin slightly discolored in places from fights, a dramatic contrast to Felix’s colorful collection. He’d seen it at Celeste’s, and tried not to stare, but now he could touch.</p><p>"Hope I look this good when I’m old," Felix muttered.</p><p>Max chuckled, “You’ll have to start taking better care of yourself.”</p><p>“I’m a fucking mess, but you were in just as many fights as me.”</p><p>“I don’t make a habit of dropkicking raptidons, for one thing,” Max cupped Felix’s face with his hand and kissed him gently. “Every time I see you pull that stupid stunt, I think I’m going to have a heart attack.”</p><p>“You smacked a primal in the face with a tossball stick,” Felix mumbled, eyes closing as Max kissed.</p><p>“Because you were on the ground in front of it.”</p><p>Felt so good to hear that, think of all the times Max might have been acting out of worry instead of anger or disappointment.</p><p>"So easily distracted," Max chuckled, opening his pants since Felix hadn't.</p><p>Felix blushed, "You keep kissing me," he muttered in weak defense.</p><p>"Mm, true." He kissed him again, a little rougher, freeing his cock and wrapping his hand around them both.</p><p>Felix grunted in surprise at the feel of the cock next to his. Max gripped Felix' hair and kissed him hard, teeth nipping at Felix's lower lip, tongue plunging, exploring, making Felix's head spin, every fantasy and wet dream bubbling to the surface, "Max, lemme," Felix grunted against Max's mouth, "I wanna know what you taste like," he said fast between kisses, making Max pause. Felix dropped to his knees the instant Max let go, pulled Max's pants the rest of the way off, and eagerly licked from base to tip. He flushed with pride when Max moaned, slowly taking Max into his mouth, trying to remember what he'd said about patience and knowing Max wanted this to last.</p><p>He felt Max's hand on the back of his head, "Been a very long time since anyone's done that…"</p><p>Felix ran his hands around Max's thighs as he moved (Law, he could kill someone with his thighs). He tried to start slow, he really did, but soon he was sucking like he was starving, eager to get as much down as he could, half hoping Max would lose control and start fucking his throat and half loving this new thing Max had done to him, bringing him slowly to the edge and something in the back if Felix's mind told him he'd be left there and he was probably going to really fucking enjoy it.</p><p>Ow, his cock hurt just imagining.</p><p>Oh Law, Max tasted good. He wanted him to cum down his throat so badly…</p><p>"Stop," Max commanded in a hoarse whisper. Felix made a sound awfully similar to a whine as he released Max's cock. Max smiled to hear it, his breath heavy as Felix looked up at him, sneaking a kiss and lick as his hands roved over Max's legs and waist. "I want to be inside you."</p><p>Felix nodded eagerly, "Yes."</p><p>"You'll have to either fetch it for me or tell me where to look."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Max raised an eyebrow, "Lubricant?"</p><p>Felix blinked, "Oh! Under the mattress. Usually I'm the only… don't keep it on me for..." </p><p>"I know what you mean, Felix.  Were I more inclined to lose my temper, I would threaten the lives of every man who has ever taken you to bed without it." Max found the tube and knelt on the floor with Felix as he squeezed some gel onto his fingers, "Spread your legs for me."</p><p>Felix obeyed without thinking. Max reached between his legs and slipped a finger inside his ass. Felix's hips bucked with a moan.</p><p>"Much more pleasant than a cock with nothing but spit, isn't it?" Max grinned.</p><p>Felix nodded with a desperate "yes" as Max's finger moved and hit <i>there</i>, "Oh fuck Max," he groaned and writhed on his knees as Max pulled out some, teasing.</p><p>"I want to fuck you, remember? Can you control yourself?"</p><p>The sound Felix made was somewhere between a whine and a whimper.</p><p>"Does that mean yes?"</p><p>"Yes," Felix begged. Max pressed deeper again and Felix moaned, "Yes good more please…"</p><p>"Very well." A second finger slid inside.</p><p>Felix grabbed Max's shoulders, "Fuck!!!"</p><p>Max kissed him, "Once you're ready, I'm going to fuck you, but not before."</p><p>Felix held on for dear life and tried not to cum as Max's fingers moved. No one had ever been this slow and deliberate, just quick thrusts in dark corners and storage rooms and either he came or he finished himself later, but Max held him close and did everything he could to keep Felix on the edge and Felix was dissolving into an incoherent mess of sensations.</p><p>"Doing so well," Max whispered, and Felix keened in disappointment to feel his fingers leave, but Max said, "now on the bed."</p><p>Felix tried to dash and more stumbled onto his bed and laid on his back. He watched Max spread gel all over his cock and pulled his legs up, trembling with anticipation. Max knelt between his legs, pulled Felix closer and put one leg up on his shoulder as Felix wrapped his other around Max's waist. Max lined up, and pressed.</p><p>A whispered 'fuck' escaped in a harsh exhale as Felix watched Max enter, a moment of pain morphed into a jolt of pleasure as he slid deeper and then he was moving and Felix couldn't tear his eyes away from watching Max move in and out, "Law, Max…"</p><p>"You feel amazing, Felix," Max said, voice thick with restraint. He started to move faster, making Felix close his eyes with a groan, "Look at me." Felix opened his eyes, saw Max watching him, harsh lust tempered with a kinder sort of need and oh fuck it was wonderful. </p><p>"Please," Felix heard himself moan though he didn't know what he was begging for.</p><p>"Touch yourself," Max said, and Felix pumped his cock in time with Max's thrusts. "Such a sight," Max breathed. "Perfect."</p><p>Felix flushed with pride at the praise, groaning as he held himself to the edge, hand and hips stuttering as he struggled. If Max would just move a little faster, he'd lose it, he knew, but Max didn't, just kept thrusting steady, moans pouring from Felix's throat as every nerve ending thrummed.</p><p>"Max? Max I'm so close please…"</p><p>"Cum for me," Max growled and Felix came hard, barely registering the quickened thrusts inside him as Max reached his own climax.</p><p>Max lay next to Felix, or given the bed was built for one, half on top of him. Felix didn't mind. He managed to reach his shirt on the floor and wiped himself off. They lay quietly for a bit before Felix said, "So how come my plasma burn scars are worse than yours?”</p><p>Max chuckled, “Auntie Cleo’s.”</p><p>Felix shoved him with a guffaw, “What?!”</p><p>Max shrugged, “I maintain a daily skin care regimen.”</p><p>“You’re sexier than me because you <i>moisturize</i>?”</p><p>Max rolled his eyes, “I’m not sexier than you.”</p><p>“Look at you!”</p><p>“I’d rather look at you,” he traced Felix's hip.</p><p>“This is why you take so long in the bathroom, isn’t it? Because you’re putting five different products on.”</p><p>“I don’t use five, and why are you still thinking about this?”</p><p>“Are you embarrassed?” Felix’s smirked.</p><p>"No. Simply curious why this is important to you."</p><p>"It's not important, it's just funny."</p><p>"Taking care of the body now ensures the ability to experience life later."</p><p>"Hmm. Yeah, I guess. It's also just sexy."</p><p>Max laughed, "An additional perk."</p><p>There was noise outside the door. Someone knocked, "Hey Felix, you decent?"</p><p>"No!" Felix shouted, panicked.</p><p>"Ok ok!" Ellie shouted back. "Just wondered if you knew where the vicar got to is all."</p><p>"Go away, Dr. Fenhill," Max called.</p><p>Felix turned red in the following silence. Then they clearly heard Nyoka laughing and declaring, "I was right!!! I told you!"</p><p>"Leave them alone," the boss shooed the women away.</p><p>"Our Captain to the rescue," Max smiled. He stroked Felix's cheek with a knuckle and kissed him like he thought Felix's blush was cute.</p><p>Felix laughed a little, "Yeah." He shifted a little under Max's weight, "You look at her sometimes, like she's… I mean, she's the boss, so..." Shit, why'd he bring it up?</p><p>As Felix trailed off, Max said quietly, "Captain Kestrel is a close friend, and I would like for us to become even closer." Felix sighed with a nod, and Max took his face in his hand and gently made Felix's eyes meet his. "The fact that I admire the Captain's compassion and selflessness does not change or diminish my admiration for your loyalty and liveliness. You are both important to me for different reasons, neither more than the other. I may know Kestrel better than you, but I would like to fix that."</p><p>Felix blinked, "... Wait, I'm confused."</p><p>"I care for both of you, Felix." Max looked nervous as he asked, "How do you feel about that?"</p><p>Felix was still stunned. "Both of us. The same way."</p><p>Max nodded.</p><p>"Huh. Ok."</p><p>Max's brow rose skeptically.</p><p>"What? I mean it. I think you're an idiot because the boss is way cooler than I am," Felix grinned to see Max hide his relieved laugh, "but yeah. Ok."</p><p>"I'm glad to hear it."</p><p>"Hey Max, what you said earlier, about us not knowing when to take you seriously… we sort of wrote you off as crazy, but you really did change, and… I'm sorry. If it means anything, I think I like this version of you."</p><p>Max was… Felix didn't know what that expression was. It was quiet and seemed like a good thing, but he'd never seen it on Max's face before. "Thank you," Max breathed. Then he smiled, kissed Felix lightly on the lips and said, "Come on, out of bed. We need to clean up."</p><p>Felix blinked and stood. "Oh. Right. You want the shower first?"</p><p>Max stretched as he stood, "They already know we're fucking, is showering together going to scandalize them?"</p><p>Felix grinned, "Let's find out."</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max wasn’t in his room when Kestrel headed up to the kitchen for breakfast. Parvati was probably in the engine room doing her regular morning check on ADA’s systems, Ellie and Nyoka’s doors were closed, and Felix sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of Purpleberry Crunch.</p><p>"Morning, boss! You just missed Parvati and Ellie. Nyoka's still asleep."</p><p>"Good morning, Felix," Kestrel smiled. She almost asked ‘how was your night’ out of habit, but stopped herself. "Where’s Max?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "I haven't seen him this morning."</p><p>"Captain," ADA said, "Max left earlier, dressed in the clothes you gave him. He said he was shopping, but he would try to be back before you finished breakfast."</p><p>Kestrel looked at Felix, who was just as surprised as she was. "Shopping?"</p><p>"Yes," ADA said.</p><p>"Huh. Thanks, ADA," Kestrel said and started making tea.</p><p>After a couple minutes, Felix turned his chair to look at her, "Hey, boss? Thanks for encouraging me. You know, with Max. I've been thinking about it and my feelings were all over the system, so I'm glad you talked to me."</p><p>Kestrel shuffled around the kitchen, occupying her hands with breakfast. "You're welcome, Felix. I'm glad it worked out." That was true, she really was. She was also surprised it had actually happened. Kestrel knew Max cared about her, she was certain of that. Physical boundaries were falling away, she thought maybe he might… but apparently Felix was more his type. Which was fine, Kestrel told herself as she sat down across the table from Felix. Hell, she'd encouraged it.</p><p>Felix returned to his cereal. He knew she liked Max, but acted like this was no big deal. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe Max and Felix were just a fling. <i>And maybe you should just eat and stop working yourself up.</i></p><p>As Kestrel started eating, Felix said, "So what's the plan today?"</p><p>"I'm going to pick up that outfit from Celeste, and then I'm going to pretend to be a courier to talk to Minister Clarke."</p><p>"What if the guards don't buy it?"</p><p>"I've got a key to the house I took off a smashed guard at the bar last night, it'll be fine."</p><p>"Sweet. Who's coming with you?"</p><p>"No one."</p><p>Felix was aghast, "No one?"</p><p>Kestrel thought it was obvious, "Couriers don't work in multiples."</p><p>Felix frowned. "So? You get in through the front, we'll go through the back."</p><p>"What happens if you get caught?"</p><p>"Same thing that happens if you get caught!" Max walked in, "Max, tell her she can't go fight this Minister guy by herself!"</p><p>Max's brow rose, but Kestrel spoke over him, "I'm not fighting the Minister, Felix, we just need information."</p><p>"He's the bad guy, right?" Felix pressed, "He's not gonna just tell you where the secret chemicals are stashed!"</p><p>"He might," Max said as he sat next to Kestrel. "He might also call the guards."</p><p>"I'll have the holographic shroud on me for an escape," Kestrel said, becoming frustrated. "I've thought this out!"</p><p>"No point in not having back up," Felix grumbled.</p><p>Max smiled, "No one doubts your abilities, Captain. Felix is concerned for your safety because he struggles with the concept of universal impermanence."</p><p>It was clear he was teasing Felix, but Kestrel honestly wasn't sure what Max meant. Felix rolled his eyes, "Don't act like you're not worried about her."</p><p>"Of course I am," he said. "but I also trust my Captain's judgement."</p><p>Felix was flustered, "Well… yeah, I mean, she's the boss, but…" he crossed his arms and sulked in his chair.</p><p>"Captain, may I ask," Max said, "what the benefit of being alone is?"</p><p>"Keeping my crew out of trouble and getting this over with as quickly as possible," Kestrel said.</p><p>"Whether or not it goes quickly depends on the veracity of the Minister's guards, doesn't it? As for keeping us out of trouble, you did hire us to follow you <i>in</i>to trouble."</p><p>She frowned at him, but couldn't hold it for long. "You're an ass, and I hate it."</p><p>"That's not what you've previously led me to believe," he smirked.</p><p>Kestrel shook her head, "Ok, what if I bring one person with me, say Felix is in training or whatever and see if the guard will even let me pass. Meanwhile someone else can be on the street keeping watch."</p><p>Max nodded and looked at Felix. Felix thought about it, "Yeah. Ok, that could work."</p><p>"You'll have to wear fancy clothes in lieu of a uniform," Max pointed out.</p><p>"Never mind, I hate this plan," Felix said.</p><p>The women of the crew weren't thrilled with the plan either, but promised they'd be ready for a quick take off as soon as Kestrel and the men returned to the ship. First, Kestrel led the way back to Jolicoeur's and tried to think of what she was going to say to the Minister of Earth, instead of thinking about the two men walking just behind her.</p><p>“Max, what's impermanence mean?" Felix asked out of nowhere.</p><p>"To be impermanent is to be transient, inconstant," Max's tone was patient, explaining like he really wanted to teach Felix instead of lecturing at him. "Everything changes or ends eventually, and we are powerless against it. Treating impermanent things as if they are permanent causes us to suffer when they change."</p><p>Felix frowned, "So, if everything's gonna change anyway, what's the point of keeping anything?"</p><p>Max made a thoughtful sound, "You're close, but I fear you're misinterpreting. Loss is the nature of existing. The things that are precious to us can still be so, but it is precisely because they will not last forever."</p><p>Felix thought for a moment, "So, the boss and me as an example. Anything could happen, so you try to be ok with that and… enjoy us while you can?"</p><p>She could hear a smile in Max's voice, "A bit cruder than perhaps I would have said, but I think you get the idea."</p><p>Kestrel waited three steps before asking, "Felix and I are precious to you?"</p><p>There was a silent beat before Felix put his face in his hand, "You didn't tell her."</p><p>“No, I hadn’t yet,” Max said quietly.</p><p>"Max," Felix groaned into his hand, "you're supposed to be smart!"</p><p>"I didn't know how much either of you meant to me until recently," Max protested. "I was in no frame of mind to act on my desires, if I even acknowledged they were there at all." He scoffed at himself, "It wasn't part of 'the Plan.'"</p><p>That much made some sense, at least. Kestrel was torn between being thrilled and feeling like she wasn't good enough, which she thought was a dumb thing to think and yet there it was.</p><p>She paused at the steps up to the shop's level, "Both of us, huh?"</p><p>His brow creased, "I worry you think that somehow diminishes what I feel for you."</p><p>Called it in one. Why was she embarrassed? She tried to play it off as no big deal, "It's a little strange? Not something I ever thought about."</p><p>He smiled a little, "Neither had I."</p><p>She shifted uncomfortably, "Can we talk about this later, when we're not on the street?"</p><p>He seemed to remember where they were, "Of course." They went up the stairs, Kestrel leading the way. This certainly wasn't how she'd expected the day to start.</p><p>The door to Celeste's shop was open. Two UDL guards stood inside, looking down at a body.</p><p> </p><p>Celeste Jolicoeur had died for her art. The outfit had been deemed ‘perverse,’ and rather than see it destroyed she had resisted. For that, she had been shot, killed, labeled a radical and a dissident. All this because a woman dared think independently of the ‘cultural standards’ enforced within Byzantium.</p><p>Max was disgusted. How could he ever have once thought of this place as a “golden city,” a place to strive for, worthy of praise?</p><p>He placed a hand on the Captain’s back, just a reminder that she was not alone but also a hope that she would not let her obvious anger rule her actions. Her hands were clenched, she swallowed the tirade of insults he could only imagine she wanted to shout. Felix was on her other side then, chest puffed out and weight balanced, ready to spring into her defense against the soldiers he would decry as bootlickers before getting himself killed.</p><p>It was inspiring, and also terrifying. Max reflected he wasn't nearly as good at accepting the impermanence of existence when his friends were involved.</p><p>The Captain’s good sense won out. “Excuse me,” she said to the guards, and stepped across the room. The guards left, Kestrel bit her lip and searched Celeste’s body for her office key. “I’m not letting them have it,” she muttered. “Fuck it, I’m wearing this damn thing no matter what it looks like.”</p><p>The suit was on the desk. The Captain said, “Close the door,” and started undressing.</p><p>Felix made a tiny yelp of surprise and hurried out the door. Max followed, closing the door behind him.</p><p>"They just left her body," Felix grumbled.</p><p>"They'll return with disposal equipment," Max said.</p><p>Felix swore, "She's not even holding a weapon."</p><p>"I know, Felix. This may have been legal, but it certainly wasn't just."</p><p>The office door opened. The suit was a vibrant scarlet, it’s asymmetrical vest bone white. The Jolicoeur signature lapel pin shone in the shop's lighting. "Stunning, Captain," Max said.</p><p>"This is the most impractical thing," Kestrel muttered. </p><p>"What're the white things on your shoes?" Felix asked.</p><p>"Spats, they were with the outfit." She took a breath with one last glance at the shopkeeper on the floor and said, "Let's go."</p><p>"Hey, boss?" Felix asked, "Aren't we going to attract attention if you're wearing a 'perverse' outfit?"</p><p>"It looks the same as a suit in her shop," Kestrel stated flatly. "The only difference is this one has a pin, and was made of monster hides. No one on the street is gonna tell the difference."</p><p>"That's fucked up," Felix growled.</p><p>"Remember our purpose," Max quietly advised. "We are here for information."</p><p>Kestrel nodded, irritated, her shoulders bowing briefly before straightening again. Max wanted nothing more than to hold and comfort her, but this was not the time or place.</p><p>They came in sight of the Minister's estate, and Max started to move away from the group, taking up a lookout's position… but Kestrel grabbed his hand. "Let's see if they'll let us in."</p><p>Max recognized the plea for help for what it was and stayed by her side without hesitation. He and Felix remained just slightly behind her, guards or assistants or who knows what the bored UDL guard outside the estate assumed. Kestrel produced the package from her shoulder bag, and all three of them were permitted inside.</p><p>Felix had called Minister Clarke "the bad guy." This was, they discovered, frightfully false. The Minister of Earth was under house arrest. The dimethyl sulfoxide they sought was not being hoarded by the Minister, but by Chairman Rockwell. Earth wasn't aware of what had been happening in Halcyon, because the Chairman had prevented Minister Clarke from contacting his superiors and putting a stop to the Board's horrific mismanagement.</p><p>Felix still didn't trust the Minister, but Kestrel did. They left the premises without trouble, a message for Earth in hand, and headed for the Acropolis District. Before they reached it, the Captain made a small detour.</p><p>"That's Eva Chartrand's address," she said.</p><p>The scientist responsible for the human experiments they'd discovered, a woman the CEO of SubLight wanted dead. It felt like an eternity since they'd stood in Lilya Hagen's office, but the Captain still had the key and they went inside.</p><p>"Impressive place Dr. Chartrand has," Max commented with some light disdain as they entered. Opulence did not reconcile well with bodies suspended for eternity.</p><p>A terminal granted access to a hidden elevator, which brought them down to a laboratory with stasis chambers aplenty.</p><p>"Ugh," Felix made a face, "smells like the Medbays. Only wealthier."</p><p>"After Cascadia and station Ten Eighty-Four, I was expecting this," Max said to him. To the Captain, he said, "Chartrand has a thing for sticking lab coats in tubes, doesn't she?"</p><p>The dry joke didn't get much of a reaction. They went inside the main chamber of the lab. If the presence of UDL guards was alarming to the Captain, no one could have been able to tell.</p><p>Dr. Chartrand protested the intrusion, naturally, but was also more than willing to talk once the Captain said she'd seen the experiments. No one was expecting to hear that Halcyon's colonists were dying, whether they realized it or not. Their food simply didn't have enough nutrients; they were all slowly dying of malnutrition. Max thought of Edgewater's plague, but while growing crops from corpses might provide temporary reprieve for a small town, Chartrand's plan was much more large scale and drastic. She wanted to adjust humans to thrive on Halcyon, instead of trying to make Halcyon a place they could thrive. By rewriting the nuclein of human cells, future generations would need only the nutrients that Halcyon crops provided. </p><p>Felix scowled through the conversation, commenting, "I don’t understand a word she said, but I don’t like her tone one bit."</p><p>"Her tone is patient, if a bit desperate, and she wants to make humans better suited to life on Halcyon," Max quietly explained.</p><p>Felix was not convinced. The Captain was asking about the failures, the scientists in stasis. Chartrand and her colleagues agreed that rather than experiment on convicts or the unemployed, they would use themselves as test subjects. They asked for help from Earth, but the ship was never heard from after the skip. It, and half the Board's military, had been missing for two years and the Board was covering it up.</p><p>"I can see why," Max muttered.</p><p>"Spacecraft disappearing into the aether? Sounds like aliens to me," said Felix.</p><p>Max restrained his questions regarding Felix's obsession with aliens; the Captain wanted their opinion on what to do next. "What do you think, fellas?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "You know how I feel, boss. If you’re a cog in corporate apparatus, your face is pretty much fair game. That’s my motto."</p><p>Max smirked, "Present company excluded."</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, "You're not anymore."</p><p>There was a lot more to say regarding Felix's desires even before Max's enlightenment, but that wasn't pertinent at the moment. "Captain, it may not be pretty, but we risk the colony's downfall if we hinder her research."</p><p>The Captain nodded, turned to Dr. Chartrand and said, "How do you feel about working with Phineas Welles?"</p><p>"The man on the wanted posters?" Chartrand was surprised. "They say he's a madman. An anarchist, a butcher…" she smiled, "I'll do it."</p><p>Her guard wasn't pleased with this turn of events, and demanded one reason why he should let them leave alive. Max felt a surge of warm pride as Captain Kestrel said without hesitation, "Because the fate of the colony is in my hands."</p><p>They left quickly, and ascended the steps to the Acropolis District. The holographic shroud got them past the guards without incident, and they soon stepped inside the Halcyon Holding Corporation headquarters.</p><p>"Ok," Felix softly commented, the shroud no longer active, "I'm glad I wore the fancy clothes."</p><p>The lobby of the Halcyon Holding Corporation was black marble and burnished gold, a wide open expanse of a room designed to intimidate with style. The receptionist at the desk in the center greeted them with a smoothly delivered advertisement, and they discovered the only way beyond the lobby was through a security checkpoint. The Minister had given them a key to his office, which was enough to grant them access, and they stepped into the elevator up to the top offices. As the elevator rose, the Captain suddenly asked, "Felix?"</p><p>"Yeah, boss?"</p><p>"How do you feel about sharing him?"</p><p>Felix looked at Max with mild alarm, caught off-guard, but he answered, "Well, he said he likes us both the same but for different reasons. I don't think he's lying?"</p><p>She smiled a little, "I don't think so, either."</p><p>Max couldn't discern what she was thinking. He'd made a mess of this, hadn't he?</p><p>The elevator stopped.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>"While Halcyon's brightest minds solve the problem of our nutritional shortage, the rest of the colony will be placed in suspended animation. Individuals will be revived on a rotating basis so that every Halcyonite can be part of the important work of saving the colony… … by testing paperweights. Haha! Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist. Let's go again."</i>
</p><p>Kestrel felt sick. She watched the footage on the Chairman's computer through to the end, watched Chairman Rockwell say the phrase, "with the Board on your side, you have nothing to worry about," and wanted to scream. Dr. Chartrand's team had come up empty-handed, if the Board even gave a damn about her research in the first place, and so this was the plan? Freeze everyone?</p><p>"That was some quite distressing information," Max said. He sounded shaken.</p><p>Felix nodded, subdued, "Always knew the Board was crooked, but this… is just evil."</p><p>"At least the Minister's message to Earth got sent, little good that does us right now," Kestrel muttered. "Max? You ok?"</p><p>He was quiet, "If I still believed in the Grand Plan, a revelation like this would have seriously shaken my faith." He breathed and seemed more certain, "As it is, it's still horrifying, but I also know you'll soon formulate some sort of plan to deal with this."</p><p>Kestrel blinked. "Max, I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do."</p><p>"Not yet." He smiled softly at her then, confident and kind, "Your instincts haven't failed us so far. When the time comes, I'll be there to back your play."</p><p>"We both will," Felix said without hesitation.</p><p>Kestrel sighed, "I hope you're right. Thanks, guys. Let's steal some chemicals and get the hell out of here."</p><p> </p><p>Getting into the lab was relatively simple, though nerve-wracking. Max could see the tension in the way the Captain walked, even though disguised by the holographic shroud, even though she moved with purpose and answered questions with charm and misdirection to great success.</p><p>They found the dimethyl sulfoxide. There were bodies floating in large tanks of it. The Board had begun experimenting to find the perfect recipe for a thaw-on-demand workforce.</p><p>Felix took up a position as a lookout as the Captain accessed a terminal. "Max?" The Captain gestured for him to join her, "does this mean I can only take 26.371% of the chemical?"</p><p>She pointed to the information on the screen. "Strictly speaking," he said after a moment, "it means that if you take more than that, the people currently suspended will die."</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him and looked back at the screen. "Phineas is expecting more. This isn't going to be enough to wake the whole Hope."</p><p>Max said nothing. She didn't need him to confirm what she already knew was true.</p><p>Without hesitation, his Captain transferred twenty-six point three-seven-one percent of dimethyl sulfoxide into a canister and put it in her bag. "Let's move," she said.</p><p>By some small miracle, no one stopped them. When they reached the ship, Parvati, Nyoka, and Ellie were standing just inside, weapons out. "Hey Cap!" Nyoka greeted, "Guess it went well?"</p><p>"Aw, no thrilling getaway chase?" Ellie holstered her pistol.</p><p>"Yes, Nyoka, no, Ellie," the Captain headed for the control room, "ADA, get us off this planet."</p><p>"Right away, Captain," ADA complied.</p><p>"Whew," Parvati grinned, relieved, and headed upstairs, "I'll let SAM know he don't need to be on high alert."</p><p>"Everything alright?" Nyoka asked Max and Felix.</p><p>Felix shrugged, "The Board is literally evil instead of just a corrupt system, but yeah we got the stuff for Doc Welles just fine."</p><p>Nyoka and Ellie looked at each other, and then at Max. "He's not exaggerating," Max confirmed. He quickly amended, "Though perhaps it is not the morality of the institution itself, but rather the plan the Board has for Halcyon's future. Either way, Dr. Welles has his work cut out for him."</p><p>"Ok," Nyoka headed up the stairs, "I'm gonna need you to explain what the hell is going on."</p><p>Ellie nodded an agreement, and the four of them joined Parvati in the kitchen where Felix explained and Max clarified, though Max found it increasingly difficult to stay focused.</p><p>"Max?"</p><p>Max looked at Felix, "I'm sorry, I was lost in thought."</p><p>"No kidding,” Felix grinned. “Worried about the boss?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"So… why are you sitting here?"</p><p>Max felt a bit foolish, but admitted, “I’m not sure she’d want to see me right now.”</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, “Go on. Don't worry about me neither, I'm fine.”</p><p>Max was skeptical. That had been a little too rushed, a bit of bravado. “Are you?”</p><p>Felix shrugged, fidgeting in his chair, “Never done this before, any of it, so. But go on, you held off talking to her long enough.”</p><p>They all needed to talk, a great deal, but he’d already fucked that up by leaving Kestrel apart from himself for too long. So instead Max kissed Felix lightly on the lips, whispered a thank you that held every ounce of sincerity in his being, and headed down the stairs. </p><p>He was vaguely aware of Parvati squeaking, of Nyoka lightly teasing Felix for his taste in men, but he of all people knew Felix could give as good as he got. They would talk more, he would do everything he could to soothe Felix's anxieties whatever they may be, but right now Max needed to see his Captain.</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel leaned against the window, arms around herself as she stared at the stars. As the crew had gone upstairs, she’d received a message. The Adjutant of the Board had made her an offer. Sophia Akande, a woman who clearly got what she wanted or removed whatever stood in her way, said that Phineas was a psychopath, that he was using Kestrel to get what he wanted. Kestrel had almost told the woman to go fuck herself, but hadn’t. Her family was on this damn ship. So she stayed silent. Akande told her to send a tracking signal from Phineas’s lab, and signed off as if Kestrel had agreed.</p><p>Kestrel had no intention of doing any such thing. She’d decided they were going to go to Groundbreaker first. As far as the Board knew, she was the only person who knew where Phineas was, so that gave them a little bargaining power and some time. Parvati was going to have her big date, damn it. After that…</p><p>Someone knocked on the door.</p><p>“It’s Max,” ADA quietly said when Kestrel didn’t respond right away.</p><p>“I don’t feel like talking right now,” Kestrel muttered to the window.</p><p>She heard a muffled voice outside the door, and ADA reported, “He said he understands, and will be waiting whenever you would like to speak, about anything. Even the most mundane matter.”</p><p>Kestrel sighed deeply. He was just checking on her after everything that happened. They didn’t have to talk about anything she didn’t want to.</p><p>“He said he’ll bring his anointment vial.”</p><p>Kestrel smirked, a tiny laugh escaping. “Not necessary this time. Let him in.”</p><p>She saw his reflection in the glass as he walked in, still in Byzantium black, and the way he froze at the sight of her curled up on herself against the window made her knees shake. She made a point of straightening up, taking a breath, pulling herself together. “Hi, Max.”</p><p>“Captain,” he softly greeted and the door closed behind him. “I wondered how you were feeling after everything that happened today, if there was anything I could to help?”</p><p>“Oh, you know. Fucked up the one thing I was literally thawed out to do.”</p><p>“Assist Dr. Welles in his mission? I think you've rather successfully performed that task, and will continue to do so.”</p><p>She shook her head with a sigh, “It's not enough."</p><p>He came closer as he talked, brow creased with concern, “You couldn’t take a life without cause, and you can make no judgement if the lives of the people in that experiment were worth saving, versus the lives of your fellow colonists. I don’t think you would make that judgement even if you had each person’s biography at your hands. Dr. Welles will do the best he can with what you provided. Perhaps he can do even better than you expect, perhaps not. Either way, whatever he can accomplish will not be at the expense of what you know to be right.” </p><p>That was the dilemma, wasn't it? “What if I’m wrong?”</p><p>He was so close to her now, if she just leaned back she’d fall against him. “Do you want me to give you an equation,” he smiled, “a mathematical formula to prove that your moment of compassion will result in the greatest good?”</p><p>She smirked, “You used to.”</p><p>“And I was wrong. But, if it means anything to you, I do not think less of you for your choice.” He put his hand on her shoulder, “You have done the best you could, the only way you could.”</p><p>She faced him with a frustrated huff, “It isn't just the chemicals. The Board knows about me, my ship. The… what the hell’s her title, adjutant?”</p><p>His brow rose, "Adjutant Akande?"</p><p>“Her. She contacted me as soon as we were off the ground.”</p><p>“That’s alarming.”</p><p>"No kidding."</p><p>"She wanted you to cooperate or face horrific consequences, no doubt."</p><p>"She wants me to turn Phineas in."</p><p>He scoffed, "Of course. They can't find him, so they turn to the only person who knows where he is. I imagine you have no intention of sharing his whereabouts?"</p><p>She made a face, "Of course not."</p><p>"Then we watch our backs a little more closely and continue the best we can."</p><p>Kestrel blinked. "You're not worried?"</p><p>He cocked his head, "Should I be?"</p><p>"It's the Board. They’re probably going to be very very angry with me in a few days."</p><p>He shrugged, "Life is overrated, anyway."</p><p>"Max," she glared.</p><p>He persisted, "Once one comes to terms with our experience of reality as being an illusion we have no control over, it's much easier to accept unpleasant experiences such as being hunted by the Board. Which, may I point out, hasn't happened yet."</p><p>She folded her arms, unimpressed. “You’re not worried about it because there’s nothing you can do about it?”</p><p>“Essentially. And no,” he cut off her retort, “I do not believe for an instant that there is anything you could or would do about it, either. We’re all behind you in this, Captain, and have been from the start. Even if some of us weren’t quite willing to admit it for some time,” he grinned, clearly making fun of himself. </p><p>Kestrel rolled her eyes with a smile, but she had to admit she felt better. “Thanks, Max.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” He gestured to her desk, "You haven't opened your gift."</p><p>She was startled, "My what?” On the desk was a slim rectangular shape wrapped in plain paper.  “Oh. I saw the package earlier, but I didn't…” she picked it up, “it’s from you?"</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>She put two and two together, “This is what you were shopping for this morning?”</p><p>“Yes. I thought you could open it when we talked about Felix and… us.” He finished, chagrined, “That didn’t happen quite like I’d hoped.”</p><p>A gift. She carefully peeled away the wrapping to reveal a book. She looked at the title, and her eyes widened, "You found a trashy romance?"</p><p>"I make no claims as to the quality, the selection was rather limited. Still, I thought perhaps we could read it together?"</p><p>She was stunned. "Really?"</p><p>"I understand if you'd rather enjoy reading in privacy. I honestly don't know if I would enjoy being read to, but it seemed like it might be fun."</p><p>She nodded, beaming, "I’d like that a lot."</p><p>“Would you like to start tonight?”</p><p>"You mean right now?”</p><p>“If you like.”</p><p>After a surprised moment, Kestrel laughed, “Um. Sure, why not?” and sat on the bed. Max sat in the chair by her desk. Kestrel smiled, "You can sit next to me."</p><p>"I didn't want to presume," he grinned, and sat beside her.</p><p>"I appreciate that," she said, and started reading.</p><p>Kestrel had never seen so many corporate advertisements within the first chapter of a book before, but once the story got rolling it was easier to ignore the product placement. It was easier to lean against Max, too, his arm around her. Somehow they moved as she read, shoes coming off and shifting positions until Max was sitting by the wall with his back against her pillow as she sat between his legs to rest against his chest, one of his legs over hers as his arms rested around her middle.</p><p>“It’s blatantly obvious she cares for him, why is he such an idiot?” he asked after a chapter, warm but disbelieving.</p><p>“Shh, if she swept him off his feet right away, there wouldn’t be a book.”</p><p>Max was doubtful, “I suppose.”</p><p>Kestrel kept reading. Max seemed perfectly relaxed behind her, and she was perfectly content in his arms.</p><p>Well. Maybe not "perfectly" content. For one thing, his breath on her ear and neck was driving her to distraction. He held her so close, arms tight but not restrictive, and he was listening like he wanted to be there even though he didn't understand the appeal of the story.</p><p>"Is something wrong?" he asked.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"You seem distracted."</p><p>She cleared her throat, "Might just need a break."</p><p>"Of course. Should I move?"</p><p>"No," she snuggled against him, moving was the last thing she wanted. "Thank you."</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>"All this. Keeping me sane."</p><p>"That's debatable," he deadpanned.</p><p>“Hey!” she laughed and lightly elbowed him, “You’re one to talk.”</p><p>“Ha! At least I know I might be insane.”</p><p>“Insane or not, you’re still an ass.”</p><p>“But a cute one, or so I’ve been told.”</p><p>“At least there’s that,” she managed.</p><p>He made a thoughtful sound at her sudden awkwardness. "Should we talk?" he asked. When she didn't answer right away, he said, "I know I made a mess of things. I'm sorry."</p><p>Kestrel sighed, "It wasn’t you, I… no, it was definitely partially you, but I also encouraged Felix to talk to you more, to give you a chance. We talked about how sexy you are, we compared notes! And I could tell you were interested in him, hell, I saw you watching his ass while you were trying on clothes at Celeste's. I really shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was about last night."</p><p>“... You two ‘compared notes’ about how sexy I am?"</p><p>She blushed a little, "Yeah. Easy to do when you didn't seem interested." She interlocked the fingers of her hand with his, trying to figure out what to say. The words that came weren't the ones she'd expected. "You're my best friend."</p><p>His hand tightened around hers. “I’m honored, and extremely happy to hear that,” he said, sincere. “I consider you the same. I am constantly impressed and astounded by your compassion and selflessness, and was so even before Scylla. You were slowly changing me, even if I didn't want to admit it.” He was quiet for a moment, “I don’t really know what I’m doing. Plenty of flings in my youth, hardly anything that would qualify as a relationship. But I am certain the fact that I also care for Felix and want to know him as well as I’ve come to know you doesn’t change the influence you’ve been on me, or the respect I have for you, the great pleasure I take in your company,” his voice softened, "or how many times your blushing smile has made me want to kiss you."</p><p>Her heart skipped, "Trashy romances rubbing off already?"</p><p>He chuckled, "Imagine the drivel I'll be saying after we finish the book."</p><p>"That is both hilarious and disturbing."</p><p>Their quiet laughter faded, leaving a charged silence in its wake. </p><p>"I'll try it," Kestrel said, exquisitely relieved and fucking terrified at the same time. "You, me, and Felix."</p><p>"Thank you," he breathed, and fuck she could tell he meant it. "Do not hesitate to tell me if it isn't working, if you feel… anything. I want to know everything, even the things you think are nothing."</p><p>She nodded with a small smile, "Do my best."</p><p>They sat together a moment.</p><p>“Max?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>She wet her lips and tried to sound like it was nothing, “Do you really want to kiss me when I'm blushing?”</p><p>He laughed a little, “Not only then, but I do find it remarkably cute.”</p><p>She smiled, blushing again, but fuck it. "When else?"</p><p>"When you look pleased with yourself after successfully crafting a meal or drinks for the crew. The night you told me I didn't have to call you Captain. A few minutes ago, when you called me your best friend. Just now, when you said you were willing to try this," his voice wavered, soft and amused and asking all at once, "it might be an eternal state at this point…"</p><p>Turning to face him clumsily became straddling him, making his brow rise briefly with a look in his eyes that made her breath catch, and then he was kissing her. He started soft and made a low sound when Kestrel bit his lower lip and returned the favor, tongue delicately seeking access which she gladly gave. He kissed her harder as his hands ventured along her spine and sides with so much restraint she wondered if it was painful. She placed one of his hands firmly on her breast, grinning at the harsh exhale in relief from his throat as he squeezed, other hand sliding under her shirt and across her belly before she leaped out of the bed, confusing the hell out of him. </p><p>“Sorry, have to put the book away!"</p><p>He laughed as she scrambled to put the book safely on the desk. She'd never heard him laugh quite like that before, such a full sound. She stuck her tongue out at him, "I don't want it to get damaged," she defended.</p><p>"I'm glad you like it," he said, still laughing. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and started unbuttoning her shirt as she came back within reach. "I have a confession," he said.</p><p>Kestrel smirked, "You, vicar?"</p><p>Her shirt opened, he kissed along the edge of her bra, "It's been," he gently freed a breast from the offending garment, "a long time since I've done this with a woman." He took her into his mouth, swirling his tongue around her nipple, teeth delicately working the sensitive flesh.</p><p>"Decent start," she breathed, a hand on the back of his head holding him to her as she squirmed.</p><p>He smiled, releasing her only to turn his attention to the other side. A small sound came from Kestrel's throat, eyes transfixed on the sight of Max at her breast, his eyes closed. They opened as he pulled away again, a hand squeezing her ass as the other worked the buttons of her pants, "There's one activity I would particularly like to try."</p><p>"Which one?"</p><p>"Could you remove these, please," he tugged at her waistband, "and everything else?"</p><p>The pants came off easy, the bra tossed to the side… she hesitated, her face warm, struck shy by green eyes taking in every inch of her all at once. He chuckled warmly and stood to take her face in his hands and kiss her gently, "Are you nervous?"</p><p>"Been a while," she muttered. "Even before being frozen, I mean."</p><p>"I find that hard to believe," another kiss, "especially given how," a kiss on her neck, "breathtaking you are," a kiss on her ear, earlobe lightly dragged through his teeth.</p><p>"No more trashy romances for you," she muttered, eyes closed as he kissed and nipped down her neck to her shoulder.</p><p>He scoffed, "I'm only being honest," and pulled her close to him, his hand on her ass forcing her hips close and <i>that</i> was his cock <i>fuck…</i> "Kestrel?"</p><p>She marshalled some coherent thought, "You gonna tell me what the thing you wanna do is?"</p><p>He grinned, "On the bed, on your back."</p><p>She made a mockingly skeptical sound, but pulled off her panties and did what he said. He took off his shirt, and her eyes widened. "How'd you get so many scars?"</p><p>He was surprised, "Various ways. If you think this is bad, you should see Felix." He tossed his shirt onto the chair and approached the bed, "Mr. Millstone is a child's finger-painting of bruises and scars."</p><p>"He should stop dropkicking raptidons," she smiled.</p><p>"That's what I told him." She squeaked as he suddenly pulled her body across the bed so her legs were hanging off the side. "Apologies, I think this position will be easier." He got on his knees and spread her legs, "Let's see if I remember how to do this." He pressed the flat of his tongue against her slit and licked.</p><p>Everything around her stopped as his tongue lapped steadily, warming every inch of her core. The tip of his tongue speared her entrance before exploring every fold, the bridge of his nose brushing against her clit as he worked his way up and she whimpered as she struggled to watch. He kept making small sounds as his tongue moved, like he was savoring every taste as he worked. He lathed her clit and her hips bucked, fuck she felt so needy as her insides buzzed. </p><p>He sucked and licked, "Taste amazing," he muttered to himself. He slipped a finger inside her and she moaned and writhed as he continued his rhythm, painting shapes through her swollen folds up to her clit again as his finger stroked her inner walls. "The sounds you make," he breathed, "I want to hear so many more." </p><p>That definitely wouldn't be a problem. Another finger entered and she cried out as his fingers moved together in tiny butterflying movements deep inside her until she was a mewling mess.</p><p>"More?" His voice was rough, completely focused on her.</p><p>She nodded fast, her hands gripping the sheets above her head, desperate for purchase as his fingers started slowly moving in and out with sloppy wet sounds, picking up speed gradually, thrusting in time with her grunts and cries of "fuck, fuck, yes, oh fuck Max…" He returned his mouth to her clit and she keened, back arching as his tongue sent her over the edge.</p><p>He gently kissed her entrance as his fingers left, his face ruddy and breath uneven. "Satisfactory?"</p><p>Kestrel snickered, panting. "Eh. It was ok," she joked. </p><p>He grinned, "I'll have to do better next time."</p><p>"Improve with practice," Kestrel nodded, "lots and lots of practice. Your turn?"</p><p>"You don't have to worry about me, Captain."</p><p>"Shut up, Vicar," she smiled back and sat up on the edge of the bed. "Stand… why the fuck are your pants still on, aren't you uncomfortable?"</p><p>"I was preoccupied," he drawled as he stood. </p><p>Yeah, ok, that was ridiculously ego-boosting. "Still should have at least loosened these up," she said.</p><p>"Kestrel," he smiled with a light groan as she unfastened the buttons, "you're allowed to let others put your comfort before their own."</p><p>"Yeah, well… so are you," she tried to pout but was smiling too much. The damp fabric of his briefs across the tip of his cock was also pretty damn distracting. She stroked the length of him through the fabric, "I think you should take these off."</p><p>He did so, his gaze intent on her face as he resumed his position, the head of his cock glistening with precum and right in front of her face. He moaned as she took hold of him, licking the head as her hand worked his shaft. "I'm not going to last long," he warned, fingers tucking her hair back behind her ears before one hand settled on the back of her head. She braced, expecting a push, but instead he just loosely grabbed hold. "Consider where you want me to …!" the last word devolved into a long groan as Kestrel took as much of him into her mouth as she could. </p><p>She eased up and focused on the head, tongue swirling as she gently worked his foreskin down to flick the tip of her tongue across his frenulum, earning a hoarse "fuck." </p><p>"First time you've cursed in weeks," she grinned.</p><p>"Audibly, anyway," he breathed as he watched her lick and kiss as her hand continued to pump his shaft, "and it's definitely warranted."</p><p>Kestrel flushed at the praise and took him back into her mouth, quickly finding a rhythm that was comfortable. Max made a small desperate sound as Kestrel's free hand went to her own breast, massaging as she moaned around his cock. He'd been right when he said he wouldn't last long; his hand clenched in her hair, a whispered gasp of "Captain!" and he came.</p><p>Kestrel stood up as Max staggered to lay down, walking over to her drink cart. Max chuckled as she poured herself a shot of whiskey, "I take it you're not a fan of the taste."</p><p>Kestrel smiled, "No. Usually spit it out, but didn't have anything at hand."</p><p>"I understand," he watched her fondly from the bed, "I don't care for it either."</p><p>Kestrel choked as she tossed back the shot.</p><p>"Are you alright?"</p><p>"Yep," she coughed, "ow. Didn't expect to hear that."</p><p>"You think I'd like it?"</p><p>She was blushing all over and rolled her eyes, "I can't imagine you doing it! I guess I can now, but I never would have if you hadn't said anything."</p><p>"Oh. Well, I don't as a general rule. Haven't for years."</p><p>She came back to the bed, leaning over to kiss him. "But eating me out is good."</p><p>"Exquisite."</p><p>He pulled her toward him, but she pulled away with a smile, "If I get in that bed, I'm not going to be able to get out again, and I am starving."</p><p>Max laughed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I can't believe you and Max are…" Parvati gestured vaguely and got real focused on SAM's tune-up. </p><p>"You and me both," Felix said. He was still kind of reeling from the kiss in the kitchen. Just in front of everyone, like Max didn't care what anyone thought, just wanted Felix to know…</p><p>"Nyoka didn't seem surprised."</p><p>"Nothing surprises Nyoka." She'd teased him a little, but hardly as much as he'd expected. Ellie had acted grossed out, and Felix had wandered off after Parvati to the engine room  to kill some time while Max was with the boss.</p><p>"Do you like him?" Parvati asked as she stuck a tool in SAM's shoulder, "Or is it just the… physical stuff?"</p><p>"I don't usually have sex with people I hate," Felix shrugged. "Except one time, but I was very drunk."</p><p>"Felix,"  Parvati scolded, flustered, "that's not what I meant."</p><p>Felix folded his arms, quiet. "I don't know. I mean, we're friends, I know that much. Max said he wants to know me better, be as close to me as he is to the boss, and I want that too. That's about as much thought as I've given it."</p><p>"Seems a fair place to start," Parvati smiled.</p><p>"You excited for your date?"</p><p>"Oh, gosh," she grinned, embarrassed, "feel my heart's gonna just burst from excitement. And nervousness."</p><p>"It's gonna go great. You put too much work into it for it not too."</p><p>"Thanks, Felix. That's sweet of you to say so. Ok, SAM, how's that feel?"</p><p>"Performance restored to standard capabilities. Thank you, Designated Caretaker."</p><p>SAM headed down to the cargo level. Parvati said she was going to wash up, and Felix made his way toward his room through the kitchen. </p><p>Max had been with the boss for a while. Felix hoped everything was ok, that somehow this was all going to work out. He liked the boss a lot, not the same way Max did, but she was definitely a good friend. Stuck up for him, gave him a chance, never once talked down to him. He didn't want things to suddenly be weird.</p><p>Ellie was in the kitchen having a drink and a cigarette. "Hey, Felix," she offered him her pack.</p><p>"Thanks," he took a cigarette and sat down across from her.</p><p>"So. You and Max a one time thing?"</p><p>"I hope not. It was amazing—"</p><p>"I don’t want details, please stop. Just checking in. Max and the Captain spend a lot of time together, so… I dunno, making sure whatever arrangement you three have going is working."</p><p>Felix shrugged, "I don't know that there is one. Max is probably talking to the boss about it."</p><p>She raised an eyebrow, "You think that's what they're doing?"</p><p>Felix took a long drag and glared, "Max likes both of us. I'm ok with that." Then he smirked, realizing, "Sweet of you to be so worried, Ellie."</p><p>"No it’s not," she huffed, defensive, "I just don’t want any drama."</p><p>"Uh huh. And I'm the Chairman's secret love-child."</p><p>Ellie rolled her eyes. "Seriously though, you really think he likes both of you exactly the same?"</p><p>"He likes us for different reasons."</p><p>"But the same amount? No favorites? You buy that?"</p><p>Felix bristled, "Yeah, I do."</p><p>Ellie put a hand up, "Look, all I'm saying is you don't have the best track record believing people you look up to."</p><p>"Max is different." Ellie scoffed, and Felix snapped, "I know he likes the boss more than me, alright?" He ground the end of the cigarette into the ashtray, "I know they're way closer than him and me and he looks at her like…" he looked back at Ellie, "I know, ok? But I'm still gonna try to believe he means it. I want this to work, Ellie. If it does work, it's gonna be amazing. So can you lay off the suspicion? Hard enough without it."</p><p>She was quiet for a moment and shrugged a little, "Ok. Your business. I wasn't trying to get you worked up."</p><p>Felix breathed and smiled a little, "You're just worried, I know."</p><p>"No I'm not!"</p><p>He smirked, "For a hardened pirate you sure are a shit liar."</p><p>"Shut up! Says the guy who can't bluff worth a damn."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm never playing cards with you again."</p><p>Ellie grinned and headed to her room, "For what it's worth, I hope things work out. But only because if it didn't everything would be awkward. None of that mushy stuff."</p><p>"Thanks, Ellie," Felix said. </p><p>He went to his room and turned on a game. He needed to get his mind on something else for a while.</p><p> </p><p>Max followed Kestrel up to the kitchen from her room, pausing as he noticed Felix’s door was shut. She nudged him to go on ahead. He went to the facilities to wash his face and hands, catching his reflection in the mirror. “You have no idea what you’re doing,” he quietly sighed to himself. There was no “him,” of course, but it was difficult to interact with thoughts without falling back on such language when thinking about the world, the illusion of self. Free from his foolish obsession with a Plan, he had let himself feel everything he had bottled up and hidden away under the pretense of propriety, of order. He hadn’t considered what that might do to those he cared about. He cared for them unconditionally and wanted to show them. He wasn’t sure he was succeeding. </p><p>They’d made a start, that much at least he was certain of. He dried off his face and returned to the kitchen. Kestrel was cooking, looking skeptically at whatever she was stirring in a pot on the stove as Felix sat at the kitchen table behind her. "I don't know if this is going to work or not, but I'm willing to give it a go," she was telling him.</p><p>"Sure,” Felix nodded with some forced levity, “see if it works or if we all end up hating each other.”</p><p>Kestrel shot him a look, “C’mon, Felix, I’m not going to hate you.”</p><p>Felix smiled a little, more genuine this time. “Glad to hear it, boss. I want this to work out, but it’s… a lot?”</p><p>Kestrel smiled back, “Yeah. It’s definitely that.”</p><p>“What can I do to help?” Max quietly asked. </p><p>Felix jumped and turned in his chair to look at him, “Hey.”</p><p>“You can hand me the salt, this stuff is bland as hell,” their Captain muttered at the food.</p><p>Max smirked, but complied. “That wasn’t what I meant.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Max glanced in the pot, “Tarmac and cheese, Captain?”</p><p>“It’s fast and it’s comfort food. At least the Earth equivalent was.”</p><p>Felix pulled drinks from the fridge as the Captain served. It seemed she'd lured the younger man from his room with the promise of food. Max took that to be a good sign. Max was also a bit surprised when she served him as well, but he recognized the intent and sat down across the table from his… friends, but more than that. Partners, perhaps?</p><p>Felix attacked his food like a starving canid, as usual, but he slowed as if reminding himself he didn't need to hurry. The longer he stayed on the ship, the shorter that initial burst of survival instinct became. The Captain noticed it as well, meeting Max's eyes with a small smile.</p><p>No one said anything for a moment until Felix suddenly asked, "What's this food like on Earth?"</p><p>"Cheesier," the Captain said. "This is pretty similar in texture, but the flavor is like a cheap knock-off brand version. Which it probably is, now that I say it."</p><p>"But the companies on the Board all came from Earth, right? Gotta be some stuff that's the same."</p><p>"Sure, some of the company names are the same, but the products are very different. Don't have the same resources on Halcyon as on Earth, so you get things like purpleberry."</p><p>Felix frowned, "What's wrong with purpleberry?"</p><p>"Nothing's wrong with it, it just tastes like purple sugar."</p><p>Felix's frown turned to confusion, "What else would it taste like?"</p><p>The Captain blinked, "I don't know, blackberries?" </p><p>"Black?" </p><p>"They look black but the juice is purple," she explained.</p><p>"That doesn't make any sense, boss."</p><p>The Captain sighed, "Grapes, plums, other purple fruits." </p><p>Felix was skeptical, "Are these really fruits on Earth?" </p><p>She laughed a little, "Yes. I swear I'm not making this up." </p><p>"There are a few products that actually taste like fruit," Max commented. "Purpleberry wine, for example."</p><p>"But wine is not fizzy, or crunchy," Felix said, "and all the best purpleberry products are."</p><p>Max grinned, "I'll take your word for it."</p><p>"C'mon, Purpleberry Munch?"</p><p>"The cereal?" the Captain asked.</p><p>"No, boss, that's Purpleberry Crunch, Munch is the snack!"</p><p>"Oh of course."</p><p>Max chuckled at the exchange, "I'm afraid neither of us have your intimate knowledge of Rizzo's products, Felix."</p><p>"Boss was frozen for seventy years, what's your excuse?" Felix teased.</p><p>Max shrugged, "I never developed a taste for sweets. They were frowned on in my household."</p><p>Kestrel scoffed, "Yeah, your mom was definitely the kind of person who'd forbid sugar."</p><p>Felix was aghast, "Wait. You never even tasted a Purpleberry Bunch? Or Retro Rockets? A Knock-You-Out Bar?"</p><p>Max was bemused, "Not that I remember."</p><p>Felix was up and out of his chair, headed to his room, "Fixing that right now."</p><p>Max looked at Kestrel, "What am I in for?"</p><p>She shrugged, "Whatever it is, you probably deserve it."</p><p>He smirked, "You're probably right."</p><p>Kestrel stacked their dishes in the sink as Felix returned with a selection of half a dozen sweets in his arms. "You <i>have</i> to at least try them," he declared, and identified each one as he put it on the table. He sat down next to Max, saw Max's expression and instantly quieted, fidgeting. "Might be fun," he said.</p><p>Max was confused. He looked at Kestrel, hoping for some clue, but she was just as puzzled by Felix's sudden emotional shift as he was.</p><p>Felix rubbed the back of his neck and folded his arms, "Sorry, I get a little…"</p><p>"Impulsive?" the Captain supplied with a kind smile.</p><p>Felix nodded, and Max reached for him with a sigh, thumb brushing Felix's cheek as he took his face in his hand, "I enjoy your impulsiveness, Felix." He smiled, "That doesn't stop it from being utterly baffling at times."</p><p>Felix breathed a laugh, instantly and clearly relieved. "Got it," he said, chagrined. "Guess I'm still expecting you to make fun of me sometimes."</p><p>"I may tease now and then, but never with malicious intent," Max promised. He kissed him.</p><p>Felix panicked, "Max!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Felix nervously glanced at Kestrel. She shrugged, "Don't look at me, I thought that was fucking adorable."</p><p>Max smiled as Felix blushed and mumbled, "Shut up, boss."</p><p>She laughed a little, "I'm serious! Besides, if we're both gonna be sleeping with him, we might as well get used to seeing the other kissing."</p><p>"... that makes sense," Felix nodded, and turned his attention back to the table. "Which one do you want to start with?"</p><p> </p><p>"Wow. I've never seen anyone be that disgusted by a Purpleberry Bunch before."</p><p>Max was rather proud that he had managed to eat the void-damned thing without gagging. "As I said, sweet is not to my taste. But I appreciate your enthusiasm and desire to share it with me."</p><p>Felix smiled, "I'll believe you the next time you say you don't like something."</p><p>"One of the chocolate bars was palatable," Max tried to be supportive.</p><p>"The Dark Matter Bar is the least sweet thing on the table!" Felix shook his head with a fond sigh, "If you don't like sweets, what do you like?"</p><p>"You're one of those people that thinks bitter flavors are 'sophisticated,' aren't you?" Kestrel asked with a wry grin. She shared his opinion of purpleberry but had at least enjoyed all of the chocolate products.</p><p>Max chuckled, "Some bitterness is enjoyable in food, so is some sweetness, but not in such strong concentration. Moderation does have some benefits."</p><p>"Said the man with two lovers," she teased.</p><p>Felix laughed. Max glanced away, chagrined, "That isn't out of a desire for excess. I could be celibate and still feel the same toward you both, but admittedly I would have a much harder time expressing those emotions."</p><p>They looked at each other, then back at him, then back at each other, quiet. He didn't know what had just passed between them, and he wasn't given a chance to ask.</p><p>"Captain," ADA reported, "We are now docking at the Groundbreaker."</p><p>Parvati poked her head out of her room, "I thought we were seeing Dr. Welles!" she called to the kitchen.</p><p>"You're having your date!" the Captain called back. "No point in holding off any longer!"</p><p>Parvati made a high-pitched sound of nervous excitement and disappeared into her room again.</p><p>“And while she’s having her date,” Kestrel said to the table, “we can wander around Groundbreaker a bit.”</p><p>Max smiled softly, “Perfect.”</p><p>“Only if Max changes clothes,” Felix said. Kestrel and Max looked at him, puzzled. Felix gestured like it was obvious, “I'm not letting him set foot on Groundbreaker dressed like a rich jackass.”</p><p>Max raised an eyebrow, “You would prefer I dress like a 'cog in the machine of oppression?'”</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, “Don’t you have something that’s not vestments or fancy clothes?”</p><p>“I suppose I could always leave the cassock off.”</p><p>Felix sighed, “Well, that settles it, boss, we gotta take him shopping.”</p><p>The Captain blinked, “You actually want to go clothes shopping?”</p><p>“Law no, but apparently we have to!” he gestured at Max, as if this were somehow his fault. “All his clothes are OSI approved or the fancy stuff you bought, he needs something normal!”</p><p>Max laughed.</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since they were on Groundbreaker anyway, Kestrel thought they may as well officially finish their business with SubLight's alien-conspiracist CEO. It went about as well as she expected.</p><p>"I thought it was rather generous of her not to shoot us on sight as alien sympathizers," Max drawled as they quickly left the SubLight offices.</p><p>Kestrel smirked, "I don't mind never doing a Sublight  job again, that's for certain."</p><p>Felix led the way among the vendors as they tried to find something suitable as everyday wear for Max. Kestrel and Felix were of differing opinions when it came to the best color (Felix insisted the blue shirt she'd liked was too similar to vestments, Kestrel immediately said no to a drab brown outfit) but they settled on a red and black work vest, style 7 from Ports of Call, as a possibility.</p><p>Lacking a fitting room and unwilling to interrupt Parvati's date by returning to the ship, Max suggested, "We could always rent a room."</p><p>Kestrel was skeptical, "You want to rent a room for the night just to have a few minutes to try on clothes?"</p><p>Max kept his face neutral, "That wouldn't have to be its only purpose."</p><p>Kestrel looked at Felix, who was confused for a moment before realization dawned and his face turned pink. She didn't know if she was ready yet for what Max seemed to be suggesting, and what Felix definitely assumed he was suggesting. "The rates are pretty cheap," Kestrel hedged. "Not a big deal if we don't use it much, either."</p><p>Max smiled softly, "Of course."</p><p> </p><p>They took a room for the night at the Rest-N-Go. The Captain dropped in on Ms. Culkelly to be polite and check the local gossip, and then they went upstairs.</p><p>It was odd changing clothes with both of them watching. At Jolicouer's, Felix had shyly glanced but tried his best to get the process over with as quickly as they could. Now both he and the Captain stood and waited, awkwardly watching while trying not to watch, hesitation slowly disappearing as Max removed his clothes. It was uncomfortable at first, but Max breathed and reminded himself there was no reason for such a reaction. They were intimately familiar with him, cared for him, and he was doing this to please Felix. Kestrel too, though perhaps a lesser degree. Besides, the expressions on their faces… he smiled to himself. There was plenty to enjoy in the experience.</p><p>"Definitely a good choice," Kestrel muttered to Felix as Max rolled up the sleeves of the shirt until they sat comfortably above his elbows.</p><p>"Yeah, definitely," Felix mumbled, eyes fixed on Max and openly focused on one area in particular. The pants were two-toned, with the lighter shade across the crotch and down the inside of the legs.</p><p>Max cleared his throat and Felix's eyes jumped up to Max's face, only to trail down to his chest this time. Max decided to leave the vest unbuttoned. "I see you approve of this outfit?"</p><p>"Extremely," Felix said. Kestrel nodded her approval beside him.</p><p>"Will you be ogling me all night?"</p><p>Kestrel shrugged and said, "Probably," as Felix nodded with a firm, "Yep."</p><p>Max chuckled. "Should we meet Dr. Fenhill and Ms. Ramniram-Wentworth at the bar?"</p><p>“A drink would be good,” Felix managed to look away from Max long enough to move out the door.</p><p> </p><p>Nyoka and Ellie had a table, drinks in hand. Nyoka’s eyebrows went up as the three of them walked in, “What is it with you and playing dress up with the preacher, Cap?”</p><p>“This one was Felix's idea!” the boss protested.</p><p>Nyoka looked impressed, “Damn.”</p><p>“I'm impressed he puts up with it,” Ellie said.</p><p>“I don't mind,” said Max. “It's an opportunity to reflect on—”</p><p>“The impermanence of existence, we know,” Ellie rolled her eyes.</p><p>Max paused, “Yes, but I was going to say how simple it is to please my partners.”</p><p>Felix’s chest and stomach did some sort of weird thing that didn’t feel bad at all but sort of had his head feeling fuzzy. He got a drink and sat down next to Max, the boss on the other side of him.</p><p>They talked for a while. Felix found less and less to say, Max’s arm around him. On his other side Max held the boss’s hand. That was ok. Better, that was good. Max liked them both. Not just fucking, he really wanted them to… there was that fuzzy feeling again. And the boss was going to give this a try, and maybe it would really work. Felix rested his head against Max’s shoulder, breathing deep as he relaxed against him. Max’s arm tightened around him, warm and safe and…</p><p>He felt fingers through his hair, a light kiss on his head. Felix opened his eyes, “Hm?”</p><p>“Let’s get you to bed,” Max softly said.</p><p>“‘m fine,” Felix weakly protested.</p><p>“You're asleep.”</p><p>“Still fine.”</p><p>Max chuckled, soft and low. “Come now, Mr. Millstone. Don’t make me carry you across the promenade.”</p><p>Felix forced himself to sit up straight, “Ok, ok.”</p><p> </p><p>The Captain accompanied their crewmates back to the ship as Max saw Felix back to the rented room. Felix removed his shoes and shirt and collapsed onto the bed. Max smiled and leaned down to kiss him. When Felix asked him to stay in a small whisper, Max removed his own shirt and shoes and laid down beside him.</p><p>"Never did this before," Felix sleepily muttered as he cuddled next to him.</p><p>Max felt his chest tighten briefly. "Neither have I," he softly admitted.</p><p>Kestrel returned to them a little while later. She was surprised, "Didn't think you'd still have pants on."</p><p>"He was tired," Max said quietly so as not to wake the young man breathing deeply against his chest.</p><p>"I see that," Kestrel smiled a little. She crossed her arms and glanced away, "Um. Do you think one more could fit on that bed?"</p><p>"If you don't mind a tight fit," Max made what room he could without jostling Felix. As it was, Felix still roused with an incoherent noise of protest.</p><p>Kestrel took off her shirt to remove her bra and put the shirt back on. "If I fall out of this bed in the middle of the night," she joked as she settled in half on top of him like Felix on his other side, "I'm blaming you."</p><p>"Duly noted, Captain," Max grinned. There was barely room for two, a third was likely ludicrous… but worth an attempt. "Are you comfortable leaving your crew alone on your ship?"</p><p>"It'll be fine. Parvati's date went well, she's ecstatic. ADA promised she would send SAM to wash Ellie's clothes if she misbehaved, and Nyoka's… well, not sober, but better than usual."</p><p>"I'm glad to hear that."</p><p>Kestrel nodded, "Me too." After a quiet moment, she softly asked, "Max?"</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"Are you still not worried about the Board chasing us?"</p><p>"I won't say the idea isn't somewhat alarming," he drawled, "but I'm still prepared to face what comes."</p><p>"I'm not."</p><p>He tightened his arm around her, "Yet you continue on, because it's the right thing to do. I thought you were naive when you told me that, our first talk on the ship. 'I'm from the Hope, I'm helping a madman because it's the right thing to do.'" She scoffed, laughing a little. He smiled to hear it. "I was wrong. One of many things I was wrong about. You know full well the struggle ahead. Yet you have continued to do what you know to be the right thing, no matter the consequences."</p><p>"I really don't want one of those consequences to be getting my friends killed."</p><p>"Worth it," Felix muttered. "Go to sleep, boss. Think too much," he yawned and went to sleep again.</p><p>"I agree," Max whispered into her hair and kissed her. "We're safe tonight, the three of us here and the Unreliable itself. Get some rest, Captain."</p><p>She sighed deeply and nodded, "Goodnight, Max."</p><p>"Goodnight, Kestrel."</p><p> </p><p>Max desperately needed to stretch. He took the moment of consciousness before his friends to consider the sensation, the stiffness in his back and the way his arms were starting to tingle from circulation inhibited by the pressure of bodies on either side. He focused on them. Felix moved a lot as he slept, which had meant some awkward late night repositioning of his limbs. Kestrel had slept fitfully, but mostly remained in one spot. Now he felt the rhythm of their breathing against him, and his temporary physical discomfort seemed much less of a distraction.</p><p>Felix yawned, blinking.</p><p>"Good morning," Max said.</p><p>"Hey," Felix said.</p><p>"Sleep well?"</p><p>Felix nodded, "Neck's kinda stiff. Shoulder's not great for sleeping. Great for falling asleep on, just not the sleeping part."</p><p>Max smiled, "Yes, having two people sleeping on me, while delightful in the moment, may not be best long term.” </p><p>"Need a bigger bed," Kestrel grumbled.</p><p>"Didn't mean to wake you, boss," Felix apologized.</p><p>"'S ok," she muttered, clearly planning to go back to sleep, "you don't have to call me boss all the time."</p><p>"Eh, anything else would feel weird at this point. Unless you want me to stop?"</p><p>She smiled, "Don't worry about it."</p><p>"Captain," Max said, and Kestrel groaned. He chuckled, "I haven't even said anything yet."</p><p>"You're gonna tell me I should think about getting back to the ship instead of falling back asleep."</p><p>"No, I was going to ask when you wanted to make your delivery to Dr. Welles today."</p><p>She made a small grumpy sound that he would never dare tell her was adorable and sighed, "Soon." </p><p>Slowly they disentangled themselves and prepared to return to the ship. Max had known for some time that he would follow Kestrel to the end of this affair, seeing Dr. Welles's plan to fruition. It was not the Plan he had grown up expecting to follow. Nothing was as he expected. As he watched his two partners stretch and joke about accommodations, taking turns, customized ship's quarters... he wondered what else unexpected the universe might present to them.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Took me a while to get this one right, and I'm still not sure I did. Positive feedback and constructive criticism is welcome. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Phineas wasn't pleased with the paltry amount of dimethyl sulfoxide in the canister, but backed off when Kestrel glared and said she wasn't going to murder anyone for him. She explained what she'd found, the Board's plan, and he was unsurprised. He'd known about the colony's slow starvation, and her information only bolstered his resolve that something must be done. Instead of fixing things, the Board was going to kill everyone on the Hope in order to use it as a frozen prison. They had to act fast. If she brought him the Hope, he could get to work right away and the Board wouldn't have a clue. All they had to do was skip the Hope to the rings of Terra 2.</p><p>"And that's going to work?" Max asked, uncertain. He and Felix had both come with Kestrel to see Phineas, providing a presence of unwavering support at her back. "Without killing us in the process?" Max clarified. It seemed an important distinction to make. "I thought intrasystem micro-jumps were prohibited for a reason?"</p><p>Phineas waved away the question, "Yes, yes, there's always the risk of catastrophic collision between the Hope and say, Terra 2, in theory. But you'll be fine! Provided your calculations are correct."</p><p>Felix folded his arms, "I don't understand a word you just said, doc. All I know is, if we're going to hijack a colony ship, count me in."</p><p>Phineas was delighted, "Yes, excellent! I approve of your enthusiasm young man."</p><p>"He can be extremely enthusiastic," Max deadpanned.</p><p>Kestrel snickered and got a hold of herself. "So how am I skipping the Hope?"</p><p>A plan established, they headed back to the ship. Kestrel punched Max in the arm, "Don't make me laugh in serious meetings!"</p><p>"The serious meeting with the insane scientist who wants you to micro-jump a colony ship abandoned for seventy years?" Max raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"Yeah about that; Phineas has said 'by the way you might die nothing to worry about' enough times since thawing me out that I have lost all sense of whether or not I should be worried when he says it."</p><p>"You should be worried this time."</p><p>Kestrel blinked. "... Oh. Great. Wait, are you worried?"</p><p>"A bit," he admitted.</p><p>"But life is an illusion. You said it was overrated."</p><p>"That doesn't mean I want it to end tomorrow morning."</p><p>Felix playfully leaned on Max's shoulder, "C'mon Max, it won't be that bad. Boss has got us this far, yeah?"</p><p>"That's true," Max said, comforted but still a bit doubtful.</p><p>Kestrel couldn't blame him. She updated the ladies on the ship, to surprising support, and had ADA set a course for the Hope.</p><p>Weirdly, she felt pretty calm about the extremely high risk and dangerous maneuver they were going to attempt. She thought it was kind of funny that this time Max was the one worried, despite his obvious effort not to be. Well, if the Hope crashed into Terra 2 tomorrow, she might as well enjoy tonight. If she could enjoy it with Max, even better… </p><p>She went to Felix's room. "Hey, Felix? Can we talk?"</p><p> </p><p>After the boss damn near gave him a heart attack with her "let's talk" talk, Felix was feeling nervous and excited and really nervous now that he thought about it, but still excited.</p><p>He knocked on Max's door. The door was shut, which was weird, but he didn't think about it. When the door opened, Felix strutted in and froze to see Max sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of his incense burner.</p><p>"Shit, sorry—"</p><p>"For what?" Max asked as he stood.</p><p>A few weeks ago Felix wouldn't have thought twice about interrupting Max in prayer, if he ever actually did that sort of thing which Felix doubted, but now it felt like a thing he should think about. "I didn’t mean to interrupt, it’s not important or anything."</p><p>Max smiled, "Felix, you can always interrupt my meditation, for any reason."</p><p>Felix breathed, relieved. "Oh. Ok. You aren't, um." He gestured to the burner.</p><p>Max laughed a little, "No, it's empty. I simply chose that space to sit. What’s on your mind?"</p><p>Felix rubbed the back of his neck, "You."</p><p>Max chuckled, "Anything specific about me?"</p><p>"Yeah. Real specific. Feel sort of silly interrupting—"</p><p>"Felix," Max came closer, "I just said always, and I meant it."</p><p>Felix smiled, "Good." Max kissed him, that soft thing he did before and followed it with a harder one, gently biting Felix's lower lip and he better start talking soon or gonna forget, "Can we try something?"</p><p>Max pulled Felix's hips close, fingertips brushing the skin just under his shirt as his hand went around Felix's waist, "What?"</p><p>"Can we switch?" Max paused, obviously puzzled. "I mean me being inside you."</p><p>Max froze, his brow creased. It wasn't a frown but it didn't seem good either.</p><p>"That's not a thing you're into," Felix hurried, "I get it, it was just an idea."</p><p>Max took a breath, his expression clearing. "I’m not opposed to the idea. I tended to avoid that position in the past."</p><p>Felix blinked, "Oh. But, you want to now? Tell me no if you don't, it's ok, honest."</p><p>Max thought about it a moment and said, "I will try it."</p><p>Felix beamed, "Awesome, because the boss and I were wondering if you'd want to, um," his face warmed, "be in the middle." Max's brow rose. Felix shrugged, "We don't feel about each other the way you do, but we both feel the same way about you, so."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>It seemed like maybe he didn't. "The boss told me I should suggest it and if you said yes we could tell her and if you didn't want to then that was ok, it could just… be my turn."</p><p>That got a smirk, "And you want this? To share this time, instead of it being 'your turn?'"</p><p>Felix nodded, "Might be a lot of fun."</p><p>Max was bewildered, but smiling. He ran his fingers through Felix's hair, eyeing him up and down. He pulled him close, voice soft, "And you want to fuck me?"</p><p>"Law, yes," Felix shivered.</p><p>Max grinned and teased, "I was right about you after all, Mr. Millstone; you're very versatile."</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes with a smirk, "And you're still a dick."</p><p>"You seem fond of it."</p><p>"Your dick? Yeah, extremely."</p><p>Max laughed, "I meant my behavior."</p><p>"Oh. Yeah, that too."</p><p>Max shook his head and kissed Felix fondly. "ADA? Could you please ask the Captain to join us?"</p><p> </p><p>Max had no idea what to expect. The fact that this had been Kestrel's idea was already a surprise, but a welcome one. Kestrel entered as Max pulled himself from Felix's kiss, "I take it he said yes?"</p><p>Max nodded and reached for her hand to pull her close to them, "Are you certain you're comfortable with this?"</p><p>She let him bring her to his side, smiling a little, "I don't know if I'd say 'comfortable,' but I'm certain I want to try it."</p><p>Felix made a considering sound, "I'll get his pants off while you get his shirt?"</p><p>Kestrel laughed, "I guess that's a start."</p><p>"Perhaps one first, then the other," Max suggested. He had never felt so out of his depth. He desired them both, had even desired a variation on this scenario, but in the moment he was… nervous.</p><p>Kestrel smiled and softly kissed him. It helped. "I think you're right," she said, then teased, "which doesn't happen often."</p><p>Max mocked offense, "Far more often than you admit, Captain."</p><p>"You two are gonna drive me insane," Felix muttered with a sigh.</p><p>"I promise you can take off his pants the instant I get his shirt off," Kestrel said before kissing Max again, fingers slowly working the buttons of his shirt as she pressed her hips against his.</p><p>"Yeah but it's gonna take forever," Felix huffed.</p><p>"Being passive makes him anxious," Max muttered as Kestrel moved her lips to his neck.</p><p>Kestrel paused, "Oh." She looked at Felix, "So, pants first?"</p><p>Felix blinked and shrugged, "Um. Sure?" </p><p>Felix didn't waste any time, stepping in as Kestrel stepped back, rolling his eyes with a smile as Max laughed. "Shut up, none of us have done this before," he opened Max's belt, "keeping three people in mind."</p><p>"I appreciate it," Max held Felix's face in his hands and kissed him deeply. Felix made a melting sound, and tried to snap himself out of it.</p><p>"Lemme get this open before you do that," he grumbled.</p><p>Max helped him, freeing his cock before pulling at Felix's belt. Felix grinned, "And you tease me for being impatient."</p><p>"Would you rather I wait passively?"</p><p>"Fuck no." </p><p>Max's gaze drifted to Kestrel leaning against the desk, watching closely. Max subtly shifted his position, moving Felix with him so she could have a better view. Her reaction was exactly what he hoped it would be.</p><p>Felix had removed Max's shirt, plus his own, before realizing, "Shit, I forgot the boss!" He started to turn toward her, but Max stopped him.</p><p>"She's enjoying the show."</p><p>It took Felix a moment, but then he grinned, "Guess we better give her a good one then."</p><p>While Felix stripped off the rest of his clothes, Max watched Kestrel pleasure herself as she sat on the chair, her leg up on the desk. The things he wanted to do to her sped through his thoughts and crashed to a halt when Felix licked his cock.</p><p>"Law, Max, you look like you're going to eat her."</p><p>Max smirked, "I was considering it."</p><p>Felix shook his head as he spread some lube on his fingers, "Nope, we got a plan for you. Gonna give you a preview of the main attraction." He was on his knees in front of Max, and Max had spread his legs a little further apart without even thinking. When had that happened? "Ready?"</p><p>He was not remotely ready, but he nodded anyway. He trusted them. He could do this. Felix took him into his mouth and slipped the first finger inside him, and Max's jaw dropped with a soft moan. It wasn't as if he'd never experimented, he knew roughly what to expect, but this… <i>vulnerability.</i> That was new.</p><p>His hand gripped Felix's hair, smiling at how much his lover enjoyed his cock, grunting as another finger entered and a whispered 'yes' escaped his throat unbidden. Sounds of distress reached his ears from the desk, his Captain bringing herself closer to climax. He looked up to watch her writhe as her fingers plunged her depths, the sight stoking his own arousal and drawing a desperate moan of his own.</p><p>Felix released him, voice rough and fast, "I think we really need to fuck you now." Felix scrambled onto the bed, lying on his side. Max followed and laid down in front of him, Felix's arm immediately wrapping around him, holding him close. "Feeling good so far?"</p><p>Max smiled, "Yes."</p><p>Felix kissed him, "Good. Boss, toss me the lube? Left it down there on my clothes."</p><p>Kestrel finished undressing and tossed the tube of lubricant to them. "What's that look?" she asked Max as she climbed in next to him.</p><p>"Am I not allowed to admire you?"</p><p>"Shush," she blushed.</p><p>"You had no objections when I watched you fucking yourself," he took the hand that had done the work and licked her fingers clean. </p><p>She shivered, smiling, "That's different."</p><p>"That doesn't make sense, boss," Felix muttered before returning the lube to the floor with a toss.</p><p>She laughed a little and tried to slide into bed alongside him. It was a tight fit, but they fit, if Kestrel's leg draped across Max and Felix too.</p><p>"Ready?" Felix asked.</p><p>Max nodded as he relaxed. He let go of his control with a long exhale, and swore as Felix split him down the middle. He buried his face in Kestrel's shoulder as he held on tight to Felix's hand on his chest. He ached, it felt so… <i>much</i>, his nerves aflame. Felix moved, and froze when Max cried out.</p><p>"You ok?"</p><p>Max nodded, "Yes. Yes, it's… intense. Don’t stop."</p><p>Kestrel kissed his cheek as Felix smiled, "Good. You say stop and we will."</p><p>"I know," the word dissolved into a strangled moan as Felix began moving again.</p><p>Felix was hesitant at first, but slowly Max's moans flowed freer, more wanton, and Felix responded eagerly in kind. "Always knew you were a tightass," he breathlessly joked.</p><p>"Ha! Fix that for me," Max groaned.</p><p>Fuck, Felix nearly came right then, but somehow managed to restrain himself, "Doing my best."</p><p>Kestrel shifted her position, pressing the head of Max's cock against her entrance, "Too much?"</p><p>“Never,” Max muttered without thinking and was suddenly sliding inside her, the combined sensations overwhelming.</p><p>“Fuck, Max, yes,” she breathed as he filled her, her fingers in his hair, “Can you move with Felix inside you?”</p><p>He tried, and with every thrust he felt Felix move with him, trying to stay in time and they fumbled together with exasperated laughter, but they soon found a rhythm for Felix to follow, a pace set for Max that pierced through his very core and coupled with Kestrel's warmth as she tightened around him. Felix picked up the pace pulling a sound from Max's throat he'd never made in his life, the sounds they made together… The universe melted into a symphony of sensations, every inch of his mind and body thrumming.</p><p>He was undone.</p><p> </p><p>"… Max?"</p><p>"Think we broke him?"</p><p>Kestrel chuckled and kissed Max's forehead, "Max?"</p><p>"Mm?" He smiled a little, "That was… a lot."</p><p>"Good 'a lot,' right?" Felix asked.</p><p>Max reached behind him for Felix's hand, pulling his arm to wrap around him. Felix gladly cuddled against him. "Very good, Felix. Thank you." He pressed a kiss to Kestrel's shoulder, "Both of you."</p><p>"You're welcome," Kestrel snuggled against him.</p><p>His breath slowed, steady. Content. Existing in the exquisite moment.</p><p>"So, I had this idea for next time," Felix said, and Max snorted in laughter.</p><p>"Felix, you're… inspiring."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hope was crawling with UDL troops. Fortunately, Kestrel had a Holographic Shroud and a quick wit. As they made their way through, she couldn't resist checking the terminals to see what went wrong, why the Hope had taken so long to reach Halcyon. What she found was a record of the slow decline of the crew left awake, struggling to survive until they… didn't.</p><p>One terminal had a record from Phineas on it, his early attempts at defrosting colonists. Somehow she'd never considered that she might not be the first attempt, just the first success. She didn't know what to do with that knowledge, how to process it.</p><p>Max and Felix kept her going, a light touch from Max when she wavered, the way Felix bristled every time a guard challenged their presence. They made their way to the ship's computer and patched ADA through. This was it.</p><p>Max sighed, "Well, it's been a good life."</p><p>Felix nodded, "Worse ways to go out. It's been nice knowing you, boss."</p><p>"Oh shush, boys, we're not dead yet."</p><p>The Hope's computer trying to stop ADA was not encouraging, but there was no turning back now.</p><p>Three, two, one…</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, we made it!" Felix punched the air.</p><p>Max laughed, supremely relieved, "We're alive!? I can't believe it worked!" He pulled Kestrel to him and held her tighter than he ever had before, "Not that I ever doubted you, Captain," he said with a soft, apologetic smile.</p><p>She kissed him on the cheek, "This was pretty insane, even by our standards."</p><p>Felix joined in on her other side, putting Kestrel in the middle of their three-person hug. "Can we do that again?"</p><p>Kestrel laughed and elbowed him, "Definitely not. C'mon, let's go check in with Phineas."</p><p>"Captain," ADA spoke up, "I have tried contacting Dr. Welles, with no success."</p><p>A weight sank through Kestrel's stomach, "Then we have to hurry."</p><p>They were too late. Phineas had managed to send a message to the Unreliable, screaming about corporate pigs while he was under attack. Even without her help, the Board had finally found Phineas. After fighting their way past the UDL troops left behind to guard the lab, they searched for some sign of where he'd been taken.</p><p>They found a navkey to Tartarus.</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel looked around the table at the faces of her crew. None of them had signed up for breaking into a maximum security prison on an instant death hell-planet. She wouldn't fault anyone for leaving. In hindsight, it shouldn’t have surprised her that no one did. Between Parvati firmly pronouncing that they were crew, real crew, and Felix declaring that she didn’t hire him to think and he definitely wasn’t going to start now, it was a universal display of loyalty and solidarity all around the table. Even Ellie was a hundred percent on board, and the usually-sensible Nyoka, too. They were really going to break into the highest security prison complex in Halcyon. </p><p>Max was glad to see Kestrel touched by her crew's devotion but no less in command. It was as if she had finally settled into her role, accepted that she was capable of so much more than she thought, even if she still felt like she was making it up as she went along. That strategy had worked well for them so far, after all. Still, he should warn her.</p><p>"Getting into the Labyrinth is simple,” he said. “It's getting out that's the hard part. Trust me… I know."</p><p>"What?" Kestrel was shocked, and her expression of sympathy and righteous anger for his sake made his breath catch.</p><p>"You were in Tartarus?" Felix paled.</p><p>Ellie whistled, "Damn, preacher, who'd you murder?"</p><p>"No one, Dr. Fenhill," he explained quietly. "I expressed interest in heretical texts to my superiors."</p><p>"They put you in Tartarus because you wanted to read books?" Parvati was wide-eyed. "That's just…" she fumed, looking for an appropriate word.</p><p>"Void-damned Board bullshit," Nyoka helpfully provided.</p><p>"I appreciate your concern, everyone," Max smiled, "but it's in the past, and a distraction from what matters at present." He turned his focus back to his Captain, and the rest of the crew did the same. "There are worse ways to die than in the name of a good cause. I'm in."</p><p>So was everyone. The Captain thanked them and went down to the bridge, leaving the crew to do whatever they needed to prepare.</p><p>Felix pulled Max into his room.</p><p>"Tartarus??"  Felix hissed. He'd joked about Max's time in prison, never really took the idea seriously. Max looked at him now with nothing but a small nod, like this wasn't a big deal, which only made Felix feel like this was a really big fucking deal.</p><p>"Definitely not a Spacer's Choice prison," Max softly joked, throwing Felix's words back at him.</p><p>"Law, Max--"</p><p>Max held Felix's face and whispered, "Stop." He kissed him, hands dropping to hold Felix loosely against him, "Are you angry for my sake, or embarrassed that you didn't know?"</p><p>"Both!"</p><p>Max smiled, "Why would you have known? I didn't tell you. I was too wrapped up in maintaining my layers of illusion and self-deception. As for the anger, I appreciate the impulse, but it changes nothing."</p><p>Felix frowned at nothing in particular, his expression slowly clearing as he considered Max's words. With a look of sudden decision, he kissed Max, surprising him with his urgency. "I ever get the chance to kick your old bosses' asses, I'm going to enjoy it. Sorry I was a jerk."</p><p>"So was I."</p><p>Felix smirked, "Yeah. You gonna check on the boss?"</p><p>"I was, yes. Are you—"</p><p>"Pfft, a chance to bash some corporate bootlicker heads? I'm fine. Let's go see her."</p><p>Max chuckled, kissed him quick on the lips, and they went in search of their Captain.</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel stood by the navigational controls, watching space through the window. As soon as she'd set course for Tartarus, it was as if her feet were glued to the floor. This was it. They'd either get Phineas out, or the Board would win. They wouldn't have a second chance.</p><p>"Captain?"</p><p>Kestrel jumped, startled. "Hi, Max."</p><p>He stepped further into the control room, "Have you been here since the meeting?"</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>He hesitated, "May we join you?"</p><p>She smiled over her shoulder at him and noticed Felix standing behind him, “Yeah. Just watching space go by. Hi, Felix.”</p><p>"Hey, boss," Felix said as he followed Max, standing at Max's left as Max's right arm wrapped around Kestrel. She leaned against Max with a light sigh and relaxed a little, still watching the stars.</p><p>"I never thought I'd be breaking into a prison,” Max mused. “Your tendencies toward reckless behavior must be rubbing off on me, Captain."</p><p>Her small laugh faded quickly, “You gonna be ok, going back into Tartarus?”</p><p>He shrugged, “I don't imagine it will be pleasant, but we need to get Dr. Welles out of there, one way or another." He smiled to feel Felix take his hand, "And I don't care for the idea of staying behind while you two charge in.”</p><p>“I wasn't going to charge,” Kestrel grumbled.</p><p>"I was," Felix said.</p><p>"No," Kestrel scolded as Max softly laughed, "no charging. I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities for you to fight without us going in guns blazing."</p><p>Felix was doubtful, but grinning, "If you say so, boss."</p><p>Kestrel took a breath, pulling Max’s hand across her waist, “I still can’t believe everyone’s on board with this mission. I thought Ellie would leave for sure.”</p><p>Max moved to stand behind her, pulling Felix in so Felix's arm was around Max, Max's arms around Kestrel. “You’ve affected everyone onboard deeper than you realize. We all feel a debt to you, for our own reasons. I once thought your altruism would get you killed, yet here you are, saving the colony from its destruction.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t have made it this far without help,” Kestrel said, firm.</p><p>Max kissed her temple, “You would have made it just as far without helping a selfish old man retrieve a book."</p><p>"Or giving a stray from the Back Bays a chance," Felix said. "Whatever happens on Tartarus? Totally worth it, boss."</p><p>Kestrel managed not to cry. "Stop calling me 'boss,'" she grumbled with a smile and held Felix's free hand.</p><p>The three of them stood silently together, watching the stars.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>The events on Tartarus brought about the end of the Board's authority, but the Board's mistakes would haunt the colony for decades to come. The damage they left behind would require the work of a generation to repair.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Dr. Phineas Welles began reviving a handful of the Hope's colonists—engineers, scientists, technicians, and intellectuals. They were among the brightest minds the Earth had ever sent out into the stars. The Hope's scientists and engineers woke up in a colony descending headlong into total collapse. With no way to return to Earth, they had no choice but to band together and devote themselves to the cause of saving Halcyon.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The people of Halcyon were nothing if not hardy. In the absence of the Board's authority, many of the colony's settlements banded together with a single purpose in mind: survival. Life was especially hard in the years to come. Some towns dissolved by attrition and starvation, but most of them found a way to carry on. In the years to come, Halcyon was forced to reckon with its newfound freedom. The Board was gone, and for better or worse, the colony was responsible for its own destiny.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Captain Kestrel kept her promise to help Dr. Welles in his mission, and acted as a bridge between the Hope’s colonists and the strange new world they awoke to. Her crew moved on in their own lives, helping Halcyon in their own ways. Kestrel made a point of keeping in touch whenever she could, but the people she wanted to keep in touch with the most soon became the hardest to find.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She still held onto the hope that she would see them again. There might not be a "plan" guiding the universe, but the story it was telling seemed determined to keep surprising her…</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Epilogue: Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've had this epilogue in my head for months. It is extremely self-indulgent, but who doesn't enjoy a happy reunion? And damn it I think post-Empty Man Max would make a good dad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix sat in the bar in Edgewater nursing his beer. The town needed people to help with construction—repairing buildings and expanding the garden. The garden was neat, and eating fresh raw vegetables had been a bizarre experience. Still, he knew this job wouldn’t last long.</p><p> </p><p>Felix sat in the newly renamed Found Hope on the Groundbreaker, nursing his beer. He was between jobs at the moment, and wanted to relax before signing up on the next ship… wherever. He briefly considered asking Pavarti if there was any work around, but decided not to. Groundbreaker was doing better than a lot of Halcyon. He'd be of more help someplace that needed an extra pair of hands. </p><p>Maybe he'd drop by Engineering anyway, just to say hello. He missed the old crew. They'd stuck by the Captain, at first, but as Dr. Welles started reviving scientists it was obvious to everyone they could be a lot more help to Halcyon than to Dr. Welles. Everyone except Kestrel. She was going to help the Hope, however she could, for as long as she could.</p><p>Engineering was a buzz of activity, and someone told Felix that Parvati was working on a repair job with Junlei. Felix decided he didn't want to interrupt.</p><p> </p><p>Felix sat in a bar in Stellar Bay, nursing his beer. Repairing bridges was hard fucking work, and the wildlife didn’t make it any easier. He'd seen Nyoka, though, that had been nice. Her group had been helping out as scouts and pest control around the work site. They didn't have a whole lot of chances to talk, what with the sudden spike in mantipillars this year, but it had been nice to see a friendly face when he went to work. Still, he was feeling... lonely. Homesick, maybe? That sounded dumb. Felix glanced up at the aetherwave screen; the Rangers beat the Darlings in the third match of the first official season since the Board collapsed. He smiled at that. He hadn't had much time to worry about the sport over the past year. Seeing it start back up, even with some changes, was comforting.</p><p>"Still living vicariously through the Ranger's victories, Mr. Millstone?"</p><p>Felix froze, his beer at his lips. No way. Felix carefully set the beer down and slowly turned around to see an older man in a blue worker’s shirt and black pants standing behind him, a travel pack slung over his shoulder and a small smile on his face. "Max!" Felix leaped up and hugged him, grinning like an idiot.</p><p>Max laughed in surprise, returning the embrace, "Hello, Felix."</p><p>Felix pulled back, hands on Max’s shoulders like he couldn’t quite believe he was real, “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Max shrugged slightly, “Helping where I can. The Iconoclasts still have something of a monopoly on the spiritual health of Monarch,” he grinned, “but as Zora’s approach is far more practical than her predecessor, I can at least engage in debate.”</p><p>“You’re just here to preach?” Felix was skeptical.</p><p>“I’m here because this was where the ship I booked transport on was going,” Max chuckled. “I planned on doing some simple labor to pass time and earn enough bits to book my next flight, wherever that may take me. The preaching happens as it happens, though I strive to make it less ‘preaching’ and more ‘counseling.’”</p><p>“Well, whatever the reason,” Felix gestured for Max to sit, “I’m glad to see you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Felix,” Max smiled as he sat down. “I’m glad to see you, too.”</p><p>When Max had realized he was doing very little to help the people on the Hope, that Kestrel was vastly more effective as an aid to their adaptation than he was, Max had decided to leave and help the people of Halcyon, who had just had their world turned upside down. He’d asked Kestrel to come with him and she had said no, her work with Phineas wasn't done. So he left. There were no hard feelings, Max had been honest with her about his concern that he could be doing more to alleviate the colony’s suffering. Felix had followed Max at first, but counsel held no satisfaction for the young revolutionary. Felix still wanted to fight. It wasn’t until after he’d stayed behind for a job while Max continued his wanderings that Felix realized the work of a revolution was done with two hands.</p><p>And now a year later, Felix sat across a table from Max, catching up on everything they’d done, all they’d seen, the progress Halcyon was making. Max’s hair was a little less immaculate, the lines at the corners of his eyes a little more obvious, but other than that he hadn’t changed at all. He asked about Felix’s jobs, wanted to know every detail. They compared notes on the towns they’d been to, missing each other by hours on a couple occasions. Max asked about the work. Felix found himself asking for advice.</p><p>“What happens next?”</p><p>Max was attentive, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I’m pretty good at whatever labor needs doing, but I don’t know if I can keep going from job to job."</p><p>“You're helping people build a new world from the ground up. You should be proud.”</p><p>Felix nodded, “Yeah, I… I think I am. Sometimes I feel like there should be something else, like I never get a chance to really fit. Maybe I'm not doing enough."</p><p>“Any help given, no matter the amount, is enough if it is what you truly can give.” Max watched Felix consider this truth closely, and carefully ventured, “That being said, if you wanted to do something other than manual labor, I might know someone who would appreciate an assistant.”</p><p>Felix blinked, “Really?”</p><p>Max nodded, “Mmhm. It won't pay well, hardly anything at all. But there's…” he smirked, “an old scholar who could use you.”</p><p>Felix raised an eyebrow, “Scholar, huh? Does he speak French?”</p><p>Max laughed, “No. No, I'm afraid he doesn't.”</p><p>“But he's a real scholar this time, right?”</p><p>Max shrugged, “Some consider him to be. He prefers to be thought of as more of a preacher or counselor than any sort of academic.”</p><p>“A preacher? I dunno, I never got along with…” Felix stopped and stared, “Wait. Are we talking about you?”</p><p>Max smiled.</p><p>Felix’s heart was doing something funny as he tried to act cool, “C'mon, Max, what do you need me for?”</p><p>“Need? Strictly speaking, I 'need' nothing. It seems like you might need a new direction, or at least a reprieve. And,” Max glanced away, then back at Felix. If Felix hadn’t known better, he’d have thought Max was sheepish. “It might be fun to travel together again.”</p><p>Felix forgot to breathe for a moment. He cleared his throat, “Well. Yeah, it would. I’ve gotta finish the job here, should only be a few more days.”</p><p>“Of course. I’ll even join you, if you think another pair of hands would be welcome.”</p><p>"Always. Where are you staying?"</p><p>"I don't know, yet."</p><p>"You could stay with me," Felix offered, ignoring the warm feeling in his gut as he said it.</p><p>Max smiled, and the warmth spread. "I would like that," Max said. "Thank you."</p><p> </p><p>The room was small, just temporary worker's quarters, but Felix had it to himself. "So, um. You can have the bed," Felix said as Max set his bag on the floor, "I mean, if you didn't want to… share." Law, he sounded like something off a bad romance aetherwave. Why was he so nervous?</p><p>"Which would you prefer?"</p><p>Felix fidgeted. It had been a year, what if Max didn't… "I was hoping you'd say share," Felix admitted in a rush.</p><p>Max grinned. "Were you?"</p><p>"I know it's been a while, I don't know if you even—it's ok if you don't—"</p><p>"Felix." Max reached for the side of Felix's face, his thumb brushing his cheekbone, "You're rambling."</p><p>"I know." Felix was frozen a moment before he breathed, eyes closing slightly as he let himself lean into Max's hand. Fuck, he was starved for it, "Sorry."</p><p>"Don't be," Max said, soft and awed. "I didn't know if you would still want this," he pulled Felix close. "As you said, it's been a while. I didn't want to assume."</p><p>"You can assume," Felix met his eyes, breath faster, "please assume."</p><p>Max kissed him, slow and searching like the first time all over again. Felix made a tiny sound, pleased and relieved, melting against Max. Max's fingers slipped under the edge of Felix's shirt, and Felix took it off with a shiver of anticipation.</p><p>Max smiled, "Mr. Millstone, have you been taking better care of yourself the past year?"</p><p>"When I can," Felix blushed as Max looked him over.</p><p>Max was amused, "Are you alright?"</p><p>"Been a while," Felix gasped as Max nibbled his neck and pressed against him.</p><p>"A whole year?" Max breathed against Felix's ear.</p><p>"Never time," the effort of trying not to rut against Max's cock like a canid in heat combined with a surge of emotion and made his voice shake, "and didn't really want to. You. Um. The way you..."</p><p>Max pulled away, making Felix stop in a moment of panic before he saw the way Max was looking at him. He'd never seen so much regret on Max's face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Felix, I thought I was doing the right thing. I only wanted to help—"</p><p>"I know, Max," Felix's throat was tight, arms around Max's neck, "it's ok, honest. Just keep kissing me?"</p><p>And he did. Oh, Law, he did, deep and urgent, an apology and a promise all rolled up into the press of mouths and hips and grasping hands. He shouldn't have let him leave, Felix thought, he should have stuck by him, if only he'd been more patient, but now Max was back and this time…</p><p>“On the bed,” Max breathed.</p><p>Felix wasted no time, stripping his pants off and scrambling onto the bed, “On my back like this or—” everything froze as Max straddled his legs and leaned down, “Max!!” Felix’s hips bucked as Max licked his cock, a stunned shiver shaking his whole body as Max took him into his mouth, “Oh, Fuck…!” Felix’s head rolled back as Max sucked, forced himself to prop up on his elbows so he could watch Max’s head bobbing up and down. “Yes yesfuck oh Law, Max, missed you so much,” Felix was babbling like a lovestruck idiot and he didn’t care. It wasn’t the best blowjob, but it was <i>Max</i>.</p><p>Felix grabbed Max’s hand, “You don't have to do this.” He didn’t stop, didn’t even slow down. “Max, I'm gonna cum,” he warned, and Max’s hand squeezed his. “That's ok? Oh fuck, ok ready?”</p><p>Max hummed his assent, and Felix came hard, grip tight on Max’s hand as Max swallowed it all. “Shit,” Felix gasped. “Thought you didn't like doing that.”</p><p>"I can put up with an unpleasant taste for a few moments if it means hearing you cry out in ecstasy like that," Max kissed him with a grin.</p><p>Felix smiled, "Lots of other ways to get me to do that."</p><p>"We'll have plenty of time to try every one of them."</p><p>"... if I hadn't just had an amazing orgasm, I'd be hard again." Max chuckled and laid down beside him. "Your turn?"</p><p>Max shrugged, "Later, if you want. I'm content to watch you catch your breath and fall asleep."</p><p>Felix was skeptical, "Really?" He looked pointedly at the obvious erection Max's pants were restraining.</p><p>Max grinned and brushed Felix's cheek, "Yes. If you truly want to, I won't complain, but you are also tired and overwhelmed. If you would rather not, then I am content with that as well."</p><p>Felix had to think for a bit. "A little recovery time would be good," he nodded.</p><p>Max kissed him gently, "I'm glad our paths crossed, Felix."</p><p>"Me too." He held Max's hand to his chest, "Think I might stick to your path this time."</p><p>"Or I to yours."</p><p>That made Felix smile, giddy even as he thought that was dumb. "Max? Could you either hand me my pants or toss a blanket over us?"</p><p>Max laughed and did both.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Epilogue: Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Unreliable had been taking up space on Groundbreaker for over three months, and Kestrel was starting to feel guilty about it. </p><p>"I told you, Captain, as long as you're payin' your fees, Junlei doesn't mind."</p><p>"Discounted fees," Kestrel handed Parvati a cup of tea and sat down across the kitchen table from her with her own.</p><p>"Considerin' you stopped everyone from being cooked alive last year, folks ain't likely to complain much about your special treatment, and that's assuming they hear about it in the first place," Parvati pointed out.</p><p>Kestrel sighed, "I know that's what Junlei keeps saying, but I still feel bad about it."</p><p>They sipped their tea in silence a bit. Parvati’s visits were always welcome. She hadn’t lost any of her common sense and compassion since setting up shop on the Groundbreaker, and Kestrel relished the chance to talk to a friend.</p><p>"How're you holding up, Captain?" Parvati quietly asked.</p><p>"You don’t have to call me captain anymore.”</p><p>Parvati grinned, “You’ll always be Captain.”</p><p>Kestrel smirked, “Not doing much of that these days. I’m tired. Antsy."</p><p>"Wanna go for a stroll around the Promenade? I could carry Hope?"</p><p>Kestrel smiled in spite of herself. She'd taken so many strolls… but she appreciated Parvati's worry, and sulking on the ship wasn't helping any. "Sure."</p><p>Parvati followed Kestrel to her room, where Hope was lying on her belly on a thick blanket on the floor, her head and chest up off the ground while her feet kicked behind her. The three-month-old hadn't figured out how to get her legs underneath her yet, but Dr. Dorsett said she was developmentally right on track. SAM stood in front of Hope, playing a little tune that always reminded Kestrel of elevator music. Hope thought it was great.</p><p>"Who'd have thought you'd be such a good babysitter, SAM?" Parvati joked.</p><p>"SAM units provide a safe, clean environment for the whole family!" SAM said.</p><p>Parvati knelt down and cooed at Hope, "You're so big! Gosh, once you figure out this whole crawling thing, nothing's gonna stop you just scooting 'round everywhere."</p><p>"That's what I'm worried about," Kestrel chuckled.</p><p>The infant put her head back down to the floor with a heavy sigh.</p><p>"Tuckered out, huh?" Parvati scooped her up and stood, "You wanna go for a walk with me and your mom?" Hope gurgled and grabbed the strap of Parvati’s overalls. "I'll take that as a yes."</p><p>Kestrel laughed.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they got in sight of the Spacer’s Choice stall, Hope let out a delighted squeal. “She sure likes the Moon-Man,” Parvati giggled. </p><p>Kestrel shrugged, “She sees the Edgewater sign in my room all the time. Now here the thing is, talking to her.”</p><p>“Well, hello little lady!” Martin greeted them. “And your mom, and Ms. Holcomb, of course.” The corporate chaos of the past year had been kind to the Spacer’s Choice vendor. He suffered much less fear of corporate oversight and punishment, and Kestrel thought her visits with Hope might be helping him work through some of his trauma from being forced to wear that hat for years without stop. Everyone needed to know that they brought joy to someone in their life, even if that someone was a three-month-old girl with a Moon-Man fascination.</p><p>“Hi, Martin,” Kestrel smiled. “How’s business?”</p><p>“Oh, the same as always. These spectacular deals are only exceeded by the… quality of the goods.”</p><p>“Spacer’s Choice still puts out cheap crap?” Kestrel translated.</p><p>“I think the quality might have even gone down,” Martin said as quietly as the hat would permit, “but you didn’t hear that from me. Except the soap, weirdly.”</p><p>Kestrel chuckled as Hope squirmed in Parvati’s arms and reached for Martin, “I don’t think he’d be able to hold you with that hat on, sweetheart.”</p><p>“I appreciate the interest,” he touched Hope’s hand, and promptly had his finger caught by a tiny fist. “Any sign of her dad, yet?”</p><p>Kestrel shook her head, “Not yet. You'd think he'd have to come through Groundbreaker eventually.”</p><p>“If he's going to different towns, then he's probably been booking direct passage to wherever he can.” Parvati shrugged apologetically, “Guess he figures Groundbreaker ain't in as much need of spiritual counsel as other places.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kestrel sighed.</p><p>Hope made a face, let go of Martin’s finger, and cried without tears.</p><p>“Oh no!” Martin said. “What’s that for?”</p><p>“What is it?” Parvati bounced the fussy infant in her arms.</p><p>Hope reached for Kestrel, discontent. Kestrel laughed as she took her from Parvati, “My goodness, such a sound! Sorry, guys, I think it might be naptime.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s alright,” Martin chuckled. “I feel like that sometimes. Just have to bury it deep so customers can't see it.”</p><p>Hope was soothed for a moment, but fast became irritated again. “I'm gonna go put her down for a nap," Kestrel said. "We'll see you later, Martin. Thanks for stopping by, Parvati.”</p><p>“Sure thing!” Parvati waved as Kestrel hurried back to her ship.</p><p> </p><p>When Max and Felix mentioned to Nyoka they were looking for a ship off Monarch on a tight budget, Nyoka laughed and recommended they hurry to Fallbrook. A cocky trader of sometimes-legal goods was picking up a shipment headed for Groundbreaker. Felix had finished his contract for the bridge work, and so they packed up their few belongings and took off. The captain of the ship was happy to have them aboard, though she haggled relentlessly for fare, which she promptly gave back as soon as she’d won her price.</p><p>“Hey, Vicky! Felix!” Ellie knocked on the door to Max and Felix’s quarters, “Stop fucking, we’re here!”</p><p>Max opened the door, “We don’t spend every moment of the day fucking, Dr. Fenhill.”</p><p>“Stop calling me that,” she huffed, “I’m a captain, now.”</p><p>“If I’m still a vicar, then you’re still a doctor.”</p><p>She stuck her tongue out at him. “It was kinda fun to see you again. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”</p><p>Max grinned, “Your secret is safe with me.”</p><p>Felix hustled over, hauling their two bags, “I’m glad things have worked out for you, Ellie. Got yourself your own crew and everything. Running supplies around the system.”</p><p>“Jealous?” Ellie teased.</p><p>Felix smiled, “Nah. Well, maybe a little, just because pirating always sounded fun,” he ignored Max’s chuckle, “but I’m good where I’m at.”</p><p>Ellie was skeptical, but her question held no bite, “Following a preacher around?”</p><p>“Following Max around," Felix corrected. "Or he’s following me. Maybe both?”</p><p>"'Both' is likely more accurate," Max smiled at him.</p><p>Ellie rolled her eyes, “Sheesh, you guys and your mushy stuff. Go on, get off my ship.”</p><p>With a word of thanks and farewell, Max and Felix stepped onto the Groundbreaker.</p><p>It had been months since either of them had been here. They planned on getting a room at the Rest-and-Go, but Felix wanted to stroll along the Promenade first.</p><p>“Shouldn’t we at least find a place to put down our bags?” Max asked.</p><p>Felix shrugged and started walking, “Just a quick look, don’t even have to go the whole length.”</p><p>Max smiled knowingly, “You want to see if anything’s changed.”</p><p>Felix shrugged, unsuccessfully nonchalant. Max chuckled, and gladly watched Felix take in the sights of his former home as they walked. The stevedores still gossipped, the lights still glared with distracting vibrancy overhead, and the vendors were all still in business.</p><p>They were both surprised to see the Spacer’s Choice vendor waving frantically at them from his stall, “Hey, Felix!”</p><p>“Uh, hey, Martin,” Felix said as they approached.</p><p>“Is the man with you named Max?”</p><p>Felix looked at Max, then back at Martin. “…Yeah?”</p><p>“Great!!”</p><p>“Is it?” Max asked.</p><p>“Captain Kestrel is on Groundbreaker!”</p><p>Max froze a moment, and looked at Felix. Felix looked at Martin, “Really? How long—”</p><p>“She’s been looking for you both!” This was the most excited Felix had ever heard the usually depressed-sounding Spacer’s Choice mascot.</p><p>“She has?”</p><p>“Well, yeah!” Martin gestured to Max, “I mean, Max, you're the… nah, I'll let her tell it. You should go see her, soon as you can. She’s on dock thirteen.”</p><p>Max nodded, “Thank you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Felix paused, “Wait, you ain't gonna give a sales pitch?”</p><p>“This is the most alive I've felt in ages!” Martin shooed them, “You'll be back! Go find her!”</p><p>They hurried back to the docks.</p><p>“Felix,” Max started to ask, “are you—”</p><p>“I want to find her, too, Max.”</p><p>Max smiled a little, “I thought I should ask.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you try to find her before this?”</p><p>“The same reason I didn’t try to find you after we parted. I lost myself in the illusion, yet another story I told myself, where I was serving the greatest good by leaving the people I cared about most behind.”</p><p>Felix was quiet a moment. “Kestrel also thought she was doing the greatest good, staying with Doc Welles. And I shouldn’t have let you get on a ship without me.”</p><p>Max held his hand, “It doesn’t matter. We’re here, now, and our Captain has been searching for us.”</p><p> </p><p>It was strange that the sight of a ship could provoke such an emotional reaction, Max thought as they approached the Unreliable. He felt… almost giddy, and anxious. Kestrel had been looking for them.</p><p>He should have gone back to her. He did not regret helping people, he'd been a far more effective spiritual counselor the past year than he had ever been in the OSI, but he did regret falling out of contact with his best friend. Now he was reuniting with his two better thirds, one right after the other, in a marvel of the universe's strange existence.</p><p>Felix knocked on the Unreliable's hatch twice. The door opened, and it was like they'd never left.</p><p>“Welcome back, Max and Felix.”</p><p>“Hello, ADA," Max said to the camera watching the door and peeked into the control room, "Is the Captain in?”</p><p>“Yes. The Captain is feeding Hope. She will be happy to see you, if you would like to wait a few minutes.”</p><p>“Who’s Hope?" Felix asked. "Did she get a pet canid?”</p><p>ADA's expression flashed to an amused smirk, “No, Hope is not a canid.”</p><p>“Pet baby raptidon?”</p><p>ADA's face went back to neutral. “Hope is not a pet. I’m sure the Captain will introduce you. She has been wanting to for some time.”</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel knew someone had come onboard when her bedroom door suddenly closed. It was ADA's way of protecting her privacy, and it usually meant Parvati was visiting. Hope was finished with her post-nap snack anyway. It was a little strange that Parvati would have come back so soon, though.</p><p>"Captain?" ADA reported, "Max and Felix are here."</p><p>"Really?" Kestrel stood and started for the door, realized she had Hope on her shoulder with her shirt undone, and set Hope in her crib.</p><p>"Are they ok?" Kestrel's mind was going a million miles a minute as she fastened her shirt back up, "I mean do they look… how did they know I was here?"</p><p>"Judging from the bags they carried, I presume they've just arrived on Groundbreaker. They appear to be in good health." As Kestrel headed to the door, ADA gently asked, "Are you not going to bring Hope?"</p><p>Kestrel hesitated, "I don't want to start with the surprise daughter. Oh hell, who am I kidding, 'hi boys nice to see you, by the way you're a dad!'"</p><p>"Before you start panicking, may I make a suggestion?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Breathe."</p><p>Kestrel blinked, and took a deep breath with a soft laugh. "Ok, ok. Where are they waiting?" </p><p>"In the kitchen."</p><p>"Thank you, ADA."</p><p>"My pleasure, Captain."</p><p> </p><p>Felix had left their bags by the ship's door while he and Max waited. "If Hope's not a pet," Felix mused, "then what is it?"</p><p>Max was quiet, "We'll find out."</p><p>"You think she wants to see us?"</p><p>"She was looking for us. That wouldn't be the case if she wouldn't be glad to see us."</p><p>Felix looked at the way Max stood with his arms crossed, eyes on the floor without really seeing it, "Max? You ok?"</p><p>He didn't answer right away. "Just thinking." He looked at Felix, "There are only so many options for things Kestrel would need to feed that aren't pets."</p><p>Felix was puzzled, "What does that mean?"</p><p>But Kestrel was coming up the stairs and Max was instantly focused on nothing but her smile and the way she ran to him and hugged him and said "Why the fuck is it so hard to track you down??"</p><p>Max laughed and apologized, "I didn't mean for it to be. I went wherever I could, whenever I could."</p><p>"I missed you."</p><p>His throat caught, "I missed you, too."</p><p>Kestrel pulled away and smiled, "Felix stuck with you?"</p><p>"Nah," Felix shook his head as he gave Kestrel a quick hug, "I let him wander off while I finished a job. Just met up again a few days ago."</p><p>Kestrel was surprised, "Really?"</p><p>Felix shrugged, "Not one of my smarter moments. Letting him leave, I mean."</p><p>Max smiled, "Nor mine. But, here we are."</p><p>A baby wailed.</p><p>Kestrel winced as Max and Felix looked at each other and back at her. Max hesitantly asked, "ADA mentioned… Hope?"</p><p>Anxiety and a protective pride flashed across Kestrel's face. Then she took a breath, and smiled at Max, taking his hand, "Do you want to meet her?"</p><p>Max swallowed hard and nodded, his insides twisting in anticipation. He followed her down the stairs back to her room in a haze. She picked up the child in the crib, setting the infant on her shoulder, speaking softly until the crying stopped.</p><p>"Do you want to meet someone new?" she asked the child. Max gripped Felix's hand beside him as Kestrel looked at him. "Max, this is Hope. She's our daughter."</p><p>She was perfect. He was overcome with shock and a surge of tender emotions as he heard Felix softly say "whoa" and put his arm around Max. Hope looked at them, curious. Max was speechless.</p><p>"... Hello," he managed.</p><p>Hope smiled.</p><p>Max forced himself to speak, "Kestrel, I'm so sorry. If I'd known—"</p><p>'It's ok, Max," she smiled, trying to be calm though her voice shook, "You didn't know."</p><p>"I should have."</p><p>"How?" she laughed. "I didn't even realize I was pregnant until after you'd left."</p><p>Max nodded, accepted that truth for now though it gnawed at him, "Is she healthy?"</p><p>"She's perfect."</p><p>He smiled, "So I see."</p><p>"Do you want to hold her?"</p><p>The answer was a resounding Yes and yet, "Ah… how?"</p><p>Kestrel smiled, "Just do what I'm doing, one arm under here and a hand to keep her steady."</p><p>Max took his daughter into his arms and held her to his shoulder. "… oh." he breathed. She pushed against him to look up at his face, "Hello, Hope. It's… amazing to meet you."</p><p>"Hey, boss?" Felix softly said, "You ok?"</p><p>Kestrel nodded, arms around herself, "I was going to ask before you met Hope, um,” her throat was tight, the words shaken, “if you two would want to stay?"</p><p>"Hey, come on," Felix rushed to hug her, "you gotta know better than that."</p><p>"I don't want you to feel stuck," she tried to keep back the tears, "you've got your work and I've been sitting here useless for months—"</p><p>"Uh, if by 'useless' you mean 'being a mom??'" Felix exclaimed. "Here, Max, lemme hold Hope so you can talk some sense into Kestrel." Kestrel laughed a little and Max handed Hope to Felix, who took her without the slightest hesitation, "Hi Hope, another new face! I'm Felix. You're… small."</p><p>Max chuckled and held Kestrel close. He kissed her and let her cry against him, "We're not leaving," he softly promised. "We can talk about what our lives will look like, the sort of work we'll find together. But we're staying this time."</p><p>She looked to Felix, "Really?"</p><p>Felix smiled, "Yeah. We're family, boss."</p><p>Kestrel smiled back, "Stop calling me boss."</p><p> </p><p>Felix was animatedly describing the greatest sport in the world to Hope in Kestrel's room. Max and Kestrel were in Max's old room. The bookshelf was still there, as was the reading table. The books were absent, apart from the handful of new ones he'd placed on a shelf that evening. His bag lay on the floor, open and half emptied, his discarded shirt on top of it. Kestrel's joined the pile, a blush creeping across her skin as Max's brow rose.</p><p>"What is it?" she asked. He shook his head, smiling as his fingertips traced the stretch marks across her belly and hips. She pulled his hand away, "C'mon, what?"</p><p>"Are you embarrassed?"</p><p>"You aren't saying anything," she defended, "I don't know what you're doing."</p><p>He kissed her mouth softly and worked his way down her neck, "I'm looking at you. Marvelling at how motherhood only made you more beautiful than I remember."</p><p>She snorted, "Ok, that's bullshit."</p><p>He chuckled, "I'm telling the truth. I'm certainly a fan of what it's done here," he traced her breasts, "and here," he slid his hands down the curves of her hips and ass, "and these," he knelt to kiss her stretch marks, "are nothing to be self-conscious about." He glanced up, alarmed by her tiny sob, "Did I say something wrong?"</p><p>She shook her head, smiling though there were tears on her face, "No. Sorry, I'm just… really fucking tired. My emotions are all over the place."</p><p>He stood and hugged her close, "You don't have to apologize for that. How can I help?"</p><p>She sighed against his chest, "I don't know. I thought I wanted to fuck," she smirked, "but I think I really just want to cuddle."</p><p>Max smiled, "Then cuddling it is. Would you like me to sleep beside you tonight?"</p><p>She nodded. "Hope is going to wake up hungry in the middle of the night, fair warning."</p><p>"Duly noted."</p><p>Kestrel kissed him. "I'm glad you're here."</p><p>"So am I." He held her quietly for a moment, "Were you scared?"</p><p>"When I figured out I was pregnant?" Kestrel shrugged, "Some, but I mostly wanted to try to find you. Kept working. Tried not to worry. It got scarier later on. Came to Groundbreaker because I remembered that job we did for Dr. Dorsett, figured that even if the doctors were overworked they were at least competent and used to working without Board oversight."</p><p>"Were there any complications?"</p><p>"No. Took forever," she smiled, "but everything went the way it's supposed to."</p><p>He was relieved, "Good. I'm sorry I wasn't there."</p><p>"Max. That's not your fault."</p><p>"I should have taken precautions instead of presuming—"</p><p>"I'm the idiot who didn't consider birth control implants aren't designed for seventy years in cryo," Kestrel grinned.</p><p>Max smiled, "You had a great many distractions."</p><p>She ran her fingers through his hair, "We both should have paid more attention. Shit happens. You're back."</p><p>"For good." He kissed her softly, sighing as she kissed back, her arms around his neck. The kiss deepened, a playful nip of teeth soothed by her tongue on his lips, "I thought you only wanted to cuddle?"</p><p>"I can change my mind," she muttered.</p><p>He kissed her with renewed urgency, desperate to explore every inch of her, this magnificent woman he was bafflingly lucky to love…</p><p>"Uh, Kestrel?" Felix called from the stairway.</p><p>Kestrel pulled back just far enough to shout back, "Yes?"</p><p>"Hope needs to be changed, and she is way too happy about this fact!"</p><p>The sheer indignation in the last words sent both Kestrel and Max laughing. Kestrel kissed Max once more and headed down the stairs, "Want to learn how to change her?"</p><p>"Sure," Felix said, "can't smell worse than a Monarch sulfur pool."</p><p>"Your optimism is admirable," Max drawled as he followed behind.</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel was putting Hope to bed. Max and Felix were having a drink at the kitchen table.</p><p>"Is it weird?" Felix asked. "Being a dad?"</p><p>"I've only been one for half a day," Max smirked. "I'm not certain I've fully grasped it, yet."</p><p>"Yeah, it's gotta be weird."</p><p>Max cocked his head, "You don't consider yourself—"</p><p>"Whoa, I'm like a goofy uncle at best, I'm not dad material. You're 'Dad,' and I'm just Felix, and that's just fine."</p><p>Max chuckled. "I don't know how this is going to work. We'd barely figured out how to make the three of us work without adding a child to the mix."</p><p>Felix shrugged, "We'll figure it out."</p><p>"And you want to? I'm sure having a partner with a partner and child isn't how you planned on spending your life."</p><p>Felix felt his face warm, a fuzzy feeling all through him, "Yeah, definitely a surprise. But, I think it's a good one."</p><p>Max smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. Is it alright if I stay with Kestrel tonight?"</p><p>Felix nodded with a shrug, "Sure. Seems like she could really use it." He fidgeted, "Did she really think we wouldn't stay?"</p><p>"I suspect it was less the question of if we would stay, and more the guilt of forcing us to."</p><p>Felix was confused, "What?"</p><p>"I left because I was discontent, and you followed. Then we split apart."</p><p>"Well. Yeah, but what does that have to do with Kestrel?"</p><p>Max chuckled, "Nothing. But she doesn't want anyone to ever feel obligated into doing something they'd rather not."</p><p>"But we want to stay!"</p><p>"And she knows that, now," Max smiled, "and we will remind her as often as needed."</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel groaned softly as she sat up. The room was still dark; Kestrel had insisted early on that ADA maintain an approximation of night and day for Hope's sake, instead of turning the lights on every time Hope cried at night. Kestrel made her way to Hope's crib, speaking softly as she picked her up, soothed her crying and sat down again as Hope latched onto a breast.</p><p>Max's hand brushed her back. "Is she well?" he muttered sleepily.</p><p>"She's fine, just hungry."</p><p>He made a sound of acknowledgement and went back to sleep. Once Hope was finished, Kestrel got her back to sleep and in her crib again. Kestrel slid back into bed beside Max, and smiled as his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her close.</p><p>The room was still dark when Hope woke again. Kestrel started to get up, but Max crawled over her before she could. "I know, I know," he softly said to Hope as he picked her up, "I'm not the one you expected to see. We'll work on that." </p><p>Kestrel drifted back to sleep as Max took Hope out of the room. He'd wake her if he needed her.</p><p>Kestrel woke to see the lights on. Max and Hope weren't in the room. Curious, she made her way upstairs, unbuttoning her shirt as she went. Hope would be hungry soon, and SAM's method of removing milk stains was a bit heavy-handed. He'd improved with each ruined shirt, but she'd still rather avoid the need.</p><p>Max was asleep on the sofa in the dining area, Hope asleep on his chest, her head over his heart. It was so adorable, Kestrel felt like her heart might burst. She tried to keep perfectly quiet as Hope stirred, lifting her head and wiggling on her belly. A tiny hand reached out… and whacked Max in the face.</p><p>Kestrel covered her laugh as Max's eyes snapped open, alarmed until he realized there was a giggling infant lying on his chest. He raised an eyebrow, "There are more pleasant methods to wake a person, young lady." Hope babbled at him. He grinned, "I'm sure my reaction was hilarious. You and Felix are going to get along quite well, I can tell."</p><p>Hope's happy noises abruptly turned discontent. She wiggled and kicked, unhappy. </p><p>"Mm. As your mother is watching us with her shirt unbuttoned, I imagine it's time for breakfast?"</p><p>Kestrel laughed and took Hope as Max sat up, sitting down next to him. He put an arm across her shoulders and watched his daughter. "Thanks for getting up with her," Kestrel said.</p><p>"The least I can do," he said softly.</p><p>Kestrel glanced up at him, “Max? You ok?”</p><p>He blinked, “Very. Marvelling at the idea of being a father. I never even imagined the possibility. Especially now, half a century of life behind me…” he trailed off as Hope let go to look at him.</p><p>“She's clearly quite taken with you,” Kestrel grinned.</p><p>He grinned, “So it seems.”</p><p>Kestrel nudged Hope, “Are you done eating, or is your father distracting you?” Hope seemed to remember what she was doing, but kept slowing down to try and watch her father at the same time.</p><p>Max chuckled, “I'll remove myself from her line of sight.” He kissed Kestrel on the cheek, “While Hope has her breakfast, I’ll fix some for us."</p><p> </p><p>Kestrel and Felix had gone shopping for supplies and hopefully a job for the Unreliable. They’d all agreed they would try something simple at first, see if they could balance childcare and work between the three of them. Max volunteered to stay behind with Hope.</p><p>Kestrel and Felix came back to find Max on the sofa with Hope on his lap, reading a children’s book. Kestrel smiled to see he was wearing the reading glasses she’d given him last year. She and Felix quietly watched as Max gently redirected Hope’s grasping hands as he read. The book finished, he set it on the sofa beside them. Hope watched him put it down, kicking her feet.</p><p>"Do you want to read it again?" Max asked. She tried to turn around, prompting Max to chuckle and lift her up to face him. "Time for something else?" Hope grabbed his glasses, but couldn't quite get them off his face. "Ah," he laughed, and gently pried them free of her tiny grip, "no, those need to stay put if I'm going to read to you." She bounced with a shout, kicking her feet against his lap, "Or we can practice standing." He set his glasses to the side and put Hope on the floor, holding her up so she stood. Hope smiled and babbled. "You're eager to do everything, aren’t you? Rather like Felix."</p><p>"Just wait til she can swing a tossball stick," Felix grinned and sat on the floor by the sofa. </p><p>"Did you two have any luck?" Max asked.</p><p>Kestrel nodded, "Got a supply run job. Multiple stops, but straightforward. Parvati's going to give ADA a tune-up in the morning and we'll be off."</p><p>“That should make ADA happy,” Max smiled.</p><p>“Yes,” ADA said over the intercom. “It gets… boring, being stuck in one place.”</p><p>“I know,” Kestrel grinned. “I’m glad to have some work, the bits were getting slim, even with Junlei’s generosity. We’ll see what happens after this job.”</p><p>“We’ll make it work, Kestrel, don’t worry,” Felix said.</p><p>“I’m not worried. I’m pretty good at making things up as we go along.”</p><p>“And we’ll be here to remind you of that fact,” Max teased, “as many times as you need to hear it.”</p><p>Kestrel laughed, and joined her men on the floor with their daughter. Whatever the universe had in store for the future, the family of the Unreliable would face it together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And all is quiet in Halcyon... For now.</p><p>Thank you to everyone who commented and gave kudos, I'm glad to have had you along for this ride. Be safe, and be well.</p>
        </blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26589442">The Stories We Tell Ourselves</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toast_42/pseuds/Toast_42">Toast_42</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
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